Tag Archives: art

  In which we have "feelings" and bullshit like that

A Sappy Love Letter From Your Gay Wonkette, About America Getting Gay Marriaged In The Butt

That's yr gay Wonkette's niece. She's actually a wingnut, but her parents pose her for pictures like this.
Thursday night, I sat in my parents’ front yard just outside Memphis and looked at the house where I spent my teenage years. I wasn’t intending to have either Poignant Thoughts or A Moment, I just wanted to smoke a cigarette. (SHUT UP, I AM QUITTING.) I looked at the windows of my old bedroom and suddenly remembered, “Oh, tomorrow might be the day.” And then, surprisingly but not out of nowhere, I remembered the early ’90s, when I started to realize I was “different.” Well, I already knew THAT. I was a weird kid: I’d been playing piano since the age of four and reading since two; I was not all that athletic (I’m being generous); and I was just generally WEIRD. Suddenly, as I hit puberty, I realized that all those sexxxy thoughts I was having were about the boys in my class, not the girls. Read more on A Sappy Love Letter From Your Gay Wonkette, About America Getting Gay Marriaged In The Butt…
  The KKK Took My Baby Away And Ate My Homework

Poor Dears At U Of Iowa Terribly Upset By Anti-Racist Art Piece. Makeup Tests For Everyone!

Even the far-left liberal blog Wonkette says you don't get a free pass over art that bothers you
The University of Iowa has urged faculty members to let students miss or re-take tests if they were upset over some campus art that was SUPER RACIST (because it addressed racism). Apparently some students were so broken up over either the artwork itself — or the controversy surrounding its removal by the university — that they simply couldn’t get their schoolwork done. Letting students ignore their assignments because they had really strong feelings about a work of art strikes us as maybe a bad idea? Read more on Poor Dears At U Of Iowa Terribly Upset By Anti-Racist Art Piece. Makeup Tests For Everyone!…
  paint one for the gipper

Muscle Reagan Will Watch Over Staten Island

Sun’s out guns out, Staten Island! Behold Saint Ronald of the Rippling Biceps, Vanquisher of Russia and Crusher of Pull-Up Sets, conveniently located next to A Vape Lounge, where all the cool kids are vaping right now and you’re not even invited. So this is a mural, and it’s made by a man named Scott LoBaido, who really goes all-in on the AMERICA LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT thing. Here is a [sic]’d word slurry from Scott LoBaido’s website about his very favorite art he ever drawed: His greatest creative accomplishment thus far was “Flags across America” where he drove across the United States, in 10 months, and painted a large American flag on one rooftop in each of the 50 states. His goal was to ensure that all soldiers flying home from war would look down and see an American Flag greeting them home … Scott’s mission was to make sure that the soldiers knew how grateful we all are for their service to this great country, and to acknowledge the families of these great men and women, and of coarse express his pride in being a free American. And if you’re thinking, “Phew, I am not a trashy Staten Islander; this stuff might as well be in Montana,” THINK AGAIN, because Muscle Reagan is going to liberate Queens Boulevard soon. Read more on Muscle Reagan Will Watch Over Staten Island…
  soviet kitsch

Wingnut Blogs Freak Out: Jay Carney’s Kitchen Is Breeding Bolsheviks!

Here’s the latest rightwing freakout that doesn’t involve cows: Sharp-eyed observers noticed a couple of Soviet propaganda posters in the background of a photo of White House press secretary Jay Carney’s kitchen that ran in a fluff piece for Washingtonian Magazine. Reaction was swift: Barack Obama is surrounded by communists who live in nice houses. Eric Owens at Daily Caller describes the photo of the Carneys’ “dacha” as showing a “vast spread of fruits, meat and breads of all kinds…fit for an extended family of Slavic monarchs.” Jeff Allen at Matt Barber’s BarbWire asks, Might these be collectivist subliminal messages? Or maybe it confirms President Barack Obama’s socialist/communist leanings as demonstrated in the selection of the members of his administration? We’d really like to think they’re just something Carney picked up right before the photo shoot, just to piss off wingnuts. But yes, this is definitely a smoking gun of some kind, Inpeach, yawn, oh my goodness yes, it is pretty much over for Barack Hussein Obama and his terrifying plans to turn America into a communist hellhole just like Nazi Germany. Read more on Wingnut Blogs Freak Out: Jay Carney’s Kitchen Is Breeding Bolsheviks!…
  puts the pain in painting

