You may have heard, though not from us, that a bunch of Nigerian assholes are going around kidnapping all the girls. Almost a month after more than 300 girls were taken from their school (50 or so escaped), and days after eight more were kidnapped, and seeing what an Obamacare-website-style clusterfuck Nigeria’s president, Goodluck Jonathan, […]

“Goodness Gracious my grandma used to say The world’s a scary place now, things were different in her day What horrors will be commonplace when my hair starts to gray?” – Kevin Gilbert This is Off Topic, but a thing I need to say. It’s been a bad week, that started on Monday after noon […]

As we noted the other day, unaccredited Kentucky doctor Rand Paul is using this farm bill debate as an opportunity to cement himself as the most annoying and disingenuous member of Congress via a slew of unrelated and/or dumb amendments that go nowhere and waste everyone’s time, but do allow Paul to release more self-righteous […]

Santee, California Mayor Randy Voepel, according to the local Patch, recently received an email from a Chinese fellow who collects autographs asking for a contribution from Voepel. The email sort of resemnbles “spam email,” but we’re only saying that because we’re racist. But instead of deleting the email or not responding or, well, sending him […]

Feliz cumpleanos, Obamacare! Don’t look now, but Tucker Carlson’s Internet Spazzathon is having itself a right nice little chortle about how stupid you are and how you will dooooom President Barack Obama’s reelection campaign! Aw, don’t feel bad! Everyone knows Tucker Carlson’s an asshole! Here, for instance, is some “reporter” being completely disingenuous and conflating […]

Uh oh, some blowhard who’s written a book called The Politically Incorrect Guide to the Founding Fathers recently saw a lady using food stamps at the Wal-Mart — just like Ronald Reagan warned us they would! She was buying necessaries with her big government EBT card, and then using her own cash to buy beer […]

What does a bored kleptocrat billionaire who has already lived past his expiration date do to pass the time while he is on vacation in the Caribbean? If it’s Rupert Murdoch, he takes a webcam picture of his moldy white raisin mug, tacks it to his brand-new Twitter account and sets about mocking the working […]

When there’s nothing else to bitch about, count on ignorant scare-sheet the New York Post to find something evil about the peaceful and polite Occupy Wall Street protesters. Maybe they are eating fancy liberal food? A new poll of New Yorkers proves that 67% agree with the growing protest against America’s bank-run corporate-welfare system, and […]

Back when rat-faced 9/11 pornographer Rudy Giuliani was just another cross-dressing sleazebag New York politician kicked out of his house for banging his mistress, the only two people who would take him in were two kindly homosexual gentlemen. And so, for months, Rudy Giuliani was the third leg of this curious tripod: a supposedly straight, […]

Ex-television clown Glenn Beck just wanted to go to a government-run socialist park to watch a free movie on the lawn with other liberal New Yorkers at Bryant Park, but apparently New Yorkers somehow found out that Glenn Beck is a fearmongering fanatic who thinks the entire American Government should be destroyed, and that all […]

Tornadoes and floods and wildfires and droughts and other biblical plagues have been killing Americans and destroying their towns all year long, but constipated mannequin Mitt Romney wants to be seen as a real tough-guy Tea Party asshole these days. So he told a crowd that helping storm victims is “immoral” and that it also […]

A Houston high school teacher found a great way to talk about the exciting news of Osama bin Laden’s killing: He told a Muslim girl in his ninth grade algebra class, “I bet you’re grieving.” Ha ha, just a topical joke! And then he added, “Hey, algebra is Muslim, too. I bet algebra is grieving.” […]

Guess who turned out to be the biggest asshole in the world? Your boyfriend, Barack Obama. The latest outrage in the Bradley Manning situation involves Obama’s direct involvement in the firing of State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley — because Crowley committed the sin of condemning the torture and abuse of U.S. Army Private Bradley Manning, […]

In America, George W. Bush is best known for his 9/11 cowboy bravery. But everywhere else (including outer space), George W. Bush is “a brain-dead alcoholic who loves torture and death, just like Satan.” In communist Switzerland and other countries with medieval laws prohibiting the use of torture and rape prisons, for freedom, George Bush […]

Wait a minute, 2010 is over already? And here we are still writing “Fuck the Pope” on our checks! Well, whatever, everything must end — even horrible things like “the year 2010.” And who are the handsome Teutonic Princes in this particular photograph? Just some Midwest Nazis kickin’ it old-skool. The one circled is GOP […]