Tag Archives: anus burgers

  thanksgiving at the corner

Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Happy Anus Burger-Turkey Day!
Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of some factory farm turkey. Read more on Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers…
  sesame seed buns and roses

Striking Fast Food Workers Hope To Be Treated As Well As Lab Animals Someday

OK, so here’s a video that you really DO want to see — and we PROMISE there’s no Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh or even My Little Ponies hidden in there — just a short clip from a TED talk by researcher Frans de Waal. And it’s not even one of those awful earnest social-media-will-save-the dolphins TED talks. We provide this clip by way of saying that if capuchin monkeys reject wage inequality, there’s also probably a case to be made for our fellow primates as well, don’t you think? Which brings us to the actual news story that we aren’t at all just using as an excuse to show you the video: Employees of McDonald’s Corp, Wendy’s Restaurants LLC, Burger King Worldwide Inc and others have pledged to walk off their jobs in 50 cities from Boston, Mass, to Alameda, Calif., organizers say … The workers want to form unions and bargain higher wages with their employers without facing retaliation from franchisees or their parent companies. They are demanding $15 an hour, up from $7.25, which is the current federal minimum wage. Now, we want to make absolutely clear that we are not comparing fast food workers to lab monkeys. We’ve done fast food and restaurant work, and we know full well that restaurant employees are sapient human beings with inalienable rights in a complex late-capitalist technological society, which means they can be convinced and bullied to put up with all sorts of shit that no self-respecting capuchin monkey would tolerate. (On the upside, fast food workers are far less likely to be dissected at the end of the work week.) Read more on Striking Fast Food Workers Hope To Be Treated As Well As Lab Animals Someday…
  thanksgiving at the corner

K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of some factory farm turkey. Read more on K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers…
  5'11 all carbon and anusburger

American Hero Eats Sandwich

A special ceremony is planned Tuesday afternoon at McDonald’s in Fond du Lac for Don Gorske. That’s because, since 1972, Gorske has eaten at least two Big Macs a day, which means the 57-year-old will be eating his 25,000th Big Mac on the 39th anniversary of eating his first. Read more on American Hero Eats Sandwich…
  oh well

America About As Awful As Ever

Here are just a few reasons why you should move to the Moon as soon as possible: Predictable asshole Scott Walker has threatened to fire public employees if his famous union-busting bill remains tied up in court. Meanwhile, Barack Obama is frantically Zeppelin-bombing brown people all over the world, for Freedom — and our trillion-dollar deficit woes will soon be over, once we stop wasting federal money on “food for children from low-income families.” Habeas corpus has now been suspended for almost ten years, so if you haven’t paid your taxes yet you will be raped by the CIA, in Lithuania. (We miss the “good old days,” when at least you could masturbate to the dirty, dirty lies about how great Our Nation is — since they usually came out of Dana Perino’s tender, post-911 mouth-hole on C-SPAN Live, so you could fap in real time.) Never Forget. Read more on America About As Awful As Ever…
  food folks and fun

McDonald’s Will Hire 50,000 of America’s 24.3 Million Unemployed

Good news, hamburglars! Industrial cow-parts processor “McDonaldland Corporation” will hire 50,000 of the nation’s 24,300,000 million officially unemployed, “involuntary part-time” and “discouraged” workers. Just show up at your local McDonald’s (or the other one, at the next offramp) on April 19 and you may be one of the lucky .002% of unwanted American laborers to get a job assembling McGriddles at 5 a.m. until robots take over all fast food jobs in 2014. Winning the Future! Read more on McDonald’s Will Hire 50,000 of America’s 24.3 Million Unemployed…
  anti-clown-meat superheroes

Animated Michelle Obama Superhero Kills McDonaldland Clown With Dildo

This is the story that finally almost broke the computers at Next Media Animation, because these Chinese animators have an incredibly hard time making fat people — everyone in the NMA animated video world looks like a 15-year-old skinny kid, even teabaggers. And instead of a worn-out makeup-crusted jowly grandma in a real-estate wig, the NMA team makes Sarah Palin look like some hot piece of Russian tail off the Internet. So, watch as these foreigners — who live in a magical land where people in their 40s really do have the same basic bodies as they did when they were 15 — try to animate obese American children. It’s such a surrender! Read more on Animated Michelle Obama Superhero Kills McDonaldland Clown With Dildo…
  game over

Scientists Predict ‘Tsunami of Obesity’ Will Destroy Humankind

Close your eyes and imagine that you are drowning in a giant ocean of human belly fat. Does this image make you unhappy? Too bad, according to scientists who say that we are all going to die in a terrible man-made lard storm. The entire world is facing a pandemic of cardiovascular disease, mostly because of the billions and billions of anus burgers served, and the sugar that everybody drinks all the time, every single day nonstop. “More than one in 10 of the world’s population is obese,” and the United States has the #1 fastest-growing obesity problem! Read more on Scientists Predict ‘Tsunami of Obesity’ Will Destroy Humankind…
 

Best-Ever NYT Columnist Ends Best-Ever Column (It’s a Food Column)

This didn’t get a lot of traction on the political blogs yesterday, but the very excellent Mark Bittman of the New York Times announced that he’s ending the greatest newspaper column ever, “The Minimalist,” which is a column that very quickly shows you how to make pretty much anything, with whatever’s in your fridge and pantry (if you actually buy vegetables and spices now and then). Read more on Best-Ever NYT Columnist Ends Best-Ever Column (It’s a Food Column)…
  it's morning in america

Obama’s State of the Union Speech Is/Will Be Bad Because ….

Republican time travelers have a very strong argument against Barack Obama’s state of the union speech — the speech he will give tonight — and it basically goes like this: “Oh yeah, well then why doesn’t everyone have a job?” If, by chance, he announces that everyone as of this moment has a steady job, because of Magick, they will respond with “Oh yeah, and how are we supposed to afford that?” This is a pretty good response, either way, probably, as America’s political media and lobbyists and perhaps a few other oddballs here and there get ready for the anti-social event of the season. From Washington to Maryland to Northern Virginia, people who make their living from the political process will glumly/gladly watch Obama’s speech as Members of Congress sit or stand or applaud or yell “You Lie!” Nothing compares to the excitement. Read more on Obama’s State of the Union Speech Is/Will Be Bad Because ……. Read more on Obama’s State of the Union Speech Is/Will Be Bad Because …….
  district of cord

DC Burger Battle Just a Proxy War For Lawyers v. Humans

Besides Bride Wars, Junkyard Wars and Star Wars, my favorite military engagements are burger wars. Lucky for me, and unlucky for dignity, there are actual adults currently waging a burger war in the heart of Dupont Circle, a really sort of fine part of town that idiot teabaggers call a “gay area.” Lawyers are mad at some burger joint and the burger joint people are all, “Screw you, stupid lawyers” — meaning, they lost to the law firm. I am an unpatriotic vegetarian, so it is educational to watch people get angry about the ground-meat sandwiches! Read more on DC Burger Battle Just a Proxy War For Lawyers v. Humans…