Tag Archives: anthony weiner

  wad!

Wonkette After Dark: Your Politician Sex Scandal Choose Your Own Word-Lib!

Is it just us, or has it been a long time since we had a really revolting sex scandal? What was the last one, Bob Filner? That was a “good” one. We are trying to remember before that but Big Dave Petraeus, Mark “Soul Mate” Sanford, and Mr. Wide Stance Bromance Larry Craig are all mashed together in the men’s room of our memory. Maybe those weren’t all revolting, but a lot of words were writ upon the subject of their humpings, so many that we got bored, even of the Petraeus one which was fairly actually sexy. (Mark Sanford actually got himself elected to Congress not too long ago, remember that? Cripes.) Oh yeah, Anthony Weiner, almost forgot! So, so blissfully close to forgetting… So anyway, we figured — rather than wait for the next spectacular lapse of self-control, let’s just make up our own! We have written a story like one you might read on a real news place. After the jump, you can Fill In The Blanks of our story to create your very own juvenile political sex scandal, probably with the word “penis” in every sentence. Penis is not even a verb, guys, come on. Read more on Wonkette After Dark: Your Politician Sex Scandal Choose Your Own Word-Lib!…
  duckface won't save you now

Three Simple Rules For Doing Revenge Porn On Your Ex In New York

We have a verdict in New York’s first revenge porn case, and it’s bad news for anyone who has ever been humiliated after sending erotic self-portraits to their “main ho,” “side piece,” or “significant other,” and wants to see that person convicted of a crime, in New York: Read more on Three Simple Rules For Doing Revenge Porn On Your Ex In New York…
  sweet fancy moses

Rob Ford Dances With Church Choir, Looks Exactly As White As You’d Expect

Here is video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s visit Sunday to the West Toronto Church of God, just doing what almost all white politicians are required to do at some point: dancing very badly in the presence of black people. Think Anthony Weiner, or maybe George W. Bush, even. It’s a white guy thing, and Yr Doktor Zoom, well aware of his own tendency to Elaine It Up whenever taken by the terpsichorean muse, is somewhat loath to slag Ford for his arrhythmic spasms in this video. On the other hand, just look at him, dancin’ like a jerkoff fool…(snrk!) Read more on Rob Ford Dances With Church Choir, Looks Exactly As White As You’d Expect…
  secret service moved to 'naughty' list

Secret Service Ruining Blowvember With Creepy Hotel Antics

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, people, you keep getting Blowvember all wrong. First, CBS tries to co-opt it by blowing every news story it reports on. And now the Secret Service is being super-creepy with the ladies, according to the Washington Post. It seems that this past spring, a Secret Service agent was trying to force his way into a woman’s hotel room. NO!! BAD SECRET SERVICE!! NOT OK!! This dumbassery led to an internal investigation, which revealed some more bad behavior by this agent and another dude. As everyone knows, Blowvember is about sexual scandal, but not the creepy or rapey kind. It should be a celebration, but the only person who seems to keep the spirit of Blowvember in his heart is Rob Ford. AMERICA, WE CAN’T OUTSOURCE BLOWVEMBER TO THE CANADIANS! Let’s get it together, people.  Read more on Secret Service Ruining Blowvember With Creepy Hotel Antics…
  A regular Walter Winchell this one

White House Staffer Fancies Himself Another Wonkette, Now Has Plenty Of Time To Prove It

It looks as if beloved “comedian” and derp volcano Steve Crowder is not the only hacky jokester hitting the unemployment line this week. Yesterday a reporter for the latest casualty in Tina Brown’s long war against successful media properties broke the news that the White House has fired one Jofi Joseph for the crime of being a total smartass on Twitter. Hey Jofi, you should really leave that kind of bold career to professionals like Wonkette. Jofi had what sounds like an important job. He was a director of the nuclear non-proliferation staff of the National Security Council, where he worked on negotiating with Iran over its nuclear program. In his spare time, he apparently liked to blow off steam by going all Mean Girls on Beltway figures. Jofi’s tweets, posted under the handle @natsecwonk (he deleted the account last week), read like what the Heathers would have written if they had all survived high school and moved to D.C. to work as Congressional aides. Naturally, people inside the Beltway loved it. Read more on White House Staffer Fancies Himself Another Wonkette, Now Has Plenty Of Time To Prove It…
  the dems have it

The 5 Worst Political Husbands From New York And New Jersey In Reverse Chronological Order

