Connecticut’s gearing up for the most important election ever in 2012! “VERNON - A man dressed as a ninja waving nunchucks on a street corner this morning was arrested and charged with breach of peace, police said. Police said they received numerous emergency calls about the man, who was standing on the corner of Route 83 and Regan Road at about 11 a.m. Police said Garland Eastman, 30, of 335 Center Road, was yelling about wanting to beat up U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman, among other diatribes, but he became polite and cooperative after officers started pulling out their bean bags and taser guns.” Eastman/Santelli ‘12. Remember that time Barack Obama beat the shit out of Joe Lieberman on the Senate floor? That was great. [Hartford Courtant via Gothamist]

Were you in northern New Jersey this morning? Ha ha, now you are in jail, maybe! Seems the FBI arbitrarily decided that today would be a good day to just arrest every powerful person for their obvious, constant corruption crimes, and so they did, and now most mayors, rabbis, and “men from Brooklyn” are in jail — for doing business with the Israelis! MORE »

One detail in the “famous Harvard professor whom even non-academics may have seen on that TV special with Oprah looked like scary intruder to neighbor” story that did not make sense was that part where the neighbor — the lady who called the cops was a neighbor — did not recognize the famous Harvard professor trying to get into his own house. Well, now we have our answer: sounds like the scary intruder she spotted may have been his cab driver. MORE »

The very serene and affable Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. was arrested Thursday after a lady called the cops in the middle of the day, reporting that she saw a man apparently trying to break into a nearby house. MORE »

Fancy dancer, kidney transplant recipient, and “America’s Mayor” Marion Barry was arrested for allegedly stalking an ex-ladyfriend. But then the ex said that he hadn’t been stalking her at all, or something? Basically, he met up with this gal for lunch (says Barry’s spokeswoman) and then he ran into her later on in the day, and that is when the cops intervened. MORE »

Alan Keyes wanted to get arrested at Notre Dame and thrown in jail forever so very much that… well he just COULD NOT WAIT until the actually graduation ceremony in nine days! He and some friends were apprehended on the Notre Dame campus today, for trespassing: “Keyes was among a group of 26 protesters, some of them pushing baby carriages with dolls covered in fake blood.” Is your pscyhology all fucked up now, liberals?! Oh. Anyway all of these folks turned down the $250 bail option and will starve to death in this jail… meaning more abortions for the rest of us! [Chicago Breaking News]

Look at this guy, in the photo! WHAT DOES HE DO FOR A LIVING. Does he bowl for a living? Was he an extra in the 1963 part of Goodfellas? Maybe. His name is Brett Mecum and he sells hot cum on the Internet. No, just kidding. Just kidding about his last name. He’s really the executive director of the Arizona Republican Party, and he was arrested in his office yesterday for driving his car super fast. MORE »

C-list Republican media twat John Ziegler, famous for accosting Nate Silver, accosting Max Blumenthal, and politely interviewing Sarah Palin in her home, went to the USC Journalism School the other night for the Walter Cronkite Awards Dinner — honoring Katie Couric, the ENEMY — and apparently wasn’t content to make his fuss in the area reserved for credentialed media on this private property. He cannot understand why campus police then arrest him. MORE »

• BLAGOJEVICH CALLED OUR BARRY A ‘MOTHERFUCKER’! Jesus, show a little respect for the president-elect! From the Politico: “He also appears to think little of the president-elect, whom he calls a ‘motherf***er’ at one point.” [Politico]

• DO NOT MESS WITH BANK OF AMERICA: Hmmm, curious! Just yesterday Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich was cold hangin’ with all the peoples who got fired from the window shoppe and threatening B of A with terrible consequences for cutting off that window shoppe’s line of credit. And TODAY, MYSTERIOUSLY, the Feds show up on the governor’s doorstep and take him into custody on suspicion of being a corrupt bastard. Never before in the history of Illinois has an elected representative of the people been suspected of pay-to-play politics, so you can see how this would concern everyone. (The take-home message is, Bank of America will throw you in jail.) [Chicago Tribune]

Once upon a time there was a city called “Jersey City,” and people moved there to live when Manhattan got too expensive. A gentleman politician from this fine city made headlines this weekend when he urinated in a grand and public fashion on a crowd of people in Washington D.C. MORE »