Wonkette

Normal Americans celebrate Thomas Jefferson by pouring out a 40 on the sidewalk and saying mournfully, “Here’s to you, firecrotch” and then lighting $5 bills on fire. But Libertarians celebrate by dancing in solemn white-people fashion to their own personal iPods, in front of the Jefferson Memorial. And then they get arrested. Well, one of them does. [YouTube]

You know that congressman from Arizona who brought shame on his family of 12 children when he got indicted today in some very complicated scheme that had, unfortunately, nothing to do with attractive lobbyists or underaged congressional pages? Well, there are two things that make his long-anticipated “fall from grace” hilarious even if this scandal is not terribly sexy, gross, or weird. MORE »

Robert Somma, the poor humiliated Bush-appointed bankruptcy judge who was recently arrested in a cocktail dress, fishnets, and stylish pumps after crashing his Mercedes into a pickup while allegedly drunk, announced this weekend that he would resign from his post. MORE »

Poor Judge Robert Somma’s night of harmless dressup fun came to an abrupt and embarrassing end when he got arrested for drunk driving. Last week the Boston-based judge’s wife was out of town, so he put on his most glamorous cocktail dress, slipped on some fishnets and a pair of heels, grabbed his purse, and drove up to New Hampshire for an alleged “two gin and tonics.” Several hours later he rear-ended a pickup with his Mercedes sedan and the rest is humiliating history. MORE »

Redskins offensive lineman Kili Lofuto won’t make today’s game in Green Bay. Turns out he spent the first part of Friday night getting tanked, roughing up some poor bastard and redecorating a restaurant we never heard of. The second half of the night he spent in jail. MORE »

There’s an exciting new website all about what a dick Mitt Romney has been to various people, and it’s all boring except for one page dedicated to Mitt’s many brushes with the Law. Also, it turns out that cornball talk is just an act and he says “fuck” like everybody else. In a weird way, Romney’s arrests sort of make us like him a little bit more, but in other ways they just reinforce that he’s a rich douchesack. MORE »

Talking Points Memo just dug up this amusing anti-homosexual website in Idaho, run by a group of staunch anti-homosexual activists who are also, amusingly, big fans of Senator Larry Craig. Just below a happy photo of the latest Republican politician to be caught hitting up dudes in the public restrooms, there’s a fun post about the gay danger lurking within our nation’s toilet stalls — specifically in the airport restrooms, which of course is where Republican Senator Craig was arrested for soliciting gay sex: MORE »

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