Steve Lonegan (R). Known mostly for having an aide with very forward-thinking, sex-positive thoughts on ladies what got hot knockers, Lonegan is just some poor sad schmuck. And this is how he treats his wife when she tries to comfort him during his concession speech :( Read more on The 5 Worst Political Husbands From New York And New Jersey In Reverse Chronological Order…
  you're fired

Today’s Totally True Story From The New York Post: Hillary Clinton To Huma, ‘It’s Weiner Or Me’

The New York Post, in its continuing quest to out-do its most obvious competition, has the scoop of all scoops from the Hillary ’16 killer campaign machine. Huma Abedin has got to get rid of that Weiner she’s been dragging around, or else get on up out of Hillary’s face. Because if there is one thing Hillary Clinton can’t stand, it’s some chick standing by a man who has publicly humiliated her with a bunch of other women. Read more on Today’s Totally True Story From The New York Post: Hillary Clinton To Huma, ‘It’s Weiner Or Me’…
  don't stand so close to close to me

Sydney Leathers’ New Boobs Bounce Importantly Into Anthony Weiner’s Concession Speech

While we are all very busy remembering to never forget, let us take just a moment for A Very Important Think Piece on Sydney Leather’s new boobs and their appearance at Anthony Weiner’s NYC mayoral concession speech. (He lost big time.) Cause oh yeah, she got some, and boy, they are not real and we are not so sure they are spectacular, but we will stay tuned for whatever porn she says she is definitely not doing, for which she used (we are sure) some guy’s money to buy them. To flash around. At a concession speech. Like a lady. Read more on Sydney Leathers’ New Boobs Bounce Importantly Into Anthony Weiner’s Concession Speech…
  schmucks

Anthony Weiner Innocent! (Of Being A Schmuck To That Jewish Guy, Not Of Everything Else)

Today we brought you the spectacle of A+ human being would do business with human being again Anthony Weiner, and he was pioneering an exciting new electioneering technique of calling voters “jackasses” and screaming his head off at them. But oh! It turns out the jackass in question was indeed a jackass! He smoothly introduced himself to Weiner’s notice by gently murmuring (at just after 3:45 or so) “YOU MARRIED A A-RAB,” which was quite a different thing to accuse him of than what everyone automagically assumed, the crotch shots and disappointingly banal sexts. Like, dude, if you are gonna send sexts to strangers, be SEXY at it, you know? Oh, but yeah, anyway, the guy was being a racist douche, and Anthony Weiner SHOULD have yelled at him. Which he did. Read more on Anthony Weiner Innocent! (Of Being A Schmuck To That Jewish Guy, Not Of Everything Else)…
  You're not the rabbi of me!

Anthony Weiner Rings In Jewish New Year With Talmudic Debate About Whether He Is A ‘Scumbag’

Happy Jewish New Year, everyone who is Jewish! Is 5774 going to rock or what? While your challah is baking in the oven (or you’re standing in line at the bakery because come on, who has time for that, and also that braiding is tricky business, right?), please enjoy Nice Jewish Boy Anthony Weiner aka Carlos Danger having a calm, reasoned debate with his fellow MOT who, like most New Yorkers, is probably not going to vote for Weiner in the upcoming mayoral race. But what are they debating in their gentlemanly fashion? Oh, just the question of the ages: Is Anthony Weiner a “scumbag”? Blogger Jacob Kornbluh shot video of the heated exchange and said it began when the man called Weiner a “scumbag” as he exited a bakery. “Takes one to know one, jackass,” Weiner responded before shouting, “What’s that? You wait till I walk out to say anything that’s courage.” Well, it’s a little, ahem, unorthodox, but maybe calling voters jackasses is some new outreach strategy that’s so crazy it just might work! (Spoiler alert: It won’t work.) Did it get better from there? You bet your apples and honey it did. Read more on Anthony Weiner Rings In Jewish New Year With Talmudic Debate About Whether He Is A ‘Scumbag’…
  white man's overbite

Anthony Weiner Dances Badly To Indecipherable Song About Shooting Gays In The Head, Like All Other Dancehall Songs

Here is video of Anthony “Indistinguishable from the margin of error” Weiner dancing badly on a float in Monday’s West Indian America Day Parade. It turns out that the song he’s dancing badly to is called “Bubo Red,” by Capleton, a dancehall ditty which shares with many other examples of the genre* a set of lyrics about shooting gays in the head: Lick a shot inna a battyman head! Lick a shot inna a lesbian head! All sodomite dem fi dead, All lesbian dem fi dead. Read more on Anthony Weiner Dances Badly To Indecipherable Song About Shooting Gays In The Head, Like All Other Dancehall Songs…
  the astroturf always looks greener

