South Carolina granola hippie Mark Sanford just couldn’t take the pressure, man, so he put on his Tevas and headed up to the mountains to clear his head. Nothing like some Kinhin walking meditation to get the fear of The Man — that man, the prez — out of your soul. At least out here on the Appalachian Trail, mean old Barack Obama with his suits and his money and his power trips can’t bum you out …. unless uptight Obama is even using his Power Trip Stimulus Money on the trail itself. MORE »

Kentucky! One of the comical idiot Republican senators of the “Bluegrass State” is a stupid old prick who once played baseball in, who knows, the pre-Civil War era? For Kentucky’s special people, this is considered an “Ivy League” education in politics. But America’s worst, dumbest senator, Jim Bunning, barely kept his seat in 2004 — the year George W. Bush Jr. actually won the presidential election. Anyway Bunning, 77, said Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is about to die, because she is two years younger than he is, and she was successfully treated for early-stage pancreatic cancer and was back to work at SCOTUS today. Bunning finally apologized, just now. What a dick. [AP/Yahoo]

McCAIN IS AN ASSHOLE: Last night on the Senate floor, Barack Obama walked over to greet John McCain and shake his hand. “McCain shook it, but with a ‘go away’ look that no one could miss. He tried his best not to even look at Obama.” [CQ Politics]

Despised warmonger Dick Cheney continues to be an evil sack of shit who can’t even pretend to like war veterans. The hate-filled colostomy bag was scheduled to lecture a group of injured war veterans about how he evaded the draft through five deferments, but the veterans group finally told him to get fucked after he demanded the maimed heroes be sequestered for hours before he delivered his bitter propaganda. MORE »

Good lord: “The son of former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani is suing Duke University, claiming he was wrongfully kicked off the golf team. Andrew Giuliani claims he was dismissed without cause from the golf team earlier this year because coach O.D. Vincent III wanted to cut the team of 13 players by about half. The lawsuit claims the coach has interferred with Giuliani’s efforts toward becoming a professional golfer.” That basically says everything that needs to be said. Enjoy your annual divorce ritual in adulthood, Andrew. [AP]

Here is angry, crazy Bill O’Reilly, back when he had hair. OMFG he is so mad about the teleprompter. Those of you who are still upset about the existence of Bill O’Reilly will surely enjoy this video clip, which has already been removed by YouTube but which has been rescued by our friends at Gawker.

LETTERS FROM A NUT: Regarding the March 5 Reliable Source item “A Warped Lens on D.C. Party Scene”: The caption above the photographs of Reed Landry and Liz Glover stated that, according to Glover, Landry “went postal” on her camera. I was shocked, appalled and dismayed to read this term in your newspaper. “Going postal” carries a hideous and degrading connotation regarding the …. [Washington Post]

We are more than a little bit pissed off today. And we assure you it is for good reason. Some jackass publicist repping the left-handed, low-rent publishing house World Ahead Media asked us to review Kathleen Willey’s book. We agreed. She also offered an interview with Ms. Willey. Great! Kat’s kind of a MILF! We accepted. So, we spent our free time reading this shithouse crazy book about how the Clintons killed her pets, Bill tweaked her titties, how she likes fucking younger men, and scaring boyfriends by telling them she’s preggers. I know, right? Then we are informed Willey is not available for an interview. And here we are thinking that our review and interview was going to be a big sloppy wet blowjob in hopes that, you know, we too could tweak her titties just like Bill. But no. Pfft. So… thanks for nothing, assholes! MORE »

Radar reports that “In a final act of lawlessness” outgoing asshole general Alberto Gonzales apparently pushed back everyone’s tee times at the Chevy Chase club so that he and his non-member guest Condi could get the best time last Saturday. AND THE CLUB FORBIDS NON-MEMBERS FROM GOLFING ON WEEKENDS. As if that wasn’t enough proof that the guy has not an ounce of concern for anyone but himself (and his boss, obviously), a reader sent in this shocking accusation from some lady’s LiveJournal: MORE »

Johnson & Johnson (founded 1886) sues the Red Cross (founded 1881) for appropriating their red cross trademark. [CNN]

Well, Bush was talking on the teevee, and we were trying to watch it on CNN, but after about 90 seconds of Bush jabbering some bullshit about something making a buzzing sound or whatever, CNN just cut him off and went to … breaking news from, er, Oakland, California … about the airport delays or something. MORE »