Tag Archives: antonin scalia

  bad analogies

Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!

Say what now?
We have seen many laughable rationalizations for upholding bans on marriage equality over the years, and especially in the last few months before the Supreme Court rules, once and for all, that those bans are not constitutional. (Yes, that’s probably definitely we are pretty darn sure going to happen real soon.) Bigots say equality will mean the end of the world or at least make politicians get drunk and crash their boats into children. And it will cause a million more abortions and force dudes to have to explain periods to their daughters, can you EVEN IMAGINE. Read more on Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!…
 

Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!

Yeah, we're getting throat-crammed
Tuesday was the last chance for bigots to explain to the Supreme Court why it is constitutional to deny equal rights to gay people because you think they have icky sex. The Court had two questions to consider: First, is it okay for states to prohibit gays from doing marriage together because “tradition” and “ewww gross” and “states’ rights” and “some people don’t like it” and “WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!”? Second, is it okay for states that prohibit marriage equality to tell already gay-married gay couples from other states that their marriages do not count, because this here is Kentucky (for example) damnit, and we do not like you liberal state gay types, for America? And freedom? Read more on Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!…
  derp

Heritage Foundation: Gay Marriage Will Make All The Gross Spinsters Kill Their Babies. It’s Math!

Lesbian and/or baby-killer
According to the Heritage Foundation’s (LOL) “digital-first, multimedia news platform,” The Daily Signal, if the Supreme Court crams gay-marriage down our throats, as it is totally gonna do in June, that will make even more women do abortions. FACT. Gene Schaerr, a lawyer and former law clerk to Justice Antonin Scalia, has all the numbers and charts, and also the Netherlands, to prove it: Read more on Heritage Foundation: Gay Marriage Will Make All The Gross Spinsters Kill Their Babies. It’s Math!…
  Some of his best friends are bestialists too

Antonin Scalia Doesn’t Hate Gay People, He’s Just Mean Because He Thinks They’re Cute

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is begging you — begging, you guys — to stop thinking he’s anti-gay. What? He’s serious, guys. C’mon! Last week we told you the story about how Notorious RBG was sippin’ that purple drank at the State of the Union, and the internet collectively exploded from how awesome she is. Again. Ginsburg made those comments at an informal event at George Washington University, which was also attended by Antonin Scalia, the Squidward to Ginsburg’s Spongebob. In the course of discussing the upcoming Supreme Court case that could decide the fate of same-sex marriage nationwide, Scalia asked the audience not to consider him “anti-gay,” which is kind of like Bryan Fisher asking that you not consider him “anti-Jew” but rather just “pro-Inquisition.” Read more on Antonin Scalia Doesn’t Hate Gay People, He’s Just Mean Because He Thinks They’re Cute…
  Stars fell on Alabama and made it gay

Supreme Court Forces Alabama’s Top Wingnut Judge To Swallow Gay Marriage

This is actually a thing that is happening right now, in Birmingham.
That friendly man pictured above is doing the hard work of exorcising the homosexual demons out of Alabama because YOU GUYS, the state officially has marriage equality! REPENT! Sunday night, Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore — America’s greatest Ten Commandments-protecting jurist, with a special version of the First Amendment just for Christians — bravely followed through on his promise to block the gay courthouse door, in order that the fundamentalist Christians of Alabama might be saved from the devil’s wrath and raining hellfire and whatnot. You know, the typical stuff that happens when Brandon and Derek tie the knot. Read more on Supreme Court Forces Alabama’s Top Wingnut Judge To Swallow Gay Marriage…
  Here have some news n stuff

Surprise! Justice Scalia Is Biggest Jerk On The Court

“Antonin Scalia 2010” by Stephen Masker – Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons A smart-ass law professor decided to do A Serious Study on Supreme Court justices and sarcasm. You’ll never guess who wins The Most Sarcastic Justice award: Read more on Surprise! Justice Scalia Is Biggest Jerk On The Court…
  second amendment solutions

Open Carry Nuts Yell Nonsense At Texas State Rep, Because That Is Kind Of Their Thing

THE SETUP: A group in Texas called Open Carry Tarrant County feels very affectionately toward guns and certain Amendments. They also like HB195 (“the Texas Constitutional Carry Act of 2015″), a bill before the Texas legislature that would do two main things: Remove the requirement that Texans obtain a permit to carry a concealed handgun, and permit any legally sober Texan to carry a handgun, either concealed or openly upon their corpus, pretty much anywhere except churches, prisons, sporting events, hospitals, saloons, amusement parks, and government meetings. So Open Carry Tarrant County assembled to do a little lobbying for HB195 at the State House! Read more on Open Carry Nuts Yell Nonsense At Texas State Rep, Because That Is Kind Of Their Thing…
  We Completely Left Out Odin Again

