Tag Archives: assassination threats

  tis the season

Christian Patriot Guy Graciously Offers To Kill President, Ensures Himself Holiday Visit From Secret Service

Hey, Wonkedorians, what are you up to this Thanksgiving, or Hanukkah, or Thanksgivukkah? Were you hoping that the Secret Service would bust down your door during the turkey carving, or would you prefer they wait until later in the day when you’re drunk on the couch watching football? Then consider declaring that you have the authority to shoot Obama because of argle bargle constitution blatherskite. It’s sure to guarantee you extra visitors on your special day. “We now have authority to shoot Obama, i.e., to kill him,” [Everest Wilhelmen, leader of the Christian American Patriots Militia] posted on his Facebook page. “His willful violations and alienation of our Constitution, constant disregard for our peaceful protests and corruption of all the three branches of government, (i.e., rogue and illegitimate government), reveal the dictator that he is. Obama and his co-conspirators disrespect our Constitution (constitutional rule of law) and abuse the American people.” Read more on Christian Patriot Guy Graciously Offers To Kill President, Ensures Himself Holiday Visit From Secret Service…
  what's the big deal?

Meet The Not-Racist Young Lady Who Called For Assassination Of, Er, Let’s Just Say ‘Black’ President

“I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal,” said this spritely lass when confronted with a news crew. Like, why are people all pissing and moaning, and why did she get fired from her job at Cold Stone Creamery, just because she said that someone should assassinate that “nigger” president? Like, what is even their damage, you know? Is she not simply expressing herself? And is that not what a special snowflake like herself must do? It’s just Facebook and stuff, plus if he got assassinated it’s not like she would be sad, but most importantly, SHE IS NOT A RACIST. “I’m not racist,” Denise Helms told the news crew. She has a lot of friends of different nationalities! Like, probably some Irish, and some Italians, maybe some Poles, POSSIBLY an Asiatic (but probably not, and DEFINITELY not any Jews), and, well, probably like a dude named “Lopez” but who is from Spain instead of Mexico. See, not racist at all! Read more on Meet The Not-Racist Young Lady Who Called For Assassination Of, Er, Let’s Just Say ‘Black’ President…