Wonkette

According to a new book from the Racist New Yorker’s Jane Mayer, Dick Cheney became the leading hawk in the White House after 9/11 because he thought the terrorists had successfully poisoned him with anthrax: “On Oct. 18, 2001, a White House alarm went off indicating that sensors had detected dangerous levels of radioactive, chemical or biological agents. According to Mayer, anyone who had entered the White House situation room, including Cheney, had been exposed. ‘They thought Cheney was already lethally infected,’ said a former administration officer who had kept the White House secret until now, according to the book.” Seven years after the scare, and hypochondriac Dick Cheney still cannot defeat each individual Muslim germ that he pretends is killing him. [ABC News]

A mysterious ninja-type figure was recently seen running along Rock Creek between Woodley Park and Montrose Park, throwing “an azure-colored granular material” on the ground. Sometimes there seemed to be a pattern to this ninja’s artful splatters as they formed “X”s and “O”s. Was this some urban form of crop circles? A summons to ancient Mayan gods? Anthrax? MORE »

Continuing our day of paranoia and horror and terror, the ABC News Washington bureau has been evacuated because somebody found some OMFG NOT THE ANTHRAX CRAP AGAIN! MORE »

* Everything you ever needed to know about national security law you learned by watching The Wire. [Danger Room]
* John Edwards is pissed his party powder shipment got opened by a staffer. [News & Observer]
* Tom DeLay wants to arm-wrestle Bill Clinton over who loathes Newt Gingrich more. [Captain's Quarters]
* Sam Brownback would like to take this opportunity to remind you that he does, in fact, hate the gays. To reiterate: hates the gays, definitely not gay himself. Nope, definitely not. [1115]
* Military blogger conference to have largest concentration of geeks that can kill you in three seconds. [Blackfive]
* Joe Trippi is sure as he can be that “Every one of these candidates is going to get caught in a macaca moment.” [PrezVid]
* Rahm Emmanuel finds Stephen Colbert “unsafe.” [The Hill]

Is there any evil shit that doesn’t feature a performance by Judith Miller?

Anthrax attacks that coincide with her book release, jailhouse visits from Scooter Libby, advance knowledge of 9/11, giving Chalabi a running front-page space in the NYT … is she old enough to blame for Pearl Harbor, too? (Close enough –Ed.)

There was another pathetic defeat in the American War On Terror last week, when Patrick Fitzgerald’s convictions of a former Harvard professor and a Chicago grocer were overturned by a federal jury. The men could’ve been sentenced to life in prison for collecting money for Palestinian charities (you know, terrorism!) but will likely avoid jail altogether. Learn how Judy Miller testified on behalf of … Mossad, after the jump.

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The nut who sent fake anthrax to Nancy Pelosi and Keith Olbermann was arrested by the FBI this weekend (the nut who sent real anthrax to various folks remains at large). His name: Chad Conrad Castagna, which sounds really fake. Thankfully, Chad was the kinda guy who signed his blog comments with his real name, which allows for hilarious post-arrest Googling. MORE »

For those of you who wrote in wondering why the Washington Post building was loaded with terrorism cops and Hazmat guys early this afternoon, it was an anthrax scare in the mailroom.

I wanted to let you know that we received a suspicious piece of mail this morning, and you may see the Fire Department responding here at the Northwest Building. An envelope containing a small amount of white powder was opened in the secure portion of the 4th floor News mailroom. The person who opened it immediately called Security. Security then placed the envelope in a ventilation hood and reported it to the FBI, who asked us to call the DC Fire Department. As you may recall the mail opening room has a specially designed ventilation system that is separate from the rest of the building system. We’ll keep you informed.

Thankfully, it all turned out to be boric acid. Or crap from Rich Cohen’s beard, we forget. Hilarious prank or no, the most important thing we’ve learned from this episode: Should a genuine bio-terrorism attack occur at the Post, the only person who will be killed is whatever non-union sap is opening the mail in that hermetically sealed death chamber.

“All clear” notice after the jump, if you’re into that sort of thing.

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While the Blame America First crowd erroneously predicted Cheney would pull another 9/11 on the fifth anniversary of the attacks, we figured it would be a lot easier to do a nostalgic anthrax freakout before the midterms. (Guess what also happened five years ago this month?)

Really, what does it take? Some envelopes, stamps, a few addresses you get off some websites, and some of that scary anthrax from the anthrax factory up the road at Maryland’s Fort Detrick– or just use lousy cocaine or dishwashing detergent or whatever.

It has begun. Come get your Cipro after the jump.

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• As the clock ticks towards the break for elections, “the most do-nothing Congress in the history of our country” continues to be just that. [NYT, WP]

• Army chief asks for $40 million increase in funding to cover massive shortages in manpower and equipment. [LAT, NYT]
• Comprehensive National Intelligence Estimate document provoking debate on Iraq policy, origin of terrorist fervor. [WP, NYT, LAT]
• FBI still investigating anthrax attacks, learning lots of about science but not arresting anybody, yet. [WP]
• Iraq to stay one country til a least 2008, anybody’s guess after that. [WP, NYT, LAT]
• Bill Clinton appears on Fox News, blasts host, wags finger. [WP]
• Rick Santorum still convinced he has a chance to hold his Senate seat. [NYT]

Just as Sept. 12 was the day the White House actually got it together, some of the iconic Sept. 11 moments happened in the days and weeks after the attacks. Here are some memories we refuse to surrender:

* A Nation Challenged That was the first time we laughed after 9/11. A Nation Challenged? Good job maintaining that NYT air of comical pomposity under tremendous pressure!

* Somber Wagnerian dirges on CNN Just to add to the “Empire Strikes Back” vibe, all the cable-news stations switched to this outrageous “Imperial March”-style music, which was a hell of a lot more foreboding than we knew. When you were drunk enough — which was always, remember that? — you could almost see Darth Vader walking out of the Ground Zero smoke.

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