Tag Archives: asshats

  freeeeee nelson mandela

Madonna Is Your New Nelson Mandela! Please Pass The Cyanide.

Life is a mystery
Last year, Madonna put herself in Art Jail, with a 17-minute tone poem about how … the oppression was coming from inside the house! It was hilarious, and ridiculose, and full of hot dudes doing really good ripoffs of Chicago, and it was all about, like, stuff. (Go on, click over to our little sister site HappyNiceTimePeople.com, which we done sold but we still get $$$ from it! We wrote the thing, so you know it’s finger-lickin’ good!) Now, Madonna is going even further, by sexplaining that she is basically Nelson Mandela, known to his countrymen as “Madiba.” That is like ONE SYLLABLE AWAY from Madonna! So you know that it is true. Read more on Madonna Is Your New Nelson Mandela! Please Pass The Cyanide….
  this whole blog can be shipped to afghanistan no one has lost any

Rand Paul Makes A Funny Joke About His Fellow Americans

The always-quotable Sen. Rand Paul put a funny joke up on the Twitter Machine today! Only question is… (*snrkk!!!*) how would anyone even know the difference?? HAW HAW HAW! We can hardly wait for the nine paid staffers of Twitchy to condemn Sen. Paul for his very offensive breach of civility. Read more on Rand Paul Makes A Funny Joke About His Fellow Americans…
  A Sphincter Says What?

Millionaire NYT Columnist David Brooks: Poor People Won’t Be Poor If They Just Act Like Rich People

Good news, Poors! David Brooks has decided to take on the topic of income inequality, and has concluded that 1) income inequality is not actually a problem, and 2) if it were, we shouldn’t solve it by giving poor people more money, and also 3) the growing income of the 1% has nothing to do with the shrinking incomes of the rest of us. Hear that? NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Here, let the man with the 4 million dollar home explain to us why giving money to poor people will be of absolutely no help to them. Read more on Millionaire NYT Columnist David Brooks: Poor People Won’t Be Poor If They Just Act Like Rich People…
  so in his case 3290342093512 degrees

Mitt Romney: Students Should Get ‘As Much Education As They Can Afford’

Truly shocking, Mitt Romney has moved on from chastising America for copying him to more important things, like the fact that education is expensive for a reason: so that only people who can afford it are permitted to get it. So true! While in Virginia on Friday, Romney said that while America may be “the land of opportunity for every single person,” when it comes down to it there is not quiiiiiiite enough opportunity to go around, and education is great, but a person should really only get “as much education as they can afford and with their time they’re able to get,” which is a weird, as well as an evil, sentence. Read more on Mitt Romney: Students Should Get ‘As Much Education As They Can Afford’…
  occupy asshats

Romney Says He’s ‘Not Concerned About the Very Poor,’ Stuns No One

Mitt Romney, most undeserving and unexcited winner of the Florida primary since at least 2004, was utterly bored out of his skull during his victory speech in Florida Tuesday, though he at least kept up the practice of being EVIL, my friend, and took the Evil Show to a post-results chat with CNN’s Soledad O’Brien. There, he proceeded to terrify Soledad and the four other people watching CNN by saying how he really feels: “I’m not concerned about the very poor.” This is the real, true, unabashed, unequivocal, undeniable “I like being able to fire people” moment we have all been waiting for (yet have also gotten several other times!!!!) After making it difficult for Soledad O’Brien to know what to say/not kill herself, Romney tried to soften the blow with more terrible rich-man mumbo jumbo, and had some bossy, condescending words for Soledad, too, because she is a woman liberal woman liberal. Read more on Romney Says He’s ‘Not Concerned About the Very Poor,’ Stuns No One…
  reply all

North Carolina Representative: Let’s Bring Back Public Hangings

Republican Representative Larry Pittman of Cabarrus County, NC thinks, sort of like Newt Gingrich did back in the ’90s, that capital punishment is the only way to scare people like “abortionists, rapists and kidnappers” (what, no murderers?) into being better citizens (and more conservative). But Pittman goes a step further than Newt: he thinks we should bring back public hanging. It’s the only way, etc. Well, about every 36 seconds a Republican calls for the return of some barbaric practice or another, so big deal. But Pittman had a funny way of expressing his views: not boldly or proudly, in front of his fellow lawmakers or at the very least, atop a milk crate in some park, but in an e-mail that he accidentally sent to every member of the General Assembly of North Carolina. Ah, well. Read more on North Carolina Representative: Let’s Bring Back Public Hangings…
  the weekly stan-turd

Bill Kristol Writes New Partisan Column That Compromises Everything He Pretends To Stand For

New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol today continues his titular free fall from superficially respectable-sounding “foreign policy conservative” to “comically shameless Republican purveyor of cynical misinformation who does not actually believe in or fact-check anything.” We recommend you sit down before reading this snippet from today’s column: “Should voters be alarmed by a relatively young or inexperienced vice-presidential candidate? No.” He adds that Teddy Roosevelt and Harry Truman were both new to the scene when their bosses croaked in office, and they turned out just fine. This is the same Bill Kristol who has spent all summer deriding Barack Obama’s relative youth and inexperience. Why do we even bother… Read more on Bill Kristol Writes New Partisan Column That Compromises Everything He Pretends To Stand For…