Tag Archives: antonin scalia

  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy

Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. Moore to complain that we STOLED her brilliant idea that was hers first. And so we proudly present “Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore.” Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy…
  talk is cheap and speech is free

Supreme Court Will Totally Decide Lying Anti-Abortion Group Has Constitutional Right To Lie

You solved the problem of lying in politics when you were like six years old. “Just pass a law against telling lies!” dumb little like-six-year-old you said, adorably. But it wasn’t that easy. “No, little you,” said a wise adult. “We have free speech in this country, which means that you can’t stop people from saying things even if they’re not true.” Then maybe the wise adult went on to explain that that’s not entirely true, that sometimes a lie actually can be illegal, in which case it’s called “libel” or “slander” depending on something, you were well beyond listening by then and already had a dozen Legos up your nose as you daydreamed about tort reform. Well, it turns out that little you was onto something after all. In the coming months, the Supreme Court will hear Susan B. Anthony List v. Dreihaus, in which the anti-abortion group Susan B. Anthony List is suing for its right to sue to put up a big billboard that says “SHAME ON STEVE DREIHAUS! Dreihaus voted FOR taxpayer-funded abortion.” Steve Dreihaus did no such thing, which means this billboard is A Lie and is therefore illegal under Ohio’s awesome False Statements Law. But but but free speech! But but… abortions! Buuuut DEMOCRATS! Read more on Supreme Court Will Totally Decide Lying Anti-Abortion Group Has Constitutional Right To Lie…
  You know who else was just like Hitler?

2013’s Person Of The Year: Hitler, Who Was Just Like Hitler

Oh 2013, how we will miss you and your multitudes of bad analogies, even though we are pretty sure 2014 will bring us even more bad analogies, because America is awful and Americans are awful, and it is now standard practice to compare anything you do not like to really bad stuff and/or really bad people. Like Hitler. (Or, on occasion, if you’re feeling creative, Rwanda.) The Republicans’ government shutdown this year was basically like the Battle of Gettysburg. Why? Because! A similar trend this year is to compare horribly awful terrible people who do horribly awful terrible things to great heroes who did great things because why not? Like, the Duck Dynasty dude is like Rosa Parks. Why? Because! (See also Ted Nugent, who is like Rosa Parks, according to Ted Nugent.) And of course Rick Santorum is just like Nelson Mandela, in that Rick Santorum is trying to destroy health care and Nelson Mandela gave his country health care, but if you forget that Santorum is doing the opposite of what Mandela did, they’re basically exactly the same guy. You can’t even tell them apart! But nothing tops the bad Hitler analogies because Jesus, that has become more popular than taking feminist twerking selfies at funerals. EVERYTHING is basically just like Hitler nowadays. Let us do the squiggly line flashback thingy where we fondly recall all the ways America’s Greatest Idiots idiotsplained to us how things they do not like are JUST LIKE HITLER. Read more on 2013’s Person Of The Year: Hitler, Who Was Just Like Hitler…
  Legal Mumbo Jumbo

Scalia Wrote Supreme Court’s Order Allowing Texas Abortion Law To Remain In Effect, Is A Dick

The story so far: Under a hail of imaginary bricks and pee jars and real sexy Wendy Davises, Texas’s state legislature passed a law that says all current abortion providers must have admitting privileges at a hospital within 30 miles of their clinics. Supporters of the bill said it was to help ladies be healthier, not to stop them from getting abortions WINK WINK they are WINKing because of course it was to stop them from getting abortions, dummy! Then we got excited when a District Court found the nobortions part of the law unconstitutional, but that Nice Time was short-lived because the Fifth Circuit court issued a stay of judgment against the District Court, what a dick move! Incidentally, saying “dick move” three times in front of a mirror is how you call Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, who just wrote the Supreme Court’s refusal (PDF) to vacate the thing that overturned the thing that stopped the thing that stopped the abortions. It’s minor Scalia, but parts of it are interesting, like when Nino tells us about Logic: Read more on Scalia Wrote Supreme Court’s Order Allowing Texas Abortion Law To Remain In Effect, Is A Dick…
  Terrizm!

