assassination
Ron Paul Supporter So Lonely, Would Like A Visit From The Secret Service Too Please
Isn’t it great how Election Season brings out the best in all of us, making us ever delight in doing more and better for our fellow man? (And womyn, ladies!) Also, isn’t it terrific how Election Season makes us all very very smart and intelligent? USA! Well, we have another winner in the newest let’s-all-murder-one-another-for-democracy [...]
The Secret Service Would Like A Quiet Moment With Ted Nugent
Celebrated guitar-plucking analberry Ted Nugent caused quite the stir with this delightfully braindead comment the other day: “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” Heh indeedy, what? Perhaps that was an “assassination joke,” or he was just chugging lighter [...]
Geezers Charged With Terror Plot Inspired By Fox News ‘Expert’
The Year of Rage is moving along nicely: The four elderly Georgia men arrested for their alleged plot to kill a bunch of federal employees and simultaneously attack a half-dozen cities with poison and some other Rage Batman stuff were all inspired by a Fox News personality’s insanely inspirational novel about killing all the evil [...]
Tea Party Lady Is Disappointed Her Obama Assassination Joke Was Not a Hit
Oh yawn, here is another Tea Party person who has taken to The Facebook to say possibly inappropriate things about our President and First Lady. What are they this time, socialist Kenyans? Hitler and Mrs. Hitler? WRONG! They are people who should be pushed out of a moving aircraft, according to a terrible joke that [...]
Osama Bin Laden Directive: Don’t Bother Killing Joe Biden
“He talks about targeting priorities,” the counterterror official said. “He says the president is of course the top target if you could get a shot at him. Also the military chiefs like the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the defense secretary, top military people. There is a note indicating that the vice president [...]
Michelle Obama Survives Near-Fatal Near-Miss Airplane Non-Crash
The entire American world is freaking out right now, according to the home pages of every single American news source, because Michelle Obama was nearly killed in what is being shrugged off as a “landing mishap.” The plane carrying our FLOTUS was only three miles away from a military C-17 instead of the required five [...]
Student Charged With Trying To Blow Up George W. Bush
A young college student from Saudi Arabia who studied chemical engineering in Texas purchased explosive chemicals over the Internet as part of a plan to hide bomb materials inside dolls and baby carriages to blow up dams, nuclear plants or the Dallas home of former President George W. Bush, the Justice Department said Thursday. That [...]
Sarah Palin, Martin Luther King Pretty Much the Same Person
What’s that moving rhetoric and stunning cadence we hear? It couldn’t be Martin Luther King, Jr., because he’s — oh! It’s Sarah Palin! Sometimes we confuse the two, seeing as they are basically the same person.
Loughner’s Annoying Dad Bothered Him On Way To Alleged Murders
Saturday’s shooting spree and attempted assassination in Arizona is a story of senseless violence, mental instability, but also bravery. But also also, it is a story of dads being dads. Dads: Why won’t they leave you alone? Why are they constantly asking you to turn down the music up there? Why are they always trying [...]
Doctor Says Giffords Has ’100 Percent’ Chance of Survival (Suck It, NPR)
“Well, I would say — you know, as a physician I am going to get in a lot of trouble for this — but her prognosis for survival is 100 percent, as far as it being short term,” Dr. Peter Rhee told Britain’s Channel 4 News. “I mean, hopefully she’ll live to be 95 years [...]
Joe Manchin Says He Doesn’t Hunt People With Gun, Just Stacks of Paper
Sen. Joe Manchin saw some Republican candidates in the midterms using heated rhetoric about using their guns on people, so he decided he had to do it too. So he went hunting for a wild cap-and-trade bill on some coon trail and shot it in slow motion with his sexy shotgun. Did he field dress [...]
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