Tag: associated press

The 83 Most Embarrassing Moments In Donald Trump’s AP Interview

This is the leader of the world's sole superpower, everyone. TAKE A BOW.

China Finally Gives World The Trump-Branded Massage Parlors And Escort Services We Were Waiting For

We're not saying there's anything fishy here. Just that it's ALIENS.

Trump White House Asks Intelligence Agencies To Prove We Need Travel Ban. It Does Not Go Well

'This is resign-in-protest stuff,' says Rachel Maddow
Get ready to be sick of winning

Donald Trump Saves Eight Congressional Ethics Jobs From Going To Mexico! (OR DOES HE?)

DEAR MEDIA: STOP GIVING DONALD TRUMP CREDIT FOR THINGS HE DIDN'T DO.
He does not even seem nice

Looks Like We’re Gonna Have Darrell Issa To Kick Around Some More

Almost guaranteed to be a sore winner.
Illegal models terkin' our jerbs!

Documents Reveal Melania Trump Worked Illegally But Was Never A Mexican

But did she send any emails? No? Never mind, then.

Hillary Clinton History Woman Preznit US America, Bernie Sanders GRRRR ARGH

If he were Hillary, we would wonder if he were on the rag.

Associated Press Calls Democratic Primary For Hillary Clinton, Who Is Tyrant King Of You Now

Holy crap, did some lady just make history?

Ocean About To Run Out Of Bluefin Tuna, Life Not Worth Living Any More

So yeah. That's a thing now. BRB, weeping profusely and lamenting the downfall of everything worthwhile in the universe. The AP got their hands on a draft summary of a report from International Scientific Committee for Tuna and Tuna-like Species...

Your Never-Ending Olive Garden Shrimp Bowl Sauteed In Never-Ending Child-Slave Tears

So we've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that a mortifying percentage of the shrimp we eat comes from slave labor. The good news is, jk, there's no good news, humanity is a miserable plague. According...
Aren't you a little slobbery for a stormtrooper?

Your Saturday Nerdout: Are You Ready For The Supermoon Eclipse? Or Apocalypse?

Time for your weekend nerding, you nerd people! It's also maybe the weekend civilization collapses, again, so let's hope you've laid in a supply of Twinkies and booze. That's No Space Station, That's A Moon Sunday night through Monday...
No, none come to mind

Are There Any Women Bill Cosby Didn’t (Allegedly) Rape?

When woman after woman kept coming forward in the Tiger Woods adultery scandal, I kept hoping it would hit 18, just for all the wonderful “18 holes” jokes that would practically write themselves. It was pretty easy to keep lighthearted...

Morning Maddow: Meet The Lesbian Who Taught Obama How To Wreck America (Video)

Rachel Maddow covered a story Thursday that she said was "amazing" it hasn't been told before now. It's still a little hard to believe just a decade and some years later. Penny Severns was the woman who taught Barack Obama the ropes...
He's like Tim Pawlenty without the charisma

Gov. Kasich Will Still Murder Your Obamacare, Ohio, Except For All The Parts Of It

This one makes a lot of sense: Ohio Gov. John Kasich kind of embarrassed himself by speaking a very uncomfortable truth Monday, saying that even though Republicans like to talk about repealing Obamacare, it's just "not gonna happen," and...

If This Dog Were Black, The AP Would Say It ‘Looted’ This Wallet

The AP reports -- via the Juneau Empire -- that Maltese pup "Lady Bunny" "found" a dude's wallet, which last he saw was right in his pocket. The AP, calling the dog's deed "great," does not even question whether Lady...