You know what sucks? April Fools crap on news websites. You know what wouldn’t suck at all? If Doktor Ron Paul became the one true chairman of the Republican National Committee. Oh, the laughs! Oh, the costumes! Oh, the love (spelled backwards, on a blimp). Sadly, this didn’t happen, and it will never happen — but not because Ron Paul is a nut, and not specifically because his remaining followers are all actual hobbits. It’s because Republicans hate Ron Paul’s guts. They would sooner appoint Cynthia McKinney as RNC chairman. [Conservative HQ]

This is John McCain at his shanty in Arizona, which he represents in the Senate. [Getty Photo]

APRIL FOOL’S, GOT YOU: It’s actually an AP photo. Haw haw haw!