Wonkette

Here’s your Barack Obama, exiting his limo at Dulles today, and looking a little too sharp and stylish for a president. Who does he think he is, George Clooney? Everybody knows that presidents need to be very decrepit and scary, or dumb clowns, or fat embarrassments, or bitter old ladies. [AP Photo]

Every four years, America learns that young, attractive entertainers like Miss Jennifer Garner support the Democrats, while, uh, Bo Derek supports the Republicans. But this presidential campaign is so different! Why? Because there are now old, ugly entertainers supporting a Democrat. The photo evidence may shock you! MORE »

Now you probably heard about this over the weekend, Hillary drinking the alcohol, because it is obviously the story of the campaign. The one that will determine the presidency. For a little more background: Hillary was being very working class this weekend by drinking alcohol and then shooting guns, in that order. This is what the poor blue-collars do, when not eating Mexicans or, conversely, shooting Mexicans. Take these factors, add some Jesus speak, take the square root and divide it by the average U.S. gas price ($3.37), don’t forget to carry the zero, and it equals OBAMA’S ELITISM. More picture of Hillary getting shitfaced in bitter sugary Indiana below. MORE »

Barack Obama stopped at the ladies’ bicycle races in Indiana on Friday, and were those gals ever happy to see him! When the hugging was over, he raised five billion dollars. [AP Photo/AP Google]

The AP has a funny article up about rich Arab princes buying camels for beauty pageants. Either the AP writer or her editor was masturbating furiously when thinking about these hot, slutty camel minxes, because look at the glorious camel typo:

Camels are registered for beauty contest in several categories, defined by age and skin color. The owners of the top three camels in each category split a $US2 million price fund and each receive a car from a pool of more than 100 4×4 vehicles and pickup trucks.

Five judges asses the camels’ bodies as a whole and their necks, heads, lips, noses, humps, legs and feet separately.

GO ON… [AP] MORE »

This is John McCain at his shanty in Arizona, which he represents in the Senate. [Getty Photo]

APRIL FOOL’S, GOT YOU: It’s actually an AP photo. Haw haw haw!

Mitt Romney joined his “successful” nemesis John McCain on the campaign trail yesterday, and they raised some cash from Mormon Fat Cats and other mountain men in Denver and Salt Lake City. They even rode together on John McCain’s stupid little plane. But Mitt wants to be McCain’s vice president, and McCain wants to woo the “Romney Wing” of the Republican party — Space Elves — so they had to play it nice for the cameramen. Look at how gay they were with each other yesterday, ha ha! The full gay photo tour, after the jump. MORE »

So the AP is doing this big feature on our Five Glorious Years of War In Iraq, and the story will be called, obviously, “Five Years In Iraq: The Blogger War.” And it is illustrated with, of course, a file photo of this Broadway theater during the thrilling run of the musical celebration Hitler’s Children, featuring the legendary blogger Xavier Cugat and, necessarily, the comedic stylings of Henny Youngman. The question is, Who do we need to go back in time and kill in order to prevent all of this from happening? MORE »