Tag Archives: appalachian trail

  looks like we picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue

Mark Sanford Not Allowed To Fly Airplanes At His Children Anymore

When Mark Sanford — the disgraced former governor of South Carolina, wannabe-but-not-gonna-be congressman from the state’s 1st Congressional District, and the world’s most enthusiastic trail-hiker EVER — isn’t losing a debate to a cardboard cut-out of Nancy Pelosi, or losing a debate to his actual opponent Elizabeth Colbert Busch, or violating the terms of his divorce, he’s trying to avoid flying airplanes at his children. Wait, what?!?!? Read more on Mark Sanford Not Allowed To Fly Airplanes At His Children Anymore…
  he came in through the bathroom window

Mark Sanford Just Can’t Stop Doing Stupid Things In Public, Trespassing Edition

Oh, Mark Sanford, your personal life is really an unending delight. There was the disappearance mid-governorship, which gave us a delightful euphemism for sexytime that we can use now and forever more. There was the divorce. There was the soulmate. There were the emails of wooing that we hope never to read again.  There was the weird return to the spotlight where he showed up and mashed face with his ex-wife. There was the thoughtful, talked-to-Jesus-about-it decision to run for Congress. And now, glory be, there is the trespassing: Read more on Mark Sanford Just Can’t Stop Doing Stupid Things In Public, Trespassing Edition…
  your saturday nice time post!

Mazel Tov And L’Chaim To That SC Governor Who Ran Off To Argentina And His New Mistress Betrothed!

Oh happy day! We awake to the joyous tidings that former governor Mark Sanford (R-Appalachian Trail) and his lady love, that chick he was flying off to South America to bang, have sealed their passions with an engagement! It’s like a fairy tale, you guys! The [Argentine] paper [Clarin] said Sanford arrived early at the restaurant and gave “a bag with the (engagement) ring to one of the waiters,” asking him to “to invent a good story for his girlfriend.” Sanford then hid in a bathroom. So now Mark Sanford is a bathroom goblin as well? This is excellent news for Larry Craig! Read more on Mazel Tov And L’Chaim To That SC Governor Who Ran Off To Argentina And His New Mistress Betrothed!…
  impromptu south american vacation freakouts

CHILDREN’S STORY HOUR: “Mr. Sanford’s spokesman, Joel Sawyer, just sent out a notice saying the governor would hold a news conference at 2 p.m. in the Statehouse.” Oh yes, we will liveblog this, provided some television networks carry Governor Sanford’s brief and fanciful explanation for his prolonged absence this weekend. [The Caucus] Read more on …
  wtf?

Sanford Went On Sexy Solo Vacation To Buenos Aires, Not Appalachia

What in holy Hell has Mark Sanford been up to? He did NOT go nude tree-humping with a bunch of federally funded nature queers on the Appalachian Trail this weekend; instead, he went to Buenos Aires. Anybody who has left the house thinking they’d like to go on a local nature hike and ended up spending the weekend in an exotic South American capital can agree that this is a perfectly normal switcheroo! Read more on Sanford Went On Sexy Solo Vacation To Buenos Aires, Not Appalachia…
  naked people

Mark Sanford Will Pretend To Return Tomorrow

We feel a bit sorry for treefucker Mark Sanford’s communications department, like this harried spokesperson Joel Sawyer, who probably knows only these facts: Sanford grabbed a pair of keys at some point Thursday, told everyone in the office, “Enjoy working, losers, I’ll be back in a week or whenever,” smacked the secretary’s ass on his way out, and that’s it. Give JOEL SAWYER a raise, of money! He now claims that his office spoke this morning to Sanford, who was confused as to why anyone would care if he abdicated his state executive job for a week to go into the Forests, alone, beyond all contact. Sawyer said Sanford “plans” on returning to work tomorrow morning. Read more on Mark Sanford Will Pretend To Return Tomorrow…
  a walk in the woods

Welfare-Nature Queer Mark Sanford Using Stimulus Money On Appalachian Trail

South Carolina granola hippie Mark Sanford just couldn’t take the pressure, man, so he put on his Tevas and headed up to the mountains to clear his head. Nothing like some Kinhin walking meditation to get the fear of The Man — that man, the prez — out of your soul. At least out here on the Appalachian Trail, mean old Barack Obama with his suits and his money and his power trips can’t bum you out …. unless uptight Obama is even using his Power Trip Stimulus Money on the trail itself. Read more on Welfare-Nature Queer Mark Sanford Using Stimulus Money On Appalachian Trail…
  probably bermuda with those other losers

Where The Dickens Is That Rascal Mark Sanford?

As the authorities trace his phone calls so as to locate him and his wife “Jenny” drinks bottle after bottle of zinfandel and morphine in sweatpants while watching her programs, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, a “2012 presidential hopeful,” is currently getting cover from his staff for his insane disappearance. They’ve been claiming all day that he is fine, but they probably have no fucking clue either. What’s the latest make-believe excuse? Read more on Where The Dickens Is That Rascal Mark Sanford?…