Wonkette

Depending on your sources & your level of paranoia, either a couple of racist dingbats were arrested around Denver’s trashier motels Monday, or an elaborate plot to assassinate Barack Obama was busted up by clever Colorado cops. In any case, a trio of local losers are now in jail (again), and at least one of them mumbled something about wanting to murder our new president. MORE »

Oh look who’s on the cover of Vanity Fair, and also wearing clothes for a change? It’s Carla Bruni, latest wife of Hungarian president of France Nicolas Sarkozy. What did she do to achieve this honor? Well, according to the headline, the Italian singer/supermodel’s marriage to a French president might just make her the new “Jackie O,” which was what tabloids called Jacqueline Kennedy in the decades after her husband, President John F. Kennedy, was murdered by Lyndon Johnson/the Mob/Richard Nixon/the CIA/Cuban Wingnuts and she married a Greek Tycoon named Aristotle Onassis, who was eventually murdered or just died of being old, and her name was then “Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.” Anyway, you can see why Carla Bruni might just be the new Jackie O. [Vanity Fair] MORE »

As Hillary Clinton has been reminding us during the long 2008 primary season, Robert Kennedy was assassinated in June. Historians say RFK was specifically shot, multiple times, 40 years ago today, in the tranquil year of 1968, at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles after winning the California primary. MORE »

Senator Ted Kennedy was hospitalized this morning after having some kind of seizure, and then taken to another hospital because it was apparently pretty serious, but the 76-year-old famous liberal is now talking and joking, according to the Kennedy Clan. This is Edward Kennedy, the Keith Richards of politics, and the Kennedys. He can survive anything. MORE »

As America mourns the suspicious death of “D.C. Madam” Deborah Jeane Palfrey and gives up hope that anyone or anything can bring down Dick Cheney (or even David Vitter), let’s look back in anger at other recent suspicious suicides involving Our Federal Government. Did you know one of Palfrey’s escort-service contractor ladies also supposedly hanged herself? And what about all these FBI targets and mysterious CIA agents meeting weird, tragic ends? WTF, people, WTF? MORE »

And a sad story becomes sadder still: Deborah Jeane Palfrey was found hanging dead in a storage shed behind her mother’s Florida mobile home. Many pages of “handwritten suicide notes” were reportedly found in the shed by the Tarpon Springs police. Read the weird transcript, after the jump. MORE »

Forty years ago tonight, Washington burned, baby, burned — just as so many other cities burned after Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassination. And it only took about 40 years to fix up some of the destroyed neighborhoods along H Street NE, 14th and U, and various other chunks of the District that ended up looking like Hiroshima after the Bomb. And now Wonkette’s own Liz Glover says the National Guard actually burnt D.C. to the ground, not the freaked-out rioters. MORE »

Take that, Obama. You probably didn’t even know you were black yet when Hillary was throwing Rosa Parks under a bus. (PS — Sorry about the Depends commercial before this clip.)

EARLIER: Did Hillary Clinton Really ‘Shake Hands’ With MLK When She Was 14?

Hillary Clinton just gave a speech exploiting the assassination of MLK somberly remembering the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr., and she added a (new to us) detail: Hillary claims she saw the Reverend King speak and even shook his hand, when she was 14 years old. Wonkette operatives “Gary & Marilyn” ask, “Doesn’t her attendance at such an event sound unlikely for a Goldwater Girl? I can’t find my copy of her autobiography, think that would have been a memorable event she would have written about at the time … so I’m putting this in your capable fact-checkers’ hands.” MORE »

Happy Dead Presidents Day, everybody! Our most beloved non-Reagan dead president, John F. “Jack” Kennedy, was killed by Lyndon Johnson’s Anti-Castro Cuban CIA Mafia Military-Industrial FBI Complex way back in 1963. We still don’t know exactly what happened, because “the government” won’t release the files for another forty or fifty years (or never), but the Dallas Morning News says a weird old transcript proves or doesn’t prove how “lone gunman” Lee Harvey Oswald and mafia-nightclub tough Jack Ruby discussed killing JFK so, uh, the Chicago mob wouldn’t be bothered by Kennedy’s little brother, Bobby Kennedy, who was attorney general back when the attorney general was expected to do anti-crime things rather than just torture innocent foreigners forever, in Cuba. MORE »

Do you remember the swinging social scene of early-1960s Washington? So many parties with those fun-loving and oft-assassinated Kennedy boys! And then George W. Bush ruined it all when he was appointed president four decades later. That’s the gist of this six-hundred-page Vanity Fair recollection about the glamorous good old days of yesteryear, and it prompted one Washingtonian to pen the following recollection of the glamorous Clinton years.

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It’s one of those massive political assassination world story sadness unrest political crisis nuclear death sad sad times, so, two things: (1) condolences to the Bhutto and (2) CNN.com is sooooo funny in times like these! Crisis logo with morose black-and-white gravity and tender fonts? Check. Obvious article about how world leaders are “shocked” at this mindfuck of a story? Check. Articles about how CNN knew this would happen all along, how you can send send your thoughts to CNN then watch them proceed to not give a shit, and how Time — a publication under the same ownership as CNN — has made a definitive statement for the record that will go down in history? Check, check, check. And then of course, other pressing headlines about girls getting attacked by dogs/tigers/screwdrivers, as opposed to assassins. [CNN]

Beloved Taxacusetts senator and last-surviving RFK/JFK brother Ted Kennedy is in the hospital today after doctors fixed a clogged artery in his neck. They successfully removed the Jameson bottle and now he’s “resting.” But what’s interesting is why he went to the doctor in the first place: The neck clog was found during an MRI to check on his wrecked back — Ted Kennedy barely survived a terrible plane crash in 1964, just a few months after John Kennedy’s assassination. MORE »

It’s a hallowed Autumn tradition to take the kids to the Corn Maze, but there’s extra fun in store for youngsters at Richland, Michigan’s Gulf Meadows Farms this year, because they’ve based their 2007 Corn Maze design on Gerald Ford’s head. Jerry Ford, of course, was our greatest president and he pardoned Nixon and covered up JFK’s assassination and almost got himself assassinated, twice in 17 days, in California, and bravely fought inflation and was from Michigan.

Gulf Meadows Farms Corn Maze