Tag Archives: argh

  everyone is dumb

Sad Pundits: Why Won’t Insiders Tell Us Who Will Win The Election?

THIS ELECTION, YOU GUYS! It is … confusing? Like, some people say that Barack Obama will win re-election, while others say that his opponent, Mitt Romney, will prevail! WHO ARE WE TO TRUST? Normally, of course, we’d turn to the literally of hundreds of people who are employed full-time by various old- and new-media outlets to report on and offer opinions about politics, because they know things. But as a survey of these sages in the Politico reveals, they’re completely at sea as well! You must click the “MORE” clicky in order to read the single greatest quote in a Politico article of all time, which reveals the utter bankruptcy of the pundit class. Then you can spend the next six days doing something productive and rewarding with your life! Read more on Sad Pundits: Why Won’t Insiders Tell Us Who Will Win The Election?…
  our flourishing economy

Hooray, Global Markets Collapse Again Because of … Greece! (Again)

Let’s check in with the Wonkette Business Desk for our morning economic roundup. U.S. pending home sales are at their highest point this year! U.S. manufacturing orders are at a two-year high! A terrorist plot against New York — the financial capital of the world — totally failed and the suspected/attempted car-bomber was caught by the cops! His alleged co-conspirators were caught in Pakistan! All kinds of bellwether companies are reporting solid profits, from MasterCard’s 24% first-quarter profit to Sirius XM Radio’s $41.6 million profit in Q1 — people must be buying new cars again! So, of course, the markets are collapsing, worldwide, total panic, ARGH SELL JESUS CHRIST IT’S ALL HAPPENING AGAIN. Read more on Hooray, Global Markets Collapse Again Because of … Greece! (Again)…
  black wednesday?

Goddamned Stock Markets Keep Plunging

Whoa, jesus, the Dow’s down 500 points, again. What’s the newest bad news for everybody? People have quit going to the stores, to buy stuff! There are many signs that your job will soon be gone, if you’ve still got a job! They’ve just shut down the markets in Brazil, after a 10% plunge! [Bloomberg] Read more on Goddamned Stock Markets Keep Plunging…