arnold schwarzenegger
In What ‘Sex Act’ Was Arnold Schwarzenegger Engaged When Snapped By Bob Guccione’s Camera?
Some of you are old enough to remember a fine man called Bob Guccione Jr Sr. He was an erudite fellow, not at all disgusting or blobby, and he owned the gentlemen’s gazette Penthouse. This exceptional periodical was like Hustler, but with fewer racist cartoons, and it was most famous for its “Penthouse Coliseum,” to [...]
Maria Shriver Officially Tells Arnold Schwarzenegger To Go Suck It
How was that Fourth of July long weekend? Did everyone act like a real American for one day? Let’s say it was a contest to see who could be the most American of all, and in that case Maria Shriver automatically wins, for officially filing her divorce papers from her cheating politician husband, the stoner robot-with-a-heart Arnold [...]
Arnold Aide Says Governator Always Brought Lusty Ladies To Hotel
Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t just bang his housekeepers all the time, while he was married to a woman apparently living in the same house. Arnold also had “CHP Dignitary Protection Services” officers deliver hot young club girls to the Hyatt in Sacramento where he lived while governatin’ and fornicatin’. This, according to political journals including the [...]
Children’s Comic About Schwarzenegger Mysteriously Halted
For reasons as mysterious as the motivations of superheroes themselves, Marvel Comics has canceled plans to put out a comic book and cartoon show called Governator and starring the character of former California governor/gross old movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why would such a sure hit be halted? Can’t a multi-millionaire celebrity/politician do whatever he wants?
Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With ‘the Help’
Ten years ago, the Culture of Life was going strong. How do we know this? Arnold Schwarzenegger got one of his maids pregnant a decade ago, and she went through with it, having the kid and pretending her husband was the father. Yay! We’re so happy for that maid! Wasn’t it great that she Chose [...]
Arnold Schwarzenegger: A Brief History of a Show-Biz Republican
Here’s a funny thing, on this day when the Important Political Media is reporting on the separation of former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Kennedy Family lady Maria “Sargent” Shriver: We like Arnold. We like Maria. We don’t know them, although we have long existed in that strange California zone between media, politics [...]
Bin Laden Was Only Thing Keeping Schwarzenegger and His Wife Together
Oh no! According to this Arianna Huffington news box that came up on our junk America On Line 3.0 e-mail account from 1994, Osama bin Laden was the only guy keeping Arnold Schwarzenegger and his Kennedy wife together, and now that he’s no longer alive to counsel them about their marital issues, California’s official mom [...]
Voters: Here’s the Trailer For Arnold Schwarzenegger’s New Cartoon
If the Constitution had been changed, this man could be a Republican frontrunner for the presidential nomination right now. Instead, we just have a few boring small time governors in the race, and he’s making cartoons about hiding teens in some high-tech sex dungeon in his house. Also, haha, Larry King has a job. And [...]
Charlie Crist Earns Coveted Steroid Nut/Vaccine Denialist Endorsements
The Senate three-way in Florida: Still happening, we guess! Rubio and orange-fleshed moderate Charlie Crist and whatshisname, the other guy, are duking it out for the right to a job that will allow them to get the hell out of Florida eight months out of the year. Charlie has a particularly tough task because he [...]
Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Blind
Is Arnold flying across Alaska, or is he so enormous and Austrian that he can just “be over” Anchorage, and look down on it as he searches for Russia? It’s almost impossible to know, even if you inspect the accompanying “twitpic” very carefully, which we did. Point is: Arnold Schwarzenegger needs to get his ass [...]
Oil Disaster Spoils Arnold’s Fun, Tennessee Floods, Washington Gets High
The Nightmare in the Gulf of Mexico claimed another victim Monday: Arnold Schwarzenegger’s big plan to fund California’s cash-starved state parks with offshore drilling along the coast where the most popular state parks are located. It was the kind of brilliant piss-everybody-off scheme that Schwarzenegger has excelled at during his seven years as governor. So [...]
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Modernist
It’s like a veto, but with a half-cryptic message! Schwarzenegger’s office responds that this is just a “weird coincidence,” kind of like that time when foreign actor Arnold Schwarzenegger somehow became Governor of California. And yet! The bill he was rejecting in this letter was one dealing with financing for San Francisco ports, sponsored by [...]
Arnold Schwarzenegger Going Through Difficult Phase
He finds that if he can just make a list of three modest things to accomplish each day, and then accomplish those things, then the day will have been a success, and he can be happy and won’t have to drink so much at night. [Twitter/Arnold Schwarzenegger via SFist]
Various Somewhat-Republican People With No Congressional Power Endorse NobamaKare!
Dare we call this a ROLL-OUT? MMHMM. After only eight months, and with health care reform shockingly enough moving forward and almost (almost!) out of committee, a few random Republicans and ex-Republicans and pretend Republican movie stars have decided, “We like this thing, the Obama health care reform, and we don’t care who knows!” (Well, [...]
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