Tag Archives: assholes

  Mock Stalk & Bellow

Badgering Wingnut Moron Manages To Make Us Feel Sorry For Lois Lerner

She's lucky -- In some neighborhoods you get shot for knocking on doors
We aren’t huge fans of former IRS division director Lois Lerner. She began her IRS career under George W. Bush, dropped her “bombshell” about the IRS trying to silence conservatives (no, they weren’t), and then she took the Fifth like a total asshole, so those same oppressed conservatives could cry conspiracy forever. But then there’s Jason Mattera. We know Jason Mattera, the master of such ambush interviews as the time he yelled questions about taxes to a guy he thought was Bono but wasn’t, or his hilarious stunt in which he asked Hillary Clinton to sign a book to murdered ambassador Christopher Stevens (we just don’t “get” rightwing humor, because we are wimps maybe). Read more on Badgering Wingnut Moron Manages To Make Us Feel Sorry For Lois Lerner…
  dead honky

St. Louis Sportsball Fans Chant ‘Africa! Africa!’ At Black Ferguson Protesters, Because They Are Nice

Do you sometimes look at the News coming out of our great nation and wonder who in Jesus’s name these people fucking are? Maybe it was the blonde lady screaming spittle-flecked curses at brown babies in Murrietta. Maybe it was Sean Hannity’s minions saying Trayvon Martin deserved to die. Or maybe you live in St. Louis, and you already know. Read more on St. Louis Sportsball Fans Chant ‘Africa! Africa!’ At Black Ferguson Protesters, Because They Are Nice…
  Fingering the Perp

George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day

Don't make George Zimmerman ask you twice.
Well well well, look who else is hoppin’ aboard the “Do You Know Who I Am?” Express! First it was Sarah Palin, and now it’s Neighborhood Watch aspirant George Zimmerman. What do you s’pose Georgy Porgy is up to these days? Guarding more gun stores? Tweeting out Anne Frank quotes? Trying and failing to muzzle the free press? Nope, none of those things! Instead, Zimmerman is asking “Do you know who I am?” in connection to a road rage incident that was reported to 911. Josh ‘n the Gang at TPM have the deets. Read more on George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day…
  girls girls girls

Don’t Worry, Bamz And Seal Team Six Gonna Get Those Girls

You may have heard, though not from us, that a bunch of Nigerian assholes are going around kidnapping all the girls. Almost a month after more than 300 girls were taken from their school (50 or so escaped), and days after eight more were kidnapped, and seeing what an Obamacare-website-style clusterfuck Nigeria’s president, Goodluck Jonathan, has made out of “not searching” and “not rescuing” and “instead arresting some of the parents because apparently the Nigerian president is married to Winnie Mandela,” world president B. Barry Bamz is on the job! He is sending a team of whoever — Seal Team Six? JFK-styley “military advisors”? Amazon drones? We don’t care — to go get those girls. Go Barry! Police the world! Read more on Don’t Worry, Bamz And Seal Team Six Gonna Get Those Girls…
  creature features

A Note On Empathy, Plus Some Weird Stuff About Eating Cicadas, In This Week’s Sci-Blog

Light is the left hand of darkness and darkness the right hand of light.
“Goodness Gracious my grandma used to say The world’s a scary place now, things were different in her day What horrors will be commonplace when my hair starts to gray?” – Kevin Gilbert This is Off Topic, but a thing I need to say. It’s been a bad week, that started on Monday after noon with the Horror of a couple of young brothers from Chechnya apparently setting off antipersonnel bombs at the Boston Marathon. An act so stupid and heinous that not even the Pakistani Taliban want anything to do with it. There’s sure to be an ideology at work here, stoking resentment into rage and demanding that a Point must be made by sacrificing random bystanders. Here’s the thing: Whatever these two had hoped to accomplish was doomed to failure from the beginning. Promote your cause? No one wins any Hearts and Minds by blowing legs off and shredding children. Anarchism has been permanently welded to the term Bomb-Throwing by the Galleanist bombing campaign of 1919 that led to the brutal crackdown of the Palmer Raids Insurrection? No one rose to attack the Federal Government when Tim McVey blew up the Alfred P.Murrah Federal Building. They reacted, appropriately, with horror. Philosophy? Ted Kaczynski got his “manifesto” published, true, but all that proved was that he is unhinged and a terrible writer and it helped to outfit him in a nice orange jumpsuit. A blow in a war of attrition? That earned Osama bin Laden a decade on the run and two bullets in the forehead. Revenge? Won’t bring back your loss and will turn to ashes in your mouth. Where’s the Baader-Meinhof  gang, the Basque Separatists and the Symbionese Liberation Army now, and how did all that violence work out for them? What the bombing did accomplish though, is prove the value of empathy. In the seconds after the bombs went off, we all saw strangers running into danger to help other strangers. To save their lives. There were people who had training in emergencies – off duty soldiers, police, EMT’s – that ran to help but the fact that Civilian bystanders responded is, to me, very significant. There’s no doubt that it took extreme bravery for anybody to run into that chaos, but for people with no training, no accident experience and no link to the wounded to disregard their own safety takes empathy. Empathy lets us care about the well being of others. Empathy allows us to look beyond our own individual and group needs, work towards the common good and is the foundation of Civil Society. I’m a big fan of Civilization and I don’t think you can have a successful civilization without empathy. Empathy makes us fully human and it is is the essential thing that the Tsarnaev brothers apparently lack. Margaret Thatcher said, famously, “There is no such thing as Society”. She was wrong and she had no empathy. Empathy is the foundation of Civil Society and the only thing that sustains us when people with no empathy act. That’s it Rant’s over and thanks for putting up with it. Now we will be returning to your Regularly Scheduled Sci-Blog. Read more on A Note On Empathy, Plus Some Weird Stuff About Eating Cicadas, In This Week’s Sci-Blog…
  *cracks knuckles*

