Sick of it yet, or were you sick of it before you even knew Sarah Palin existed? Well, sorry, her book is coming out next week and we will just post one comical, reportedly true excerpt after another, until the whole book has been paraphrased by the liberal media, and denounced by the actual people who were there. Next up: “She writes that she sat down with Katie Couric in part because she felt sorry for her, after Nicolle Wallace, a McCain aide, said Ms. Couric suffered from low self-esteem.” A McCain advisor calls this “ridiculous!” MORE »

Hey, a new survey about things people don’t know: Gallup asked some random selection of Americans who haven’t had their phones shut off to rate nine major federal agencies they may or may not have heard about, on the AM radio. The results are … bad news for, let’s see, Ben Bernanke? Sure! MORE »

Anybody who says the Associated Press is not the most important wire service with “AP” as its initials just plain hates good journalism. Following up on yesterday’s scorcher about how there were five (5) other governors who did something vaguely weird once, over the course of American state history, today AP headquarters in New York offers up what just might be the most cogent yet blistering assessment of the Mark Sanford “Argentine Firecracker” scandal thus far: Sanford is a Republican governor doing lame, creepy things … just like all those other Republican governors trying to make a name for themselves in the GOP’s final days. MORE »

The Washington press corps has come full circle, everyone! Famous Karl Rove-loving wingnut Ron Fournier, who is somehow the Washington Bureau Chief for the AP, has written crucial News Analysis of the Obama press conference last night. We know it’s “analysis,” you see, because that word is in the headline: “Analysis: Teleprompter telegraphs Obama caution.” MORE »

• GLOBAL WARMING CONSIDERED A PROBLEM: Oh look, Al Gore wrote an AP article about the so-called “climate” under the pseudonym “Seth Borenstein.” Apparently Obama should fix the Earth, but “complicating everything is the worldwide financial meltdown.” The choice of “meltdown” in that sentence was not an accident, you see. [AP]

It’s an annual tradition for the lucky AP photographer assigned to cover George W. Bush’s Turkey Pardoning Ceremony to take the president’s photo at the most awkward possible nanosecond and then order Drudge to rapidly disseminate the winning shot. While the most famous Immature George W. Bush Turkey Pardoning Ceremony AP Photo will always be the one in which the grateful turkey is giving Bush a blowjob, this year’s winner — and the last ever! — has the photographer channeling that hillbilly ass-rape scene from Deliverance, with the aide clampin’ “city boy” down while Bush fixes to take off them britches. [Drudge Report]

We’ll keep this map live up top, all night long, until it’s settled. [AOL News]

No one likes Michelle Obama because she went to Princeton and then glibly took her degree “on the road,” back to Chicago, where she lived off of welfare, like a slob, up to and including this day. And she hates America! Well, Smartypants gave her “critics” — basically, Michelle Malkin and a few other losers — more reason to attack her today when she asked voters not to decide their vote based on, “she’s cute.” And as the AP tells us in an objective news report, those words were part of an evil guerilla conspiracy against Sarah Palin. MMHMM. MORE »

Sorry, was it just yesterday that mean Ken Layne was mocking the AP for being so awful? Correction: Best news source on the planet … any planet. (Thank you tipster donner_froh.) [AP]

It’s the New Associated Press! Less boring facts and whatever, and more shitty, shitty writing like you might find on a Live Journal, for the Retarded. Let’s enjoy some of the dozens of terrible metaphors in today’s AP feature on how John McCain is a shameful old fraud who should be locked in a bag of snakes and dropped down an oil well — no, wait! John McCain is actually like, uh, a person who plays the accordion. Because he’s super old, right?! Uhhh …. MORE »

John McCain’s best friend Ron Fournier, the Washington editor of the Associated Press, has written a nice news analysis about, what else, Sexism. He notes that McCain strategist Steve Schmidt’s dismissal of the “faux media scandal designed to destroy the first female Republican nominee for the vice president of the United States Famous” is only the beginning of a terrible two-month strategy to employ the SEX CARD, because what else is there to play? More hilariously, Fournier quotes famous wartime rat-fisting mayor Rudy Giuliani *calling other people sexist.* You know, Rudy! The one who dumped his second wife in a teevee news conference, because what the fuck. [AP]