Quoth the Anonymous Hill Staffer: “You write AAHS with the questions you have, not the questions you want.” Not that he means that as an insult to you, dear, questioning, readers. It’s just that AHS isn’t questioning, and is growing disturbed at how much of an expert he’s proving to be in the queerer elements of congressional life. We say: keep up the homo stuff, it’s hilarious. Questions involving boring heterosexual sex are also welcome, of course, and if they’re from hot chicks, AHS will probably give you an answer in person. The guy’s desperate.

Find out how desperate, after the jump.

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This week, on an all-new installment of Ask a Hill Staffer: History! And violence! And sex! It’s a trip down memory lane, from ancient Senate Lore to those faded days of glory holes to intoxicated reflecting pool madcappery, all courtesy our good friend, the Anonymous Hill Staffer.

AHS, back at work along with our elected officials (and always looking to answer your questions), was fairly terse when delivering this installment. “Nothing special this week: drugs, gays, and caning.” And that’s what you have to look forward to, after the jump.

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And now, a brief respite from the Massacrette to say hello to our friend the Anonymous Hill Staffer. AHS went a little long answering your questions this week, but he had a good reason: Congress is on Spring Break and he’s bored. He also wanted us to let you know that despite the sarcasm and the funny-ha-ha bits, his answers — especially this week’s batch — are based in cold, hard fact. So deal with it. As usual, your questions will be duly filed, forwarded, and answered.

Presenting, after the jump, seemy Congressional substance abuse, narcissism, and cash money.

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Hey, guys — you kinda dropped the ball last week. There were like four questions submitted to our Anonymous Hill Staffer. You can do better than that — help us keep AHS entertained during Congressional Spring Break (they still make the staffers go to work!), he’ll help keep you entertained every Wednesday.

This week, violence, advice, and deep-seated shame. Like always, really. All that and high-seas adventure, after the jump.

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All we can say is that our Anonymous Hill Staffer needs to get laid. There is notable lack of actual sex and a surfeit of the simulated variety this week, as well as a couple lessons in increasing your word power (among other things).

AHS also let us know that he’d been drinking less than usual this week, because, apparently, a lot of work has to get done in Congress before everyone skips town on Friday. It’s Jesus’ fault, natch. “It’s his birthday or his anniversary coming up next week, so everyone’s going home to be act like they’re good Jesus-lovers.” On that note, this week’s installment of Ask A Hill Staffer is after the jump.

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Our good friend the Anonymous Hill Staffer seems to be in a bit of a bad mood this week, but fear not — he did let us know that with Spring springing (or so we hear, we haven’t left our apartment during daylight hours for a week at least), the skintern season shall soon begin in earnest. So his answers to next week’s questions ought to be a bit more cheerful, if also a bit distracted.

This week, a very civic-minded edition covers working for Congress, sex again, and a wonderful idea for the Reagan memorial.

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Here’s what our Anonymous Hill Staffer had to say when he sent this one in: “I’d just like to point out that I started these sober, but finished them drunk (as we’ve been drinking in the office for the last two hours).” Looks like someone stopped by Schneider

It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means: 25

“Boy,” you say to yourself. “There are a lot of things about the workings of our legislative branch that weren’t covered by Schoolhouse Rock. Where can I go to learn all that stuff the Liberal Edutainment Industry doesn’t want me to know?”

Right here, chief. We got ourselves a pet Hill Staffer who’s dying to hear from you. He wants nothing more than to answer your questions. This week, Unnamed Junior Offical covers congressional sex (again — you people really need a hobby), official letters from MAVERICKS, and, naturally, soup. Catch up on your civics, after the jump. And make sure to send us more questions by shooting us an email with “Ask a Hill Staffer” in the subject line.

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Ask a Hill Staffer

Our anonymous Hill Staffer works hard, play hard, and answers your questions with the absolute minimum effort required.

Today, in between backrubs for John Conyers and stalking the mysterious new Representative Paula Vaughn, he tells ya’ all about finding a job, eating lunch, and how to dress to impress. Keep those questions coming, people — he almost had to do real work today.

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Last week, we introduced you to our helpful Hill staffer friend. Still recovering, as are most at the Capitol, from his three-day weekend, he sobered up just long enough to answer more of your questions.

Today, our man on the inside tackles (and peppers) Hill living, Hill drinking, hot chicks, and, of course, commemorative flags.

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