We have been drawn, via our referrals, to some new thing called the Atlantic Wire, which tells you what every pundit and blogger is writing about at all times! It is the anti-porn. But “incoherence” is our goal here, so thank you weird new hyperspeed Atlantic thing! [Atlantic Wire]

• EVERYONE CHUG THIS CUP OF SADNESS: Here’s a great and brilliant article from the new Atlantic about how the United States is a banana republic after years of terrible policies and stuff. It is probably too long for “blog readers” so just read a paragraph or two every night before sleep and someday you’ll finish! Also, Newsweek has a cover story about how Paul Krugman hates Obama but remains LOYAL for he is the king, after all. It includes a very funny picture of Krugman complaining about the rain. [Atlantic, Newsweek]

TNR’s Noam Scheiber has more on that clutch Sarah Palin doodle sheet he found in Wasilla, the one with all the pretty scribble-scrabble — you know, the type of thing parents tell their autistic children to make so that they can relax and drink scotch for an hour. Apparently that doodle sheet wasn’t just brainstorming — she told her mayoral “campaign manager” that it was an actual DRAFT for a campaign poster. Just words and shit everywhere! Obviously this didn’t come to fruition, but the unreadable doodle sheet would later inspire a cover of The Atlantic magazine. [TNR]

Jill Greenberg is that photographer who takes pictures of monkeys and crying babies all the time, which was why she seemed like a natural fit for John McCain’s Atlantic cover. But it turns out she is a big fat libtard, so she tricked John McCain into various unflattering positions during his photo shoot — including making him sit under the head of a pooping monkey. Ha ha we kid, she accomplished that feat with Photoshop, which was still not up to the task of making John McCain look like a human in his “flattering” cover photo. Anyway click here (note: banner ads above some images are for NSFW type sites) for more outtakes that are making the people who hired her for this shoot all kinds of mad. Photo via Imagebam. [New York Post]

A day after the Atlantic released tons of confidential memos and e-mails that, yet again, proved Hillary Clinton’s former chief strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn kills puppies for bloodsport, the Politico has comically published an op-ed from this very same Mark Penn, entitled, “Negative ads: They really do work.” Christ, Mark, we get it; Wolfson and Grunwald and Ickes were silly sallies who kept spoiling your hellish strategy for charred victory. But that doesn’t mean you have to write some creepy op-ed in the damn Politico every three hours! Seriously, creepy — in this op-ed, Penn reveals how he and Bill Clinton used to stalk people at the mall in 1996. MORE »

Do you know what we miss? We miss Sam Donaldson yelling questions at Ronald Reagan, and telling weird stories, and doing his “webcast” at the Republican and Democratic presidential conventions in 2000. Here, our own Liz Glover asks Sam to tell some stories, and good lord, does he oblige. This was at the Michael Kelly Awards over at the Atlantic Monthly’s office on Thursday night. (Yes we know Donaldson is on ABC’s This Week but we never wake up in time for that, due to booze.)

Hillary is up to her same old self-serving Rovian tricks, and the Internet is furious. She had the gall today to lead new polls in Ohio, where it’s starting to look like she’ll pull off a victory. Can you believe she would do this to Barack Obama? Take a poll that he was probably winning by 30 points, hack into the survey database with bribes, and readjust it to show herself winning? This Clinton will stop at nothing to continue running for president, even if it means taking the lead in a poll. Fortunately, some bloggers will not sit quietly and watch democracy fall apart like this. MORE »

Al Gore has said he won’t endorse a primary candidate. Before that, he said he wouldn’t be coaxed into running for president. He has said each of these 600 million times, and still, some people still think he might jump into the presidential race if they kiss his Global feet a few more times. But internet petitioners aside, let’s look at internet writers: They assume that Al Gore wants to endorse Obama, but he’s just too scared or respectful or something. MORE »

The December issue of The Atlantic hits newsstands across the galaxy November 20th, within which Andrew Sullivan has penned his pseudo-hyped first cover story for the magazine since leaving Time earlier this year. Congrats, Andy! And way to be modest and not horribly self-indulgent. For example, check out this nuanced approach to the upcoming election: “It is a war about war–and about culture and about religion and about race. And in that war, Obama–and Obama alone–offers the possibility of a truce.” Yikes! MORE »