Wonkette

McCAIN IS AN ASSHOLE: Last night on the Senate floor, Barack Obama walked over to greet John McCain and shake his hand. “McCain shook it, but with a ‘go away’ look that no one could miss. He tried his best not to even look at Obama.” [CQ Politics]

Despised warmonger Dick Cheney continues to be an evil sack of shit who can’t even pretend to like war veterans. The hate-filled colostomy bag was scheduled to lecture a group of injured war veterans about how he evaded the draft through five deferments, but the veterans group finally told him to get fucked after he demanded the maimed heroes be sequestered for hours before he delivered his bitter propaganda. MORE »

Good lord: “The son of former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani is suing Duke University, claiming he was wrongfully kicked off the golf team. Andrew Giuliani claims he was dismissed without cause from the golf team earlier this year because coach O.D. Vincent III wanted to cut the team of 13 players by about half. The lawsuit claims the coach has interferred with Giuliani’s efforts toward becoming a professional golfer.” That basically says everything that needs to be said. Enjoy your annual divorce ritual in adulthood, Andrew. [AP]

Here is angry, crazy Bill O’Reilly, back when he had hair. OMFG he is so mad about the teleprompter. Those of you who are still upset about the existence of Bill O’Reilly will surely enjoy this video clip, which has already been removed by YouTube but which has been rescued by our friends at Gawker.

LETTERS FROM A NUT: Regarding the March 5 Reliable Source item “A Warped Lens on D.C. Party Scene”: The caption above the photographs of Reed Landry and Liz Glover stated that, according to Glover, Landry “went postal” on her camera. I was shocked, appalled and dismayed to read this term in your newspaper. “Going postal” carries a hideous and degrading connotation regarding the …. [Washington Post]

We are more than a little bit pissed off today. And we assure you it is for good reason. Some jackass publicist repping the left-handed, low-rent publishing house World Ahead Media asked us to review Kathleen Willey’s book. We agreed. She also offered an interview with Ms. Willey. Great! Kat’s kind of a MILF! We accepted. So, we spent our free time reading this shithouse crazy book about how the Clintons killed her pets, Bill tweaked her titties, how she likes fucking younger men, and scaring boyfriends by telling them she’s preggers. I know, right? Then we are informed Willey is not available for an interview. And here we are thinking that our review and interview was going to be a big sloppy wet blowjob in hopes that, you know, we too could tweak her titties just like Bill. But no. Pfft. So… thanks for nothing, assholes! MORE »

Radar reports that “In a final act of lawlessness” outgoing asshole general Alberto Gonzales apparently pushed back everyone’s tee times at the Chevy Chase club so that he and his non-member guest Condi could get the best time last Saturday. AND THE CLUB FORBIDS NON-MEMBERS FROM GOLFING ON WEEKENDS. As if that wasn’t enough proof that the guy has not an ounce of concern for anyone but himself (and his boss, obviously), a reader sent in this shocking accusation from some lady’s LiveJournal: MORE »

Johnson & Johnson (founded 1886) sues the Red Cross (founded 1881) for appropriating their red cross trademark. [CNN]

Well, Bush was talking on the teevee, and we were trying to watch it on CNN, but after about 90 seconds of Bush jabbering some bullshit about something making a buzzing sound or whatever, CNN just cut him off and went to … breaking news from, er, Oakland, California … about the airport delays or something. MORE »

* America’s mayor took some pretty shiny payola from America’s team. [Political Wire]
* Lack of a major league club in Jersey just means they hand him an envelope stuffed with electoral delegates instead. [Atlantic Online]
* James Sensenbrenner: still the biggest asshole on The Hill. [TPM Muckraker]
* Tom Tancredo’s failures as a presidential candidate contribute to already substantial failures as a congressman. [Denver Post]
* Terrorists continue to target nations’ hand-release infrastructure. [Passport]
* Intelligence agencies maintain “it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.” [Secrecy News]
* Fox News wrongly accused Hillary Clinton of only recently starting to dress badly. [Media Matters]

This hearing is fucking ridiculous. We said it before: Alberto Gonzales is, somehow, against all odds, the single smuggest asshole in this administration. Despite also being dumber, probably, than everyone but Paul Wolfowitz. MORE »

In these troubled times, it’s very common to wonder, “What would Newt Gingrich think about this troubling situation?”

Sadly, Gingrich isn’t dead, so he is able to actually tell us what he thinks or at least have somebody post it on his crappy website. Join us after the jump as we explore and then tear apart Newt’s Five Reasons To Be Hopeful About the Future.

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* Justice Department tries to whack a wise guy to save Rudy and Hillary’s reputations. [HuffPo]
* Rich white assholes suspect John McCain might be “tainted, perhaps beyond repair.” [Club for Growth (PDF)]
* Second Iranian agent forsakes his homeland for burgers, baseball and big fake titties. [Newsmax]
* Congressman Mike Doyle thinks Pitchfork Media is the hipster equivalent of Fox News. [Tech Dirt]
* Bush edging ever closer to the all-time record for futility. [Political Arithmetik]
* So, you say you never ever want to get laid? [Political Insider]
* Fred Thompson’s new running mate is the other guy from Law & Order. Betcha didn’t see that coming. [Hotline on Call]
* Hurry! Only one day left to get your application in to spend the summer flip-flopping around the Hill and blowing Howard Dean. [Democrats.org]
* Dennis Miller is hosting Rudy’s fundraiser tonight, so, like with dinner, laugh before you go. [Suitably Flip]

It will take more than a non-dead Tim Johnson to keep the Senate out of Cheney’s hands. Vinegar Joe Lieberman now says he’s going to switch parties — or switch from caucusing with Dems to caucusing with the New GOP Senate Majority — because he needs that Iraq War to go on forever. Lieberman told Politico.com it’s so important to keep killing U.S. troops and Iraqis that he’s forced to consider “becoming” a Bush loyalist Republican. MORE »