But because you loved it so much last week, here’s an update on Tom DeLay’s beloved “Dancing With the Stars” gal who sings the National Anthem at GOP conventions and is married to Republican fund-raising hero (and failed congressional candidate … and George Allen backer) Craig Schelske who is now accused of being a creepy drunken porn freak who screws all these anal-sex-loving Nashville gals he finds on CraigsList.

Join us after the jump for the inevitable Bible Study and Sexy Nanny angles. But first, a picture of the happy couple with America’s other sweethearts, Dick and Lynne:

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Because nothing is more important to Americans than the nexus of politics and “Dancing With the Stars,” we are pleased to report that Sara Evans — apparently a Nashville pop singer and champion dancer — has left the hit show because her husband is one of those sex creeps on CraigsList.

Failed Republican congressional candidate and GOP fund-raiser Craig Schelske is also accused of abusing his wife and making his young children watch pornography. According to Evans’ complaint, there are more than a hundred pictures stored on the family computer of Schelske screwing myriad women as well as parading around his house naked and “aroused.” According to his CraigsList ads, Schelske is particularly interested in having anal sex with strangers and threesomes.

More filth after the jump.

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Future Foley news analysis headlines: MORE »

No one has done more to ruin Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Penn.)’s good name than sex columnist Dan Savage… with the possible exception of Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Penn.). After the senator compared gay sex to bestiality and pedophilia, Savage ran a contest to rename something sexual in his honor. The winner: “The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.” MORE »

The jury in the Enron criminal case has returned with a verdict, and the news is not good for the defendants. MORE »

C’mon, Eleanor — no guy named “Scooter” can be a top. MORE »

Here’s a portion of the bestest Al Kamen column ever: MORE »

Original Wonkette, Ana Marie Cox, sent us this meta-report (including a super top-secret look at the notes passed at the Cool Kids Table — had Sir Evans noticed, he surely would’ve demanded they read them before the entire class) after finding our own party crash report alarmingly assfucking-free: MORE »

Last week, from Thursday, February 9, through Saturday, February 11, conservative political activists from around the country descended upon Washington for the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). And the Wonkette Welcome Wagon was there to meet them!

Okay, we kinda missed all of the panels, speeches, and events. We didn’t get to hear Ann Coulter rail against “ragheads,” and we missed the mob-scene book signings by blogebrities Glenn Reynolds and Michelle Malkin. Nor did we attend the remarks of self-professed ex-gay Alan Chambers, who said sodomy was like fast food: “It will kill you.” Uh, not if you don’t swallow!

(Remember, boys and girls: as former President Clinton can tell you, the legal definition of sodomy encompasses a wide range of sexual acts. Black’s Law Dictionary defines sodomy as “oral or anal copulation between humans, or between humans and animals.” In other words, it’s not just assfucking!)

We don’t look that drunk, do we? (Photo by the Boi From Troy, blogging at our too-cool-for-school sibling.)

Sorry for that scholarly digression. Although we missed CPAC’s substantive presentations — if Ann Coulter mocking John Kerry as the other “dominant woman in American politics” qualifies as “substantive” — we did show up for the most important part: the drinking!

A chronicle of our misadventures, after the jump.

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