Rand Paul Insufferability Update: Rand Paul Is Insufferable About Food Stamps

As we noted the other day, unaccredited Kentucky doctor Rand Paul is using this farm bill debate as an opportunity to cement himself as the most annoying and disingenuous member of Congress via a slew of unrelated and/or dumb amendments that go nowhere and waste everyone’s time, but do allow Paul to release more self-righteous columns wanking about his stupid ideology. Food stamps, for example, are on the to-tweak list with this farm bill. The simple solution here would seem to be “don’t cut a goddamn cent from it,” but, well. You know. As of now the bill would cut $4 billion over ten years from SNAP by targeting “fraud.” Rand Paul’s amendment, which thankfully was killed, would have targeted “fraud” by… ending the program entirely and sending a little bit of cash to the states, who could use it to throw a Twizzler or two at the hobos a few times a year (or to simply fill their budget holes/offer corporate tax breaks, because no one’s accountable for shit anymore.) Read more on Rand Paul Insufferability Update: Rand Paul Is Insufferable About Food Stamps…
  america's greatest wingnut mayors

Comical California Mayor Gives This Chinese Autograph Seeker a Piece of His Mind

Santee, California Mayor Randy Voepel, according to the local Patch, recently received an email from a Chinese fellow who collects autographs asking for a contribution from Voepel. The email sort of resemnbles “spam email,” but we’re only saying that because we’re racist. But instead of deleting the email or not responding or, well, sending him the autograph he requested, Voepel decided to write back to the commie calling him a dirty commie, and more generally instructing him to fuck off. Read more on Comical California Mayor Gives This Chinese Autograph Seeker a Piece of His Mind…
  sniveling dicks

Snide Trustfunder Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller ‘Celebrates’ Obamacare Anniverary, With Snideness

Feliz cumpleanos, Obamacare! Don’t look now, but Tucker Carlson’s Internet Spazzathon is having itself a right nice little chortle about how stupid you are and how you will dooooom President Barack Obama’s reelection campaign! Aw, don’t feel bad! Everyone knows Tucker Carlson’s an asshole! Here, for instance, is some “reporter” being completely disingenuous and conflating the number of Americans who believe the reactionary Roberts Court will strike you down with supposing that must mean they are for the reactionary Roberts Court striking you down! Comme ci: The Republicans’ will get much public applause because a new poll shows that 49 percent of Americans expect the law to be struck down by a Supreme Court review that begins the week after the law’s second birthday. Only 29 percent of Americans — basically, the Democratic Party’s base — believes the bill will survive the court’s quasi-death panel, according to a mid-March poll of 1,000 likely voters by The Hill newspaper. Read more on Snide Trustfunder Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller ‘Celebrates’ Obamacare Anniverary, With Snideness…
  america's greatest pundits

This Angry ‘Daily Caller’ Guy Will Fix Our Food Stamp Epidemic

Uh oh, some blowhard who’s written a book called The Politically Incorrect Guide to the Founding Fathers recently saw a lady using food stamps at the Wal-Mart — just like Ronald Reagan warned us they would! She was buying necessaries with her big government EBT card, and then using her own cash to buy beer and cigarettes. Was this fellow encountering the actual Satan, in the flesh? Fortunately he lived to tell about it, in an opinion column in the Daily Caller. What further steps should the government take to ensure poor people are humiliated as much as possible — if there’s anything? He’s got some ideas, oh he’s got ’em. Read more on This Angry ‘Daily Caller’ Guy Will Fix Our Food Stamp Epidemic…
  oh right like twitter needed another reason to be awful