NY Post Says Anthony Weiner Faked It. Crowds, At Events, That Is

Just because the Anthony Weiner story really needed to get sillier, the New York Post is reporting that Weiner’s campaign hired actors from a “rent-a-crowd” service to artificially swell the size of his crowds at events: Some of the gung-ho Weiner crowds, including at the Aug. 11 Dominican Day Parade in Manhattan, were really actors who were paid $15 an hour by the California firm Crowds on Demand, according to a source with direct knowledge of the deal. Weiner’s campaign denied hiring the company, insisting that enthusiasm for Weiner was naturally firm and needed no artificial enhancement. Read more on NY Post Says Anthony Weiner Faked It. Crowds, At Events, That Is…
  a womb of one's own

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Friedman-Free Edition We’ve Been Longing For

We have an important announcement that, at least for today, we do not hate the New York Times quite as much as the last several weeks. We were wondering if the pills were starting to kick in, but then we remembered that we like it because there is NO THOMAS FRIEDMAN you guys, so no matter what the NYT throws at us, the earth won’t be flat, we won’t vertically integrate anything, and there will likely not be an fortuitous conversations with cabdrivers. There is even a legit nice time that you should read even if you are a heartless jerk like yr Wonkette. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Friedman-Free Edition We’ve Been Longing For…
  the mayor of simpleton

Anthony Weiner. Dude, What Is Up?

Dear Anthony Weiner, Sorry to be rappin’ at ya in the form of an open letter, as those are kind of whatever, lame, but considering what could happen if you actually had our contact information, we will just keep this in a nice public place. We say that because you are gross. Now. Anthony. Baby. Bubbeh. Are you okay? Do you need a cold compress for your forehead? Would you like to sit down? We ask because WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN GOING ON WITH YOU ARE YOU RUNNING FOR MAYOR OF CRAZYTOWN???!!! Why are you being super rude to very nice, earnest reporters? Why are you calling people Grandpa — like, in a mean way — at AARP forums? Why — with 10 percent in the polls, which is basically in the margin of error of ZERO PERCENT IN THE POLLS — ARE YOU STILL IN THIS FUCKING RACE? Read more on Anthony Weiner. Dude, What Is Up?…
  we know this world is killing you

Girls! Read Sydney Leathers’s Eight Feminist Tricks For Getting Sleazy Pols To Virtually Finger-Bang You!

Sydney Leathers has provided a rare emotional roller coaster for Your Wonket. First we were all :D Then we were like :( and then we were like :( but with tears which we do not know how to do with emoticons and now we are like fuck it, you go gurl get out of Indiana carpe your shit! But also maybe your tips for how to have so much power and money by sexting dudes who do not even care to get you off (because politicians) are kind of dumb and you are not like that great of A Expert and also you don’t do logic too good because you give examples of stuff you are talking about but then your examples of stuff you are talking about don’t really line up with the stuff you are talking about to be examples of them and maybe XOJane should have given you A Editor, but whatever who cares, cause Anthony Weiner said “h/t Elvis Costello,” and that is fucking prime. Let’s get to it! Read more on Girls! Read Sydney Leathers’s Eight Feminist Tricks For Getting Sleazy Pols To Virtually Finger-Bang You!…
  better than poor old octomom

Sydney Leathers Is Your Newest Octomom, With The Pornos, And The Sad

Aww yeah — Anthony Weiner’s delightfully zaftig, beach flopping, tatted-up phone-sexting partner Sydney Leathers has gone and made herself a porno! And what pray-tell is the gal who declared that dear old Carlos Danger is “too busy jacking off to be mayor” doing in said video? Why jacking off of course! And just how many ways can we say ‘saw that coming’ har-har? Yes, Sydney’s solo-porn is already done and up on Vivid’s website, ready for your pay-per-perusal. We do not know how much money she was paid yet, so we aren’t sure how appalled we are — but hey, you know, good for you Syd — what 23-year-old doesn’t dream of becoming one of 6 to 10 girls sexted at by an ex-congressman about her big old feet, boobs and butt? And then getting appropriate representation so that you may profit from said dalliances? Well done, Sydney Leathers, well done. Really makes Fawn Hall and Donna Rice look silly with their “No Excuses” jeans, and do NOT get us started with those purses Monica did. Read more on Sydney Leathers Is Your Newest Octomom, With The Pornos, And The Sad…
  hounsell will approach the bench

Former Los Angeles GOP Head Tweeted Funny Jokes About Filner & Weiner, Then Got Arrested For Sexting With Teen

