More than a quarter of members report that they regularly drink “heavily,” drug use is up, there’s been a 20% increase in fat people, and outrageous slapstick football games are happening more frequently than they have in 30 years: the ’70s are back in the Army! MORE »

* Number of hours President Bush spent in Colombia: 7. Number of troops assigned to protect him: 20,000. Impact on drug trade: worthless. [NYT]
* Barack Obama floats like a butterfly, Hillary Clinton is a “b.” [WP]
* Robert Gates makes the big decisions at the Pentagon by asking himself, “what would Donald Rumsfeld do?” Then he does the opposite. [NYT]
* Military decides now is a good time to figure out what to do if the “surge” doesn’t turn Iraq back into the garden of Eden after all. [LAT]
* Nancy Pelosi tries calling Captain Planet, gets Jim Sensenbrenner instead. [WP]
* Fred Thompson hikes his skirt up and sticks his thumb out to catch a ride to the Vice Presidential manse. [WP]
* February 5, 2008: the day the Walnuts Express goes quiet. [NYT]
* Be short. Army short. [USAT]

The secretary of the Army got tossed out just now, for losing the war in Iraq not keeping the hospital clean enough, because that’s apparently what the secretary of the Army is supposed to do for this administration. MORE »

* Army General in charge of Walter Reed is fired for not supporting the troops. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* Federal prosecutors fired for not supporting Republicans come back like night-zombies to haunt the Justice Department. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* The second great “political showdown/media circus” of Selma, AL will be this weekend, Revs. Obama and Clinton presiding. [WP]
* Yes, Condoleezza Rice’s new “counselor” is a neo-con. Yes, he also has a mustache. [WP]
* Federal buildings are just like your new condo, have “workout facilities, firing ranges.” [USAT]
* International markets have testicles, and they are still firmly in Alan Greenspan’s kung-fu grip. [NYT]

* Harry Reid tells Tim Johnson to “stay alive, no matter what occurs.” [WP, NYT, WSJ]
* And about 50% of people who Democrats don’t depend on for a tenuous majority in the Senate who also have arteriovenous malformations do make complete recoveries, “more or less.” [WP]
* But even if he’s totally “Schiavo’d,” the Senate has never “forced a member out of office because of a physical or mental inability to serve.” [LAT]
* President Bush couldn’t care less about you, is playing for your grandkids approval ratings — just like Harry Truman did. [WP]
* Condoleezza Rice thinks Iran and Syria’s asking prices for help in Iraq are too high, she’s only willing to offer economic incentives and a player to be named later. [WP]
* To stay “Army Strong,” top General recommends getting “Army Big.” [WP, NYT]
* White House pissed at Sen. Bill Nelson for going to Damascus, “undermining democracy in the region.” Still glad to have him and not Katherine Harris. [NYT]
* Pastry chef blows Laura Bush’s sugar, is hired at White House. [NYT]

Again with the military blocking Wonkette so our fighting forces won’t be exposed to inane exchanges from Late Night Shots. A Wonkette operative at a U.S. Army base in Europe sent us this shocking evidence. We asked the soldier to try some other political sites and report back, but he hasn’t answered because the Army killed him, probably. MORE »

In its battle to win the hearts and minds of recruiting-age Americans, the Army is replacing its main ad slogan — “An Army of One” — with one it hopes will pack more punch: “Army Strong.”

MORE »

• As the clock ticks towards the break for elections, “the most do-nothing Congress in the history of our country” continues to be just that. [NYT, WP]

• Army chief asks for $40 million increase in funding to cover massive shortages in manpower and equipment. [LAT, NYT]
• Comprehensive National Intelligence Estimate document provoking debate on Iraq policy, origin of terrorist fervor. [WP, NYT, LAT]
• FBI still investigating anthrax attacks, learning lots of about science but not arresting anybody, yet. [WP]
• Iraq to stay one country til a least 2008, anybody’s guess after that. [WP, NYT, LAT]
• Bill Clinton appears on Fox News, blasts host, wags finger. [WP]
• Rick Santorum still convinced he has a chance to hold his Senate seat. [NYT]

• White House compromises with McCain’s crew on terror suspect interrogation techniques. Geneva Convention “remains intact,” but CIA will still be knocking skulls, so “we’re all winners.” [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT, W$J]

• CDC now advocating routine testing for HIV among all patients aged 13 to 64. [WP, NYT]
• Wal-Mart will begin offering many generic drugs for $4. [WP, LAT, USAT]
• Republican offensive enters new phase with the old standby, “Democrats want to tax you into the poorhouse.” [NYT]
• Army to make larger use of National Guard to get more boots on the ground in Iraq and Afghanistan, “The biggest challenge is manpower.” [NYT]

Army officials rejected this plan for the site as “too spooky.” MORE »

There’s been the right amount of fuss about Bleu Copas, the Arabic translator who was outed by anonymous e-mails and then dismissed from the U.S. Army under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” But there hasn’t been enough attention paid to this side note:

On Dec. 2, investigators formally interviewed Copas and asked if he understood the military’s policy on homosexuals, if he had any close acquaintances who were gay, and if he was involved in community theater.

Question: What if he had been involved in a production of “HMS Pinafore”? Actually, no, that’s not a very good question. MORE »