Wonkette

John McCain said, today, that the “fundamentals of our economy are strong.” He doesn’t even know what this is supposed to mean, of course, because all he knows about the economy is that the Navy gives you money and benefits and the Senate gives you money and benefits and Social Security gives you money and benefits and your Beer Heiress wife buys your seven castles and private jet. But what did the markets have to say? Uh, how about a 504-point drop in the Dow and a 4.7% plunge in the S&P? MORE »

McCain adviser and Krugman-obsessed NRO blogger Donald Luskin has one of his unintentionally hilarious “all economic statistics are a liberal conspiracy by the liberals” things in Sunday’s Washington Post, in which he gives the Obama campaign another Phil Gramm-style gift. “Things today just aren’t that bad,” he writes. And then he proudly quotes the Gramm “mental recession” bit! Is David Plouffe paying this guy? MORE »

Hey everyone, it’s September 9 today, meaning that in only two days it’ll be… what will it be?… uh oh, WE FORGOT. HA HA HA, boy howdy. But yes: in two days it will be the seven (7) year anniversary of the day Rudy Giuliani couldn’t protect his own city from being attacked by commercial airplanes. And so for the next few days the Main Stream Media will “celebrate” with a slew of op-eds that sound like they were written in October, 2001. In today’s New York Times, for example, the Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg has written the most terrifying, apocalyptic piece so far this season: that we have a 50% chance of getting nuked by terrorists in the next 10 years, according to Experts. MORE »

Here are the current Top Headlines at Bloomberg:

• Payrolls in U.S. Fall More Than Forecast; Jobless Rate at Five-Year High
• Mortgage Foreclosures in U.S. Rise at Fastest Pace in Almost Three Decades
• U.S. Stocks Decline After Unemployment Rate Unexpectedly Increases to 6.1%
• Merrill Lynch Cut to `Sell’ at Goldman; Credit-Market Writedowns May Rise
• Gabelli Says Investors Have Good Reason to Worry About Earnings Next Year
• McCain Vows to Change Washington, ‘Restore’ Republican Party’s Principles

Because we are kind of busy, and WTF Jack Reed?, here is your editor’s basic report on what we’re doing, in Denver and Saint Paul and everywhere between, even though your editor just got diagnosed with the Strep Throat. MORE »

DIRT CROSS COLLAPSE: “The White House’s response to the Russia/Georgia war gets a smirking ‘whatever’ from Moscow. Who are we to be telling anyone not to invade little countries? We’ve been doing it with great fanfare and steady failure since Vietnam, and we’re bogged down in so many doomed occupations today that Robot Troops are the only hope. Maybe we can buy some from Japan, on credit. Or that famous swimmer Michael Phelps can save the country by, uh, swimming very fast to various problem zones, like Aquaman.” [Political Machine]

First, plans were made for the Republican convention in St. Paul during the first week of September, at the Xcel Center, starring John “Oh him” McCain. Then, wacky freedom-fighter Ron Paul and his Campaign for Literacy anounced a Paultard rally, a weeklong thing that would also take place during the first week of September, but at the Pepsi Center in Minneapolis. Oh and there’s also a socialist May Day rally of some kind, which we only know about because hey, free Steve Earle concert. But also: dirty hippies and laborists. And today we learn Ralph “Malph” Nader is having his secret rally in Minneapolis, too. MORE »

You know how World War III (the real one) is pretty much starting, between Russia and the ex-Soviet country of Georgia, because the pro U.S. regime in Georgia thought, “Oh hey we are allies of the United States and we like NATO, so we will just go kick a little bit of ass over in this breakaway chunk that wants to be with their pals in Russia across the border,” and then Russia was all, “YOU FAIL WE KILL YOU ALL,” and Bush was playing grab-ass in China at the Olympics, and this is probably going to get uglier. But did you know George W. did his famous dancing in Tbilisi, the Georgian capital, just last year? MORE »

Oh hell, the New York Times op-ed page is now warning of UFOs. Tuesday’s paper had an op-ed by this Nick Pope guy, who was actually the British Government’s factotum who had to take down the Anomalous Aerial Phenomena reports from the English and Scottish people, after they staggered home from the pub. MORE »

Remember how much fun the primaries were, with the math and numbers and the whole “If Hillary gets enough superdelegates then two plus two will equal five, within the confines of Michigan and Florida before May 31 divided by two”? Dust off your abacus because now your favorite News Analysts will be giving themselves mental hernias as they strain to figure out in which way our electoral college and its nutty rules could again leave infuriated Americans ready to hop on the first spaceship to France. MORE »

You’ve been waiting for it all day, and here it is: your “Tuesday Fun Link.” Today’s link directs you to “Boycott McDonald’s,” an effort from some terrible thing called the American Family Association. Naturally, these people are not boycotting McDonald’s because they are starting diets — on the contrary, we assume they are all fat fucks who continue to patronize the likes of Wendy’s, Burger King, and “Sonic” on a daily basis. They are boycotting McDonald’s because of this: “It is about McDonald’s, as a corporation, refusing to remain neutral in the culture wars. McDonald’s has chosen not to remain neutral but to give the full weight of their corporation to promoting the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage.” And GUESS WHAT? This website has a comments section!! MORE »

It’s summertime and the living is terrible.

Would you enjoy a Top Ten List of all the apocalyptic current events proving this is the End of America and probably The World? We thought you’d like that, you elitist doom-porn scumsacks. MORE »

You know what we haven’t done in a while, due to fatigue or nerves or hangovers or whatever it’s called? A Comment of the Day, that’s what! Let’s do one right now, and honor Mr. or Mrs. NebraskashireGentry for this smart economic advice in response to our tragic 4 a.m. Great Depression II post. MORE »

ELECTION DAY OF THE APOCALYPSE: “What hellish skeleton of the American Dream will remain when we finally drag ourselves to the polling place on November 4?” [Political Machine]