Tag: atheists

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Wishes Godless Gaywads Would Stop Pickin’ On Him

Roy Moore, chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, is a magnificent buffoon. You 'member him. He's the justice who's been standing in the courthouse door, trying to block the big gay U.S. Supreme Court from throatcramming his precious Alabammy...
WWJD? This probably

Sundays With The Christianists: ‘God’s Not Dead 2’ Could Use More Electric Boogaloo

a href="http://wonkette.com/568655/is-kirk-camerons-saving-christmas-truly-the-worst-movie-ever-a-wonkette-investigation"Let's get one thing out of the way right away: God's Not Dead 2 is not nearly as bad a movie as Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas. Somehow, we lucked out of seeing the original 2014 God's Not Dead,...
PFFFFFT JESUS.

Sarah Palin Would Never Judge You For Not Loving Jesus, As Long As You’re Donald Trump

Oh ho ho ho ho, you want to eat a fried moose sandwich with OMG hypocrisy sauce for breakfast this morning, the day of the big Iowa caucuses? Sarah Palin, whose latest grift (except for this one) is writing...
And that's when Noah's stupid gay peace dove got eated by a dinosaur.

Kentucky Gets To Pay Creationists To Dress Up Like Noah’s Ark Bible Dinosaurs, Yippee!

Exciting news, if you're a creationist! If you'll remember, a very weird creationist man named Ken Ham, who literally believes the earth is about five minutes old and all the dinosaurs died like eight seconds ago, is building a...
GET THAT "SMILE" OFF YOUR FACE.

Lying Liar Carly Fiorina Lying About Jesus Now

Uh-oh, Cara Carleton "Carly The Liar" Fiorina has been opening her mouth again, and you know what happens when she does that. SHE LIES. Usually she's lying about little tiny baby arms and legs writhing on tables at the...
Can't fool her with your "gotcha" questions.

Sarah Palin Guesses Atheist President Would Be Better Than ISIS, Oof Gosh!

The Thing What Squozed Bristol Out Of Its Moose Parts is talking again, because The Thing still has a book to sell. (It's a Bible devotional doohickey, but with all the lovey gay Jesus words crossed out and replaced...
Fame and fortune except the fortune part.

Wonkette’s Evan Hurst Is World-Famous In Memphis: A Story By Evan Hurst

Oh hi, do you know me? I am one of your Wonkettes, and I am the most famous person in the universe. I am taking a break from having brunch with Taylor Swift, saying "Oh no she di'int" about...
Oh look, they are kissing. Bet they're about to do some "mission work" to each other's bathing suit areas.

Dumb Duggar Kids Admit Mission Trip Is Basically Sexxxy Beach Vacation For Jesus

YR WONKET CALLED IT, MUST CREDIT WONKET! You people out there in internet-ville think oh, Wonkette is such a gas, the way they make up silly stories about how Jill Duggar and her long lanky sex penis "Derick Dillard"...
Anna, divorce can be really great. You should try it.

Josh Duggar’s Penis Banned From TLC, Maybe From His Wife Too

There comes a time several times a day when we get an email that says "gross thing about Duggar family, please read." So here's a new development, and it's about the gross "Josh Duggar" character, who is currently serving...
Sexytime Jesus Vacation

Dumb Duggar Girl Probably Hasn’t Bagged Any Central American Souls For Jesus

Remember the good old days, back when yr Wonkette would write about the Duggars just to make fun of them, and not because their oldest boy used to have a problem with his fingers wandering off into his sisters,...
Good advice bro!

Pat Robertson Shows Grandma How To Shove Jesus Inside Her Grandkids

It's time for another episode of Pat Robertson answers an email from a viewer who probably doesn't exist! What's wrong, "Elizabeth"? Oh, you are a grandmommy, and your 6-year-old grandson hates Jesus? That sounds bad! Wait, he doesn't even...

Elizabeth Warren, Dumb Duggars And A Bunch Of Republican Jerkoffs. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and we hope this post finds you fat and brunched up! We had quite a week, what with the first official debates of Fuckshow 2016. SPOILER ALERT: This campaign is going to be a...
Same as it ever was.

Mean ACLU Sues Teacher For Trying To Shame Atheist Child Into Heaven

Get out your Teacher Of The Year ballots, we have a nominee to present! Meet Michelle Meyer, who teaches at a public school, Forest Park Elementary in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Her ass is getting sued by the ACLU, and...
If you don't pray in Jesus's name, the big guy in the sky can't hear you.

North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever

North Carolina's Lincoln County doesn't have any Jewish, Muslim or Hindu houses of worship, but that does not mean the godless liberal Ay-rabs, with their San Francisco Sharia Law values, aren't currently attacking the poor Christians who populate the...

Jesus Helps Duck Dynasty Guy Refrain From Cutting Off Your Penis

Are you a godless heathen hell-bound non-believer who refuses to accept The Truth that there is indeed an invisible daddy in the sky making a list and checking it twice to see who's been naughty and nice? Us too!...
How airplanes actually fly

Texas Rep. Finds Life’s Great Purpose: Forcing Air Force Cadets To Swear Oath To God

You know, kids, Ted Cruz isn't the only Christian in Congress. He's the only one running for president (in a field of one declared candidate), but there are also decent God-fearing Christians like Rep. Sam Johnson of Texas, who...