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Posts Tagged ‘assassinations’

Man Who Shot George Wallace Released From Prison In Time For 2008 Campaign

Thursday, August 23rd, 2007

Send THEM a Message: W A L L A C E - WonketteBack in the “good old days” of the early 1970s, America was torn apart by recession, gasoline rationing, race riots, the Vietnam war and segregation — which was still a big issue in places where blacks were especially hated, such as Alabama, where Democrat Governor George Wallace was bravely keeping the Negro children out of White schools despite the Supreme Court’s orders. Wallace was immensely popular with Democrats who hoped to keep their schools white, too. So it was a national tragedy when a libtard nut named Arthur Bremer shot Wallace at a Maryland campaign stop in May 1972. MORE »


Rumsfeld: ‘I Do Not Recall Ordering Hit On Pat Tillman’

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007

Laugh it up - WonketteRumsfeld had a “change of heart” and decided to actually listen to Congress and show up and deny killing Pat Tillman. These are funny times, as you can usually tell when the sacked Secretary of Defense testifies before a House Committee investigating the fratricide of NFL/Army hero Pat Tillman and the coordinated (but ultimately botched) conspiracy to hide the murder. MORE »


Who Ordered the Execution of NFL/Army Hero Pat Tillman?

Tuesday, July 31st, 2007

Who done it? - WonketteIt’s almost too depressing to mention again, but let’s recap the Pat Tillman revelations from Army medical examiners and internal Pentagon reports released last week and find out what happens when famous football stars turned Army Heroes become anti-war critics: MORE »


They Didn’t Save Lincoln’s Brain

Monday, May 21st, 2007

alassassination.jpgAccording to medical experts at the University of Maryland, Abraham Lincoln could’ve survived his disastrous trip to Ford’s Theater - had he merely traveled forward through time 140 years. It wouldn’t have been an easy recovery, though. MORE »


George W. Bush Makes His Own Car Bomb

Monday, April 9th, 2007

He's a walking car bomb. - WonketteIf not for the quick reflexes of Ford Motor boss Alan Mulally, George W. Bush would’ve blown himself up last week on the White House lawn, along with Dick Cheney. MORE »


Happy MLK Assassination Day!

Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Well, somebody was sure happy about this. - WonketteAs Bono taught us, wrongly, Martin Luther King was assassinated in the “early morning, April 4″ of 1968 — 39 years ago today. (It was actually 6:01 p.m. There was no Wikipedia back then, so at least he got the date right.) Today is the real Martin Luther King Day. MORE »


Another Political Commentator Says Something Provocative!

Monday, March 5th, 2007

They both actually hate HuffPo commenters. - WonketteForgetting for a moment that teevee political commentators are paid to be obnoxious, we will now cover Bill Maher’s provocative comments about how much better off we’d all be had that bomb only killed Dick Cheney in Afghanistan. MORE »


Cheney Also Ruining Stock Market

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Vice President Death. - WonketteDick Cheney’s trail of death and destruction has now moved from Afghanistan — where up to 23 people including several U.S. troops were killed in this morning’s bomb attack — to Wall Street. CNN reports on the global stock market collapse currently battering U.S. stocks and blames it on Cheney:

“News that Vice President Dick Cheney was the apparent target in a Taliban suicide bombing attack in Afghanistan added to the morning concerns.”

The “vice” president’s weird secret trip around the world to meet with terrorist leaders has now taken him to Oman, where he’ll somehow destroy the world’s oil production and hurtle the entire Earth into darkness. MORE »


Assassination Attempt Inspires Cheney’s First Near-Smile in Years

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Vice President Dick Cheney was hangin’ with Mr. Karzai at the Bagram military base this morning when a suicide bomber blew himself up outside the gate. Cheney was unhurt, because he always travels with dozens of layers of human shields, but the experience clearly shook him — he hasn’t looked this pleased with himself since he shot that lawyer. MORE »


Rumors On The Internets: Then You Don’t Go Killing All The Bees

Monday, February 19th, 2007

* New JFK assassination film released only 45 years after the Powers That Be killed him. It’s great how the “amateur photographer” got establishing shots of the Texas School Book Depository and the sixth-floor windows before the murder. [Raw Story]
* The teevee causes “cancer, autism, dementia” and other problems, no matter what you watch. PBS probably causes AIDS. [Scotsman]
* Seriously, watching the teevee will kill you, and then your corpse will sit there for a year or so. [IHT]
* Texas congressman Sam Johnson (R-Schizophrenic) was all for withholding U.S. military funding in Bosnia because “the president has tied our hands, gone against the wishes of the American people, and this is the last best way I know how to show my respect for our American servicemen and women.” Obviously, he loves the Iraq Surge today. [Reason Hit & Run]
* U.S. spies reading, laughing at your e-mail. [Cryptogon]
* This little fascist Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Cunt) wants all your Internet traffic and searches and IMs and emails recorded forever and provided to the government, even though Google already does that. {Security Focus]
* WALNUTS! McCain kicks Rummy when he’s down. [CNN]


Bush Warns Obama of Assassination Plot

Friday, February 9th, 2007

There’s a pre-election-year shocker in Politico.com’s piece on everybody getting tired of Barry Hussein Obama: George W. Bush privately warned the young senator of a sinister plot.

[Obama] recalls President Bush warning him privately during their first meeting in the White House: “When you get a lot of attention like you’ve been getting, people start gunnin’ for ya.”

Like an RFK or MLK who doesn’t stand for anything beyond “audacity,” Obama has apparently upset the Powers That Be who want a Walnuts/Hillary race in 2008. Be careful, Barry. MORE »


Barry Hussein Obama Switches To Nicorette

Tuesday, February 6th, 2007

We TOLD you to quit smoking! - WonketteWhile the prohibition on black presidents has been (temporarily) repealed, presidents have not been allowed to be smokers for nearly half a century — JFK learned the hard way in Dallas, one of the earliest fanatical non-smoking cities. MORE »


Stewardess Unravels Awful Gov’t Terror Conspiracy

Monday, February 5th, 2007

riddle, enigma, conspiracy, etc. - WonketteA brave stewardess has been trying to expose a terrible terrorist jet-toilet conspiracy, but airline pilots, TSA air marshals and federal law enforcement agents just laugh at her crusade.

It all started when she was tidying up the bathroom in the coach section of a 757 flying across the country in February 2005 — and if you believe a stewardess would actually clean up the filthy coach lavatory en route, you’ll likely believe the rest of this weirdo story. All is revealed, after the jump.

MORE »


Duncan Hunter’s Brave Crusade Against Mexicans, History

Monday, January 29th, 2007

San Diego congressman Duncan Hunter has already pledged to protect Iowa from its neighbor, Mexico, but the next president of the United States will also need to defeat another horrible enemy before he goes to the White House. That foe is history. MORE »