Tag: assassination

Be vewwy quiet. I'm hunting Dewegates!

Ted Cruz Supports Gun Control, To Protect Ted Cruz

Hey, Ted Cruz, what's your next cool fundraiser idea? Wow, a chance for some lucky gun-humping donor to go shootin' with the senator? That sounds like more fun than staying up all night playing RISK with Rand Paul! Funny thing...
Again, a little explosion would have made it OK

WND Thrilled To Bitses With Exploding Obama Head In Kingsman: Secret Service

Remember how it was INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL when some British filmmakers made a movie that practically nobody saw, imagining the assassination of George W. Bush? Rush Limbaugh called the director of Death of a President a "sicko," Congresscritic Peter King gave...
(not one of the trucks in question, for you sticklers for accuracy)

Asshat Wankers Celebrate Lincoln’s Birthday By Thanking John Wilkes Booth

Our old frenemies at the neo-Confederate League of the South (who just love that photo up there so much) are really getting into the holiday spirit, taking a moment to recognize Abraham Lincoln's birthday by thanking John Wilkes Booth...

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks With The Right Dynamic For the New Frontier

We told you last week that we were finished with the 1950s and moving into the '60s, and we are -- but by a quirk of editing, both of our history textbooks for the Christian school market have shoehorned...

New York Man Arrested Before He Could Shoot GW Bush, Win Daughter Barbara’s Love In A Dying America

So here is a thing that happened: A New York man armed with a rifle, boxes of ammunition and a machete was arrested Friday after allegedly threatening to kill former President George W. Bush, according to a federal court complaint. Apparently,...

Super Secret Spy Man Jim Garrow Survives Obama’s (Or Satan’s) Latest Attempt To Kill Him

We hope you'll indulge our fondness for the paranoid ravings of Jim Garrow, the "CIA spy" who likes to tell radio talk show wingnut Erik Rush all about Barack Obama's secret plans to nuke America and to fool us...

Nice Lady Prophet Explains How Her 6-Year-Old’s Tummy Ache Stopped God From Assassinating Ronald Reagan

Right here is some actual evidence of the power of prayer, so all you atheists just shut up. Cindy Jacobs, a self-proclaimed "respected prophet" who a few years ago repented for all the lesbians and their "girl-on-girl kissing," told...

Assassination Joke Sheriff Very Sorry All You ‘Nazis’ Can’t Keep Your Hurtful Criticism To Yourself

Hey, remember like four hours ago, when we cadged a post from ThinkProgress about that nice young sheriff with the slick comedy stylings about murdering the president? Well ThinkProgress has an update, which they've stoled from the "Plymouth Patch,"...

Ron Paul Supporter So Lonely, Would Like A Visit From The Secret Service Too Please

Isn't it great how Election Season brings out the best in all of us, making us ever delight in doing more and better for our fellow man? (And womyn, ladies!) Also, isn't it terrific how Election Season makes us...

The Secret Service Would Like A Quiet Moment With Ted Nugent

Celebrated guitar-plucking analberry Ted Nugent caused quite the stir with this delightfully braindead comment the other day: "If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next...

Bin Laden’s Plot to Assassinate Obama: Not Close, No Cigar

Poor Osama Bin Laden. All he wanted was endless jihad and to assassinate his fellow terrorist Muslim Mr. B. Hussein Obama, and what did he get? Not another day older, for one. (You know the rest.) Anyhoo, looks like...

Wingnut Michael ‘Savage’ Weiner: Breitbart Was Assassinated

Second-rate AM radio jackass Michael "Savage" Weiner has an important insight regarding the collapse and death of blogger Andrew Breitbart on a sidewalk Wednesday night: It was maybe an assassination! After all, Breitbart liked to go around claiming he...

Geezers Charged With Terror Plot Inspired By Fox News ‘Expert’

The Year of Rage is moving along nicely: The four elderly Georgia men arrested for their alleged plot to kill a bunch of federal employees and simultaneously attack a half-dozen cities with poison and some other Rage Batman stuff...

Tea Party Lady Is Disappointed Her Obama Assassination Joke Was Not a Hit

Oh yawn, here is another Tea Party person who has taken to The Facebook to say possibly inappropriate things about our President and First Lady. What are they this time, socialist Kenyans? Hitler and Mrs. Hitler? WRONG! They are...

Osama Bin Laden Directive: Don’t Bother Killing Joe Biden

"He talks about targeting priorities," the counterterror official said. "He says the president is of course the top target if you could get a shot at him. Also the military chiefs like the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of...

Michelle Obama Survives Near-Fatal Near-Miss Airplane Non-Crash

The entire American world is freaking out right now, according to the home pages of every single American news source, because Michelle Obama was nearly killed in what is being shrugged off as a "landing mishap." The plane carrying...