Rupert Murdoch Discovers Fun New Venue For Unrepentant Evil: Twitter

What does a bored kleptocrat billionaire who has already lived past his expiration date do to pass the time while he is on vacation in the Caribbean? If it’s Rupert Murdoch, he takes a webcam picture of his moldy white raisin mug, tacks it to his brand-new Twitter account and sets about mocking the working slobs of Great Britain for trying to act like rich folk and have their own vacations, TEE-HEE. Read more on Rupert Murdoch Discovers Fun New Venue For Unrepentant Evil: Twitter…
  occupy murdoch

To New York Post, Beans & Rice Donated To #OWS Is ‘Food For a King’

When there’s nothing else to bitch about, count on ignorant scare-sheet the New York Post to find something evil about the peaceful and polite Occupy Wall Street protesters. Maybe they are eating fancy liberal food? A new poll of New Yorkers proves that 67% agree with the growing protest against America’s bank-run corporate-welfare system, and an overwhelming 87% of New Yorkers say the protesters have the right to stay at Zuccotti Park. But to the increasingly mythical Archie Bunker whose mouth moves while he reads the Post headlines and then shakes his fist at the coloreds on NY1 or whatever, those damned dirty hippies are living large like Prince Charles. Read more on To New York Post, Beans & Rice Donated To #OWS Is ‘Food For a King’…
  Fair-Weather Friends

Giuliani Breaks Promise To Legally Gay Marry His Gay Roommates

Back when rat-faced 9/11 pornographer Rudy Giuliani was just another cross-dressing sleazebag New York politician kicked out of his house for banging his mistress, the only two people who would take him in were two kindly homosexual gentlemen. And so, for months, Rudy Giuliani was the third leg of this curious tripod: a supposedly straight, serial-marrying power-mad big city mayor sharing an apartment with two nice gay men — sort of like The Odd Couple + La Cage aux Folles × Richard III. And Rudy promised his friends that if gay marriage ever became legal in the state of New York, he would happily perform the wedding ceremony. Can you guess what Rudy da Rat is doing now? Hiding. Not answering his phone. Read more on Giuliani Breaks Promise To Legally Gay Marry His Gay Roommates…
  everybody hates glenn

Glenn Beck Jeered By New York Crowd For Using Socialist Park

Ex-television clown Glenn Beck just wanted to go to a government-run socialist park to watch a free movie on the lawn with other liberal New Yorkers at Bryant Park, but apparently New Yorkers somehow found out that Glenn Beck is a fearmongering fanatic who thinks the entire American Government should be destroyed, and that all poor people and sick people should die in the streets, which also shouldn’t exist because of No Government. And the New Yorkers ridiculed him, because he’s a hateful asshole, and now he is sad about this. Why won’t everyone love this race-baiting psychopath? Read more on Glenn Beck Jeered By New York Crowd For Using Socialist Park…
  mormon jesus hates america

Mitt Romney Says Helping America’s Tornado Victims Is ‘Immoral’

Tornadoes and floods and wildfires and droughts and other biblical plagues have been killing Americans and destroying their towns all year long, but constipated mannequin Mitt Romney wants to be seen as a real tough-guy Tea Party asshole these days. So he told a crowd that helping storm victims is “immoral” and that it also “makes no sense.” Just let those stupid Midwestern people die already! If Mormon Jesus wanted Americans in the Heartland to be alive, he wouldn’t have killed them with a constant parade of devastating megastorms! Read more on Mitt Romney Says Helping America’s Tornado Victims Is ‘Immoral’…
  funny bin laden jokes

Texas Teacher Mocks Muslim Student After Osama Killing

A Houston high school teacher found a great way to talk about the exciting news of Osama bin Laden’s killing: He told a Muslim girl in his ninth grade algebra class, “I bet you’re grieving.” Ha ha, just a topical joke! And then he added, “Hey, algebra is Muslim, too. I bet algebra is grieving.” Not really! He probably thinks algebra was delivered by White Jesus on a T-Rex during an Astros’ game at the Confederate States of America’s Alamo Dome in 1861. The school district put the teacher on administrative leave. What’s with these liberal activist school boards bending over for the terrorists? Read more on Texas Teacher Mocks Muslim Student After Osama Killing…
  'we don't torture' ha ha remember that?