2014: The Year In God-Bothering

If it's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
God had another big year in 2014, especially right near the end, when His Servant on Earth, Bill O’Reilly, finally declared victory in the War on Christmas. So we can look forward to a 2015 that’s free of that particular topic, we bet. Even so, it would appear that there are still a few areas of American life where religion has caused a wee bit of a ruckus. Like, let’s say, the courts, where the Supremes declared that the Hobby Lobby corporation’s sincerely held religious beliefs can exempt them from following laws they don’t like. Not that there’s going to be any weird fallout from that decision, like people suing for the right to ignore child labor laws because God says it’s OK. Read more on 2014: The Year In God-Bothering…
  Here have some news n stuff

Justice Scalia: What’s So Terrible About Torture? It Works On TV!

What's the difference between real life and TV? Who knows? Who cares?
At least Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia isn’t in a position to make important decisions that affect people’s lives, or this might be a tad disturbing: Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia says torture — depending on the circumstances, like if a nuclear bomb was planted in Los Angeles — isn’t necessarily off limits. […] Read more on Justice Scalia: What’s So Terrible About Torture? It Works On TV!…
  ballroom blitz

Federalist Society 2014: Conservalawyers Throw Constitution Terrible Party

Image via Federalist Society video If you were in the nation’s capital over the weekend, you might have sensed a certain something in the air. Beyond DC’s typical ambient pomposity, there was an extra whiff of self-satisfied libertarianism and an elevated concentration of unironic bowties in the area of Connecticut and L, where the Federalist Society had set up shop for the 2014 National Lawyers Convention [sic: we’ve sent a search party for the apostrophe that has apparently gone missing from that title]. Read more on Federalist Society 2014: Conservalawyers Throw Constitution Terrible Party…
  Here have some news n stuff

Awww, Is Justice Scalia Having A Bad Day? Good.

What's the difference between real life and TV? Who knows? Who cares?
You’ve probably heard by now that yet another state — this time, the Kansas-shaped one — has gone and gotten itself all gayed up and equalified, thanks to a very brief “yup, go ahead and marry whomever you want, we are so bored with this conversation” order from the Supreme Court on Wednesday. It’s hardly even news anymore when you think about it, because, AHEM, this is what is happening right here in these United States in this, the 21st century. But there’s one interesting little thing to note about this particular order, per SCOTUSblog: Read more on Awww, Is Justice Scalia Having A Bad Day? Good….
  Stick to TED Talks

Sixth Circuit Strikes Down Gay Marriage For Stupid Reasons That Are Dumb

But we're leaving out The Gay, right? Right!
Well, looky here, the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals has decided to cram homophobia down everyone’s throats. Talk about judicial activism! In a 2-1 decision, the three-judge panel — with the dissenter writing a most epic dissent, but we’ll get to that — ruled in DeBoer v. Snyder that it is perfectly fine and legal, and probably also good for the children, to ban marriage equality in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee. The court uses a lot of fancy legal jargon like “strict scrutiny” and “rational basis review” and lots of citations to lots of cases to make it look like the judges are just doing their jobs, but when you cut out all of that lawtalk, the basic premise of the court’s decision to overturn the lower courts’ decisions is that, as judges, they cannot possibly decide whether it is constitutional to discriminate against gay people for being gay. What are they — judges? Read more on Sixth Circuit Strikes Down Gay Marriage For Stupid Reasons That Are Dumb…
  No points on your record if you repent now

Indiana Traffic Cop Will Save Your Soul With A Warning Ticket And Some Jesus

Stop in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ
Indiana State Trooper Brian Hamilton seems like a super nice guy. He’s the kind of cop who will let you off with a warning ticket if you happen to make an (allegedly) illegal pass. And then he will take that extra step to make sure your soul is good and saved with a few personal questions you can’t choose not to answer on account of how he has you pulled over, and he is a state trooper and all. Read more on Indiana Traffic Cop Will Save Your Soul With A Warning Ticket And Some Jesus…
  Thomas Jefferson Died For Your Sins

