Wonkette

This hearing is fucking ridiculous. We said it before: Alberto Gonzales is, somehow, against all odds, the single smuggest asshole in this administration. Despite also being dumber, probably, than everyone but Paul Wolfowitz. MORE »

In these troubled times, it’s very common to wonder, “What would Newt Gingrich think about this troubling situation?”

Sadly, Gingrich isn’t dead, so he is able to actually tell us what he thinks or at least have somebody post it on his crappy website. Join us after the jump as we explore and then tear apart Newt’s Five Reasons To Be Hopeful About the Future.

MORE »

* Justice Department tries to whack a wise guy to save Rudy and Hillary’s reputations. [HuffPo]
* Rich white assholes suspect John McCain might be “tainted, perhaps beyond repair.” [Club for Growth (PDF)]
* Second Iranian agent forsakes his homeland for burgers, baseball and big fake titties. [Newsmax]
* Congressman Mike Doyle thinks Pitchfork Media is the hipster equivalent of Fox News. [Tech Dirt]
* Bush edging ever closer to the all-time record for futility. [Political Arithmetik]
* So, you say you never ever want to get laid? [Political Insider]
* Fred Thompson’s new running mate is the other guy from Law & Order. Betcha didn’t see that coming. [Hotline on Call]
* Hurry! Only one day left to get your application in to spend the summer flip-flopping around the Hill and blowing Howard Dean. [Democrats.org]
* Dennis Miller is hosting Rudy’s fundraiser tonight, so, like with dinner, laugh before you go. [Suitably Flip]

It will take more than a non-dead Tim Johnson to keep the Senate out of Cheney’s hands. Vinegar Joe Lieberman now says he’s going to switch parties — or switch from caucusing with Dems to caucusing with the New GOP Senate Majority — because he needs that Iraq War to go on forever. Lieberman told Politico.com it’s so important to keep killing U.S. troops and Iraqis that he’s forced to consider “becoming” a Bush loyalist Republican. MORE »

We knew it was time to embrace State Government Asshole day at Wonkette when this tip ended up in our mailbox. Seems that Scott Brown, a Massachusetts state senator who opposes gay marriage, had some foul language written about him and his daughter (an American Idol contestant) by high school students on the Facebook page of a pro-gay-marriage history teacher. Naturally, he responded the way any mature adult in a position of authority would: by appearing at an assembly at the school that the kids attended and reading aloud their obscenity-laden comments, with their names, while horrified teachers begged him to stop. MORE »

* Some of America’s richest assholes heard President Bush mention “income inequality” for the first time, ever. [WP]
* Most farmers missed the speech, however; as they were too busy yelling at the crew of immigrants who act like they’ve never polished a gold toilet seat before. [WP, NYT]
* High-living funnyman Matt Cooper confirmed what he knew about Valerie Plame from Scooter on the way back from the Country Club. [WP, LAT]
* Joe Biden trips over his sword, impales himself on a blade of blather. [WP, NYT]
* Alberto Gonzalez will, grudgingly, share his secret court order toys. [WP, NYT]
* At least there’ll be a change of scenery - next war for energy security likely in Brazil, “the Saudi Arabia of ethanol.” [WSJ]
* Mary Cheney’s baby is not a propaganda tool — she told an audience of media people gathered for a magazine event in Manhattan. [NYT]

* Donald Rumsfeld looks forward to criminal prosecution, hopes to be the Tim Robbins character when he finally gets to jail. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Stay tuned to Comedy Central for his cell mates bios and an interactive prison yard game. [Comedy Central Insider]
* Angry Democrat mob chases well paid assholes, looks to jam things up their well paid assholes. [Whiskey Bar]
* Conservatives looking to find a new bogeyman to inspire fear and loathing in Middle America, turn to the gay illegal Mexican immigrant. [Boozhy]
* Ballot counting in unresolved Ohio race on hold till after the Ohio State-Michigan football game next week. [Think Progress]
* Market efficiencies allowed the business lobby to already be puckered and ready for Democratic ass kissing. [The Hill Blog]
* Happy Veteran’s Day: “The Marine Corps Rules for Gun Fighting.” [The Evangelical Outpost] MORE »

Bush was having a great time, Reichert told a group of veterans in Orting recently. At least until he came even with one of the bus drivers.

The president turned to Reichert and said the bus driver had flipped him off.

Later, Reichert called the school district. After an investigation, the 43-year-old bus driver was fired in early September.

MORE »

The Post reports: MORE »

• Wolf Blitzer closes his eyes, counts to three, and wishes that when he opens them all the dead Palestinians will be gone. [HuffPo]

• Small Pennsylvania town increases illegality of illegal immigrants, sick birds. [AP]
• Sign Katherine Harris’s online get well card! Then feign shock when her robot voice won’t stop calling you for campaign donations. [Elect Harris]
• Capitol Historical Society to host reception for “departing” members of Congress, most honorees to arrive by paddy wagon. [Copley News Service]
• Young America’s Foundation staffed by assholes really into IM. [Campus Progress]
• Soon to be the most compressive source for photos of politicians eating babies in the world! [Flickr]