Washington Times Op-Ed: Investigating Scott Walker Based On Leads From Six Criminal Associates Is ‘Political Terrorism’

Judson Phillips is known to your Wonkette as a guy who once wrote that Barack Obama just might be a crack-smoking gay sexer, which was fun. Now he’s got some words in the Washington Times (yeah but still) about how the current criminal probe into Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker’s Forever Campaign (because he is always being recalled) is “political terrorism,” and the Bush-backed special prosecutor on the case is a “political terrorist.” Ha… ha? See, Scott Walker had some friends who worked for him and/or gave him money, and now those folks  have been convicted of various crimes, so sad! Bad friends that they are, they’ve allegedly said some things that amount to: “Scott Walker’s campaign did such and such crimes.” None of this is mentioned in Judson’s column of course, because shut up, it’s political terrorism something something gay marriage. Read more on Washington Times Op-Ed: Investigating Scott Walker Based On Leads From Six Criminal Associates Is ‘Political Terrorism’…
  won't someone please think of the white folks?

Constitution Hero Antonin Scalia Sagely Explains 14th Amendment Not Only For ‘The Blacks’ Anymore

Antonin Scalia, the U.S. Supreme Court’s token white male, had a very important reminder for all you justice fans out there yesterday. During oral arguments in a Michigan affirmative action case, Scalia pointed out that “The 14th Amendment protects all races,” and not “only the blacks.” You see, this is why we have a Supreme Court, because otherwise such insights would only be discussed by bloggers and people carrying handmade signs. The blacks were not immediately available for comment. Read more on Constitution Hero Antonin Scalia Sagely Explains 14th Amendment Not Only For ‘The Blacks’ Anymore…
  Sympathy for the Devil

Scalia Strews Seeds Of Sanity Among Mountains Of Madness In New York Magazine Interview

By now you are probably aware that Antonin Scalia, the Supreme Court Justice most likely to haunt your dreams, got asked some really solid questions by New York Magazine lady Jennifer Senior, and some of his answers turned out to be rather wacky. He doesn’t know for sure if he knows any gay people! He literally believes the Devil walks among us! He doesn’t even watch Duck Dynasty all that much! Oh and also, he gets all his news from right-wing fishwrappers and talk radio. Have you ever suspected that you are better informed than Antonin Scalia? CONFIRMED!  But here’s the thing — he said some fairly sane, reasonable stuff too. Actually, shouldn’t that be the headline here? ‘Old, Bellicose Man Has Brief Moments of Lucidity’? See for yourself! Read more on Scalia Strews Seeds Of Sanity Among Mountains Of Madness In New York Magazine Interview…
  you get a gold star

Why Is US America Turning Into Nazi Germany? Antonin Scalia Explains It All

It’s another day, so you know what that means. Some obscure conservative will say something stupid about how our society is turning into Nazi Germany because of teh gehys and silly womyn wanting to abort all the babies on the planet. Which no-name loon will we be mocking today? Via The Atlantic Wire: [Justice Antonin] Scalia opened his talk with a reference to the Holocaust, which happened to occur in a society that was, at the time, “the most advanced country in the world.” One of the many mistakes that Germany made in the 1930s was that judges began to interpret the law in ways that reflected “the spirit of the age.” When judges accept this sort of moral authority, as Scalia claims they’re doing now in the U.S., they get themselves and society into trouble. Wait, is Yr Wonkette really telling you that a FUCKING SUPREME COURT JUSTICE just compared our society to Nazi Germany?!?!1? Yep. Because fuck Monday.  Read more on Why Is US America Turning Into Nazi Germany? Antonin Scalia Explains It All…
  At Least They Don't Wear Wigs

Antonin Scalia’s New Judicial Philosophy: Us And What Army?

Here’s a thing Justice Scalia said during oral arguments on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act (AKA B. Hussein Soetoro’s Diktat on the Punitive Application of Collectivist Death Panels v. Bald Eagle) that is quite typical of him: “An equally evident constitutional principle is the principle that the Federal Government is a government of enumerated powers and that the vast majority of powers remain in the States and do not belong to the Federal Government. Do you acknowledge that that’s a principle?” A better question might be: Does Scalia? We are just asking because he did not mention this “principle” in his petulant dissent, best read in hisses, (pdf) in United States v. Windsor, the case where Justice Kennedy bestowed his Federal Dignity upon the gays. It’s kind of weird that Scalia didn’t bring this up, seeing as endlessly grumbling “Where in the Constitution does it say ____?” is pretty much his entire judicial philosophy. Read more on Antonin Scalia’s New Judicial Philosophy: Us And What Army?…
  ethics reviews are so hot right now