Darn It W, Quit Being So Adorable With All These Paintings

Did you ever have a dog that sucked? Maybe it was always crashing into stuff like an idiot, and dripping poop all over the house because it ate some awful thing, and nobody could ever train it because it was especially dumb, even in dog terms? Here’s the weird thing about these dogs: even if they inspire near-universal disdain when they’re around, as soon as they’re gone people tend to think of them more fondly. Not everyone is like that. Some people never forgive the endless shitting and crashing. But a lot of people do. Basically, George W. Bush is like the president version of that dog. Around this time last year, he was about as popular as Obama, having gained roughly 20 points since leaving office. Well, get ready for more of that because W appeared on the Today Show with his visually appealing daughter Jenna to show and tell a bunch of new paintings of world leaders, and they’re actually not bad! Goddamnit! Read more on Darn It W, Quit Being So Adorable With All These Paintings…
  the wages of sin

Mean New York Lady Judge Tells Strip Club Lap Dances Are Taxable

Sorry, New York City strip club aficionados, but you are probably going to be shelling out a bit more coin to naked ladies who pretend to like you for a few moments, because the New York State Division of Tax Appeals recently ruled that lap dances are not artistic performances and are therefore taxable. Read more on Mean New York Lady Judge Tells Strip Club Lap Dances Are Taxable…
  this is why we can't have nice things

Wellesley Women Don’t Know Much About Art But They Know What They Don’t Like

Wellesley womyn, we applaud you. You saw an injustice, and you demanded change. Oh, wait, no. You saw a piece of art, “The Sleepwalker” by Tony Matelli, and said it was offensive and scared you and triggered you and made you feel “unsafe,” and demanded it be removed because BAD ART! BAD! “[T]his highly lifelike sculpture has, within just a few hours of its outdoor installation, become a source of apprehension, fear, and triggering thoughts regarding sexual assault for many members of our campus community,” says the petition, which was penned by student Lauren Walsh. “While it may appear humorous, or thought-provoking to some, it has already become a source of undue stress for many Wellesley College students, the majority of whom live, study, and work in this space.” Read more on Wellesley Women Don’t Know Much About Art But They Know What They Don’t Like…
  Contemporary Fart

Great American Artist George Zimmerman Is Tired Of Being Evil Jasper Johns, Is Now Evil Shepard Fairey

Who is the most famous contemporary American artist? It’s debatable, but probably George Zimmerman. We are being serious. Jesus fudge, we really are. Prolific, too! Here is his latest: a monochrome horror smear of Angela Corey, the Florida prosecutor who had the nerve to charge the nascent artist with murder even though it was legal to kill Trayvon Martin because there were no witnesses. The thing has words on it, about the American judicial system, and how this lady does not respect it. It’s a tour de force of ironic juxtaposition, as well as a turgid commentary on intellectual property and postmodernism, as evinced by its potent use of the Shepard Fairey Hope Generator. Read more on Great American Artist George Zimmerman Is Tired Of Being Evil Jasper Johns, Is Now Evil Shepard Fairey…
  wonkette world o' books

Sundays With The Christianists: In Great Artist Jon McNaughton’s Novel, Wingnuts Finally Win Every Argument

Sternums up, everybody! Time to wrap up our visit to the mind of Great American Artist Of America Jon McNaughton, as revealed in his teen novel Knight of the Superstitions. It’s a stirring tale of a young Mary Sue named Josh Knight, who with the help of his guardian angel Nathaniel becomes adept at seeing and defeating the surprisingly boring demons and other evil influences that plague our world. Last week we looked at Josh’s spiritual journey, such as it is; this week, we’ll take a look at the book’s very insightful political content, although we suppose McNaughton would say there’s no difference. So strap on your Spiritual Armor — we recommend strong coffee or maybe a Bloody Mary — and we’ll watch Josh strike a blow for liberty against the oppression of liberal education. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: In Great Artist Jon McNaughton’s Novel, Wingnuts Finally Win Every Argument…
  wonkette world o' books

Sundays With The Christianists Special Report: Great Artist Jon McNaughton Wrote A Novel About God, Angels, And Good Posture

We’re going to take a short break from our American history textbooks for homeschoolers, because Alert Reader “Blanche” tipped us off to a self-published booklike object that we somehow missed when it splashed into the internet in late July: Great American Artist Jon McNaughton has written a novel that does for Teen Fiction what Christian Rock did for music. McNaughton took a little time away from painting Patriotic Classics like “Jesus Hands Washington the Constitution,” “Obama Burns the Constitution,” and “Bro Shames Democrat Preznits By Holding Up The Magically Unburnt Constitution,” so he could write a book. A book for young people, full of magic and imagination and wonder, with all the subtlety of McNaughton’s art. It is called Knight of the Superstitions, and it is easily the equal of the “Harry Potter” books, in that it contains words and can be purchased as an e-book. It’s getting rave reader reviews* on Amazon, which means that a whole bunch of homeschooled teens are going to have it dumped on them, poor things. We read it so you won’t have to. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists Special Report: Great Artist Jon McNaughton Wrote A Novel About God, Angels, And Good Posture…
  snark for art's sake

