Tag: antonin scalia

Supreme Court Tells McDonald’s To Shut Its Mac-Hole About Seattle’s $15 Minimum Wage

What's a fast food company to do when duly elected government officials enact a law designed to make companies treat their workers like human beings? In McDonald's case, the answer is "sue all the way to the Supreme Court."...

Sen. Tom Cotton So Glad America Chose Him To Usurp Tyrant King Barack Obama

<a href="http://wonkette.com/599725/lets-meet-obamas-sexxxy-silver-fox-scotus-nominee-merrick-garland"></a>Sen. Tom Cotton opened his Arkansan mouth anus again, and what came out was unsurprising. Yes, the babyfaced pig trough of a man who thought, as a brand new perky Republican senator from Arkansas, that it was his...

Dead Scalia Saves Unions

We're happy to say we saw this coming: with Antonin Scalia's vote now completely hypothetical (despite the best hopes of some loonies), the Supreme Court voted in a 4-4 tie on a major case that could have stripped public...
This would fix everything

Shame If Someone Had To Shoot SCOTUS Nominee To Teach Him About Second Amendment

In case you were wondering if we have reached peak foaming-at-the-mouth outrage yet over President Obama's Supreme Court nominee, hahaha, aren't you adorable? We have, however, reached the part of our civilized national debate where Very Concerned Citizens casually...

Here Is Your Depressing Update On The State Of The SCOTUS Nomination Nightmare

  You probably spent your weekend getting all March Mad Sportsball and whining about how your bracket blew up, whatever the hell that means, and because of that you weren't keeping abreast of just how godawful stupid the SCOTUS nomination...
What 'hate groups'? Do you have a list?

Trump’s Aryan Supermen Terrified By Obama’s Jewish Supreme Court Nominee

David Duke, the nice former Grand Wazoo of the KKK who Donald Trump eventually decided to disavow, abjure, and wink at seductively, is all kinds of upset by secret Muslim Barack Hussein Obama's nomination of Hebrew Silver Fox Merrick...

GOP To Hold Its Breath Until It Turns Blue, Or Until Hillary Wins White House

As promised, Oval-Office-thiever-in-chief Barry B. Bamz O'Baby YoMama nominated a perfectly reasonable and qualified white dude to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court. As also promised, congressional Republicans took all of zero seconds to say "NO WAY, HOMBRE!" because "principles"...

Meghan McCain Said A Mouth Fart About Obama’s SCOTUS Nomination

Every so often it's important for us to check in with the GOP's greatest mind. No, not Ann Coulter, she's a crusty pile of washed-up nothingess. We are of course talking about Meghan McCain, who for some reason is...

Let’s Meet Obama’s Sexxxy Silver Fox SCOTUS Nominee, Merrick Garland!

Hooray, the president of America, Barack the Great, has made a nominee to replace Dead Antonin Scalia's rotting flesh 'n' bones on the Supreme Court! Don't you want to know everything about him? No? Well SUCKS TO BE YOU...
Good job, asshole

Americans Want GOP To Do Its Damn Job, So That’ll Never Happen

Today, in No Frickin' Duh News, we bring you this exciting revelation. A totally not shocking in any way new poll shows the majority of Americans think the Senate's shit-sniffing Republicans should try earning their six-figure salaries for once, and...
Now they've even destroyed the sanctity of divorce

Supreme Court Lets Lesbians Be Mommies, Civilization To End By Dinnertime

In a stunning defeat for the backwater cousin-humpers of Alabama, the United States Supreme Court unanimously ruled Monday that the state's Supreme Court sure is dumb at reading the Constitution. The case stems from a nice lesbian couple in Georgia...
He may or may not get to have a word with the Framers about original intent.

Dead Scalia Already Making America Great Again

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's corpse has not been rotting long enough for us to miss him yet because that's never going to happen, even if we live for a thousand years. But his death is already having some wondrous consequences...

Republicans Are Dicks And Donald Trump Is Their Daddy: Your Weekly Top 10

Good morning (or afternoon or after dusk o'clock if you are an in-sleeper; we don't judge). We made it through another week, together. And you even helped us reach our Kickstarter goal, so now we have to make you this game,...

Maybe Antonin Scalia’s Secret Society Hunting Pals Murdered Him With Obama’s Pillow

Just when we thought the Saga of Dead Scalia couldn't get any weirder, news has broken that the Supreme Court justice and aspiring Nazgul died while on a hunting excursion with pals from a secret society. But what exactly...

President Ted Cruz To Pardon That Planned Parenthood Video Guy First Thing, For Justice

Have you been wondering who Mr. Ted "I love the rule of law so much I take it to bed at night and spoon it just like I would the corpse of Antonin Scalia" Cruz would pardon if he...

Here Is Your Daily Affirmation That Republicans Are Dicks

We don't need any reminders that Republicans are the worst. Like, ever again. Seriously, we are all good with this lifetime supply already. Sadly, that doesn't stop them from jumping up and down and waving their hands in the air...