Nerd Out Nice Time: Chief Justice Roberts Does A Good Thing

Remember that time when we turned you on to the sweet sweet sounds of Edith Jones, super-racist federal judge? Well, Chief Justice Fancypants John Roberts does not like her new sound. In fact, he’s given it the never-coveted zero stars AND tacked on a formal ethics review: Chief Justice John Roberts of the U.S. Supreme Court formally ordered on Wednesday that a rare public judicial misconduct complaint against 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Edith Jones be reviewed by officials in a different circuit — one based in the nation’s capital. This is kind of a big fucking deal, you guys, because it pretty much never ever ever happens. Read more on Nerd Out Nice Time: Chief Justice Roberts Does A Good Thing…
  justices should be seen and not heard

Female SCOTUS Justices Gettin’ Mighty Uppity With Their ‘Questions’ And Such

In 1978, future Associate Justice of the Supreme Court and most awesome woman in the entire galaxy Ruth Bader Ginsburg was giving a presentation to that same esteemed body for a case dealing with how gender should be treated by the equal protection clause (an issue which has always been kind of been a bugaboo for RGB). The last question from the bench came from preeminent fascist pill head William H. Rehnquist, who took the opportunity to ask his future colleague a “joke” by saying “You won’t settle for putting Susan B. Anthony on the new dollar..?”. Bader Ginsburg said nothing, because she knew her damn place. Sadly, it seems that this important lesson on how best to be a lady lawyer is lost on this new generation of female justices, who are daring to speak their mind and are totally fucking up the vibe of what was once Washington’s best robed-themed drinking club with all their talk about “equality” and “jurisprudence.” To make matters worse, the awful Goddess Coven of Bader-Ginsburg, Kagan, and (especially) Sotomayor are feminizing and “personalizing” the law, which is making it really difficult for adorable megalomaniacs like Anton Scalia to reassert the court’s traditional role of quashing hope and destroying progress for anyone other than white men and corporations. Luckily Sandy Rios of American Family Radio is addressing this important issue in the law before bitches ruin everything. Read more on Female SCOTUS Justices Gettin’ Mighty Uppity With Their ‘Questions’ And Such…
  nothing certain except death and taxes and having to suck up to justice kennedy

Whiny Gays Finally Get Day in Court, Keep Whining Anyway

Hey gay homosexuals! Be happy! The Supreme Court is going to hear your gay cases about all the sick things you gays do, like get married and serve in the military. Wait, what? You’re NOT uniformly happy that the Supreme Court will hear your gay cases because there’s some complex different issues blah blah blah? WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM US? Read more on Whiny Gays Finally Get Day in Court, Keep Whining Anyway…
  jefferson grew hemp etc

Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed

Does Dr. Professor Congressman Ron Paul count as one of our “pantheon of fallen heroes”? No, because he has chosen to leave Congress voluntarily, which means that he is Undefeated, forever. The fact that he is using his God/Constitution-granted Liberty to walk away from Congress has probably gotten him thinking, though, thinking about how Liberty means you should be able to walk away from anything. You should even be able to walk away from America, if you are a state that hates Barack Obama … or one that loves weed. Oh, did we just blow your mind with that last one? Read more on Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed…
  death's last laugh

Your Supreme Court Health Care Liveblog of the Century

The Supreme Court will announce at 10 a.m. whether America is allowed to have health care ever again. Haven’t we gotten spoiled, America? We don’t need health care. What we need is more personal liberty to destroy ourselves and not pay for it. We need more of that. Let’s see what the naked Scalia monster god decides today. Our bet is… uphold 6-3! No… strike down mandate 5-4? Strike down everything 9-0, there we go. Now let’s liveblog a few hours of the teevee, and Twitter. Read more on Your Supreme Court Health Care Liveblog of the Century…
  the guy's on fire

Scalia: If States Can Resrict Those Freed Slaves, Then Why Not Messicans?

