antonin scalia

Hey gay homosexuals! Be happy! The Supreme Court is going to hear your gay cases about all the sick things you gays do, like get married and serve in the military. Wait, what? You’re NOT uniformly happy that the Supreme Court will hear your gay cases because there’s some complex different issues blah blah blah? […]

Does Dr. Professor Congressman Ron Paul count as one of our “pantheon of fallen heroes”? No, because he has chosen to leave Congress voluntarily, which means that he is Undefeated, forever. The fact that he is using his God/Constitution-granted Liberty to walk away from Congress has probably gotten him thinking, though, thinking about how Liberty […]

The Supreme Court will announce at 10 a.m. whether America is allowed to have health care ever again. Haven’t we gotten spoiled, America? We don’t need health care. What we need is more personal liberty to destroy ourselves and not pay for it. We need more of that. Let’s see what the naked Scalia monster […]

The Supreme Court conducted a vile smear against the noble state of Arizona today by shooting down most of SB 1070, the law that restricts illegal Mexicans from existing. Our old pal Antonin Scalia, writing the dissenting opinion, simply didn’t care for his peers’ decision. As Scalia sees it, states = sovereign, so states can […]

Only a day or several days or a week until the Supreme Court saves America from the scourge of universal health care… or doesn’t? What’s for sure is that Justice Antonin Scalia is going to vote against it like a motherfucker, because he is a Tea Party Republican. You may recall how our nation’s foremost […]

Regular Joe/guy with six houses/US Senator from the great state of TAXACHUSETTS Scott Brown would like to run Obamacare over with his famous pickup truck! Massachusetts already HAS health care, after all, thanks to Obamacare godfather MittRomneyCare, so why should they have to kick in for the tabs of all those other stupid states? (You […]

Attention-whoring nematode Antonin Scalia would like to take a regularly scheduled opportunity to remind America that his is a lifetime appointment and professionalism be damned, on this the occasion of the national attention being paid to the SCOTUS hearing on the constitutionality of Arizona’s “Let’s have a Mexican-hunting party” SB 1070 law, and therefore let […]

Democracy is democratizing at the Wonkette blog! We received so many excellent submissions for our “make a dumb computer picture of Rachel Maddow fighting aliens and/or Antonin Scalia” Art Contest that your usually totalitarian editor has decided not to unilaterally pick the winner based on whatever would piss off the community most. We did, however, […]

Notorious fringe-right “originalist” boobs Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas were so happy with the announcement that the Supreme Court will be hearing a challenge to the health care reform law that they celebrated immediately afterward by boozing it up with the legal team that will be arguing against the law. According to the Los Angeles […]

Your SCOTUS has been hard at work striking down a California law banning the sale of violent video games to children, because Free Speech. Hurray for the First Amendment! Children still may not buy the nudie magazines, GOD FORBID, but it is their First Amendment right to blow up, mow down, run over, dismember, stab […]

How Antonin Scalia has managed to drive himself around in traffic this long without giving into his urge to deliver a vehicular capital-punishment verdict to fellow motorists is beyond us, but apparently he did cause a four-car accident on the George Washington Parkway yesterday, and to his probable dismay, there were no casualties. According to […]

Other ways in which Scalia is exactly like that irritating uncle of yours: Chief Justice Roberts has a light, witty touch, while the laughter that follows a long hypothetical question from Justice Breyer can feel like an expression of relief. Justice Scalia, by contrast, will repeat jokes mercilessly, raising questions about whether he has artificially […]

For Teabaggers, it seems, the older the law, the better. Everything we need is in the Constitution, because it was written at the beginning. Even though back then, people had no idea what America was going to look like or, really, what it should be. And even though the beloved founders failed miserably at their […]

According to Justice Antonin Scalia, who will only rule on court cases involving robots if the Constitution lists the EXACT model number and specifications of said robot in the text, the Constitution is for men who happen to be heterosexual and NOBODY ELSE, so other humans should just “get over it.” “Certainly the Constitution does […]