ap
Murderous Charlatan Donald Rumsfeld Still Terrible At Math
Here is a link to a video, since CNN’s embed code is totally borked, for anyone who cares what a disgraced and discredited old sociopath thinks about anything. It is your third most favorite unindicted war criminal, Donald Rumsfeld! He was on the teevee with smarmy phone-raper Piers Morgan, saying words about how scandals are [...]
Alberto Gonzales Offers Totally Hypothetical Example Of How To Investigate, Say, A Leaked CIA Agent’s Name
Well, this is … this is … we don’t even … FUCK! So, there is a bit of kerfuffle and a hullabaloo about the Department of Justice getting a very narrow slice of two months’ worth of phone records from AP while investigating a leak. For context, Fox News has asked for Alberto Gonzales’s thoughts [...]
New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)
OH CRAP ROMNEY’S AHEAD BY TWO POINTS IN THE LATEST AP POLL AND THE LADIES ALL LOVE HIM NOW TIME TO FREAK OUT??? No, don’t worry, libs, your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a 70% chance of winning (and also offers soothing words about how the media specifically pays attention [...]
AP Swims Against Tide With ‘Good Neighbor’ Angle for George Zimmerman Story
Here is an interesting “nut graf” (JOURNALISM!) in a story from the AP about George Zimmerman, the fellow in Florida whom you may have heard (unless you watch FOX* or read Drudge) is claiming self-defense after shooting an unarmed teenage boy while muttering “fucking coons” under his breath. Now, suddenly, people are wondering if the [...]
Diplomat In Austria Tells AP Japan Radiation Has Reached California
Here’s the latest episode of the never-ending reality series, Why Nobody Trusts the Government: Everybody on the West Coast is freaking out because the radioactive plume is reaching North America today, from the melting nuclear plants in Japan, and everybody would probably really like some comforting, hourly updates along the lines of “Yep, we’re talking [...]
Associated Press Attempts To Bore People To Death With Video of Rain
The journalism industry is having a bit of a hard time these last couple of decades, you may have heard. And the main way the journalism industry has responded to the crisis in the journalism industry is by dramatically lowering the quality of the journalism industry’s primary product, which is journalism. Here, in a brilliant [...]
CNBC Publishes Secret AP Election Results; Republicans Lose
What’s the New World Order/Nobama got in store for the Teabaggers on Election Night? Nothing but pain, if these leaked Election 2010 results are to be trusted — and they are “not to be published or broadcast” until the Powers That Be are ready to announce Permanent Halloween for America’s tightly-wound white people. So many [...]
Finances Have Come To Alvin Greene
The latest fundraising figures are in (and by “in,” we mean somebody called Alvin), and it appears a thousand dollars have come to Alvin Greene so far in his lack of a campaign. That’s 1/3500 the amount his opponent Jim DeMint has actively raised, which is an action out of step with The Way. It’s [...]
THEY CALLED HIM ‘TURTLE’: Your Alvin Greene Roundup For Tuesday, July 6
Today the AP has a story about Greene (who, you will remember, is the South Carolina Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate and a practicing Daoist monk) with the BIG REVEAL that he was nicknamed “Turtle” in high school, according to his tennis coach, because yes, Alvin Greene was the only black kid on the high [...]
DOES ANYONE DETECT A TOUCH OF GLOATING IN THIS ASSOCIATED PRESS ARTICLE? “NEW YORK (AP) — A judge has urged that a copyright dispute between an artist and The Associated Press over the Barack Obama ‘HOPE’ image be settled quickly. Federal Judge Alvin Hellerstein said Friday at a hearing in New York that he has [...]
New Study On Taxes Shows Old Statistic That Will Be Misused Again
Whoa you guys, the AP discovered a COMPLETELY SECRET bit of evidence just before tax day to get you all hot and bothered! About 47% of people will pay no federal income tax this year, because they’re all criminals! More or less like last year and the year before that, but maybe you didn’t know! [...]
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