Tag Archives: arizona

  Let's All Civics Each Other!

AZ Mandates High School Civics Test, We Do Not Even Have A Problem With That

could you pass this?
Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (R) signed into law yesterday a bill requiring Arizona high school students to correctly answer 60 of the 100 questions in the civics section of the Immigration and Naturalization test for US citizenship in order to graduate or receive a GED. Although we are always suspicious when Republicans require citizen-related tests, all of the writers at yr Wonkette love civics very much, and it is our hobby that consumes all of our waking hours. And we love it when high school students do civics on each other, so that is probably a good thing to require of them! Really, the more civics the better, and if learning about civics creates voters who are informed about important things, like how democracy should work, and how it actually works, and how important it is to vote, then we think everyone should spend much more time learning civics by reading Wonkette, and also possibly by reading many other publications as well, plus also Wonkette. Read more on AZ Mandates High School Civics Test, We Do Not Even Have A Problem With That…
  Politigation

With No Other Problems In Sight, GOP Will Spend 2015 Fighting Obamacare

Pic via sugarfreeglow Welcome to 2015, Republicans! With the changing of the year, we assume you’ll be turning over a new leaf, looking toward the future and leaving behind the petty bickering and toddler-like tantrums that characterized 2014. Ha ha, just kidding, of course. Read more on With No Other Problems In Sight, GOP Will Spend 2015 Fighting Obamacare…
  All Dogs Go To Phoenix

Arizona Senator’s Dog-Neglecting Son Goes Free For Now, Vows To Find Real Killer

Tired of stories about cops getting away with killing human beings and escaping prosecution? Here’s a story of private citizens getting away with killing 21 dogs and escaping prosecution. You’re welcome. Oh, and the private citizens happen to be the son and daughter-in-law of Arizona Sen. Jeff Flake, although only an embittered cynic would think that fact played any role in the decision to (at least temporarily) drop animal cruelty charges against Austin and Logan Flake. Read more on Arizona Senator’s Dog-Neglecting Son Goes Free For Now, Vows To Find Real Killer…
  Your Lump Of Christmas Clean Coal

Dumb New Mexico Hippies Refusing To Burn Their Fair Share Of Coal

Princess Celestia is going to be SO pissed about this...
Image by Daniel Nadelbach, Mother Earth Living In what’s just the latest of several similar moves to make customers who have rooftop solar electricity systems “pay their fair share” for being less polluting, the largest utility in New Mexico, PNM Resources, has proposed a surcharge on home solar customers, aimed at keeping those damned greenies from getting a free ride for the cost of their connection to the power grid. Read more on Dumb New Mexico Hippies Refusing To Burn Their Fair Share Of Coal…
  You Know He Knows Just Exactly What The Facts Is

AZ Sheriff (Not Joe Arpaio) Will Take County Full Somalia. Congratulations, New Somalia!

Ritchie Mack, he's a sheriff down in 'Zona
From the old “Derp Springs Eternal” file, we bring you news of the remnants of Cliven Bundy Freedom Spring 2014. You may remember former Graham County (Arizona) Sheriff Richard Mack from that little to-do in the Nevada desert; Mack’s the guy who came up with the brilliant plan to put all the women at the front of the Bundy lines if a shootout with federal agents broke out, so the world would see how murderous the feds were. Read more on AZ Sheriff (Not Joe Arpaio) Will Take County Full Somalia. Congratulations, New Somalia!…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Arizona And Florida Declare War On The Sun (Video)

Her graphics team has fun
Rachel Maddow has a near-solstice puzzle for you: Why on earth would Arizona and Florida, a couple of states with near-constant sunshine, take steps to actively discourage people from making use of all that abundant solar energy? If you guessed that lobbying from energy companies — and of course, the Koch brothers — might have something to do with it, you win Will Shortz’s voice on your answering machine. In fact, just before Thanksgiving, Florida regulators quietly gutted requirements for utilities to conserve energy, and also to eliminate solar rebates for homeowners at the end of 2015 in a deal that the Tampa Bay Times says “[gave] the investor-owned utilities virtually everything they wanted.” As of now, two of the sunniest states in the country are officially against solar energy. Stupid old sun, trying to keep fossil fuels from their rightful place and profits! And here we thought that Charles Montgomery Burns was a fictional character. Read more on Morning Maddow: Arizona And Florida Declare War On The Sun (Video)…
  The Damned Canyon State

Arizona Loves The Constitution So Much It Has To Ignore The Constitution Sometimes

The Good Old Days
Arizona does not play especially well with the federal government. There’s soon-to-be-former Gov. Jan Brewer’s strange insistence that her office’s duties included yelling at the president, of course, and there’s Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s belief that county sheriffs are supposed to enforce immigration law, even if it means ignoring less sexy crimes. Oh, wait, for Arpaio, that meant actually ignoring sex crimes so he could conduct immigration raids. And then there’s that whole “Your Papers Please” law that was partly, but not completely, overturned. As a border state, Arizona just feels it has a better handle on keeping the browns in check than the Feds do, is all, and so Arizona would really prefer not to have a national government interfering all the time in silly matters like enforcing federal law. Two developments this week bring that to light once again. Read more on Arizona Loves The Constitution So Much It Has To Ignore The Constitution Sometimes…
  All This Fuss Over A Few Clumps Of Words

