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Posts Tagged “Ap”

photo tours

Barack Obama Is So Weird

Barack Obama has been giving his Hopey speeches at gas stations recently, because they are very costly and he only visits the most expensive centers of commerce to buy things. So after buying his "premium gas" for his Lexus motorcar, he decided to take out his mahogany dais and speak to the Cretins purchasing regular "fossil fuels" with their wooden Discover credit scrip. He looks so dumb doing this, at the gas station, that we must take a full photo tour exposing his Rich dumbness. More »

3:31 PM on Fri Apr 25 2008
By Newell
6,530 views, 92 comments

Latest by elGuapo64: If someone runs over the cords in the top pic, do they go "DING"? more »

papa ratzi

Popemania: George & Laura & Jenna Bush Say Hi To Pope!


The leader of America's religion, Christianity, finally arrived in America today! The president and his wife and their daughter, Jenna, rushed down to the airport to say howdy. The pope held Jenna's hand and cackled, in German, "You're very pretty, for a girl." More »

6:40 PM on Tue Apr 15 2008
By Ken Layne
5,212 views, 104 comments

Latest by Zoro229: Tell me Mr. President, why you keep smiling and winking at me? more »

style

Is Obama Too Cool To Be President?

Here's your Barack Obama, exiting his limo at Dulles today, and looking a little too sharp and stylish for a president. Who does he think he is, George Clooney? Everybody knows that presidents need to be very decrepit and scary, or dumb clowns, or fat embarrassments, or bitter old ladies. [AP Photo]

11:55 AM on Tue Apr 15 2008
By Ken Layne
4,365 views, 63 comments

barack obama

Sexy Celebrities Love Politics Sexy Barack Obama


Every four years, America learns that young, attractive entertainers like Miss Jennifer Garner support the Democrats, while, uh, Bo Derek supports the Republicans. But this presidential campaign is so different! Why? Because there are now old, ugly entertainers supporting a Democrat. The photo evidence may shock you! More »

1:30 PM on Mon Apr 14 2008
By Ken Layne
7,488 views, 42 comments

photo tours

Hillary Gets Drunk, Shoots Indiana With Grandfather's Guns

Now you probably heard about this over the weekend, Hillary drinking the alcohol, because it is obviously the story of the campaign. The one that will determine the presidency. For a little more background: Hillary was being very working class this weekend by drinking alcohol and then shooting guns, in that order. This is what the poor blue-collars do, when not eating Mexicans or, conversely, shooting Mexicans. Take these factors, add some Jesus speak, take the square root and divide it by the average U.S. gas price ($3.37), don't forget to carry the zero, and it equals OBAMA'S ELITISM. More picture of Hillary getting shitfaced in bitter sugary Indiana below. More »

10:04 AM on Mon Apr 14 2008
By Newell
13,062 views, 87 comments

Latest by Please.: I'm just glad they didn't film the part when they starting lighting farts. That older gentleman must be thinking "Jeez, hope she doesn't invite me to her hotel room." What's next, cow tipping? A rap song? She will do or say absolutely more »

yes he can!

Bike-Racing Girls Love Barack Obama


Barack Obama stopped at the ladies' bicycle races in Indiana on Friday, and were those gals ever happy to see him! When the hugging was over, he raised five billion dollars. [AP Photo/AP Google]

3:00 AM on Sat Apr 12 2008
By Ken Layne
2,889 views, 45 comments

camel d'oh

Associated Press Erotically Describes Expensive Camel

The AP has a funny article up about rich Arab princes buying camels for beauty pageants. Either the AP writer or her editor was masturbating furiously when thinking about these hot, slutty camel minxes, because look at the glorious camel typo:

Camels are registered for beauty contest in several categories, defined by age and skin color. The owners of the top three camels in each category split a $US2 million price fund and each receive a car from a pool of more than 100 4x4 vehicles and pickup trucks.

Five judges asses the camels' bodies as a whole and their necks, heads, lips, noses, humps, legs and feet separately.


GO ON... [AP]

4:32 PM on Tue Apr 8 2008
By Newell
679 views, 29 comments

Latest by TGY: @Canuckledragger: Perhaps with a tractor of some sort. more »

funny pictures

John McCain Celebrates April Fool's Day

This is John McCain at his shanty in Arizona, which he represents in the Senate. [Getty Photo]

APRIL FOOL'S, GOT YOU: It's actually an AP photo. Haw haw haw!

