Tag Archives: ashley judd

  if we weren't all crazy we'd just go insane

Mitch McConnell’s Crack Oppo Researchers Reveal: Ashley Judd Is A Democrat!

There are some secret tapes of Mitch McConnell only talking, don’t be gross — and it appears the man is worse than we ever thought, in the how is he even able to dress himself much less be a Senator? way. When Ashley Judd said she was thinking hard about a possible run for Mitch’s seat, McConnell and his opposition research team went into action: “They want to fight? We’re ready,” he declared. McConnell was serious: Later that day, he was huddling with aides in a private meeting to discuss how to attack his possible Democratic foes, including actor/activist Ashley Judd, who was then contemplating challenging the minority leader. During this strategy session—a recording of which was obtained by Mother Jones—McConnell and his aides considered assaulting Judd for her past struggles with depression and for her religious views. McConnel’s crack team of Super-slueths, Moe, Curley, and Shemp, er um Phil, Josh, and Jesse dug deep into all things Ashley Judd. Jesse apparently had the brilliant idea that he could suss out the skinny on Ms. Judd through the brilliant tactic of reading her autobiography, which was really, really hard for Jesse, because you just know he has to move his lips when he reads to sound out the words. And what “nuggets” as they aptly called them, though probably not for the reasons they think, did they find? Read more on Mitch McConnell’s Crack Oppo Researchers Reveal: Ashley Judd Is A Democrat!…
  comedy is not pretty

Steven Crowder’s Attempt At An Ashley Judd Rape Joke Somehow Makes Daniel Tosh Seem Endearing

Oh sweet merciful christ the annual khaki-ed klavern that is CPAC has finally ended and thus we can start following less disgusting displays of retrograde political insanity, like sequester budget debates or public lynchings. Sadly, however, there is one more “story” to report from this pasty-fleshed convention from hell, and it involves everyone’s favorite bastard offspring of Dennis Miller and Phyllis Schlafly, the ignoble glass-jawed future Senator known as Steven Crowder. It seems as if Mr. Macho Insecurity took a dramatic break from his usual YouTubed fits of transparent homophobic rage and condescendingly idiotic articles about his perfect marriage and instead made a crack about Ashley Judd and rape, which was (not surprisingly) about as funny as a tumor: Read more on Steven Crowder’s Attempt At An Ashley Judd Rape Joke Somehow Makes Daniel Tosh Seem Endearing…
  it's aliiiiiiive

In Bid To Out-Hollywood Ashley Judd, Mitch McConnell Campaign Releases Dystopian Horror Film

Since Mitch McConnell’s campaign released its terrifying horror movie “McConnell Shake,” and now owns every Youth Vote and also the Vote of every Kentuckian who loves French Surrealism (and they are, of course, legion), Ashley Judd is probably gonna have to show her boobs a whole lot more. Read more on In Bid To Out-Hollywood Ashley Judd, Mitch McConnell Campaign Releases Dystopian Horror Film…
  naked people and the things they do

Daily Caller To Ashley Judd: We Saw Your Boobs

Daily Caller Entertainment Editor Taylor Bigler, fresh from her previous Pulitizer-nominated work discussing Obama’s dick-like signature, attempted to do her part for the Sheldon Adelson Pennysaver’s campaign attacking potential Senate candidate Ashley Judd. As Bigler is a serious journalist assigned to covering the world of celebrities and Royalty weight gain, she decided to abandon even the pretense of subtlety or good taste in focusing her article on Judd’s career of nude scenes. Why? BECAUSE BARE TITTIES ARE RELEVANT TO EVERYTHING THATS WHY. Read more on Daily Caller To Ashley Judd: We Saw Your Boobs…
  woman of wealth and taste

Conservatives Attacking Ashley Judd Mistakenly Focus On Her Awesome Political Beliefs Instead Of Her Crappy Movies

Vagina-American Ashley Judd is rumored to be in the early stages of a establishing a campaign against Senate Minority leader and real life one-dimensional House of Cards stereotype Mitch McConnell. Judd would enter the race with excellent financing, is universally well known, and is a genuinely nice person who devotes her time to fighting sexual violence in the Congo. Given Judd’s appeal, Republicans are understandably freaking out at the prospect of her facing a cynically evil power broker whose face also functions as an art school entrance exam. Their response therefore has been focused on the subtle and delicate political message of telling Kentucky voters that SHE’S A WITCH- BURN HER WITH FIRE: By getting in the race with this sort of baggage, Judd runs the risk of being portrayed as a Todd Akin-esque candidate – meaning voters simply decide she’s unqualified to serve as a senator, because her comments are so outrageous and extreme that people can’t bring themselves to vote for her. So is the Daily Caller always going to have to explicitly state for its readers why Todd Akin’s “Rape Babies are Kewl” stance was a bad thing in terms of his electoral chances? Read more on Conservatives Attacking Ashley Judd Mistakenly Focus On Her Awesome Political Beliefs Instead Of Her Crappy Movies…
 

Wonk’d: You Go. Really, Go.

Multiple DCCapitolFileStyle parties and the premier of a Clooney movie provided a little more star power than usual to the scene. Sightings of bonafide stars, arrested activists, and potential presidential candidates are sent in by readers. Send yours to m("tips","wonkette.com",true);. In this issue: Judd, Hawke, Strathairn, Clooney, Boggs, Washington, Sheehan, Clinton. Read more on Wonk’d: You Go. Really, Go….
 

Gossip Roundup: Big Easy Drinks

• Names & Faces: “Save New Orleans Cocktail Hour” comes to Washington on Monday. . . Capitol File, a “346-page upscale glossy” magazine, launches today; premiere issue features Ashley Judd, Arianna Huffington, Al Sharpton, Wolf Blitzer. [WP] • Inside the Beltway: Lewinsky reportedly dropped her Jenny Craig contract, losing the majority of $2.1m pay-out. [WT] • Page Six: David Letterman: “I realize that my show was in trouble the other night when the White House dispatched former presidents Bush and Clinton over to the studio.”. . . Madeleine Albright at the Waldorf-Astoria: “And to think, John Bolton is sleeping in my bed! I hate to think what else he’s up to up there!” [NYP] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Big Easy Drinks…