Tag Archives: arkansas

  Profiles in Chutzpah

Kid-Dumping Arkansas Rep. Justin Harris Gets ‘Courage’ Award For Best Family Values

He Stopped Making Sense long ago
He stopped making sense long ago Remember Justin Harris, the Arkansas state representative who “rehomed” two adopted daughters with another family, where the new “daddy” raped one of the young girls? Not only is he a state legislator and an adoptive parent with terrible judgment, he’s also a super-fundamentalist Christian who sponsored a restrictive abortion law, so it only makes sense that a “family values” group calling itself “The Family Council Action Committee”chose Harris to receive its “Power Of Courage” award, because Justin Harris is clearly one brave guy, standing for the integrity of the American family even while making an unspeakable mess of his own. Read more on Kid-Dumping Arkansas Rep. Justin Harris Gets ‘Courage’ Award For Best Family Values…
  jesus wept

Texas Will Make Sure Gay Man Dies Knowing How Despised He Was

They call themselves His People. Weird.
They say they follow this guy. Weird. Pick up your stressballs or your rage pillows or whatever you use when you’re mad, because it’s time to talk about how Texas is trying its damnedest to make sure this one gay man, John Allen “Jay” Stone-Hoskins, dies knowing exactly how much his home state hates him. You see, Stone-Hoskins lost his husband, James, in January of this year, after a suspected psychotic episode, which may have been related to a new doctor’s prescription, led to James taking his own life. Stone-Hoskins has terminal cancer, and at this point, is expected to live no more than two months or so. So Texas, with the help of its fucked-up, heartless attorney general Ken Paxton, who is currently under indictment for great big felonies that may send him to jail for a million years, is doing its part to make sure those last two months of his life are just fucking awful. Read more on Texas Will Make Sure Gay Man Dies Knowing How Despised He Was…
  welfare queens

Broke-Ass Duggars Forsaken By Their Lord, Please Send Money

Always with their fucking hands out.
If you’re driving through northwest Arkansas and see some sort of fundamentalist Christian lemonade and prostitution stand on the side of the road advertising two side-hugs for $5, that’s probably the Duggars. They have fallen on hard times, due to how TLC’s advertisers finally decided their already toxic family was toxic in a sexual molestation kind of way. Are they actually poor? We don’t know, it really depends on whether they’ve used the Lord’s reality television income responsibly. They’re panhandling for cash, though, but do NOT give it to them. They’ll only fritter it away on Bibles and hush money, ALLEGEDLY. Read more on Broke-Ass Duggars Forsaken By Their Lord, Please Send Money…
  Loser! Loser! Loser!

White House LOLs At Sen. Tom Cotton For Being Dumb Dork Austin Powers Wannabe

I AM THE DUMMEST AND I BREATHE OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas is a No Pants, Grade-A Twat-sicle, and the White House knows it. He THINKS he went to Vienna and did a top secret investigation to uncover all kinds of shady side deals Obama did with Iran, like maybe he promised the Iranians could bomb one American city per year, as long as it’s a little bomb and not a nuke. Of course, Ambassador Susan Rice had already explained to young Cotton that the side deals are not a secret, and that if he will just stop playing with his winkie in front of the class and sit still, he will get to go to the big boy congressional briefing, where they will tell him ALL about it. But that’s not good enough for Cotton, because on top of not knowing his place, he’s so dumb you could store all your dildos inside his skull cavity and still have room for TruckNutz. Read more on White House LOLs At Sen. Tom Cotton For Being Dumb Dork Austin Powers Wannabe…
  Today In Theocracy

Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution

Like Gamera, Baphomet is the friend of children everywhere
The merry Establishment Clause tricksters of the Satanic Temple held a big unveiling of their 1-ton statue of Baphomet over the weekend. Because they’re still waiting on a permit to place it next to the Ten Commandments monument at Oklahoma’s Capitol building — a monument that may be coming down anyway — the unveiling was held at the Satanic Temple’s chapter in Detroit. Not surprisingly, American Family Association radio guy Bryan Fischer is plenty angry about it, and would like you all to know that if we followed the REAL Constitution of the United States, none of this would be allowed, because the Founders only meant the First Amendment to apply to Christians. Read more on Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution…
  Oh yeah? YOU'RE Pontius Pilate!

Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus

I look like A Expert.
Wee young Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas, who seems to be under the impression he is president of both U.S. America and Iran, is making opinions with his mouth again. Because see, Barack Obama and John Kerry went to Iran and said, “Hey, would you like to bomb Israel and the United States, because you are Iran and you have started so many wars in the past few decades, unlike the United States and Israel, nations that are fainting flowers, too shy to start wars?” And Iran said, “Can you stop crippling our nation with sanctions and let us save a little face here, if we promise not to make nuclear bombs?” And Obama and Kerry replied, “Only if you promise to do nuclear war to everyone,” and a deal was made. At least that’s the wingnut version of it, we think, because they are very stupid, scared people. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus…
  Also water is wet

Surprise! Basically All Women Who Have Abortions Just Fine With That, Actually

But what about the men?
Image via shortformblog Look what we have here. It’s some actual science about abortions! We know how actual science can be hard for boy brains to comprehend, so we’ll try to speak slowly, with itty bitty Jeb Bush-sized words, so you fellas can keep up. Read more on Surprise! Basically All Women Who Have Abortions Just Fine With That, Actually…
  The Christians Are Revolting

Jesus-American County Clerks Paralyzed By Gay Cooties

He's weeping, and also telling the NRA to go fuck itself with a rusty dildo.
Despite the Supreme Court ordering every single American to get gay married right this second, some Real Good Christians are shouting, “Don’t wanna! Don’t hafta! YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!” Which is rude and also wrong, but that rarely stops bigots from doing that thing they do. Which is why they are inventing loopholes, or outright defying what is now the law of the land, to continue their battle against equality. Read more on Jesus-American County Clerks Paralyzed By Gay Cooties…
  Aren't you jealous of IBM?

IBM Punches Gov. Bobby Jindal In Scrotum Sac Over Gay-Hating Executive Order

Which one is the face he makes when he gets punched in the dick? ALL OF THEM KATIE.
You are probably so excited about this post, because the mere idea of ANY person, place or thing punching Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal in the nuts — metaphorically, of course — brings unfettered joy into the hearts of all patriotic Americans. Last month, Jindal was reeling from the fact that the Louisiana legislature wasn’t willing to heap embarrassment upon the state, by passing a fake “religious freedom” law, similar to the Fuck The Gays laws that passed, and were subsequently gutted by big business and butthurt Republicans, in Arkansas and Indiana. But because Jindal is probably the stupidest governor in US America (and also thinks he has a shot in hell of winning the GOP presidential nomination LOL), he decided to go ahead and issue an executive order, saying that Louisiana is TOO the Fuck The Gays state, and not just in the fun sexy way that happens in New Orleans. Read more on IBM Punches Gov. Bobby Jindal In Scrotum Sac Over Gay-Hating Executive Order…
  Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

Big Banks Won’t Stop Cramming Homosexuals Down Franklin Graham’s Throat

Jesus loves the little children, unless they're super-duper gay. SING ALONG!
Poor persecuted Franklin Graham, insane wingnut son of evangelist Billy Graham and president of his daddy’s association, saw a Wells Fargo ad on the teevee, and the ad had lesbians in it, and this shall not stand! So he took his mad right to the Facebook and announced what he was gonna do: close the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association’s Wells Fargo accounts (because he controls them now that his dad is 96) and move them to a better, more gay-hatey bank: Read more on Big Banks Won’t Stop Cramming Homosexuals Down Franklin Graham’s Throat…
  New investigation maybe?

What Are Dumb Duggars Trying To Hide Now?

Don't you just want to confess things to them?
If your family was once famous for making babies all day long, every day, for Jesus, but now it’s known as that sick reality TV star family that covered up the oldest son’s repeated sexual molestation of his kid sisters, you know what you should definitely NOT do? You should definitely NOT refuse to cooperate with a fresh new investigation into your family. But apparently the Duggar Homeschool Textbook of Homeschooling doesn’t cover that. Read more on What Are Dumb Duggars Trying To Hide Now?…
  You'll have nothing and who cares if you like it?

