• Justice Scalia speaks out against “homosexual sodomy,” boy/girl buttlove still totally awesome. [Raw Story]

• That feeling of dying a little on the inside you get when you read about the latest thing the President has done? Yea, his father gets it too. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Iraq is now in full-scale civil war. American troops will be unaffected as their orders remain, “just shoot everybody.” [The Swamp]
• If Venezuela gets the open seat on the UN Security Council, they will, “cockblock John Bolton at every turn.” [The Corsair]
• Cindy Sheehan planted her surgically removed uterus in the ground in Crawford, TX. [Hot Air]
• Bush now mining the fertile fields of late ’80s Tom Cruise movies for talking points. [HuffPo]
• Japan reconsidering nuclear weapons — if created, the warheads would be stored in a 5-missle changer available in either black or silver. [Captain's Quarters]

• House GOP leadership must admit to A. possible criminal conspiracy, B. complete incompetence, or C. a lingering hope that one day Mark Foley would start liking cocks with a little hair on them. [The Left Coaster]

• Brian Ross: a careerist Democratic mastermind who lied to influence the elections, and who even now sits at home rapping his fingers on a desk made from the bones of his crushed enemies. [The Jawa Report]
• Iranian uranium tourism to start soon, ribbon cutting by Johnny Knoxville. [Al Jazeera]
• There’s no fooling Justice Scalia, he knows no Mexican can resist the primordial call of the Cuervo. Further Scalia questioning concerned funny hats and laziness. [Above The Law]
• Don Sherwood wants you to know his drunken whoring never interfered with his tax cutting. [Hotline On Call]
• New Google “Truth Predictor” to instantly analyze bullshit from politicians, tell you if its brown and solid or green and runny. [Captains Quarters]
• Old Bush rips into young Bush’s Presidential style, or just forgets to mention his name — old people, can’t trust ‘em. [HuffPo]
• But you can count on them to keep a pulse going in the dead-tree news business, just ask Howard Dean’s mom. [Gawker]

• WMATA to hand out free bottles of water tonight at Dupont Circle station, after your sweaty ass foots it up the broken escalator they can’t figure out how to fix. [Metroblogging DC]

• WaPo reporter and HGTV decorator in pissy little pissing match. [Fishbowl DC]
• Never, ever underestimate the stupidity of tourists. [Eavesdrop DC]
• Venerable Italian restaurant closing, forcing Justice Scalia’s blood to return to only 40% pure parmigiana. [Metrocurean]

• Heard on the Hill: Rep. Rob Simmons (R-Conn.) “gave an impassioned defense of the use of dog booties.” to the Homeland Security Committee Wednesday… House Majority Leader John Boehner never thought he’d get elected, because people pronounce his name “Boner.” [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: Rep. Ralph Hall (R-Texas) and former Rep. Billy Tauzin (R-La.) are performing a vaudeville comedy routine at the Shakespeare Theatre Company, accompanied by “congressional band” the Second Amendments. [The Hill]
• Reliable Source: NPR correspondent Daniel Schorr is turning 90 next month. NPR had a party for him and named a studio after him… Antonin Scalia “downed ceviche and pisco sours” at a farewell party for the Peruvian Ambassador. [WP]
• Lowdown: CBS News pulled an interview with a Canadian activist, possibly because they fear aggravating President Bush. [NYDN]
• Page Six: For reasons unfathomable to everyone, Charles Barkley sides with John ‘Cougar’ Mellencamp in his feud with Dan Quayle. [NYP]

Just this morning, the Supreme Court struck down the Bush Administration’s plan to try Guantanamo detainees before military commissions, as violative of both U.S. law and the Geneva Conventions. The decision in Hamdan v. Rumsfeld was 5-3, with the conservatives — Justices Scalia, Thomas, and Alito — in dissent. (Chief Justice Roberts was recused, since he had ruled on the case — in favor of the government — as a lower court judge.) MORE »

* Jon Stewart has no illusions — if he were any funnier, he’d be dead. [The Apiary] MORE »

Supreme Court justices are people too. And like all good Americans, they love going to the movies. From today’s Reliable Source:

So what if you have 25 cases to wrap up by the end of the month? No reason the whole office can’t bail out a little early one night to catch a movie together!

For the folks on the Supreme Court, a retirement was even more cause for a midweek treat. On Wednesday afternoon, all nine justices — plus recently retired colleague Sandra Day O’Connor and a handful of spouses — sneaked over to the Library of Congress for a private screening of the John Wayne classic “Red River.”

More details and commentary, after the jump.

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The conventional wisdom was that Samuel Alito, if confirmed to the Supreme Court, would turn out to be Antonin Scalia’s trusty conservative sidekick. Hence the popularity of the nickname “Scalito.”

But maybe the conventional wisdom was wrong. Justice Alito has only been on the Court a few months, and he’s already pissed off Nino. Tony Mauro of the Legal Times reports:

Alito wrote Zedner v. United States for a unanimous Court on Monday, siding with a criminal defendant in a dispute over interpretation of the Speedy Trial Act. But Scalia, while joining the decision, wrote a concurrence criticizing Alito for citing the legislative history of the statute, which Scalia believes is irrelevant.

“Because the use of legislative history is illegitimate and ill advised in the interpretation of any statute — and especially a statute that is clear on its face — I do not join this portion of the Court’s opinion,” Scalia wrote.

The lovers’ quarrel explained, after the jump.

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Spotted this week were some damn fine Americans, with a whole lot of shiny metal at home on their mantels. Mia Hamm has her World Cup trophies, Anderson Cooper has his Emmy, Michael Hayden has all that weird military stuff on his shirt, and Jimmy Carter has that thing they call a Nobel. Not everyone can be number one, though, so just enjoy what you can — like Donald Rumsfeld and his juicy steaks, or Antonin Scalia and his fancy car. Feed your need for life envy; there are lots more people richer than you. Check out the sightings, after the jump.

Oh, and intern season is here! It sure is great that just as soon as the laminate dries on their cute little “109th Congress Intern” badges, they’re off and sending us tips. Act like an intern and send in your own via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, and the name of the fancy pants you spotted. We won’t pay you anything, just like real interns!

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This week’s pre-Memorial Day edition of Wonk’d has everyone’s favorite White House golden boy, Karl Rove, and original press nightmare, Ari Fleischer, in good seats watching the Nationals. Some of the senior citizens in our government, like Antonin Scalia and Donald Rumsfeld, must think baseball is for kids — they only go to fancy parties. Maybe when Scooter Libby and Matt Cooper learn to dress properly, they’ll get invited out too. If he needs to get somewhere, Matt will probably be on Metro, along with his buddy Andy Card, as opposed to being chauffeured everywhere like carbon-hoarding Barack Obama. It’s three whole days before any more Wonk’d, so get everything you can now, after the jump!

So many games, festivals, and parties in Washington these days, and the in-crowd can’t stay away. If you see one of them, let us know by email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, along with the powerbroker’s (or shill’s, or actor’s, of foreign head-of-state’s) name. You send ‘em, we print ‘em - everybody wins!

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Oh, Nino. What would we do without you? MORE »