anthrax
Dugway Proving Ground, a massive Army base in Utah along the border with Nevada, has been under lockdown for many hours now because of some kind of “national terror alert” to “resolve security issues.” Dugway is a bioweapons lab and supposedly home to secret military aerial projects. More than 6,300 sheep died near the proving [...]
Senate Republicans crashed their filibuster airplanes into legislation that would “monitor and treat first responders and emergency workers who suffered illnesses related to 9/11,” causing the bill to collapse into its own footprint, never forget. So next time you see a firetruck with a Made in China American flag waving so proudly with 9/11 remembrance, [...]
It seems like just yesterday your afternoon editor’s junior high school was in total, day-long lockdown because somebody dropped some Sweet ‘N Low in the parking lot. Now the Capitol building has shut down for a little early-2000s nostalgia to celebrate those classic post-9/11 fear memories. “Early reports indicated the suspicious substance was an undetermined [...]
HA REMEMBER READING ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN 2001-2? Don’t take Anthony Weiner, he’s the one who’s good at talking! “NEW YORK (Reuters) – The office of Representative Anthony Weiner received a letter that ‘could be interpreted as threatening,’ the FBI said on Thursday, and local media reported the letter contained an unidentified white powder.” Clearly [...]
TEN YEARS OF TERRAH: Let’s look back in Horror at this Decade of Terror, with your editor, because it is time to celebrate our Long National Freakout (which isn’t even close to ending). [The Awl]
THIS WOULD EXPLAIN THE SHIFT TOWARDS CONFISCATION: See, it’s just like in our imaginations: “Local reports indicate that the practice of mailing actual tea bags to legislators has repeatedly raised security concerns, and sometimes forced the evacuation of congressional offices in anthrax-like scares.” Did you know that the actual “Republican Party” sanctions this? [HuffPo]
A Senate staffer has heeded our call for pictures of Tea Party teabagger anthrax threat letters, and here we are. For those of you who are no longer able to decipher human handwriting, it reads, “THE SECOND AMERICAN REVOLUTION IS A VERY REAL POSSIBILITY,” and is written on the inside of the envelope. The tea… [...]
Just a week or so ago, California Mormons reproduced in reptilian-fashion, thereby increasing their population several times over. “Be fruitful and multiply,” Joe the Mormon God commanded from a modernist ranch house atop a hill in LA. “This is in preparation for Election Day, when ye shall amass at the polls and vote in favor [...]
The Muslims are trying to kill the very communist New York Times! An internal e-mail says that the newspaper received an envelope filled with a “white granular substance,” just like in the good old days when all of the terrorists were trying to kill Tom Daschle, ha. Well, s’pose we gotta invade some Muslim country [...]
JUST LIKE AFTER 9/11: From Drudge: “MCCAIN OFFICE IN DENVER RECEIVES ENVELOPE WITH WHITE POWDER AND DEATH THREAT… DEVELOPING…” This is misleading. It was mailed to the wrong candidate, and the “death threat” was actually a post-it note from the friendly dealer warning Barry not to do too much at once. [Drudge Report]
You’ve heard about the Montauk Monster and the terrible secret government laboratory on Plum Island, but what will our Leaders do to stop the reign of biological terror from the Department of Homeland Security’s Monster Island? Even Hillary Clinton is frightened!
When a terrible monster was found washed up on the beach near Montauk, New York, on July 12, the local newspaper speculated that the mutant beast escaped from Plum Island Animal Disease Center, the top secret government lab known as “Monster Island.” Wonkette has since learned that the Biosafety Level 3 (or Level 4) facility [...]
According to a new book from the Racist New Yorker‘s Jane Mayer, Dick Cheney became the leading hawk in the White House after 9/11 because he thought the terrorists had successfully poisoned him with anthrax: “On Oct. 18, 2001, a White House alarm went off indicating that sensors had detected dangerous levels of radioactive, chemical [...]
