Tag Archives: antonin scalia

  Here have some news n stuff

Awww, Is Justice Scalia Having A Bad Day? Good.

What's the difference between real life and TV? Who knows? Who cares?
You’ve probably heard by now that yet another state — this time, the Kansas-shaped one — has gone and gotten itself all gayed up and equalified, thanks to a very brief “yup, go ahead and marry whomever you want, we are so bored with this conversation” order from the Supreme Court on Wednesday. It’s hardly even news anymore when you think about it, because, AHEM, this is what is happening right here in these United States in this, the 21st century. But there’s one interesting little thing to note about this particular order, per SCOTUSblog: Read more on Awww, Is Justice Scalia Having A Bad Day? Good….
  Stick to TED Talks

Sixth Circuit Strikes Down Gay Marriage For Stupid Reasons That Are Dumb

But we're leaving out The Gay, right? Right!
Well, looky here, the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals has decided to cram homophobia down everyone’s throats. Talk about judicial activism! In a 2-1 decision, the three-judge panel — with the dissenter writing a most epic dissent, but we’ll get to that — ruled in DeBoer v. Snyder that it is perfectly fine and legal, and probably also good for the children, to ban marriage equality in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee. The court uses a lot of fancy legal jargon like “strict scrutiny” and “rational basis review” and lots of citations to lots of cases to make it look like the judges are just doing their jobs, but when you cut out all of that lawtalk, the basic premise of the court’s decision to overturn the lower courts’ decisions is that, as judges, they cannot possibly decide whether it is constitutional to discriminate against gay people for being gay. What are they — judges? Read more on Sixth Circuit Strikes Down Gay Marriage For Stupid Reasons That Are Dumb…
  No points on your record if you repent now

Indiana Traffic Cop Will Save Your Soul With A Warning Ticket And Some Jesus

Stop in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ
Indiana State Trooper Brian Hamilton seems like a super nice guy. He’s the kind of cop who will let you off with a warning ticket if you happen to make an (allegedly) illegal pass. And then he will take that extra step to make sure your soul is good and saved with a few personal questions you can’t choose not to answer on account of how he has you pulled over, and he is a state trooper and all. Read more on Indiana Traffic Cop Will Save Your Soul With A Warning Ticket And Some Jesus…
  Thomas Jefferson Died For Your Sins

Antonin Scalia Has Magic Jesus Constitution, Has So Much Jesus All Up In It

TOO S-M-R-T FOR YOU.
Supreme Court Justice and strict constructionist Antonin Scalia told an enraptured (if only!) crowd at Colorado Christian University today that the First Amendment’s Establishment Clause doesn’t actually require complete separation of church and state, because magic: Read more on Antonin Scalia Has Magic Jesus Constitution, Has So Much Jesus All Up In It…
  Trollerderby

Satanic Temple Rides Hobby Lobby To Obvious Conclusion: Abortions For Everyone! (Updated)

Careful of your 'empty hole,' ladies and gents.
Update: Yes, the Hobby Lobby decision was of course written by Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia’s Mini-Me. Wonkette regrets the error from here to British Columbia Alberta. The only thing that can stop a bad guy who’s trolling is a good guy who’s trolling. Enter the Satanic Temple, a group of happy warriors (for Satan) who have graced these digital pages before. This time, they’re taking Justice Antonin Scalia’s Samuel Alito’s majority opinion in Hobby Lobby and smearing it with the blood of the unborn, for freedom. Read more on Satanic Temple Rides Hobby Lobby To Obvious Conclusion: Abortions For Everyone! (Updated)…
  freedom of screech

Supreme Court Upholds Sacred Right To Scream ‘Baby Murderer!’ In Women’s Faces

So first let’s get the bad news out of the way: The Supreme Court unanimously threw out the Massachusetts law that established a 35-foot buffer zone around the entrances to abortion clinics, finding that it violates the First Amendment. And now the not-quite-as-awful-as it-sounds-at-first news: The ruling itself is relatively narrow, according to SCOTUSblog. Essentially, states may pass laws that protect access to clinics, but not laws that prohibit speech on public sidewalks. “The buffer zones burden substantially more speech than necessary to achieve the Commonwealth’s asserted interests,” Chief Justice Robert’s opinion reads. So, let’s look a bit more at this “relatively narrow” ruling, while we continue to fear the worst. Also, unanimous? Jeeze. Read more on Supreme Court Upholds Sacred Right To Scream ‘Baby Murderer!’ In Women’s Faces…
  lawsplaining

Supreme Court Says You Can’t Lie About Gun Purchases. How Is That Even Fair?

