Wonkette

This new Republican National Senatorial Committee ad against Minnesota candidate Al Franken calls him a rape-lover who loves to rape white women or really rape anything; rapes boys, rapes pandas, even rapes himself when he’s out of other things to rape. Rape rape rape rape raper rap erp rae peraraep. The rape ad tells us that his rape porn is “so vile” that even the rapey DEMOCRATS denounced it, the Democrats, the terrible insect-raping Democrats. And that’s why Al Franken’s in teevee rapist jail at the end of the ad: for raping rape. [YouTube]

Ooh, it’s the new scary McCain ad! Alas, it leaves out William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, the Rosenbergs, and Jane Fonda. They are all from Chicago, and they all have implanted chips in Barack Obama’s brain that make him Not Ready to Lead. [YouTube]

Here’s the latest ad from the New Barack Obama, who’s nothing more than a big meanie. It’s responding to an independent ad from BornAliveTruth.org that claimed Barry voted to KILL LIVE BABIES — ones that have actually popped out of the vag! — during his pitiful tenure as a state senator. Obama directly blames this smear on the McCain campaign as yet another “DESPICABLE LIE.” Why is this fruitball Barack Obama suddenly trying to play politics? [YouTube]

Barack Obama has taken off his gloves again and this is what we have, America: a goofy ad that points out John McCain can’t use a computer. The ad itself is so double-reverse-bizarro-meta ironic that it features that lame cursive font your local PTA likes to use on bake sale flyers. If this is their national media strategy, then we should all hope that the Obama team’s vaunted “ground game” is as sharp as ever. ["Still" Ad]

Good gravy, what is up with the news today? The earth has halted in its orbit around the sun while everybody just gawps at how many frigging houses John McCain has. So Barack Obama made this ad SLAMMING McCain and HITTING HIM HARD &c about being a terrible out-of-touch plutocrat land baron rapist of the poor. The McCain campaign will probably respond in the next half hour or so with an ad that just says ARUGULA GODDAMMIT. Oh silly season. [YouTube]

This is why John McCain will win the presidency: All of his exciting sex scandals happened 50 years ago, and since then he’s pretty much confined his misdoings to dull and complicated campaign finance/influence peddling bullshit that nobody cares about. We defy you to watch this very informative attack ad without falling asleep 15 times. How boring is this ad? So boring that in spite of the fact that it’s called “Tainted” we could only manufacture one tiny joke about Ralph Reed’s monstrous, world-devouring taint. Please Jesus let Vicki Iseman be knocked up with a little walnut-cheeked hellion so the DNC can make better ads. [YouTube]

A day after the Atlantic released tons of confidential memos and e-mails that, yet again, proved Hillary Clinton’s former chief strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn kills puppies for bloodsport, the Politico has comically published an op-ed from this very same Mark Penn, entitled, “Negative ads: They really do work.” Christ, Mark, we get it; Wolfson and Grunwald and Ickes were silly sallies who kept spoiling your hellish strategy for charred victory. But that doesn’t mean you have to write some creepy op-ed in the damn Politico every three hours! Seriously, creepy — in this op-ed, Penn reveals how he and Bill Clinton used to stalk people at the mall in 1996. MORE »

This ad about John McCain’s 26 years servicing Washington has funny olde-tyme flapper music and lots of clips of John McCain debasing himself by hugging people and going on the Jay Leno show. The most shocking part is the outtakes from his sex tape with Paris Hilton: he is not known as the “White Tornado” for nothing. [Ben Smith]

Both presidential candidates released some angry shit-talking commercials today. Apparently Barack Obama promises your family fewer jobs, while John McCain lives in a tiny black-and-white television with George Bush. The question is, which candidate more stealthily removed the other candidate’s balls and replaced them with harmless Neuticles? View and assess, after the jump. MORE »

Last week all the Obamatards hated Andrea Mitchell for complaining about how Barack Obama didn’t invite the press to his basketball games in Iraq. This week they will love Andrea Mitchell for saying this McCain attack ad is “literally not true.” You know, the one about how Showboat Barry wouldn’t visit the troops in Germany because he couldn’t bring along cameras. (The truth is that he gave the troops the brushoff because he was busy inventing man-made AIDS.) [YouTube via Huffington Post]

For many moons, MTV was the channel where you could watch Downtown Julie Brown in her fingerless gloves talking about music, and then the Genesis video with the Claymation people would come on, and you could dance around your living room wearing your jelly bracelets and baggy neon shorts. Sadly, those days are over now and the only thing on MTV is a series of progressively more depressing/humiliating reality shows featuring drunk idiots who have sex with each other in the shower. But now there will be political ads, too, on this channel that never allowed political ads before, and the first one just aired! It is shockingly bad. MORE »

Here’s an independent ad that was running in South Dakota before its June 3 primary from some Christian group, against Barack Obama. The Obama team complained about it shortly after its debut, and Obama has been referencing it recently as a typical attack ad he’ll see more of this fall. But he doesn’t mention how funny it is! The basic idea here: Obama is like a slave in the Underground Railroad, and when he escapes to the North, he and his crazy black church preacher institute a Muslim theocracy. Well *sorry*, Mr. Sensitive Luo Tribesman, we thought the people of South Dakota would’ve wanted to know this information before voting. STOLEN ELECTION. [YouTube]

Here’s a new RNC ad that scans over Obama’s pithy resume, as any good potential employer would. While Obama claims he went to Chicago as a “community organizer,” the RNC takes away the Liberal Spin and rightly lists the job as “street organizer,” which is a euphemism for “HE’S FUCKING BLACK, PEOPLE! YOU’RE VOTING FOR A FUCKING BLACK MAN! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT? BLACK BLACK BLACK! RAP! A NATION RUN BY A BLACK, IN THE STREETS! RIOTS! BLACK!” [YouTube]