McCain So Scared of Losing Senate Seat, He’s Campaigning With Sarah Palin
Tuesday, March 16th, 2010
Angry old idiot John “Walnuts!” McCain is probably going to lose his beloved Senate seat this year and then be forced to actually live in Arizona, which he hates, so he’s even more desperate and crazy than usual. What kind of maverick-y bullshit stunt can he pull to remind Arizona voters just how shamelessly he’ll beg for re-election? He’s bringing the Snowbilly to the desert! MORE »









A certain nude senator from the state of Taxachusetts wowed the Tea Party Nation with his non-Martha-Coakleyness, which was enough to get him elected, but ever since then he has been SELLING OUT. Exhibit A: his outrageous vote for the jobs bill, which might someday result in actual employment for the lamers who currently spend their days
Did you like voting for Vice President Dan Quayle the two times that you did that? Do you stare longingly at your framed, gold-bordered “QUAYLE ‘00″ sign, one of only four such signs that wasn’t trashed and buried, in shame, by mid-1999? Do you masturbate to freaking Dan Quayle? Well guess what, now he’s got some son or another out in Arizona who’s
BELOVED ARIZONA CONGRESSMAN RETIRING: Arizona Congressman
John McCain, remember this guy? He was the
That guy who brought one measly handgun (on his thigh!) to Obama’s rally in New Hampshire last week? He was a pussy. This fellow this morning brought a pistol and an AR-15 semi-automatic assault rifle to Obama’s town hall in Arizona this morning. He “was walking around the pro-health care reform rally at 3rd and Washington streets.” 100% legal, times a million, to boot. Next week some slob will bring a Panzer tank to one of these things, “just in case” he has to protect his rights. [

Look at this guy, in the photo! WHAT DOES HE DO FOR A LIVING. Does he bowl for a living? Was he an extra in the 1963 part of Goodfellas? Maybe. His name is Brett Mecum and he sells hot cum on the Internet. No, just kidding. Just kidding about his last name. He’s really the executive director of the Arizona Republican Party, and he was arrested in his office yesterday for driving his car super fast.
The catastrophic news of the day is much like the catastrophic news of the past 18 months or so: OH JESUS, HOUSES, WHAT TO DO? Since the mid 1970s, the answer for many Chicago people has been “Move to some gruesome stucco tract house in a brand-new subdivision about an hour from downtown Phoenix.” So that’s what Barack Obama is doing today: Moving to Phoenix!
Finally, a stimulus bill we can believe in: Cable-teevee company Comcast will pay TEN DOLLARS to each Tucson subscriber who maybe saw a few seconds of sexytime
Oh noes certain homes in the Tucson area saw 30 seconds of pornography instead of the Super Bowl as the game reached its exciting conclusion last night! With only three minutes left in play, viewers were shocked to see not football but instead a lady unzipping some guy’s pants, and then “he did his little dance with everything hanging out,” said one stunned resident. It looks like an adult cable channel crossed with the NBC feed into certain analog TV sets. This is a strong argument against converting to digital cable. Why does Joe the Plumber want to keep hard-working Americans from viewing occasional free porn? [