Antonin Scalia Has Magic Jesus Constitution, Has So Much Jesus All Up In It

Thoma Aquinas is gonna be sooooo pissed
Supreme Court Justice and strict constructionist Antonin Scalia told an enraptured (if only!) crowd at Colorado Christian University today that the First Amendment’s Establishment Clause doesn’t actually require complete separation of church and state, because magic: Read more on Antonin Scalia Has Magic Jesus Constitution, Has So Much Jesus All Up In It…
  Trollerderby

Satanic Temple Rides Hobby Lobby To Obvious Conclusion: Abortions For Everyone! (Updated)

Careful of your 'empty hole,' ladies and gents.
Update: Yes, the Hobby Lobby decision was of course written by Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia’s Mini-Me. Wonkette regrets the error from here to British Columbia Alberta. The only thing that can stop a bad guy who’s trolling is a good guy who’s trolling. Enter the Satanic Temple, a group of happy warriors (for Satan) who have graced these digital pages before. This time, they’re taking Justice Antonin Scalia’s Samuel Alito’s majority opinion in Hobby Lobby and smearing it with the blood of the unborn, for freedom. Read more on Satanic Temple Rides Hobby Lobby To Obvious Conclusion: Abortions For Everyone! (Updated)…
  freedom of screech

Supreme Court Upholds Sacred Right To Scream ‘Baby Murderer!’ In Women’s Faces

So first let’s get the bad news out of the way: The Supreme Court unanimously threw out the Massachusetts law that established a 35-foot buffer zone around the entrances to abortion clinics, finding that it violates the First Amendment. And now the not-quite-as-awful-as it-sounds-at-first news: The ruling itself is relatively narrow, according to SCOTUSblog. Essentially, states may pass laws that protect access to clinics, but not laws that prohibit speech on public sidewalks. “The buffer zones burden substantially more speech than necessary to achieve the Commonwealth’s asserted interests,” Chief Justice Robert’s opinion reads. So, let’s look a bit more at this “relatively narrow” ruling, while we continue to fear the worst. Also, unanimous? Jeeze. Read more on Supreme Court Upholds Sacred Right To Scream ‘Baby Murderer!’ In Women’s Faces…
  lawsplaining

Supreme Court Says You Can’t Lie About Gun Purchases. How Is That Even Fair?

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of Ted Nugent and Wayne LaPierre’s and zombie Charlton Heston’s heads, all exploding in glorious concert, because the Supremes ruled against a Gun Thing yesterday, which is weird because we totally figured that the Fab Five conservatives on the Court loved them some rolling back gun regulations as much as they loved rolling back regulations on every other goddamn thing in the world. However, at least in this case, Anthony Kennedy trod?? treaded?? all over freedom and the Bill of Rights by joining the Court’s somewhat liberal wing to uphold the straw purchaser law, which prohibits you from saying you’re buying the gun for yourself when you’re really buying it for someone else. What is this? Soviet Russia??? Read more on Supreme Court Says You Can’t Lie About Gun Purchases. How Is That Even Fair?…
  blown' in the wind

Supreme Court Upholds EPA Authority To Regulate Pollution, America Prepares Surrender To Communism

Hey there Supreme Court, whatcha doing today? Not sucking? Sure, because the sun rose in the east this…wait, what? We’re so used to the Roberts Courts inventing new ways to prove that a bare majority of them are such fucking assholes they would sell out their own mothers for an invite to a Federalist Society dinner that we’re absolutely gobsmacked to find six – SIX – of the judges issuing a ruling we like. Not that SCOTUS needs the approval of this humble little mommyblog, but we’re still grateful for them telling some major polluters to slurp coal ash and die. Read more on Supreme Court Upholds EPA Authority To Regulate Pollution, America Prepares Surrender To Communism…
  standing athwart history yelling derp

National Review So Mad Someone Let Sonia Sotomayor Race Bait All Over A Supreme Court Opinion

Earlier this week, we lawsplained at you about how the decision in Schuette v. BAMN, upholding a Michigan voter referendum banning consideration of racial preferences in college admissions, was a terrible fucking thing that was nothing but parts of the Court yelling MOB MOB RULE Y’ALL. We had hoped that would be the end of our discussion and we could go lick our wounds/make plans to move to Canada , but we forgot that Justice Sonia Sotomayor wrote a dissent in the case, which meant that the racists that dwell at  National Review  had to crawl out from their spider hole and weigh in with a herp and a derp about how the Wise Latina is just too emotional to do the law stuff like the menz can. Read more on National Review So Mad Someone Let Sonia Sotomayor Race Bait All Over A Supreme Court Opinion…