Fifth Circuit Protects Texas Ladies From ‘Unsafe’ Abortions By Letting Them Have None At All

You didn't want those clinics, did you?
Good thing Texas-Americans of the lady persuasion are accustomed by now to courts opening and closing their abortion clinics, so they won’t be shocked when most of their clinics are shut down again. In the epic, years-long legal battle to decide whether and how and when abortion providers may provide abortions in Texas, a three-judge panel of the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals issued an opinion Tuesday saying, basically, “How about never? Is never good for you? TOO BAD!” Read more on Fifth Circuit Protects Texas Ladies From ‘Unsafe’ Abortions By Letting Them Have None At All…
  NSFW because Huckabee

Mike Huckabee Wants You To Know He’s Still Mighty Proud To Be A-Hole

Not sorry one bit
Grinning sack of deep-fried squirrel meat Mike Huckabee is a jerk and a pervert, and he’s damn proud of that, mister. Damn proud. Last week, we learned about his EWWWWWW GROSS fantasies of pretending to be transgender in high school, to sneak into the girls’ locker room and ogle their lady privates, like a pervert, HAW HAW. Read more on Mike Huckabee Wants You To Know He’s Still Mighty Proud To Be A-Hole…
  Point and laugh at the Arkansas idiot

Arkansas Senator Dude Tired Of Homos Parading About During Sunday Church Services

Jason Rapert points at homosexuals.
Arkansas state Sen. Jason Rapert has had thoughts again! We last heard from him when he was helpfully trying to get a Ten Commandments monument constructed on the grounds of the Arkansas state capitol, for “historical reasons,” because, like, all of our judicial system is based on those ten suggestions. (DUH.) Well, this week, he’s pissed off about the fags and fag-adjacents (read: lesbians) who decided, for the 12TH YEAR IN A ROW, to hold the Conway, Arkansas, gay pride parade on a Sunday, because he knows those gays picked that day in order to persecute godly Bible-believers like Rapert, who simply wish to get to church on Sunday unscathed by glitter or joy. Rapert logged on to the Facebook to tell us all how the gays hurt him in his no-no parts. Let’s mock him: Read more on Arkansas Senator Dude Tired Of Homos Parading About During Sunday Church Services…
  softball interviews

The Duggar Interview: Why Won’t The Liberal Media Stop Molesting Our Kids?

But Jesus forgave us!
Did you watch the EXCLUSIVE Megyn Kelly interview with Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar last night? The one where Megyn Kelly said she wasn’t going to give them some sort of interrogation about how their son Josh molested his sisters, because hey, look over there, Bill Clinton? If you have been living inside a rock, all you need to know is that Josh Duggar, eldest son of Jim Bob and Michelle, molested five girls, including four of his sisters, starting when he was a teenager. One of his victims was 5 years old at the time. His parents did very little in the way of reporting the crimes, and everybody has been forgiven by Jesus now, HALLELU! Read more on The Duggar Interview: Why Won’t The Liberal Media Stop Molesting Our Kids?…
  gross

Duggars Could Have Been Jailed For Ignoring Josh Duggar’s Three Sister-Touching Confessions

Fun-employed
In Touch Weekly is doing the journalism again, having obtained ANOTHER police report through a Freedom Of Information Act request, pertaining to young Josh Duggar’s sister touching. A lot of it rehashes what we already know, but we get a couple of new, specific details, to help us all put a fine point on how grossed out we are by this. For one thing, the report states that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar were told not only by their daughters, but by Josh himself, on three separate occasions, that he just couldn’t stop fondling his sisters –one of whom was only five years old — in their beds at night. And his parents still waited 16 MONTHS to do anything about it, even after being told “multiple times.” The new report claims Ma and Pa were just shrugging it off all those times Josh told them, “I am so sorry, for I have fallen short and diddled your younger girl children once again.” What did they say, those “multiple times?” “Oh, Josh, we’ve told you TIME AND TIME AGAIN. The only girl you’re allowed to diddle against her will is your Christian Wife, when you are older. You’re GROUNDED from homeschool, for a week!” Read more on Duggars Could Have Been Jailed For Ignoring Josh Duggar’s Three Sister-Touching Confessions…