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of Ted Nugent and Wayne LaPierre’s and zombie Charlton Heston’s heads, all exploding in glorious concert, because the Supremes ruled against a Gun Thing yesterday, which is weird because we totally figured that the Fab Five conservatives on the Court loved them some rolling back gun regulations as much as they loved rolling back regulations on every other goddamn thing in the world. However, at least in this case, Anthony Kennedy trod?? treaded?? all over freedom and the Bill of Rights by joining the Court’s somewhat liberal wing to uphold the straw purchaser law, which prohibits you from saying you’re buying the gun for yourself when you’re really buying it for someone else. What is this? Soviet Russia??? Read more on Supreme Court Says You Can’t Lie About Gun Purchases. How Is That Even Fair?…
  blown' in the wind

Supreme Court Upholds EPA Authority To Regulate Pollution, America Prepares Surrender To Communism

Hey there Supreme Court, whatcha doing today? Not sucking? Sure, because the sun rose in the east this…wait, what? We’re so used to the Roberts Courts inventing new ways to prove that a bare majority of them are such fucking assholes they would sell out their own mothers for an invite to a Federalist Society dinner that we’re absolutely gobsmacked to find six – SIX – of the judges issuing a ruling we like. Not that SCOTUS needs the approval of this humble little mommyblog, but we’re still grateful for them telling some major polluters to slurp coal ash and die. Read more on Supreme Court Upholds EPA Authority To Regulate Pollution, America Prepares Surrender To Communism…
  standing athwart history yelling derp

National Review So Mad Someone Let Sonia Sotomayor Race Bait All Over A Supreme Court Opinion

Earlier this week, we lawsplained at you about how the decision in Schuette v. BAMN, upholding a Michigan voter referendum banning consideration of racial preferences in college admissions, was a terrible fucking thing that was nothing but parts of the Court yelling MOB MOB RULE Y’ALL. We had hoped that would be the end of our discussion and we could go lick our wounds/make plans to move to Canada , but we forgot that Justice Sonia Sotomayor wrote a dissent in the case, which meant that the racists that dwell at  National Review  had to crawl out from their spider hole and weigh in with a herp and a derp about how the Wise Latina is just too emotional to do the law stuff like the menz can. Read more on National Review So Mad Someone Let Sonia Sotomayor Race Bait All Over A Supreme Court Opinion…
  is nothing sacred?

Supreme Court Coming To Grab Your Guns Just Because You Beat Your Wife, Like That Is Even Fair

So let’s say you are a person who abuses your spouse, but only in the teeniest tiniest way. And let’s say you plead guilty, just to put that whole mess behind you. That shouldn’t stop you from your God-given right to amass a veritable armory of guns at the house, should it? HELL TO THE NO. This is ‘Merica, and if you beat your wife just a little bit, you should still have a gun, right? But America is crumbling, thanks to those Supreme Court activist judges, who held today that even if you feel like your misdemeanor conviction for domestic violence was no big deal, it still stops you from owning a gun, because Congress said so. WHAT IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO?? Read more on Supreme Court Coming To Grab Your Guns Just Because You Beat Your Wife, Like That Is Even Fair…
  we'll be in our bunk

Nice Time: Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s 1954 Cornell Yearbook Pics Are Here For Your Nerdcrush

You guys, this is just too adorable for words — photos of Ruth Bader Ginsburg from her 1954 Yearbook, The Cornelleian. Is it sexist to speak of a sitting Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States as “adorable”? Maybe? Then again, as feminism expert and actual female lesbian Snipy points out, it probably is not, since she is in fact tiny and adorable. Everyone knows this. So go ahead and swoon, just like you did over that photo of Nancy Pelosi in 1961. Read more on Nice Time: Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s 1954 Cornell Yearbook Pics Are Here For Your Nerdcrush…
  twats

Why Is The Government Stomping On Future CNN Host Ben Shapiro’s Right To Discriminate Against Icky Gays?

Ben Shapiro, he’s this guy. He’s probably going to be the next Piers Morgan, according to Ben Shapiro. Here is what Ben Shapiro’s voice sounds like so you can see people would definitely flock to the CNN to hear Ben Shapiro talk, mostly people who feel they just don’t have enough blood shooting horizontally from their earholes, like lasers, of earblood! Anyway, Shapiro, who in addition to being the proprietress of Truth Revolting, is an attorney who graduated from Harvard Law School, had a Deep Thought on the tweeter about why is the government infringing on his religious right to refrain from gay cake baking. Here, have a twat! OOH OOH OOH! MR. KOTTER! Read more on Why Is The Government Stomping On Future CNN Host Ben Shapiro’s Right To Discriminate Against Icky Gays?…
  a hard gain's gonna fall