Glenn Beck Doesn’t Know Much About Art, But He Knows What He Likes (Jesus, Furries, The Chick From Reno 911, Black Velvet)

As part of his insane “Man In The Moon” event in Salt Lake City that will save America yet again this weekend, Glenn Beck has some art for you all to enjoy. It’s hardly the earth-shattering game-changing revelation that he promised within 24 hours, three weeks ago, but it’s still art. We like Art, especially if we call it “ort” like Molly Ivins did. It’s purdy. And after you visit this collection of what TheBlaze pitches as “Stunning Paintings Intended to Restore Americans’ Confidence in God, Morality and the Declaration of Independence,” we are certain that you will agree: Utah produces Ort like Texas produces pregnant men. There’s just so much to say about this gallery of inspirational schlock, starting with, “Nice try, guys, but you’re still no Jon McNaughton. This piece, “Covenant Makers,” by Mike Malm, comes close, but while it’s McNaughtonesque in its deployment of emotional images and totally subtle symbolism, it lacks the bugfuck craziness that makes McNaughton without peer in the Wingnut Art world. Buckle up, because we are about to submit you to several wastes of perfectly good black velvet. Read more on Glenn Beck Doesn’t Know Much About Art, But He Knows What He Likes (Jesus, Furries, The Chick From Reno 911, Black Velvet)…
  clear skies initiative joke here

Let’s All Enter Utah’s ‘We Love Oil And Gas’ Poster Contest, For Earth Day!

This post brought to you by the auspices of the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil-Spill Blogging. Attention, Wonkrinis! The Beehive State is throwing an Earth Day poster contest, with the very excellent theme of “Where Would WE Be Without Oil, Gas & Mining?” and we know ever so many of you would like to join! Let us read the mission statement, together! •To improve students’ and the public’s awareness of the important role that oil, gas, and mining play in our everyday lives. • To highlight how modern mining and petroleum extraction techniques and reclamation methods minimize environmental impacts while providing society with the raw materials required to have our high standard of living. • To allow teachers to combine natural resources, science, and social studies education with individual creativity and artistic skill for an activity that meets several learning objectives in the science and social studies curricula. Cool Earth Day project, Utah! We will enter you now! Read more on Let’s All Enter Utah’s ‘We Love Oil And Gas’ Poster Contest, For Earth Day!…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama Does Topless Magazine Cover For Filthy Europeans

Here is the great news for those of us who have longed for some FLOTUS in our lives these past few days: Michelle Obama is involved in another scandal again, and surprise surprise, it involves Spain and France and being an African and, oh wait, NUDITY. And once our nation’s bucket hat-wearing slobs and zombie white ladies finish fantasizing about what Clint Eastwood would say to them if they were an empty chair (gross!) they will probably get around to being “appalled” that our First Lady is a naked slave on a foreign magazine. Or they will fight for as many copies as they can get their creepy, trembling hands on. Actually, they will probably experience both of these reactions simultaneously. So what now, Ann Romney, homemaker/equestrian? Read more on Michelle Obama Does Topless Magazine Cover For Filthy Europeans…
  uhhh

Wasilla Authorities Censor Giant Vagina

Local authorities in the exurban slush slum of Wasilla, Alaska, have taken direct action to stop a large, weird vagina from getting any additional media attention. The Mat-Su Frontiersman (?) reports: Read more on Wasilla Authorities Censor Giant Vagina…
  visions of america

A Children’s Treasury of Sincere Comments Praising Wal-Mart

Last week we mentioned that a half-dozen heirs to the Wal-Mart fortune own more than the 100,000,000 Americans at the wrong end of the U.S. Pyramid of Poverty, which is gigantic on the bottom and narrow in the middle and just a teeny tiny point on the top that controls all the wealth in this irredeemably corrupt welfare-capitalism police state of desperate, insane “consumers.” We also noted that one of the heiresses to this outrageous stockpile of American wealth has been throwing around about a billion dollars to construct and fill up a vulgar Fine Art museum in Arkansas, in a ditch behind the Wal-Mart headquarters. Within a few days, we began finding lots and lots of pro-Wal-Mart comments from people who have never commented on Wonkette before. It’s a Festivus miracle! Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Sincere Comments Praising Wal-Mart…
  #occupywalmart