Evil Obama Now Firing People For Acting Semi-Human

Guess who turned out to be the biggest asshole in the world? Your boyfriend, Barack Obama. The latest outrage in the Bradley Manning situation involves Obama’s direct involvement in the firing of State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley — because Crowley committed the sin of condemning the torture and abuse of U.S. Army Private Bradley Manning, who has been held in increasingly Soviet-esque solitary confinement since his arrest for giving WikiLeaks the diplomatic data that has so far helped topple two Arab dictatorships and launched democratic revolutions in another half-dozen Muslim nations. Anyway, Crowley’s semi-public remarks led to a reporter finally asking Obama about Manning’s awful treatment at Quantico, and Obama sneered and said the insane abuse of this American citizen is “appropriate.” And then Crowley was fired. Read more on Evil Obama Now Firing People For Acting Semi-Human…
  safety first

Remorseless War Criminal George W. Bush Doesn’t Feel ‘Safe’ In Switzerland

In America, George W. Bush is best known for his 9/11 cowboy bravery. But everywhere else (including outer space), George W. Bush is “a brain-dead alcoholic who loves torture and death, just like Satan.” In communist Switzerland and other countries with medieval laws prohibiting the use of torture and rape prisons, for freedom, George Bush is actually a criminal who needs to be arrested! This is why our former hero-president decided to cancel his appearance at a Zionist potluck in Geneva: Switzerland is a very dangerous place, with all sorts of “laws” and shit. Seriously unsafe! Read more on Remorseless War Criminal George W. Bush Doesn’t Feel ‘Safe’ In Switzerland…
  a nation challenged

A Year of Funny Fotos: 2010 In Dumb Pictures

Wait a minute, 2010 is over already? And here we are still writing “Fuck the Pope” on our checks! Well, whatever, everything must end — even horrible things like “the year 2010.” And who are the handsome Teutonic Princes in this particular photograph? Just some Midwest Nazis kickin’ it old-skool. The one circled is GOP rising star/”young gun” Rich Iott, who was all set to become the new teabagger congressman from Ohio, but then he somehow lost because THE JEWS were upset just because he likes to dress up in Nazi SS uniforms and pretend to be a Nazi all the time. Jeez everybody’s got to be so “politically correct” these days, you can hardly even get away with emailing everybody pictures of the White House surrounded by a watermelon farm. What a wacky year! Read more on A Year of Funny Fotos: 2010 In Dumb Pictures…
  liberal racist elite

Now That NYT Saw Marty Peretz’ Racism, He Regrets It

Approximately 4,000 political blogs attacked fat toad Marty Peretz for his latest repulsive Muslim-hating idiocy published by his sad pamphlet, Muslims Can Suck My Ass Is What, but it took the notice of the New York Times to make Marty “regret” that he had once again published the kind of Muslim-hating hate speech he has consistently published for two decades. Reason notes: Read more on Now That NYT Saw Marty Peretz’ Racism, He Regrets It…
  use the light but shed no light

WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Alvin Greene Interview

Reporters who have made the pilgrimage to the humble home of South Carolina Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate Alvin Greene have noted how often his phone rings. And how often he answers it, even for members of the general public. You, yes you, after doing a simple Google search, can talk to a major party nominee for U.S. Senate. It’s just a small part of the political revolution that is Alvin Greene. Now your Wonkette has called him, and we have recorded the interview, and you can listen to it. Read more on WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Alvin Greene Interview…
  tory teabaggers

Steve Forbes Craps On Robert Byrd’s Fresh Grave

Robot-dweeb asswipe Steve Forbes was such a great Republican Presidential Candidate that absolutely no-one can remember that Steve Forbes did this, not so long ago. Has he vanished up the anus of his inherited wealth? No, of course not. He’s a fake Teabagger. He’s got a Twitter. And he’s so happy Robert Byrd is dead. The only thing that would be better, for banks, is if every other Democrat in the Senate died … and Scott Brown, too, if Scott Brown’s thinking about voting for financial reform. [Twitter via Wonkette Op “Angie D.”] Read more on Steve Forbes Craps On Robert Byrd’s Fresh Grave…
  wapo should totally hire tucker carlson

WELL, TUCKER CARLSON IS AN INCREDIBLE ASSHOLE: Ezra Klein on the closing of the JournoList email group: “It was ironic, in a way, that it would be the Daily Caller that published e-mails from Journolist. A few weeks ago, its editor, Tucker Carlson, asked if he could join the list. After asking other members, I said no, that the rules had worked so far to protect people, and the members weren’t comfortable changing them. He tried to change my mind, and I offered, instead, to partner with Carlson to start a bipartisan list serv. That didn’t interest him.” [Ezra Klein] Read more on …