C’mon now, libtards. Ad dollars are running thin these days. Some schlock wants to buy an “assassinate the President” ad? Well, if he’s paying cash… “Warren Times Observer Publisher John Elchert says the ad appeared Thursday. It read, ‘May Obama follow in the steps of Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley and Kennedy!’ The four presidents were all assassinated. Elchert tells The Associated Press that the newspaper’s advertising staff didn’t make the historical connection.” Maybe he just meant “be a mediocre-to-great president.” [AP, The Hill]

Americans, are you still letting your idiot kids do all their “research” from the liberal-propaganda pit of vipers known as the “Wikipedia,” which is filthy with scientific facts and frighteningly detailed Buffy the Vampire Slayer trivia? Well stop it, now, and Porn Block every site that’s not Conservapedia, the home of conservative pedophiles “The Trustworthy Encyclopedia.” For example, say your home-schooled-in-Christ kid needs to do a report on which states would benefit from Dem senators who, tragically, “were unable to complete their terms and were replaced by qualified Republicans by their Republican governors.” Where to go? That homosexual devil box “Wikipedia” surely would be of no assistance, to Patriots! MORE »

• UGH: “WASHINGTON (AP) — ATF says it has disrupted skinhead plot to assassinate Obama, kill 102 black people.” Not 101, not 103, but… oh goddamnit we have no jokes. Pray to your fake liberal God for a safe week. [AP]

• YIKES: “MIAMI (AP) - A man is being held in Florida by federal authorities on charges of threatening to assassinate Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. …The Secret Service says Geisel made the threat during a training class for bail bondsmen in Miami in late July. Another tipster said Geisel also threatened President Bush.” And yet no one cared about the threat to Our Greatest President Bush? Goddamnit, Miami. [AP]

As Hillary Clinton has been reminding us during the long 2008 primary season, Robert Kennedy was assassinated in June. Historians say RFK was specifically shot, multiple times, 40 years ago today, in the tranquil year of 1968, at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles after winning the California primary. MORE »

Here he is, your favorite evangelical former Arkansas governor and failed GOP candidate Mike Huckabee, cracking up the NRA folks with the old “Hey the colored boy is a-scared of your rifles” line. Ha ha ha! [Daily Kos/Gawker]

When something like today’s assassination of Benazir Bhutto and the suicide bombing of her and her supporters occurs and it actually makes the nightly news or the papers of record, you’ll usually see a photo like this, conveying the shock and horror of another observer to the carnage without showing you the carnage. This doesn’t show you that the photographer is standing in a pool of blood from someone recently deceased, or the mutilated bodies at this man’s feet because an editor somewhere has decided that you don’t need to see it to understand. Maybe they’re right, but having seen the raw photos, I don’t think so today.

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Reports are already in of Mustafa Abu al-Yazid, al Qaeda’s commander in Afghanistan, taking responsibility for the assassination of Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan today. Al Qaeda already took responsibility for the first unsuccessful attempt on Bhutto’s life back in October. In some slight potential good news, they are claiming they did it just because they disliked her and her desire to root them out of western Pakistan and not as a favor to current PM Uncle Pervy before possibly attacking us (like they did for the Taliban back in 2001). Yeah, no, we’re not really sure that it makes us feel safer, but we’d it like to. [ABC News]

Former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto was assassinated today in Rawalpindi, Pakistan after attending a political rally. After someone pumped her full of lead, a suicide bomber detonated his load in her crowd of supporters, probably to slow emergency services enough to assure the shooting was successful. We would normally probably snark, but we also recall that Al-Qaeda assassinated Northern Alliance leader Ahmed Shah Massoud as sort of a favor/thank-you gesture to the Taliban on September 9, 2001 to ensure their continued protection, so we’re sorta just going to hide under the covers for a couple of days. [Washington Post]

Barack Hussein Obama has a lot in common with a certain other Senator who wanted to be President, according to Newsweek: MORE »

In all the pretend mourning for America’s pretend president, the comical stories of Ford’s two would-be assassin gals is probably the weirdest yet most-ignored aspect of his brief time at the White House.

Here are some fun facts: On two separate occasions just 17 days apart, two women attempted to kill Gerald Ford in California — and if not for a last-minute blunder by the women themselves, either attempt could’ve very well put Ford in the Michigan dirt 30 years ago.

Let’s meet the creepy gals, after the jump.

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