associated press

The AP reports — via the Juneau Empire — that Maltese pup “Lady Bunny” “found” a dude’s wallet, which last he saw was right in his pocket. The AP, calling the dog’s deed “great,” does not even question whether Lady Bunny is a fucking pickpocket robber stealer thief — despite ending with the prior bad […]

It’s perfectly understandable how someone might see the initials “TM” on a legal document and instantly think “candidate for governor of Virginia and former Clinton jerk Terry McAuliffe!” and then write a widely circulated story about how Terry McAuliffe did all the crimes, ever — that is, if “someone” was in the habit of cashing […]

The Associated Press reports that the Justice Department “secretly obtained two months of telephone records” of its reporters and editors in what appears to be an attempt to discover the identity of a leaker. Not to stop a terrorist or save a hostage or rescue adorable puppies from the Grinch, but to figure out who […]

Today is a sad day for Americans because we are losing a quintessentially American dessert, maybe forever. This is mostly the fault of commie liberal “labor” unions who have the NERVE to demand a living wage for their work, which makes the whole thing double plus sad. Of course, it isn’t actually the fault of […]

We’d really hate to jinx anything, so we are typing this with our fingers crossed: America’s Craziest Legislator Michele Bachmann (R-Circular Ruins), despite the advantages of a fanatical national following and a very conservative district, just might not be a shoo-in for reelection this fall. (Also, OW! OW! OW! Do not try to type that […]

[via Yahel Carmon]

Our FLOTUS is very fortunate, because there is no Wall Street Insanity, in her world. Michelle Obama lives a much calmer existence, in a place where simple questions (“Where do fat people come from?”) have simple answers (“Arby’s”). So she is sometimes able to spend her time doing enjoyable things, like celebrating her wedding anniversary […]

What’s the New World Order/Nobama got in store for the Teabaggers on Election Night? Nothing but pain, if these leaked Election 2010 results are to be trusted — and they are “not to be published or broadcast” until the Powers That Be are ready to announce Permanent Halloween for America’s tightly-wound white people. So many […]

MEAN CORPORATES  5:16 pm May 28, 2010

by Jim Newell

DOES ANYONE DETECT A TOUCH OF GLOATING IN THIS ASSOCIATED PRESS ARTICLE? “NEW YORK (AP) — A judge has urged that a copyright dispute between an artist and The Associated Press over the Barack Obama ‘HOPE’ image be settled quickly. Federal Judge Alvin Hellerstein said Friday at a hearing in New York that he has […]

Just more proof that the Associated Press is controlled by Erik Erickson and the Pharmaceutical Knights Templar. [Matt Yglesias] When will you whiny liberals thank S&M black belt John Yoo for correcting FISA’s many typos and run-on sentences? And why aren’t you more appreciative of all the fabulous features he added in the process, like […]

Anybody who says the Associated Press is not the most important wire service with “AP” as its initials just plain hates good journalism. Following up on yesterday’s scorcher about how there were five (5) other governors who did something vaguely weird once, over the course of American state history, today AP headquarters in New York […]

It’s the New Associated Press! Less boring facts and whatever, and more shitty, shitty writing like you might find on a Live Journal, for the Retarded. Let’s enjoy some of the dozens of terrible metaphors in today’s AP feature on how John McCain is a shameful old fraud who should be locked in a bag […]

The Associated Press will begin its stint as a Wonkette Intern next week. [AP]

Thanks to Wonkette Operative Lauren for sending this strange thing she spotted on the AP news. The Edwards Saga just keeps getting creepier.

This morning, the Associated Press wrote that Hillary would concede the delegate race to Barack Obama tonight, which is very nearly the same thing as “conceding the race.” The Clinton campaign then called this story 100% false and said Hillary won’t be concedin’ nothin’ tonight. And since Hillary’s rabid loyalists are already peeved with the […]