anus burger
Happy ‘BP Destroyed the Gulf of Mexico Forever’ Day!
Good morning, dead baby dolphins! It’s hard to believe that today marks the first anniversary of the Gulf of Mexico being poisoned forever. Does anyone even remember what the Gulf was like before murdered sea creatures started washing up on the beaches? Or what little children used to play with and get cancer from before [...]
575-Pound Arizona Anusburger Mascot Guy Dead At 29
It seems we’re working on an “Arizona Trilogy” today, as part of “Trilogy Week” here at Wonkette. (Yesterday was “Americans Unleash Vile Hate On American Muslims” day. Did you enjoy that?) Anyway, the third of our Arizona Stories today concerns 575-pound Blair River, a shockingly fat person who occasionally worked as the spokesmodel for the [...]
Obama’s State of the Union Speech Is/Will Be Bad Because ….
Republican time travelers have a very strong argument against Barack Obama’s state of the union speech — the speech he will give tonight — and it basically goes like this: “Oh yeah, well then why doesn’t everyone have a job?” If, by chance, he announces that everyone as of this moment has a steady job, [...]
Drop Off Your Ballot and Pick Up a Delicious American Anus Burger
There’s no better salve for the empty feeling you get after casting your ballot than the gooey greasy salt-fat blob of a delicious anus burger sliding down your throat to rest in your gut alongside the “beef tallow” sodium stick fries and 72 ounces of corn syrup you just consumed as an appetizer. You might [...]
Here’s Your Video of McNugget Lady Going Nuts
How are things in McDonaldland, USA? Pretty bad, we bet! Here’s the “State of the Union,” as video-recorded by a robot camera over the McDonald’s drive-thru somewhere. (Oh and your Wonkette has an “arrangement” with this news-video company, so whatever commercial you suffer through is actually sending a little money to your Wonkette writers who [...]
All of America Captured In Single Photograph
Wonkette operative “Lily E.” was just driving around the outskirts of Madison, Virginia, this weekend when she was compelled to snap this picture of America 2010. It’s all there, everything. Everything.
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