Tag: antonin scalia

GOP To Hold Its Breath Until It Turns Blue, Or Until Hillary Wins White House

As promised, Oval-Office-thiever-in-chief Barry B. Bamz O'Baby YoMama nominated a perfectly reasonable and qualified white dude to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court. As also promised, congressional Republicans took all of zero seconds to say "NO WAY, HOMBRE!" because "principles"...

Meghan McCain Said A Mouth Fart About Obama’s SCOTUS Nomination

Every so often it's important for us to check in with the GOP's greatest mind. No, not Ann Coulter, she's a crusty pile of washed-up nothingess. We are of course talking about Meghan McCain, who for some reason is...

Let’s Meet Obama’s Sexxxy Silver Fox SCOTUS Nominee, Merrick Garland!

Hooray, the president of America, Barack the Great, has made a nominee to replace Dead Antonin Scalia's rotting flesh 'n' bones on the Supreme Court! Don't you want to know everything about him? No? Well SUCKS TO BE YOU...
Good job, asshole

Americans Want GOP To Do Its Damn Job, So That’ll Never Happen

Today, in No Frickin' Duh News, we bring you this exciting revelation. A totally not shocking in any way new poll shows the majority of Americans think the Senate's shit-sniffing Republicans should try earning their six-figure salaries for once, and...
Now they've even destroyed the sanctity of divorce

Supreme Court Lets Lesbians Be Mommies, Civilization To End By Dinnertime

In a stunning defeat for the backwater cousin-humpers of Alabama, the United States Supreme Court unanimously ruled Monday that the state's Supreme Court sure is dumb at reading the Constitution. The case stems from a nice lesbian couple in Georgia...
He may or may not get to have a word with the Framers about original intent.

Dead Scalia Already Making America Great Again

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's corpse has not been rotting long enough for us to miss him yet because that's never going to happen, even if we live for a thousand years. But his death is already having some wondrous consequences...

Republicans Are Dicks And Donald Trump Is Their Daddy: Your Weekly Top 10

Good morning (or afternoon or after dusk o'clock if you are an in-sleeper; we don't judge). We made it through another week, together. And you even helped us reach our Kickstarter goal, so now we have to make you this game,...

Maybe Antonin Scalia’s Secret Society Hunting Pals Murdered Him With Obama’s Pillow

Just when we thought the Saga of Dead Scalia couldn't get any weirder, news has broken that the Supreme Court justice and aspiring Nazgul died while on a hunting excursion with pals from a secret society. But what exactly...

President Ted Cruz To Pardon That Planned Parenthood Video Guy First Thing, For Justice

Have you been wondering who Mr. Ted "I love the rule of law so much I take it to bed at night and spoon it just like I would the corpse of Antonin Scalia" Cruz would pardon if he...

Here Is Your Daily Affirmation That Republicans Are Dicks

We don't need any reminders that Republicans are the worst. Like, ever again. Seriously, we are all good with this lifetime supply already. Sadly, that doesn't stop them from jumping up and down and waving their hands in the air...

BREAKING: GOP Does Not Want To Work, Just Wants To Bang On Drum All Day

If you were just sitting around today wondering if Senate Republicans were going to think about doing their goddamn job on, well, anything really, wonder no more: they have indeed done something, which is to get together and take a vote...

Zombie Ronald Reagan Tells Republicans To Do Their Job

Who doesn't love the smell of Dead Reagan in the morning? Especially when he is trolling Republicans from the great beyond: The time is now right to join together in a bipartisan effort to fulfill our constitutional obligation of restoring...

Just Because Justice Scalia Is Dead Doesn’t Mean He Can’t Vote

Here is a crazy idea from a crazy person that is so crazy, it just might work! (Spoiler: It will not work.) Kory Langhofer, who is "not a fan of government," is allegedly a lawyer in Arizona, and he has thunked...
Oh, so THAT'S what that gesture means!

Deleted Comments: Obama Murdered Scalia, Just Like He Killed Joan Rivers!

Hey Kids, welcome to a special Saturday edition of your weekly Deleted Comments, seeing as our how Sunday morning is going to be consumed with giving you good people all the straight dope on the Nevada caucuses and the...
She's sort of photogenic.

Was Scalia Murdered By Obama The Gay Prostitute?! Your Weekly Top Ten

Well hallooooo, Wonkers! Are you ready for all the top ten stories about how Antonin Scalia is dead? There were many top ten stories about how Antonin Scalia is dead. Maybe you have read them all! Maybe you are...

Remember To Vote This November To Re-Elect Justice Scalia For President Of The Supreme Court

Check out the Republican Party, spreading a stinking pile of plucked-directly-from-their-buttcracks lies again. As per usual. This week's elephant dung is the myth that that The American People, not The American President Elected By The American People (TWICE!), have the God-given right to select justices...