June 20, 2013
Sometimes your Wonkette gets so carried away lamenting the ills of American politics that we ignore the bigger picture: The Mayan Apocalypse is coming at the end of the year, and then we won’t have to worry about any of this. Has our government made preparations for the country’s afterlife? It’s time they got a [...]
Back when California used to have the nation’s top public schools (instead of the worst) and biggest state park system (instead of locked-gate meth-lab forests) along with lots of good-paying jobs and an entire population of fit, beautiful, tattoo-free people who spent all their time at the uncrowded beaches talking about philosophy or whatever, the [...]
Oh, sad face again: Millions are still without power in the U.S. Northeast, for about the fifth time this year. Whether caused by hurricanes, October blizzards, tornadoes, earthquakes or mysteriously unknown reasons, the East Coast has been slammed by one catastrophic blackout after another. And experts say it’s just going to get worse, everywhere, as [...]
What will it be like when America’s tensed-up trigger-finger cops are finally let loose upon the populist demonstrations all over the country? We got a pretty good preview early this morning in Oakland, where the Darth Vader-masked shock troops were set upon the peaceful protesters in their small, peaceful encampment. According to witnesses calling in [...]
How are things in the American Heartland this morning? Very terrible, according to this video news report from … a comedy blog? A superhero musical? No, it’s from the Associated Press.
Welcome to Hurricane Irene’s “Rapture Part 2!” Haha, does anyone ever get the feeling that the news media is praying for the apocalyptic demise of America’s populous cities harder than Pat Buchanan? We read the news this morning (especially this one, with a message of doom from space) and concluded that we are all going [...]
Yet another D.C. earthquake! Again centered in Virginia under Eric Cantor’s nuclear dildo factory or whatever! DISASTER STRIKES AGAIN. We have to go to bed, and do not care about 4.5 aftershocks, but perhaps things are actually far worse, and in that case you must Share Your Stories so we can heal, together. Like this.
Just weeks after the American government made its surprise announcement that the Statue of Liberty would be closing for many years, yesterday’s earthquake in Washington D.C. has led to the “indefinite closure” of the iconic Washington Monument. The marble phallus would have to topple over in an aftershock to provide a more fitting visual narrative [...]
Japan finally acknowledged the full horrors at its Fukushima Dai-Ichi nuclear power plant and raised the “severity rating” to 7, the highest on the accident scale and equivalent to the Chernobyl disaster in Ukraine a quarter-century ago. Each step up the International Nuclear and Radiological Event Scale represents a tenfold increase in danger, with an [...]
A devilish hoax called Global Warming is wreaking havoc on the un-ironically named “Dust Bowl,” where the worst drought since the 1920s is turning cropfields to scorched earth while savage wildfires turn the remaining forests into, well, scorched trees. The rains never arrived during “rainy season” and now it’s only the second week of Spring [...]
Do you live on Earth? Then you may soon be the Victim of an Earthquake! Experts say they have never seen so many goddamned earthquakes in what, three months? Does the world hate us? Just for killing all the creatures and building strip malls everywhere and digging up all the mountains to make the components [...]
Barack Obama and the Russian Bear have cut a secret deal to “reduce nuclear weapons,” which means you better get used to your kids bringing home the “Little Red Book” and worshiping the atheist Satan. Let’s liveblog Nobama’s suspicious plan to take our freedoms and send America down the road to Tyranny by “significantly reducing [...]
Stucco housing tracts, evil investment banks, ugly big-box retail strips, dumb show-off high-rises, land-raping golf resorts, Hummers — the nation’s financial collapse has taken down so many awful trophies of American Culture, we should probably send it a Thank You note, maybe with a Linens ‘n Things gift card. But who can afford a card, [...]
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