Wonkette

The New York Times Magazine’s Deborah Solomon has a reputation for being very “forward” in her weekly interviews. Or sometimes it’s just very unprepared, like that time she asked Stephen Colbert about his dad, and Colbert said his dad died in a plane crash when he was 10, and Solomon responded, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Ha ha, weird! She is terribly awkward, which made this Sunday’s interview with Florida’s secretly gay Governor Charlie Crist such a profound occasion. MORE »

A Wonkette Senate operative has informed us that Idaho Sen. Larry Craig is on the Senate floor now, and “he’s talking about the ‘Craig Does Act,’ and said ‘we adjusted ourselves a little bit’ referencing ‘the no zone’ as well.” Yes folks, it’s true: Larry Craig is a major player in Congressional efforts to end the ban on domestic drilling (for oil), with his very special “Craig D.O.E.S. Act,” which seeks to alleviate “Pain at the Pump.” Craig reasons that once America gets used to being drilled, the pumps won’t be as painful. [Sen. Larry Craig]

In an interview with Beliefnet, Mike Huckabee says some things that will shock no one:

Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again. I think the radical position is to make a change in what’s been historic.

After the jump, we try our best to parse this wonky legalese. MORE »

Senator Larry Craig was in court again today arguing that he ought to be allowed to withdraw his guilty plea in the whole bathroom sex thing that was totally a mistake because he is TOTALLY NOT GAY. His lawyers continue to argue that since he didn’t actually engage in the ass- or face-fucking that he was TOTALLY NOT LOOKING FOR anyway, he didn’t really commit a crime. Seriously, Larry, you’re gay and everyone knows. Stop wasting everyone’s time and Minnesotans’ money and slink away like you did the first time.

Just kidding! Well, he does say it’s a sin, and that he’s a sinner but he’s totes not a man who would choose that gay lifestyle because the “traditional concept of sexual behavior” is breeding, period. The danger with sex today, people, is that homosexuality is one of many “publicly endorsed and institutionally supported aberrations.” Other publicly endorsed aberrations, according to Huckles, include sadomasochism, pedophilia and necrophilia.

Ok, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these Christian conservative types? Does anyone else, anywhere, spend this much time thinking about other people having sex that isn’t doing so in order to masturbate, plan their next porno, or write for Fleshbot? Let alone, does anyone spend this much time equating the guy-on-guy anal action with fucking dead people, little kids or animals? Like, how does that even occur to you? Candidates are being assassinated in Pakistan and people are dying in Kenya over rigged elections and thousands of Americans and Iraqis are dead in Iraq because of a war we started for (apparently) no good reason and their feeble little minds are totally filled with thoughts of how God doesn’t want people to to engage in ass fucking because you can’t have babies? Jeebus Motherfucking Christ, I’m ready to start drinking now. Bring on the New Motherfucking Year.

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

Why would you ever want to be a political cartoonist? Sure, you might love poverty and labels and repetitive motion injuries and ink stains that never wash out, but you that’s not enough. You have to really want to make a visceral connection with your readers. You have to aim to hit them where they live. One of the best ways to do that is to build your cartoons around some of the most basic, primal, dare I say biological desires that lurk in the human mind. This week, after the jump, we have six cartoons based around those most fundamental human functions: fucking and shitting. Read on, if you dare. MORE »

Great news, everybody: The long-lost Giant Earth Anus has been rediscovered! The Knights Templar had carefully guarded the butthole’s location in the Holy Land, but it was later located by either Indiana Jones or William S. Burroughs. And now the Israeli Army Men have found it again! Mystics and Nostradamus and Bob Novak have long predicted that the rediscovery of the Giant Anus would lead to a new era of rampant, constant ass-fucking from the House to the Senate to airport and train station men’s rooms all around the world.

Gazans dig for profit [IDF/Reuters]

And then they got him high and fucked him in the bathroom, the end.

More hot Bush Twins-on-Elmo pix, after the jump.

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* “In a better-lit area of the warehouse, a construction project was underway: Two workers were building a maze of eight-foot-high cubicles for the ‘glory-hole’ portion of the premises. [City Desk]
* “Screech is an asshole.” [Green Canary]
* “Some of my passengers were bitching and moaning when they found out about the new fare and I can feel your pain but you have to understand that besides the rising fuel costs, my insurance, vehicle repair, dispatch fee, license & registration, the bribes at the inspection station and my hooker bills are going up also.” [Diary of a Mad Cabbie]
* “As punishment for having hormone-charged sebaceous glands and a superior intellect, My Bully would push me to the ground and call me a FAG, which, for some ironic reason, stood for ‘Female Ass Grabber.’” [Ar-jew-tino]
* “I mean, I don’t stick things up my ass.” [Eavesdrop DC]