assassination

We told you last week that we were finished with the 1950s and moving into the ’60s, and we are — but by a quirk of editing, both of our history textbooks for the Christian school market have shoehorned the Kennedy administration into the very end of their chapters on the Fifties, the better to […]

So here is a thing that happened: A New York man armed with a rifle, boxes of ammunition and a machete was arrested Friday after allegedly threatening to kill former President George W. Bush, according to a federal court complaint. Apparently, Benjamin Smith also thought that once he’d killed the former president, he would then […]

We hope you’ll indulge our fondness for the paranoid ravings of Jim Garrow, the “CIA spy” who likes to tell radio talk show wingnut Erik Rush all about Barack Obama’s secret plans to nuke America and to fool us into thinking that space aliens have contacted the White House, so that Russia and Canada can […]

Right here is some actual evidence of the power of prayer, so all you atheists just shut up. Cindy Jacobs, a self-proclaimed “respected prophet” who a few years ago repented for all the lesbians and their “girl-on-girl kissing,” told a true tale of the time that her very own son, 6 at the time, saved […]

Hey, remember like four hours ago, when we cadged a post from ThinkProgress about that nice young sheriff with the slick comedy stylings about murdering the president? Well ThinkProgress has an update, which they’ve stoled from the “Plymouth Patch,” so we guess we do now too! Sup, ThinkProg? Oh, that sheriff is mad at all […]

Isn’t it great how Election Season brings out the best in all of us, making us ever delight in doing more and better for our fellow man? (And womyn, ladies!) Also, isn’t it terrific how Election Season makes us all very very smart and intelligent? USA! Well, we have another winner in the newest let’s-all-murder-one-another-for-democracy […]

Celebrated guitar-plucking analberry Ted Nugent caused quite the stir with this delightfully braindead comment the other day: “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” Heh indeedy, what? Perhaps that was an “assassination joke,” or he was just chugging lighter […]

Poor Osama Bin Laden. All he wanted was endless jihad and to assassinate his fellow terrorist Muslim Mr. B. Hussein Obama, and what did he get? Not another day older, for one. (You know the rest.) Anyhoo, looks like we know who won that dick-measuring contest. What do you think his “plot” consisted of? An […]

Second-rate AM radio jackass Michael “Savage” Weiner has an important insight regarding the collapse and death of blogger Andrew Breitbart on a sidewalk Wednesday night: It was maybe an assassination! After all, Breitbart liked to go around claiming he had hawt videos of Barack Obama talking to liberals, which makes Barack Obama ineligible to be […]

The Year of Rage is moving along nicely: The four elderly Georgia men arrested for their alleged plot to kill a bunch of federal employees and simultaneously attack a half-dozen cities with poison and some other Rage Batman stuff were all inspired by a Fox News personality’s insanely inspirational novel about killing all the evil […]

Oh yawn, here is another Tea Party person who has taken to The Facebook to say possibly inappropriate things about our President and First Lady. What are they this time, socialist Kenyans? Hitler and Mrs. Hitler? WRONG! They are people who should be pushed out of a moving aircraft, according to a terrible joke that […]

“He talks about targeting priorities,” the counterterror official said. “He says the president is of course the top target if you could get a shot at him. Also the military chiefs like the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the defense secretary, top military people. There is a note indicating that the vice president […]

The entire American world is freaking out right now, according to the home pages of every single American news source, because Michelle Obama was nearly killed in what is being shrugged off as a “landing mishap.” The plane carrying our FLOTUS was only three miles away from a military C-17 instead of the required five […]

Republican Congressman Paul Broun of Georgia held a town hall meeting on Tuesday. Generally these days when a member of Congress meets with her constituents, she is shot in the head, but because President Obama made America more civil, the crowd simply asked, “Who’s going to shoot Obama?” Assassinating the president is a hilarious non-sequitur, […]

A young college student from Saudi Arabia who studied chemical engineering in Texas purchased explosive chemicals over the Internet as part of a plan to hide bomb materials inside dolls and baby carriages to blow up dams, nuclear plants or the Dallas home of former President George W. Bush, the Justice Department said Thursday. That […]