Kentucky, Idaho Beseiged By Judges Ramming Equality Down Their Throats

Two more red states have been victimized by judges who took away their precious right to make sure citizens are only as equal as Jesus wants them to be. In Kentucky, a federal judge ruled that the state must recognize same-sex marriages from outside the state, and in Idaho, the state Supreme Court said that adoptions cannot be rejected on the basis of the adoptive parent’s sexual orientation. Rightwing cultural warriors shouldn’t worry too much about any of this, since it’s probably just a fad and will just go away eventually. (Let’s just keep telling them that until they age out of the voting population, OK?) Read more on Kentucky, Idaho Beseiged By Judges Ramming Equality Down Their Throats…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy

Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. Moore to complain that we STOLED her brilliant idea that was hers first. And so we proudly present “Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore.” Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy…
  talk is cheap and speech is free

Supreme Court Will Totally Decide Lying Anti-Abortion Group Has Constitutional Right To Lie

You solved the problem of lying in politics when you were like six years old. “Just pass a law against telling lies!” dumb little like-six-year-old you said, adorably. But it wasn’t that easy. “No, little you,” said a wise adult. “We have free speech in this country, which means that you can’t stop people from saying things even if they’re not true.” Then maybe the wise adult went on to explain that that’s not entirely true, that sometimes a lie actually can be illegal, in which case it’s called “libel” or “slander” depending on something, you were well beyond listening by then and already had a dozen Legos up your nose as you daydreamed about tort reform. Well, it turns out that little you was onto something after all. In the coming months, the Supreme Court will hear Susan B. Anthony List v. Dreihaus, in which the anti-abortion group Susan B. Anthony List is suing for its right to sue to put up a big billboard that says “SHAME ON STEVE DREIHAUS! Dreihaus voted FOR taxpayer-funded abortion.” Steve Dreihaus did no such thing, which means this billboard is A Lie and is therefore illegal under Ohio’s awesome False Statements Law. But but but free speech! But but… abortions! Buuuut DEMOCRATS! Read more on Supreme Court Will Totally Decide Lying Anti-Abortion Group Has Constitutional Right To Lie…
  You know who else was just like Hitler?

2013’s Person Of The Year: Hitler, Who Was Just Like Hitler

Oh 2013, how we will miss you and your multitudes of bad analogies, even though we are pretty sure 2014 will bring us even more bad analogies, because America is awful and Americans are awful, and it is now standard practice to compare anything you do not like to really bad stuff and/or really bad people. Like Hitler. (Or, on occasion, if you’re feeling creative, Rwanda.) The Republicans’ government shutdown this year was basically like the Battle of Gettysburg. Why? Because! A similar trend this year is to compare horribly awful terrible people who do horribly awful terrible things to great heroes who did great things because why not? Like, the Duck Dynasty dude is like Rosa Parks. Why? Because! (See also Ted Nugent, who is like Rosa Parks, according to Ted Nugent.) And of course Rick Santorum is just like Nelson Mandela, in that Rick Santorum is trying to destroy health care and Nelson Mandela gave his country health care, but if you forget that Santorum is doing the opposite of what Mandela did, they’re basically exactly the same guy. You can’t even tell them apart! But nothing tops the bad Hitler analogies because Jesus, that has become more popular than taking feminist twerking selfies at funerals. EVERYTHING is basically just like Hitler nowadays. Let us do the squiggly line flashback thingy where we fondly recall all the ways America’s Greatest Idiots idiotsplained to us how things they do not like are JUST LIKE HITLER. Read more on 2013’s Person Of The Year: Hitler, Who Was Just Like Hitler…
  Legal Mumbo Jumbo

Scalia Wrote Supreme Court’s Order Allowing Texas Abortion Law To Remain In Effect, Is A Dick

The story so far: Under a hail of imaginary bricks and pee jars and real sexy Wendy Davises, Texas’s state legislature passed a law that says all current abortion providers must have admitting privileges at a hospital within 30 miles of their clinics. Supporters of the bill said it was to help ladies be healthier, not to stop them from getting abortions WINK WINK they are WINKing because of course it was to stop them from getting abortions, dummy! Then we got excited when a District Court found the nobortions part of the law unconstitutional, but that Nice Time was short-lived because the Fifth Circuit court issued a stay of judgment against the District Court, what a dick move! Incidentally, saying “dick move” three times in front of a mirror is how you call Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, who just wrote the Supreme Court’s refusal (PDF) to vacate the thing that overturned the thing that stopped the thing that stopped the abortions. It’s minor Scalia, but parts of it are interesting, like when Nino tells us about Logic: Read more on Scalia Wrote Supreme Court’s Order Allowing Texas Abortion Law To Remain In Effect, Is A Dick…
  Terrizm!

