Welcome to the Situation Room on uh CN, CNN. Here we have Hilary, Hilary Rose Clinton, no, that’s uhhh, that’s Hilary Rosen, the Obama administration’s president, according the latest, information. Miss Hilary will you, you said last night on CNN’s Best Political… it was the best political team on television, on CNN where you were. […]

Bristol Palin said a very important thing on the Internet, that you should know about. Basically, she heard this Obama guy is handing out apologies to ladies of ill-repute who get blasted by media fart hoses like Rush Limbaugh.

Kansas House Speaker Mike O’Neal took his time quasipologizing for it, but the Republican has finally admitted wrongdoing in forwarding a warm holiday message comparing Michelle Obama to the Grinch by making use of some unfortunate Wind Event that befell Michelle’s hair on some tarmac somewhere. O’Neal apparently “didn’t read” (because he can’t?) the text […]

These are strange times, so it is not too surprising that Herman “Let’s Just Ban All the Mosques” Cain is now just a few Pillars of Islam away from becoming the East Coast’s hottest new imam. Just last week, Herman Cain was very serious about that part in the First Amendment that says mosques are […]

Keith Olbermann is just the sort of guy who would break a network rule against making campaign contributions, and he’s also the sort of guy who would refuse to go on air to apologize to his viewers for such a thing, and apparently this is why his primetime MSNBC show is now an hour-long presentation […]

Ex Rand Paul Bourbon County coordinator Tim Profitt sort of apologized yesterday IF “it appeared overly forceful” when he stomped on that annoying MoveOn woman in the wig. But of course, as we all know, when you stomp on a person’s head, it should really be that person apologizing to you. “I would like for […]

Professional idiot Rick Sanchez has finally released a statement about those things he said about the Jews last week on a satellite radio show, and it turns out he is a bit sorry for saying those things that got him fired! “Despite what my tired and mangled words may have implied, they were never intended […]

Charlie Rangel delivered a rambling speech for more than 30 minutes on the House floor today, and it turns out he doesn’t like ethics violations, or being forced out because of them. “Somebody has to do more than wish I go away,” he said. Mostly, he just wants somebody to do something, because constantly denying […]

“You know, I was reading my newspaper this morning, and it seems Tom Vilsack did something really unfortunate to you, ma’am.” Yes, President Obama has finally called Shirley Sherrod. This may seem like a token expression of common decency after what his administration caused her. But for a long time it didn’t seem he could […]

ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU SERIOUS?  3:38 pm February 3, 2010

by Jim Newell

OH HO HO! “The Special Olympics is disputing the White House claim that its chairman, Tim Shriver, accepted Rahm Emanuel’s apology for calling liberals ‘retarded.’ … ‘Tim can’t do that. He can’t accept an apology on behalf of all people with disabilities.’” Rahm, in response, SWEARS TO FUCKING SHIT that he is THIS FUCKING CLOSE. […]

Yesterday the websites were very upset with Alan Grayson for calling some some Bernanke staffer a “K Street Whore.” Because yeah yeah, he’s a loose cannon and it’s like soo crazy or whatever, but “whore”? Well apparently it’s a term that’s often “correctly” viewed as offensive to women, he… deadpans? “I offer my sincere apology. […]

Republican Arizona congressperson Jeff Flake spent the week on a desert island, literally, and someone asked him how this made him feel. Well, truth is, Jeff Flake hasn’t felt like a man since leavin’ the ranch. Nope, it’s impossible to feel like much of a man at all, with this fancy humans-only society-livin’. “I’ve felt […]

Nancy Pelosi wakes up every day and picks something to make worse. Today it is the ostentatiously minor “Alan Grayson Affair,” in which Floridian Congressman Alan Grayson went sooo crazy at some Orlando Kinko’s and came back with sassy hyperbolic poster-boards. Anyway, so Nancy Pelosi could have easily been like, “Alan: just mumble some bad-faith […]

The notoriously frivolous Fairbanks Daily News-Miner appears to have been caught Making Fun Of Trig, and the managing editor has written an epic apology: “Today I must apologize to Mrs. Palin personally and on behalf of the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner for the choice of words used on the bottom of Wednesday’s front page regarding her […]

Will someone throw some work at George W. Bush’s gang of ex-speechwriters? Recall “Matt Latimer,” an actual alien who wrote an essay for GQ magazine after stumbling across an encyclopedia of all known cliches that he found lodged under some forgotten moon rock on Mars. This latest one, “Josh Trevino,” is not as bad—because he’s […]