Arizona Voters Abort Biology-Textbook-Censoring School Board

Grab yer razor blades and white-out!
So here’s one more bit of Election Nice Time: turns out that even in hyper-conservative Gilbert, Arizona, a bedroom community to the Phoenix metro horrorplex, it is in fact possible for a conservative school board to go to far. And it looks like the Gilbert School Board’s decision last week to razor out a page from an Honors Biology textbook in the high school — because it mentions the abortion pill — is what counts as too far: the good people of Gilbert elected two new members and reelected an anti-censorship member, replacing the Tea Party-leaning majority on the board with a new majority that is firmly against slicing out a page from a biology textbook out of fear that high schoolers will learn that abortion exists. There were other tensions between the board and the community, too, but the textbook censorship seems to have been the last straw. Read more on Arizona Voters Abort Biology-Textbook-Censoring School Board…
  Just Cut It Out Like...Like Something That Is Unlike An abortion

Arizona School Board Aborts Pages From Biology Textbook

Fine, whatever, this is Shreveport, Loiusiana, not Gilbert. Fine
Rest easy, innocent children of Gilbert, Arizona: You won’t have to worry about being corrupted by your biology textbooks anymore! The Gilbert School Board voted Tuesday to remove a page from the high school’s honors biology textbook, because they were worried it might be in violation of an Arizona law requiring that all instructional materials promote “childbirth or adoption” instead of abortion. Read more on Arizona School Board Aborts Pages From Biology Textbook…
  Ballot Recital

Latino Guy Delivers Absentee Ballots In Arizona. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next.

It's almost as if he thought he wasn't breaking the law or something!
Finally, the right has incontrovertible evidence of voting fraud! Democrats say it’s rare, but here is the video that proves just how real and scary it is: “Liberal activist caught on video stuffing hundreds of ballots.” Or, from some of the more responsible rightwing sites who are pretending to hedge a little, “This Video Appears To Show A Guy Stuffing Hundreds Of Ballots Into A Ballot Box.” Read more on Latino Guy Delivers Absentee Ballots In Arizona. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next….
  build the danged fence

Arkansas Blubbering With Fear Over Mexican ISIS Cartels, But In Very Manly Way

Grab a rifle and stand a post!
  Angry beanpole Tom Cotton, the first-term GOP congressman from Arkansas who is trying to take Mark Pryor’s Senate seat away, has decided to follow the lead of other Republicans and reduce voters into quivering puddles of terror over Islamic State terrorists collaborating with Mexican drug cartels to flood across our southern border and kill us all dead in our beds. Man, doesn’t anybody like America anymore? If they kill us, who will make more Iron Man movies for the world to enjoy? Read more on Arkansas Blubbering With Fear Over Mexican ISIS Cartels, But In Very Manly Way…
  Women Get So Emotional About Murder

Why Is Gabby Giffords So Shrill And Emotional About Guns?

Honestly, there has to be some logical explanation of why she's so touchy
We aren’t quite sure we’ve finished throwing up yet in reaction to this Politico piece about that mean bitch Gabby Giffords, who has made some very cruel, unfair ads about the issue of gun control for some reason: Read more on Why Is Gabby Giffords So Shrill And Emotional About Guns?…
  welfare kings

Arizona Republican Resigns Just For Trying To Save America With Rice And Beans And No Babies For Poors

Russell Pearce is a man with a vision. He is also a man with an AM radio show. The recalled Arizona Senate leader, architect of the “papers please” immigration law — and, until his sudden resignation late Sunday night, state GOP vice chair — recently took to the airwaves to fantasize about what it would be like if he was in charge, free to save America from the scourge of the needy with the help of home TV inspections and forced sterilizations. Read more on Arizona Republican Resigns Just For Trying To Save America With Rice And Beans And No Babies For Poors…
  From the Producers of Naked and Afraid

Senators Survive Stupid Reality TV Show, Don’t Even Kill Each Other

Photo Courtesy of Discovery Channel Most members of Congress use their long August recess to get back home and load up on their favorite regional food that no one can make the right way in DC, while being photographed appearing to reconnect with voters. Added bonus: They get to escape the swamptacular weather in America’s damp, sweaty seat of power. For two members of the Senate, this summer’s five-week paid vacation “district work period” was a chance to sneak away on a top-secret, death-defying adventure in the Marshall Islands for a new reality show. It’s C-SPAN 2 meets Naked and Afraid, and it’s coming to your favorite ostensibly educational cable network this fall! Read more on Senators Survive Stupid Reality TV Show, Don’t Even Kill Each Other…
  You Ever Dance With The Dipshits In The Pale Moonlight?