Washington Times Op-Ed: Investigating Scott Walker Based On Leads From Six Criminal Associates Is ‘Political Terrorism’

Judson Phillips is known to your Wonkette as a guy who once wrote that Barack Obama just might be a crack-smoking gay sexer, which was fun. Now he’s got some words in the Washington Times (yeah but still) about how the current criminal probe into Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker’s Forever Campaign (because he is always being recalled) is “political terrorism,” and the Bush-backed special prosecutor on the case is a “political terrorist.” Ha… ha? See, Scott Walker had some friends who worked for him and/or gave him money, and now those folks  have been convicted of various crimes, so sad! Bad friends that they are, they’ve allegedly said some things that amount to: “Scott Walker’s campaign did such and such crimes.” None of this is mentioned in Judson’s column of course, because shut up, it’s political terrorism something something gay marriage. Read more on Washington Times Op-Ed: Investigating Scott Walker Based On Leads From Six Criminal Associates Is ‘Political Terrorism’…
  won't someone please think of the white folks?

Constitution Hero Antonin Scalia Sagely Explains 14th Amendment Not Only For ‘The Blacks’ Anymore

Antonin Scalia, the U.S. Supreme Court’s token white male, had a very important reminder for all you justice fans out there yesterday. During oral arguments in a Michigan affirmative action case, Scalia pointed out that “The 14th Amendment protects all races,” and not “only the blacks.” You see, this is why we have a Supreme Court, because otherwise such insights would only be discussed by bloggers and people carrying handmade signs. The blacks were not immediately available for comment. Read more on Constitution Hero Antonin Scalia Sagely Explains 14th Amendment Not Only For ‘The Blacks’ Anymore…
  Sympathy for the Devil

Scalia Strews Seeds Of Sanity Among Mountains Of Madness In New York Magazine Interview

By now you are probably aware that Antonin Scalia, the Supreme Court Justice most likely to haunt your dreams, got asked some really solid questions by New York Magazine lady Jennifer Senior, and some of his answers turned out to be rather wacky. He doesn’t know for sure if he knows any gay people! He literally believes the Devil walks among us! He doesn’t even watch Duck Dynasty all that much! Oh and also, he gets all his news from right-wing fishwrappers and talk radio. Have you ever suspected that you are better informed than Antonin Scalia? CONFIRMED!  But here’s the thing — he said some fairly sane, reasonable stuff too. Actually, shouldn’t that be the headline here? ‘Old, Bellicose Man Has Brief Moments of Lucidity’? See for yourself! Read more on Scalia Strews Seeds Of Sanity Among Mountains Of Madness In New York Magazine Interview…
  you get a gold star

Why Is US America Turning Into Nazi Germany? Antonin Scalia Explains It All

It’s another day, so you know what that means. Some obscure conservative will say something stupid about how our society is turning into Nazi Germany because of teh gehys and silly womyn wanting to abort all the babies on the planet. Which no-name loon will we be mocking today? Via The Atlantic Wire: [Justice Antonin] Scalia opened his talk with a reference to the Holocaust, which happened to occur in a society that was, at the time, “the most advanced country in the world.” One of the many mistakes that Germany made in the 1930s was that judges began to interpret the law in ways that reflected “the spirit of the age.” When judges accept this sort of moral authority, as Scalia claims they’re doing now in the U.S., they get themselves and society into trouble. Wait, is Yr Wonkette really telling you that a FUCKING SUPREME COURT JUSTICE just compared our society to Nazi Germany?!?!1? Yep. Because fuck Monday.  Read more on Why Is US America Turning Into Nazi Germany? Antonin Scalia Explains It All…
  At Least They Don't Wear Wigs

Antonin Scalia’s New Judicial Philosophy: Us And What Army?

Here’s a thing Justice Scalia said during oral arguments on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act (AKA B. Hussein Soetoro’s Diktat on the Punitive Application of Collectivist Death Panels v. Bald Eagle) that is quite typical of him: “An equally evident constitutional principle is the principle that the Federal Government is a government of enumerated powers and that the vast majority of powers remain in the States and do not belong to the Federal Government. Do you acknowledge that that’s a principle?” A better question might be: Does Scalia? We are just asking because he did not mention this “principle” in his petulant dissent, best read in hisses, (pdf) in United States v. Windsor, the case where Justice Kennedy bestowed his Federal Dignity upon the gays. It’s kind of weird that Scalia didn’t bring this up, seeing as endlessly grumbling “Where in the Constitution does it say ____?” is pretty much his entire judicial philosophy. Read more on Antonin Scalia’s New Judicial Philosophy: Us And What Army?…