Tag: arnold schwarzenegger

Obamacare Only *Mostly* Dead! Wonkagenda For Fri., Feb. 3, 2017

Melon Trump's libel suit laughed out of court, Ivanka's pricy togs aren't selling, and Obamacare might not be dead, only *mostly* dead. Your morning news brief!

Donald Trump Grabs National Prayer Breakfast By The Pussy

Trump spent his time at the breakfast telling everybody how much Arnold Schwarzenegger sucks. Totally normal.

Your Weekly Top Ten Is Headed Toward The Inauguration And The Washington DC Lady March!

YOU COME READ YOUR TOP TEN STORIES RIGHT NOW.

Tom Arnold Needs To Release Donald Trump’s Whitey Tape RIGHT THE HELL NOW

GIVE IT, TOM ARNOLD, GIVE IT.

Donald Trump To Hide Money In Cheeseburgers? Wonkagenda for Friday, December 9, 2016

Donald Trump's weird web of money, a walking heart attack for labor secretary, and Congress critters are giving Russia the stink eye. Your Daily News Brief!
Get him, Olivia!

DVR Alert! NBC To Air ‘Law & Order: Duggar Fingers Unit’ This Fall

You knew it was coming, even if you hadn't thought about it. No, not another revelation about Josh Duggar playing Hey Diddle Diddle with his fingers inside another porn star! (Those will come soon, we are sure, but not...

For Real I Would Bang John Boehner: A Sexxxifesto

I come not to bury John Boehner, but to talk about the dirty, nasty things I would do to his drunken old cry-body that you know smells like geologic layers of nicotine sweating some really nice wine. "Gross," you...
Yup.

Douchebag Hipsters Named Trevor Would Like A Glass Of Your Finest Rosé Please

First off, apologies to all the Trevors, but we had to pick a name, so we went with Trevor. Or Chase. It could easily be Chase. Would Hunter like to join us? Sup bro? What shall we do this...

Steven Seagal Is World’s Foremost Expert On Freedom, Loving Vladimir Putin

We know that bloated completely faded star Steven Seagal thinks of himself as a real-life action figure/spy, what with his training a vigilante posse and such. But did you know he's also a leading authority on Russia?! In Steven...

Arnold Schwarzenegger Seeks Permission To Outsource White House To Foreigners

Americans, we need to band together. Not you fake-Americans what who love the gehys and messicans and blahs and all the creepy different people who are ruining this country white folk rightly earned by killing off the people who...

In What ‘Sex Act’ Was Arnold Schwarzenegger Engaged When Snapped By Bob Guccione’s Camera?

Some of you are old enough to remember a fine man called Bob Guccione Jr Sr. He was an erudite fellow, not at all disgusting or blobby, and he owned the gentlemen's gazette Penthouse. This exceptional periodical was like...

Maria Shriver Officially Tells Arnold Schwarzenegger To Go Suck It

How was that Fourth of July long weekend? Did everyone act like a real American for one day? Let's say it was a contest to see who could be the most American of all, and in that case Maria...

Arnold Aide Says Governator Always Brought Lusty Ladies To Hotel

Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't just bang his housekeepers all the time, while he was married to a woman apparently living in the same house. Arnold also had "CHP Dignitary Protection Services" officers deliver hot young club girls to the Hyatt...

Children’s Comic About Schwarzenegger Mysteriously Halted

For reasons as mysterious as the motivations of superheroes themselves, Marvel Comics has canceled plans to put out a comic book and cartoon show called Governator and starring the character of former California governor/gross old movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger....

Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With ‘the Help’

Ten years ago, the Culture of Life was going strong. How do we know this? Arnold Schwarzenegger got one of his maids pregnant a decade ago, and she went through with it, having the kid and pretending her husband...