Hero Border Militia Guys Protect America From Invading Bat Scientists, Law Enforcement Not Impressed

I don't see why you don't think my ComicCon ID isn't sufficient. I'm Batman.
The heroic patriots of the militia movement have scored another huge success for freedom and America in a nighttime operation last week, confronting a group of suspicious people near the Mexico-Arizona border and calling in the Border Patrol to check out the possible drug smugglers or illegal immigrants or ISIS terrorists or whoever the hell they were. OK, sure, once our AR-15 toting heroes shined a spotlight on the scary potential invaders and demanded they identify themselves, it turned out that they’d bravely interdicted a small group of biologists conducting a survey of the area’s bat population. But it’s still a victory, since they could have been smugglers. Read more on Hero Border Militia Guys Protect America From Invading Bat Scientists, Law Enforcement Not Impressed…
  This Sucks AND Blows

ShootyLand Management Says Uzi Release Forms Blown Away Like Uzi Instructor, Only By Wind

Here’s one for your “I Totally Believe That” file. You know the rent-an-automatic-weapon amusement park in Arizona where that 9-year-old girl was allowed to fire an Uzi submachine gun, killing the “instructor” when the fully automatic weapon’s recoil kicked its muzzle toward his head? Turns out that Bullets and Burgers, which has a strict policy of not letting anyone under the age of eight fire automatic weapons, is doing a bang-up job of cooperatin’ with the authorities investigating the shooting. They’ve talked to Mohave County Sherriff’s deputies and provided them with all sorts of useful documentation, except maybe they can’t find the release forms that the girl’s parents signed because the papers were “blown away by the wind.” Yr Dok Zoom went to high school in that part of Arizona and knows for a fact that the winds there can be pretty strong, especially if you’ve got sensitive paperwork that just might accidentally blow away. Happens all the time in those desert winds. Here, courtesy of Talking Points Memo, are the exciting documents from the actual investigation. Or attempted investigation, whatevs: Read more on ShootyLand Management Says Uzi Release Forms Blown Away Like Uzi Instructor, Only By Wind…
  In Case You Missed it

Your Wonkette Week In Review: Everything You Should Have Read While You Were ‘Working’

Also, there are some kickass coupons for Sofas & Quills
We realize that some of you don’t spend every moment of every day clicking on our little mommyblog (what is WRONG with you?). So in our continuous quest to be Moar Servicey, we bring you this weekly roundup our very best pieces, as determined by the number of times they were shared on the FacesBook. And Crom knows that popularity is exactly the same as quality, or haven’t you been paying attention since junior high school? Remember, to get your favorite ranty pieces into next week’s roundup, clicky on that “share” button. Let’s see our top ten for the week. Oh yes, let’s! Read more on Your Wonkette Week In Review: Everything You Should Have Read While You Were ‘Working’…
  We love this guy and you will too

BRB Throwing All The Money At Awesome AZ Congressional Candidate James Woods

We need this guy in Congress
Are you ready to fall in love? Get yourselves good and ready, because we’d like to introduce you to your new favorite congressional candidate crush, James Woods. No, not the jerkface actor. This James Woods, the genuinely progressive Democrat who is running for Arizona’s 5th Congressional District: Read more on BRB Throwing All The Money At Awesome AZ Congressional Candidate James Woods…
  From China With Love

Sheriff Joe Arpaio Allegedly Allows Chinese Hacker To Steal America’s Coolest Secrets

CRUSH
Sheriff Joe Arpaio (seen here crushing the testicles of an invisible immigrant) allegedly, we said allegedly, failed to report an alleged Chinese spy who infiltrated the Arizona Counter Terrorism [sic; seriously, Arizona, buy an AP style book] Information Center. That’s according to ProPublica and the Center for Investigative Reporting, but we heard about this through The Verge, so they get the linky. Grab a fresh cup of coffee, because this story gets deep in a hurry. Read more on Sheriff Joe Arpaio Allegedly Allows Chinese Hacker To Steal America’s Coolest Secrets…
  Be Afraid. Be More Afraid.

Congressional Candidate Will Protect Arizona From Ebola-Ridden Immigrant Kids, Sharknados

The documentary that changed Tobin's life
Arizona’s primary election is next Tuesday, and the final days of the campaign are bringing out the crazy. Like the early days did, for that matter. And stepping up to the challenge in the District 1 Republican congressional primary is Andy Tobin, the speaker of the state House, who worries that migrant children are carrying Ebola across the border to liquefy our internal organs, just like in that one movie. Read more on Congressional Candidate Will Protect Arizona From Ebola-Ridden Immigrant Kids, Sharknados…
  An Advocate For Penile Reform

Arizona Congressional Candidate Gets Endorsement From Visibly Aroused Horse

He's got the swooning zoophile vote sewn up
In a midterm election that’s featured Joni Ernst winning the Iowa Senate primary based on her professed expertise at castrating pigs and Thad Cochran reminiscing about his boyhood adventures in molesting animals, it’s probably no surprise that Arizona teabagger Gary Kiehne recently mailed out a campaign flyer with a very happy stallion in the background, much to the delight of the goofballs on Reddit, because duh, horse cock. Read more on Arizona Congressional Candidate Gets Endorsement From Visibly Aroused Horse…