Wal-Mart’s Billions and the Art Museum of Cruelty: A Christmas Carol

Here is a number we’ve seen bouncing around this week that really makes us want to fire up the old Yule Log, in the sense that the “Yule Log” is a tightly bound human centipede of the richest hundred humans in America, lit on fire: The six heirs to the Wal-Mart fortune have about $93 billion between them, more money and financial assets than the combined 100,000,000 Americans at the bottom of our crushing economic system. With half of all Americans now officially poor or “near poor” — which is somehow worse than plain poverty, as “near poor” means you don’t qualify for the minimal safety net this country generously offers some of its most desperate people — it is not a complete surprise that the rich must be very rich indeed these days. But the idea of six heirs to a corporate fortune built upon the destruction of American manufacturing, American small business and the American working class owning more than 30% of the entire nation, well that is the kind of thing that makes us think of Charles Dickens, and the holiday of abject misery and constant war against the impoverished called “Christmastime.” Read more on Wal-Mart’s Billions and the Art Museum of Cruelty: A Christmas Carol…
  fine tit art

Birther Who Described Orly Taitz’s Sex Parts Sells Nude Painting of Her

In an effort to keep yourself from vomiting, you should probably close your eyes as you read this post. Birther Lucas Smith, who was last seen in an affidavit claiming Orly Taitz asked him to perjure himself and also recounting another birther guy’s claims about the narrowness and viscosity of her womanly passages when she was having an extramarital affair with him, has painted and sold a nude portrait entitled “Orly Taitz and her Exhibits,” a seminal work for one lucky eBayer’s seminal fluid. Oh, are you still not vomiting? Let us repeat a sentence from that affidavit: “Orly’s better in bed than 99% of the much younger girls I’ve ever met: you name it, hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter, more of a nympho than I’ve ever met.” There you are. Read more on Birther Who Described Orly Taitz’s Sex Parts Sells Nude Painting of Her…
  boob job

REVEALED: Homophobic Hag Who Attacked Gauguin’s Topless Ladies

The lunatic who attacked the Paul Gauguin masterpiece “Two Tahitian Women” screamed about her hatred of lesbians as she impotently pounded on the clear plastic cover protecting the post-impressionist portrait of a pair of topless Maori gals. The suspect, 53-year-old Susan Burns, screamed “This is very homosexual!” as she attacked the painting on exhibit at Washington’s National Gallery of Art. And then she claimed she has a radio in her head and works for the CIA. Read more on REVEALED: Homophobic Hag Who Attacked Gauguin’s Topless Ladies…
  ferngully snuff porn for murderers

Pentagon’s $600K Toad Fairy Art Least Expensive Thing Pentagon Ever Bought

A $600,000 frog sculpture that lights up, gurgles “sounds of nature” and carries a 10-foot fairy girl on its back could soon be greeting Defense Department employees who plan to start working at the $700 million Mark Center in Alexandria, Va. this fall. That is unless a new controversy over the price tag of the public art doesn’t torpedo the idea. […] Read more on Pentagon’s $600K Toad Fairy Art Least Expensive Thing Pentagon Ever Bought…
  republicans in the news

Maine Governor Broke Law By Removing and Hiding Labor Mural

Teabagger-piglet Paul LePage, who somehow became governor of Maine this year despite winning just 38% of the vote, has been aggressively trying to destroy the public worker unions as per his instructions from the Tea Party (Koch Industries). Just to make sure everyone knew he was going to be an incredible jackass in this attack on the people of Maine, LePage decided the labor history mural in the state’s Department of Labor building was, well, labor oriented. And everybody (Koch Industries) knows that’s a very bad thing, for American workers to be fairly compensated for their labor. So portly wingnut Paul LePage had this 36-foot-long mural ripped out, and then he hid it in an “undisclosed location,” and now it turns out he illegally violated the terms of the contract with the mural’s artist. Read more on Maine Governor Broke Law By Removing and Hiding Labor Mural…
  class war

Maine’s New Teabagger Governor Axes Labor Mural From Dept. of Labor

Still don’t believe it’s a full-on war against workers? It is: “Gov. Paul LePage has ordered the removal of a 36-foot mural depicting Maine’s labor history from the lobby of the Department of Labor. Worker advocates described the move as a ‘mean-spirited’ provocation amid the administration’s high-tension standoff with unions.” LePage is the new GOP/Tea Party governor who squeaked into office with 38% of the vote. And, like Scott Walker and another dozen Kochsuckers waging class war against American Workers from the statehouses, LePage is trying to break up what’s left of the unions and push everybody down to poverty just like his corporate backers want. No rights for workers, and to hell with anyone who complains — unless by “anyone” you mean “a billionaire industrialist who writes nice fat checks, for liberty libertarians.” Read more on Maine’s New Teabagger Governor Axes Labor Mural From Dept. of Labor…