In the wake of the massacre of children at Sandy Hook Elementary (as well as the alarming violent trend in its aftermath), you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Hey, I really need a gun.” Or you already exercise your rights to the fullest, and you’re thinking, “Hey, I really need more guns.” Either way, you’re sick […]

Somehow, we completely missed the news that Asheville, NC, is one big reeking “cesspool of sin,” according to State Sen. Jim Forrester, one of the chief backers of that state’s idiotic ban on gay marriage and all civil unions. But apparently hordes of street evangelists heard about it, and so they descended on Asheville’s annual […]

Every day, President Obama wakes up beside Rahm Emanuel (they are both naked) and wonders how he can force you stupid fucks to retroactively abort your children. This is his primary goal, as Commander-in-Chief. And then he gets up and does other things. One of the things “he” (as in the slaves he employs) has […]

What are you doing this weekend, average Wonkette reader? Replacing that blow-up sex doll you stabbed mercilessly last weekend? Come on, this is the sixth one, when will you be content with sexing it “normally”? ANYWAY, Barack Obama and family are spending their weekend at Asheville, North Carolina’s luxurious Grove Park Inn Resort & Golf […]