7:05 PM on Tue Apr 1 2008
By Newell
4,718 views, 39 comments

Latest by ExposeTheSky: Oh wow that looks so deformed for real. more »

photo tours

America's Winning Response to Eight Years of Bush & Cheney

Mitt Romney joined his "successful" nemesis John McCain on the campaign trail yesterday, and they raised some cash from Mormon Fat Cats and other mountain men in Denver and Salt Lake City. They even rode together on John McCain's stupid little plane. But Mitt wants to be McCain's vice president, and McCain wants to woo the "Romney Wing" of the Republican party — Space Elves — so they had to play it nice for the cameramen. Look at how gay they were with each other yesterday, ha ha! The full gay photo tour, after the jump. More »

1:30 PM on Fri Mar 28 2008
By Newell
10,708 views, 59 comments

Latest by nelore: is that a fake right hand or the left is the one with a problem..i reaaly want to know more »

we are all hitler's children now

If Hitler Won WWII, You'd Be Blogging In German About Iraq


So the AP is doing this big feature on our Five Glorious Years of War In Iraq, and the story will be called, obviously, "Five Years In Iraq: The Blogger War." And it is illustrated with, of course, a file photo of this Broadway theater during the thrilling run of the musical celebration Hitler's Children, featuring the legendary blogger Xavier Cugat and, necessarily, the comedic stylings of Henny Youngman. The question is, Who do we need to go back in time and kill in order to prevent all of this from happening? More »

1:42 PM on Mon Mar 10 2008
By KLayne
1,639 views, 23 comments

Latest by regisgoat: "Good evening, ladies and Germans. Take the Sudetenland...please!" more »

dancing queen

Video Proof Of George W. Bush Dancing, Again


Remember the hilarious dance routine Bush did last week to distract us all from his endorsement of Elderly nut John McCain? There is video proof, thanks to the Associated Press! Enjoy this while we wait for the video of Bush's gay-cowboy Broadway debut. [Associated Press]

1:06 PM on Mon Mar 10 2008
By KLayne
1,171 views, 33 comments

bob dole '96

George W. Bush Dances On The Grave Of McCain's Campaign


Oh, hi Mr. President George W. Bush with the 19% approval rating. What the hell are you doing? Maybe the AP photo caption can help us understand your current problem. Here we go: This three-picture combination of photographs shows President Bush dancing on the North Portico of the White House in Washington, Wednesday, March 5, 2008, as he awaits the arrival of Republican presidential nominee-in-waiting, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak). He just can't stop dancing! Let's enjoy all the photos of this historic thing that just happened — you know, when Bush Jr. endorsed a tiny little elderly dwarf — after the jump. More »

1:59 PM on Wed Mar 5 2008
By KLayne
3,805 views, 55 comments

Latest by HansDog: @Emmanuel Goldstein: What's bothersome is that Dubya looks so happy, reminds me of my blissful 3 year old nephew. more »

danish holiday

George W. Bush's Escape To Waco


Here's your beloved president, just after he landed in Waco, Texas. That's where he goes for his vacations. Loves it there. Loves his dog, too. Good dog. Name's Barney. "See over there, Barney? That's where Clinton killed them Branch Koreans. Good people." More »

8:50 PM on Fri Feb 29 2008
By KLayne
5,254 views, 97 comments

Latest by Jumpin: The dog looks like it has been photoshopped in. Badly. more »

photo tours

Hillary To Dominate Dealbreaking Rhode Island Primary

Lest we get overly concerned with the Texas and Ohio firewall primaries on March 4, the real contest that day is up in heathen Rhode Island, where Hillary spent her Sunday! She donned a yellow sweater that bore the name of that very same state. But what is her plan to win that state? Let’s see if we can determine it through this batch of revealing AP photos. More »

3:35 PM on Mon Feb 25 2008
By Newell
9,587 views, 95 comments

larry craig

Ethics Committee Slaps Larry Craig With Piece of Paper

The best AP article ever, in its entirety:

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Senate Ethics Committee says Idaho Sen. Larry Craig acted improperly in a men’s room sex sting. In a letter Wednesday, the ethics panel says Craig’s attempt to withdraw his guilty plea in a June arrest at a Minneapolis airport was an effort to evade legal consequences of his own actions.

The letter says Craig’s actions brought discredit on the Senate.

The panel took no further action.

Zing? [AP/Google]

8:04 PM on Wed Feb 13 2008
By Newell
1,660 views, 47 comments

Latest by HansDog: What floors me is that the senate is mad that Larry used campaign money (over quarter million) to defend hisself from the guilty plea that he pleaded and then changed his mind. more »

trenchant commentary

AP Lede Of The Year, So Far!

In a story titled “Bush, Congress hit bottom in AP poll,” the dutiful AP scribe, Alan Fram, offers some breakthrough analysis in his lede: “WASHINGTON - It’s almost as if people can barely stand the thought of President Bush and Congress anymore.” Is that you, Fram, or just the terrorists talking? [AP/Yahoo]

11:48 AM on Fri Feb 8 2008
By Newell
510 views, 20 comments

obama supporters

Barack Obama's Grandmother Chooses Race Over Gender!

Hey look, a bunch of wire photographers went to harass Barack Obama’s grandmother, Sarah Hussein Obama, at her chicken home in Kenya today! I suppose this has some sort of… historical significance about the changing face of American politics and the international dialogue on race and what not? All I see is Barack’s grandma and a damn rooster running around. [AP Photo]

4:27 PM on Tue Feb 5 2008
By Newell
6,508 views, 42 comments

retirement activities

Huckabee's Penis Made of Golf Clubs

Now don’t go calling him lazy; if he’s in Florida and going to lose tonight, he might as well play nine holes. We predict low scores, given the newly invented Penis Club’s low center of gravity and ability to hate-molest various thoroughbreds. [AP Photo]

5:20 PM on Tue Jan 29 2008
By Newell
1,959 views, 34 comments