• Just more proof that the Associated Press is controlled by Erik Erickson and the Pharmaceutical Knights Templar. [Matt Yglesias]
• When will you whiny liberals thank S&M black belt John Yoo for correcting FISA’s many typos and run-on sentences? And why aren’t you more appreciative of all the fabulous features he added in the process, like the provision for warrantless NSA succubus home invasions? [Think Progress]
• CONFIRMED RUMOR: RedState’s mission is “activism” — or to be more specific — actively capturing Karl Rove’s queefs in zip lock bags, so they can be treasured and passed on as heirlooms to the next generation of crazies. [RedState]
• Claudia Deutsch is bursting with jellybean joy because HURRAY for Goldman Sachs and all the billions of dollars they made while pounding the entire world in the anus! But WAIT. Matt Taibbi and his Merry Pranksters have arrived at the scene, with “facts” and “logic” — they were not invited! [True/Slant BLOG WAR]
• If health care is reformed, blue dog Democrat Mike Ross will handcuff himself to Nancy Pelosi and make fart noises with his armpits until America stops being so socialist. [AMERICAblog]

Anybody who says the Associated Press is not the most important wire service with “AP” as its initials just plain hates good journalism. Following up on yesterday’s scorcher about how there were five (5) other governors who did something vaguely weird once, over the course of American state history, today AP headquarters in New York offers up what just might be the most cogent yet blistering assessment of the Mark Sanford “Argentine Firecracker” scandal thus far: Sanford is a Republican governor doing lame, creepy things … just like all those other Republican governors trying to make a name for themselves in the GOP’s final days. MORE »

It’s the New Associated Press! Less boring facts and whatever, and more shitty, shitty writing like you might find on a Live Journal, for the Retarded. Let’s enjoy some of the dozens of terrible metaphors in today’s AP feature on how John McCain is a shameful old fraud who should be locked in a bag of snakes and dropped down an oil well — no, wait! John McCain is actually like, uh, a person who plays the accordion. Because he’s super old, right?! Uhhh …. MORE »

The Associated Press will begin its stint as a Wonkette Intern next week. [AP]

Thanks to Wonkette Operative Lauren for sending this strange thing she spotted on the AP news. The Edwards Saga just keeps getting creepier.

This morning, the Associated Press wrote that Hillary would concede the delegate race to Barack Obama tonight, which is very nearly the same thing as “conceding the race.” The Clinton campaign then called this story 100% false and said Hillary won’t be concedin’ nothin’ tonight. And since Hillary’s rabid loyalists are already peeved with the media’s coverage of the campaign, the AP’s little “gambit” here has set off quite a storm on Hillary Clinton’s official “blog,” in the comments. An arbitrary selection of the best comments, after the jump. MORE »

You may have gathered from this photo that Hillary, like ol’ Barry Obama last week, put on a big media show at a freaking gas station today to illustrate how much the high prices hurt her feelings, as an American motorist. The Associated Press — the most objective news source ever — covered this event, as they have every other event in world history, and put out the most bitter, sarcastic write-up imaginable. Check out the first few paragraphs after the jump, because they are a stitch. MORE »

SOMEONE TELL DRUDGE — BUSH IS STILL THE PRESIDENT NOT CHENEY. [AP via NYT]

Editors at the Associated Press have picked the year’s top 10 stories, and we expected the presidential campaign to be like, you know, top five or something, right? Well, it lands in at #8 — coincidentally one spot ahead of the immigration debate. Now it’s official: Immigration is almost the same thing as this election. Anyway, some other shit happened this year — who knew! — so full list after the jump. MORE »

Ron Fournier, the Associated Press’ chief political writer, announced today that he was stepping down to do some crazy internet thing instead (new Fishbowl editor?). We wish him the best, as he’s obviously one of the very best in the business. That does not excuse today’s Note. MORE »

• Bush, seeking a “rational middle ground” on immigration to rescue his second term, announces the deployment of 6,000 National Guard troops to the southern border; Karl Rove indicates that Bush supports the Senate’s immigration plan. Bush: “We do not yet have full control of the border, and I am determined to change that.” [WP, NYT, USAT, WSJ]
• Immigration issue could go from “opportunity to expand the Republican Party” to a “historic liability”; Bush sought to “define the middle ground in a debate where consensus has been difficult.” 74% of Americans, in poll conducted before the presidential address, supported the use of Guard troops on the border. [WP]
• BellSouth denies “any link” with the NSA for the logging of phone calls; USA Today stands by its story. [USAT, NYT, WSJ]
• Pentagon releases the full list of those detained at Guantanamo Bay after the Associated Press files a FOIA request. [AP]
• Rove is optimistic for the GOP’s chances in November: “Look, we’re in a sour time. I readily admit it. I mean, being in the middle of a war where people turn on their television sets and see brave men and women dying is not something that makes people happy and optimistic and upbeat. But I’m absolutely confident [that] we’re going to be just fine in the fall elections.” [WP]
• Emergency spending bill has yet to be slimmed to Bush’s specifications. [WP]

MORE »