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Tag: ap

Get ready to be sick of winning

Donald Trump Saves Eight Congressional Ethics Jobs From Going To Mexico! (OR DOES HE?)

DEAR MEDIA: STOP GIVING DONALD TRUMP CREDIT FOR THINGS HE DIDN'T DO.

Ocean About To Run Out Of Bluefin Tuna, Life Not Worth Living Any More

So yeah. That's a thing now. BRB, weeping profusely and lamenting the downfall of everything worthwhile in the universe. The AP got their hands on a draft summary of a report from International Scientific Committee for Tuna and Tuna-like Species...
Sad Brazil fan is sad.

Sportsball Year In Review: It Was Mostly Awful!

Sports! Oh man, sports, aren't they great? Shut up, they are too. Here now is your 2014 Wonkette Sportsball Year In Review, because why not? Off-field Hits Plague NFL Sorry to break this to you, Wonketeers, but the NFL remains the...

If This Dog Were Black, The AP Would Say It ‘Looted’ This Wallet

The AP reports -- via the Juneau Empire -- that Maltese pup "Lady Bunny" "found" a dude's wallet, which last he saw was right in his pocket. The AP, calling the dog's deed "great," does not even question whether Lady...

AP Retracts Story Claiming Terry McAuliffe Did A Fraud Because He Did Not Do The Fraud

It's perfectly understandable how someone might see the initials "TM" on a legal document and instantly think "candidate for governor of Virginia and former Clinton jerk Terry McAuliffe!" and then write a widely circulated story about how Terry McAuliffe...

Celebritrash Side-Boob Rag: Obama Worse Than Nixon!

The patriots at Globe Magazine have been warning us from the very start that this Obama was a menace, but did we listen? No, and shame be upon us! Where the hell were we back in February of 2008,...

Murderous Charlatan Donald Rumsfeld Still Terrible At Math

Here is a link to a video, since CNN's embed code is totally borked, for anyone who cares what a disgraced and discredited old sociopath thinks about anything. It is your third most favorite unindicted war criminal, Donald Rumsfeld!...

Alberto Gonzales Offers Totally Hypothetical Example Of How To Investigate, Say, A Leaked CIA Agent’s Name

Well, this is ... this is ... we don't even ... FUCK! So, there is a bit of kerfuffle and a hullabaloo about the Department of Justice getting a very narrow slice of two months' worth of phone records from...

Nice Time: Joe Biden Does Thing

Hey friends! Have you been fighting with your fellow commenters, and all your Twitter friends, and every other liberal in the universe over whether ERIC HOLDER NEEDS TO FUCKING GO, or whether if you say the president did a...

Anchor Baby Michelle Malkin So Mad About Immigrants For A Change

Anchor baby Michelle Malkin is flabbercensed, y'all, about the Associated Press changing its stylebook to avoid namecalling immigrants who don't have all their paperwork in one sock put the final nail in the Lamestream Media's coffin. Not only...

New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)

OH CRAP ROMNEY'S AHEAD BY TWO POINTS IN THE LATEST AP POLL AND THE LADIES ALL LOVE HIM NOW TIME TO FREAK OUT??? No, don't worry, libs, your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a...

AP Swims Against Tide With ‘Good Neighbor’ Angle for George Zimmerman Story

Here is an interesting "nut graf" (JOURNALISM!) in a story from the AP about George Zimmerman, the fellow in Florida whom you may have heard (unless you watch FOX* or read Drudge) is claiming self-defense after shooting an unarmed...

Diplomat In Austria Tells AP Japan Radiation Has Reached California

Here's the latest episode of the never-ending reality series, Why Nobody Trusts the Government: Everybody on the West Coast is freaking out because the radioactive plume is reaching North America today, from the melting nuclear plants in Japan, and...

Associated Press Attempts To Bore People To Death With Video of Rain

The journalism industry is having a bit of a hard time these last couple of decades, you may have heard. And the main way the journalism industry has responded to the crisis in the journalism industry is by dramatically...

CNBC Publishes Secret AP Election Results; Republicans Lose

What's the New World Order/Nobama got in store for the Teabaggers on Election Night? Nothing but pain, if these leaked Election 2010 results are to be trusted -- and they are "not to be published or broadcast" until the...

Finances Have Come To Alvin Greene

The latest fundraising figures are in (and by "in," we mean somebody called Alvin), and it appears a thousand dollars have come to Alvin Greene so far in his lack of a campaign. That's 1/3500 the amount his opponent...