Wonkette

Arkansas, our greatest state, has produced our nation’s favorite fat politicians (Mike Huckabee and Bill Clinton) while not really being part of Western Civilization. Proof? Mayor James Valley, “of Helena-West Helena,” just shut down his town’s animal shelter and set all the dogs loose in St. Francis National Forest. MORE »

A woman who works in a restaurant at the Little Rock airport said she was fired after she held up a Hillary Clinton sign in view of John McCain’s landing plane. Micah Qualls says former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee saw her holding up the sign in the parking lot and complained to her boss, who promptly canned her. But Mike Huckabee and her boss say no such thing happened, and this is all a terrible misunderstanding! So who’s lying — the sassy lassie who starred in a local theater production of “Anything Goes,” or the devout governor whose covenant wedding Qualls protested three years ago? MORE »

Several people spent this week in suspense as they waited for Republican loser Mike Huckabee to reveal his exciting new website. The doomsday clock ticked, the days and hours and minutes went by, as they tend to do, and then it turned out Huckabee was just starting another PAC like every other political loser in the history of modern loserism. But the comments are hilarious! MORE »

Bill Clinton’s latest Little Rock bastard baby can no longer marry Mike Huckabee’s latest Jesus baby in Arkansas, saving the world for now, but ruining Democracy in the future. On Wednesday, Arkansas Gov. Mike Beebe signed a measure repealing “a law that mistakenly allowed anyone — even toddlers — to marry with parental permission.” MORE »

In light of the Sinbad-Bosnia scandal, Hillary’s entire history of funny Tuff Guy statements is being reexamined. This process alone could endure well past Hillary’s lifetime. But here’s a fun treat: In 1994, Hillary says she thought about joining the Marines in 1975, but then the recruiter made robotic sexist statements about her, so she decided to become a Monster instead. MORE »

He’s saying some loser shit. A loser liveblog, after the loser jump. MORE »

Hey, remember when the Clintons lived in the south? Arkansas or somewhere? State where a lot of the Democrats are black? Hillary went back there this week to touch base with the folks and got a big nod from the King himself — Elvis! Or, to be more accurate, “Belvis,” the black Elvis. MORE »

According to tricky Dick Morris, Hillary flirted with the idea of running for governor of Arkansas in 1990, because Bill wanted to run for president and, if he lost, wanted to come back and run that shitty state vicariously. She probably would’ve lost to Barack Obama somehow, though. [NYP]

God, I miss fat Huckabee so much. I want Huckabee to get fat again for Christmas. And for the first time in my life, I regret not living in Arkansas. You’d see shit like this all the time! At least like eight years ago. [via National Journal]

The mayor of Centerton, Arkansas, resigned Wednesday. Not for playing illegal happy penis games or anything, though! It’s more of the standard “I was adbucted by Satan 30 years ago, adopted a false name, forgot my previous life in Indiana until recently undergoing truth serum injections” excuse, which we’ve all used at least once to get out of a dead-end job. [4029 TV]