Here’s one for the “life’s little ironies” files: On July 27, the former executive director of the Republican Party of Los Angeles County, Scott Hounsell, made a funny joke on the Twitter Machine about the Bob Filner scandal in San Diego. It’s right up there at the top of his Twitter feed, which he hasn’t had a chance to update yet, because a few days later, Hounsell was arrested for sending sexually explicit messages to a 16-year-old girl. Unfortunate timing, that. Read more on Former Los Angeles GOP Head Tweeted Funny Jokes About Filner & Weiner, Then Got Arrested For Sexting With Teen…
  today in oops

Naughty Weiner Makes MSNBC Anchor Droid Say Naughty Word

Today’s Keep Fucking That Chicken Award for a newscaster making a total boner live on the air goes to genial lunkhead Thomas Roberts of MSNBC. This morning while talking about Anthony Weiner’s penis with a panel of generic-looking white people (we believe their names are “Yes,” “Hell Yes,” and “Not Even in College While Drunk”) Roberts played a clip of Weiner’s online paramour Sydney Leathers telling her story to Howard Stern and then said, “This chick is so batshit,” leading to much gasping and giggling and probably some high-fives from all his bros over bottles of Budweiser Black Crown at some SoHo cigar bar after the show. Tune in tomorrow when Roberts will have his foot permanently sewn into his mouth, live, without anesthetic. Read more on Naughty Weiner Makes MSNBC Anchor Droid Say Naughty Word…
  mistakes were made

New York Daily News Made Us All Believe Anthony Weiner Was Still Sexting But That Is A Dirty Lie

Remember yesterday, when Anthony Weiner’s non-denial denial made everyone thing he was probably still doing the sexting with ladies? Turns out that the New York Daily News kinda sorta forgot to talk about the part where he said he was not actually sexting any ladies anymore. Whoops! We can move past this, both sides do it, let’s forget this ever happened, shall we? Read more on New York Daily News Made Us All Believe Anthony Weiner Was Still Sexting But That Is A Dirty Lie…
  communication breakdown

Very Ladylike Weiner Aide Simply Does Not Care For Intern Tell-All

Oh our stars! It seems the noble people striving on the Sir Anthony Weiner for Newe Yorke Towne Mayore campaigne may be on the verge of an emotional swoon! A reporter for Talking Points Memo was just minding his or her own business, calling Weiner communications director Barbara Morgan to ask about a story unrelated to the campaign tell-all by a pulchritudinous intern, which had landed on this morning’s front page of the Daily News. (We are sure whatever TPM was going to ask about was much less annoying to an embattled campaign than said intern-tell-all must have been, like “Why won’t Anthony Weiner actually say he is no longer sexting my dad” and “hey that sad girl is going to do all the porn now, huh?” and “oh, did you see where she said he wanted it 15 times a day, like a sad sexed out monkey?” or maybe “seriously, what the fuck with Weiner and his peen?”) Well, the communications lady, Barbara Morgan, she did proceedeth to have a cowe. TPM called Weiner’s communications director Barbara Morgan to discuss an unrelated story Tuesday and she went off on a curse-filled rant about [Olivia] Nuzzi, describing her as a fame hungry “bitch” who “sucked” at her job. Morgan also called Nuzzi a “slutbag,” “twat,” and “cunt” while threatening to sue her. Oh goodness, there is ever so much more. Read more on Very Ladylike Weiner Aide Simply Does Not Care For Intern Tell-All…
  so's your face

The Instapundit Would Like All You Ladies To Know Just How Very Much Democrats Hate You

Glenn “Instapundit” Reynolds, last seen in these pages mansplaining to Gabby Giffords that she should sit down and shut up and not worry her pretty little ventilated head about all those guns someone might use to shoot someone else in the brain, would like all the wimmenz to know that it is the Democrats what are making not love but war on you all the time: If you look past words to actual deeds, most of the action in the war on women seems to be coming from the Democratic front lately. Sure, if by lately you mean “last week.” The week before that (and before that, and before that) it was coming from Republicans in Texas and North Carolina and Wisconsin and Indiana and North Dakota. And on a daily basis in our Twitter feed it comes much more from conservatives complaining about horrors such as how they think they are being forced to pay for slut pills so women can have sexytimes without getting knocked up, and also for a whole host of other very unsexy health issues that conservatives never want to acknowledge doctors will often prescribe slut pills for. And it is not liberals that are constantly trying to run Planned Parenthood out of business by flat-out lying about the organization’s activities in order to remove a source of help for family planning and women’s health issues from our nation’s (usually much poorer) communities. Read more on The Instapundit Would Like All You Ladies To Know Just How Very Much Democrats Hate You…