The Supreme Court conducted a vile smear against the noble state of Arizona today by shooting down most of SB 1070, the law that restricts illegal Mexicans from existing. Our old pal Antonin Scalia, writing the dissenting opinion, simply didn’t care for his peers’ decision. As Scalia sees it, states = sovereign, so states can do whatever they want, however they want it, to keep the filthy Mexicans outside looking in. Where is the problem? Southern states did this all the time with freed slaves, so why can’t they do it with the taco people? Read more on Scalia: If States Can Resrict Those Freed Slaves, Then Why Not Messicans?…
  america's favorite justices

Antonin Scalia Was Wrong To Uphold Everything, Will Now Destroy Everything

Only a day or several days or a week until the Supreme Court saves America from the scourge of universal health care… or doesn’t? What’s for sure is that Justice Antonin Scalia is going to vote against it like a motherfucker, because he is a Tea Party Republican. You may recall how our nation’s foremost legal experts for years had been suggesting that Scalia would vote to uphold based on precedent and his past rulings in favor of an expansive reading of the Commerce Clause. For Scalia now to vote against ObamaCare would mean that he’s completely changed his mind and now rejects 70 years’ of court rulings. And look at this: Scalia has a book coming out in which he says he’s completely changed his mind and now rejects 70 years’ of court rulings! Read more on Antonin Scalia Was Wrong To Uphold Everything, Will Now Destroy Everything…
  got me on my knees ayla

Daughter Of Regular-Guy-With-Six-Houses Scott Brown Totally Loving Her Obamacare

Regular Joe/guy with six houses/US Senator from the great state of TAXACHUSETTS Scott Brown would like to run Obamacare over with his famous pickup truck! Massachusetts already HAS health care, after all, thanks to Obamacare godfather MittRomneyCare, so why should they have to kick in for the tabs of all those other stupid states? (You know: like blue states always kick in for the welfare of Alabammy and Alaska, even though Alaska is already socialist.) But maybe until Scott Brown has killed Bammerzcares dead his hot rock star daughter could take advantage of staying on her parents’ insurance until she turns 26? Sure, why the hell not! Read more on Daughter Of Regular-Guy-With-Six-Houses Scott Brown Totally Loving Her Obamacare…
  ruling from the fox news back bench

Scalia Shares Gratuitously Jerky Comment About Illegals Right on Cue

Attention-whoring nematode Antonin Scalia would like to take a regularly scheduled opportunity to remind America that his is a lifetime appointment and professionalism be damned, on this the occasion of the national attention being paid to the SCOTUS hearing on the constitutionality of Arizona’s “Let’s have a Mexican-hunting party” SB 1070 law, and therefore let you know that illegal immigrants are somewhat like bank robbers. Seems about right, what with how illegal immigrants are constantly stealing money for a living, by working for it at below-market wages. Read more on Scalia Shares Gratuitously Jerky Comment About Illegals Right on Cue…
  wonkette art contests

Wonkette Book Contest: Vote For Your Favorite Disturbing Maddow/Scalia/Alien Art!

Democracy is democratizing at the Wonkette blog! We received so many excellent submissions for our “make a dumb computer picture of Rachel Maddow fighting aliens and/or Antonin Scalia” Art Contest that your usually totalitarian editor has decided not to unilaterally pick the winner based on whatever would piss off the community most. We did, however, cull the field down to ten finalists, which you can view and vote on below. Indeed, difficult decisions were made. We appreciate all submissions and applaud the submitteurs. (On the other hand, suck it, losers. Way to lose!) And before you click the clicky, one more exciting new detail: We will now be giving away two (2) autographed copies of Maddow’s book, so now two (2) people out of several dozen will not have completely wasted their time making dumb computer pictures. Everyone’s a winner! Okay, now go ahead and click the clicky. Read more on Wonkette Book Contest: Vote For Your Favorite Disturbing Maddow/Scalia/Alien Art!…
  wingnut rules

Scalia & Thomas Have Anti-Obamacare Dinner (Kagan Should Recuse)

Notorious fringe-right “originalist” boobs Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas were so happy with the announcement that the Supreme Court will be hearing a challenge to the health care reform law that they celebrated immediately afterward by boozing it up with the legal team that will be arguing against the law. According to the Los Angeles Times, the Scalia/Thomas duo hit a Federalist Society dinner to pretend to listen to what other people think about the Obamacare law before they eventually and inevitably knock it down. Read more on Scalia & Thomas Have Anti-Obamacare Dinner (Kagan Should Recuse)…
  isn't it ironic

SCOTUS Upholds ‘Violence OK’/’Porn Not OK’ Free Speech Rule For Kids

Your SCOTUS has been hard at work striking down a California law banning the sale of violent video games to children, because Free Speech. Hurray for the First Amendment! Children still may not buy the nudie magazines, GOD FORBID, but it is their First Amendment right to blow up, mow down, run over, dismember, stab or sexually assault an imaginary human being on a teevee screen, for freedom. Read more on SCOTUS Upholds ‘Violence OK’/’Porn Not OK’ Free Speech Rule For Kids…