Tag: apologies

Let’s Point And Laugh At Dumb Jim Carrey Twitter-Ranting About Vaccines

California finally passed its vaccine bill, removing most religious and personal belief exemptions for vaccination in public schools (almost as if contagious diseases really don't care if you don't "believe" in them). Yay for California! But oh no, what...

Wolf Blitzer Will Put All Of You In, Uhh, All Of You In Timeout

Welcome to the Situation Room on uh CN, CNN. Here we have Hilary, Hilary Rose Clinton, no, that's uhhh, that's Hilary Rosen, the Obama administration's president, according the latest, information. Miss Hilary will you, you said last night on...

Bristol Palin Wants Apology Phone Call From President Obama, NOW

Bristol Palin said a very important thing on the Internet, that you should know about. Basically, she heard this Obama guy is handing out apologies to ladies of ill-repute who get blasted by media fart hoses like Rush Limbaugh. You...

Lawmaking Fool Apologizes for ‘Mrs. YoMama’ E-Mail

Kansas House Speaker Mike O'Neal took his time quasipologizing for it, but the Republican has finally admitted wrongdoing in forwarding a warm holiday message comparing Michelle Obama to the Grinch by making use of some unfortunate Wind Event that...

Herman Cain Is Now Every Muslim Person’s Best Friend

These are strange times, so it is not too surprising that Herman "Let's Just Ban All the Mosques" Cain is now just a few Pillars of Islam away from becoming the East Coast's hottest new imam. Just last week,...

Olbermann Was Suspended For Not Apologizing For Being Olbermann

Keith Olbermann is just the sort of guy who would break a network rule against making campaign contributions, and he's also the sort of guy who would refuse to go on air to apologize to his viewers for such...

Rand Paul Stomper Wants an Apology From Lady He Stomped, Of Course

Ex Rand Paul Bourbon County coordinator Tim Profitt sort of apologized yesterday IF "it appeared overly forceful" when he stomped on that annoying MoveOn woman in the wig. But of course, as we all know, when you stomp on...

Rick Sanchez Releases Statement, Thanks CNN Jew Overlords

Professional idiot Rick Sanchez has finally released a statement about those things he said about the Jews last week on a satellite radio show, and it turns out he is a bit sorry for saying those things that got...

Charlie Rangel Informs House He Is Going To Hang Around, In Long Speech About Himself

Charlie Rangel delivered a rambling speech for more than 30 minutes on the House floor today, and it turns out he doesn't like ethics violations, or being forced out because of them. "Somebody has to do more than wish...

President Obama Finally Calls Shirley Sherrod

"You know, I was reading my newspaper this morning, and it seems Tom Vilsack did something really unfortunate to you, ma'am." Yes, President Obama has finally called Shirley Sherrod. This may seem like a token expression of common decency...

OH HO HO! "The Special Olympics is disputing the White House claim that its chairman, Tim Shriver, accepted Rahm Emanuel's apology for calling liberals 'retarded.' ... 'Tim can't do that. He can't accept an apology on behalf of all...

Alan Grayson’s “K Street Whore” Apology Is So Much Funnier Than The Actual Insult

Yesterday the websites were very upset with Alan Grayson for calling some some Bernanke staffer a "K Street Whore." Because yeah yeah, he's a loose cannon and it's like soo crazy or whatever, but "whore"? Well apparently it's a...

Rep. Jeff Flake Would Like To Redact That Thing About Referring To Himself As A ‘Pansy’

Republican Arizona congressperson Jeff Flake spent the week on a desert island, literally, and someone asked him how this made him feel. Well, truth is, Jeff Flake hasn't felt like a man since leavin' the ranch. Nope, it's impossible...

Nancy Pelosi Would Like To Drag The Alan Grayson Thing Out For Another Hot Sec, If That’s Cool With You

Nancy Pelosi wakes up every day and picks something to make worse. Today it is the ostentatiously minor "Alan Grayson Affair," in which Floridian Congressman Alan Grayson went sooo crazy at some Orlando Kinko's and came back with sassy...

Fairbanks Newspaper In Hot Water With Sarah Palin Over Terrible Pun

The notoriously frivolous Fairbanks Daily News-Miner appears to have been caught Making Fun Of Trig, and the managing editor has written an epic apology: "Today I must apologize to Mrs. Palin personally and on behalf of the Fairbanks Daily...

Douchey No-Name Bush Speechwriter Writes Douchey Racist Thing On Twitter

Will someone throw some work at George W. Bush's gang of ex-speechwriters? Recall "Matt Latimer," an actual alien who wrote an essay for GQ magazine after stumbling across an encyclopedia of all known cliches that he found lodged under...