arnold schwarzenegger

We know that bloated completely faded star Steven Seagal thinks of himself as a real-life action figure/spy, what with his training a vigilante posse and such. But did you know he’s also a leading authority on Russia?! In Steven Seagal’s mind he totally is and he loves him some Vladimir Putin, probably because they are […]

Americans, we need to band together. Not you fake-Americans what who love the gehys and messicans and blahs and all the creepy different people who are ruining this country white folk rightly earned by killing off the people who were here before. We need Real AmericansTM to stop our country from being overrun by damn […]

Some of you are old enough to remember a fine man called Bob Guccione Jr Sr. He was an erudite fellow, not at all disgusting or blobby, and he owned the gentlemen’s gazette Penthouse. This exceptional periodical was like Hustler, but with fewer racist cartoons, and it was most famous for its “Penthouse Coliseum,” to […]

How was that Fourth of July long weekend? Did everyone act like a real American for one day? Let’s say it was a contest to see who could be the most American of all, and in that case Maria Shriver automatically wins, for officially filing her divorce papers from her cheating politician husband, the stoner robot-with-a-heart Arnold […]

Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t just bang his housekeepers all the time, while he was married to a woman apparently living in the same house. Arnold also had “CHP Dignitary Protection Services” officers deliver hot young club girls to the Hyatt in Sacramento where he lived while governatin’ and fornicatin’. This, according to political journals including the […]

For reasons as mysterious as the motivations of superheroes themselves, Marvel Comics has canceled plans to put out a comic book and cartoon show called Governator and starring the character of former California governor/gross old movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why would such a sure hit be halted? Can’t a multi-millionaire celebrity/politician do whatever he wants?

Ten years ago, the Culture of Life was going strong. How do we know this? Arnold Schwarzenegger got one of his maids pregnant a decade ago, and she went through with it, having the kid and pretending her husband was the father. Yay! We’re so happy for that maid! Wasn’t it great that she Chose […]

Here’s a funny thing, on this day when the Important Political Media is reporting on the separation of former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Kennedy Family lady Maria “Sargent” Shriver: We like Arnold. We like Maria. We don’t know them, although we have long existed in that strange California zone between media, politics […]

Oh no! According to this Arianna Huffington news box that came up on our junk America On Line 3.0 e-mail account from 1994, Osama bin Laden was the only guy keeping Arnold Schwarzenegger and his Kennedy wife together, and now that he’s no longer alive to counsel them about their marital issues, California’s official mom […]

If the Constitution had been changed, this man could be a Republican frontrunner for the presidential nomination right now. Instead, we just have a few boring small time governors in the race, and he’s making cartoons about hiding teens in some high-tech sex dungeon in his house. Also, haha, Larry King has a job. And […]

The Senate three-way in Florida: Still happening, we guess! Rubio and orange-fleshed moderate Charlie Crist and whatshisname, the other guy, are duking it out for the right to a job that will allow them to get the hell out of Florida eight months out of the year. Charlie has a particularly tough task because he […]

Is Arnold flying across Alaska, or is he so enormous and Austrian that he can just “be over” Anchorage, and look down on it as he searches for Russia? It’s almost impossible to know, even if you inspect the accompanying “twitpic” very carefully, which we did. Point is: Arnold Schwarzenegger needs to get his ass […]

The Nightmare in the Gulf of Mexico claimed another victim Monday: Arnold Schwarzenegger’s big plan to fund California’s cash-starved state parks with offshore drilling along the coast where the most popular state parks are located. It was the kind of brilliant piss-everybody-off scheme that Schwarzenegger has excelled at during his seven years as governor. So […]

What is with this liberal Hollywood Kennedy-in-law, governor Arnold Schwarzenegger? Can he not even pretend to be interested in agreeing with his fellow Republicans on the simplest of conservative precepts, such as the Known Fact that the president is a demon hell-turd sent from the Future in order to socialize our mammograms?

ALSO A NAZI  12:43 pm October 28, 2009

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Modernist

by Jim Newell

It’s like a veto, but with a half-cryptic message! Schwarzenegger’s office responds that this is just a “weird coincidence,” kind of like that time when foreign actor Arnold Schwarzenegger somehow became Governor of California. And yet! The bill he was rejecting in this letter was one dealing with financing for San Francisco ports, sponsored by […]