Wonkette

As Bono taught us, wrongly, Martin Luther King was assassinated in the “early morning, April 4″ of 1968 — 39 years ago today. (It was actually 6:01 p.m. There was no Wikipedia back then, so at least he got the date right.) Today is the real Martin Luther King Day. MORE »

Forgetting for a moment that teevee political commentators are paid to be obnoxious, we will now cover Bill Maher’s provocative comments about how much better off we’d all be had that bomb only killed Dick Cheney in Afghanistan. MORE »

Dick Cheney’s trail of death and destruction has now moved from Afghanistan — where up to 23 people including several U.S. troops were killed in this morning’s bomb attack — to Wall Street. CNN reports on the global stock market collapse currently battering U.S. stocks and blames it on Cheney:

“News that Vice President Dick Cheney was the apparent target in a Taliban suicide bombing attack in Afghanistan added to the morning concerns.”

The “vice” president’s weird secret trip around the world to meet with terrorist leaders has now taken him to Oman, where he’ll somehow destroy the world’s oil production and hurtle the entire Earth into darkness. MORE »

Vice President Dick Cheney was hangin’ with Mr. Karzai at the Bagram military base this morning when a suicide bomber blew himself up outside the gate. Cheney was unhurt, because he always travels with dozens of layers of human shields, but the experience clearly shook him — he hasn’t looked this pleased with himself since he shot that lawyer. MORE »

* New JFK assassination film released only 45 years after the Powers That Be killed him. It’s great how the “amateur photographer” got establishing shots of the Texas School Book Depository and the sixth-floor windows before the murder. [Raw Story]
* The teevee causes “cancer, autism, dementia” and other problems, no matter what you watch. PBS probably causes AIDS. [Scotsman]
* Seriously, watching the teevee will kill you, and then your corpse will sit there for a year or so. [IHT]
* Texas congressman Sam Johnson (R-Schizophrenic) was all for withholding U.S. military funding in Bosnia because “the president has tied our hands, gone against the wishes of the American people, and this is the last best way I know how to show my respect for our American servicemen and women.” Obviously, he loves the Iraq Surge today. [Reason Hit & Run]
* U.S. spies reading, laughing at your e-mail. [Cryptogon]
* This little fascist Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Cunt) wants all your Internet traffic and searches and IMs and emails recorded forever and provided to the government, even though Google already does that. {Security Focus]
* WALNUTS! McCain kicks Rummy when he’s down. [CNN]

There’s a pre-election-year shocker in Politico.com’s piece on everybody getting tired of Barry Hussein Obama: George W. Bush privately warned the young senator of a sinister plot.

[Obama] recalls President Bush warning him privately during their first meeting in the White House: “When you get a lot of attention like you’ve been getting, people start gunnin’ for ya.”

Like an RFK or MLK who doesn’t stand for anything beyond “audacity,” Obama has apparently upset the Powers That Be who want a Walnuts/Hillary race in 2008. Be careful, Barry. MORE »

While the prohibition on black presidents has been (temporarily) repealed, presidents have not been allowed to be smokers for nearly half a century — JFK learned the hard way in Dallas, one of the earliest fanatical non-smoking cities. MORE »

A brave stewardess has been trying to expose a terrible terrorist jet-toilet conspiracy, but airline pilots, TSA air marshals and federal law enforcement agents just laugh at her crusade.

It all started when she was tidying up the bathroom in the coach section of a 757 flying across the country in February 2005 — and if you believe a stewardess would actually clean up the filthy coach lavatory en route, you’ll likely believe the rest of this weirdo story. All is revealed, after the jump.

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San Diego congressman Duncan Hunter has already pledged to protect Iowa from its neighbor, Mexico, but the next president of the United States will also need to defeat another horrible enemy before he goes to the White House. That foe is history. MORE »

Beloved Watergate criminal E. Howard Hunt finally died this week at the rotten old age of 88 — just a week after he publicly blamed Lyndon Johnson for ordering the assassination of John F. Kennedy. As Hunt himself has long been suspected of being one of the CIA black-ops artists behind JFK’s murder in Dallas, that was a pretty weird revelation.

As he begins his eternal torture in Hell, let’s look back at the curiously rich and varied life of a man who maybe didn’t start off 100% crooked … after the jump.

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