Tag Archives: anthony weiner

  Old news

Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened

He said he's sorry, let it go!
Missouri House Speaker John Diehl — Republican, family man, church-goer, and opponent of marriage equality because “tradition” and “the children” — is very, very sorry y’all found out about his sexxxytime texting with a college freshman and telling her paperback romance novel words like he wants to “leave her quivering” and also looking at pictures of her hot bikini’d bod and such. Read more on Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened…
  Just hope the plane doesn't go down while you're going down

Spirit Airlines Will 69 You In The Sky, Wingnut Outrage To Commence Shortly

Mile High Club
The budget carrier Spirit Airlines is having a celebration, and they want YOU to come 69 the friendly skies with them, doesn’t that sound like a hot thing you want to cross of your bucket list? They are doing this because they have recently added a sixty-ninth airplane to their fleet, and if their website is any indication, the folks at Spirit have been boning up for this new addition to their family for quite a while now: Read more on Spirit Airlines Will 69 You In The Sky, Wingnut Outrage To Commence Shortly…
  goin' back to indiana

Oh Good, Sydney Leathers Is Back, Still Doing Gross Sex On Democrats

step 9: buy more eye shadow
Are you lucky enough to have forgotten Sydney Leathers? One-time rising-Democratic-star Anthony Weiner isn’t! Sending dick pix to the regular gal-cum-sad porn star-cum-sexxxy dominatrix caused him to lose his House seat, become a national punchline, and … we don’t even know! Is he still alive? Well, now Sydney Leathers has ANOTHER Democratic scalp on her bedpost, because some dumb idiot state rep. from Indiana decided to dick-pic her too! Men! They are very stupid. Read more on Oh Good, Sydney Leathers Is Back, Still Doing Gross Sex On Democrats…
  wad!

Wonkette After Dark: Your Politician Sex Scandal Choose Your Own Word-Lib!

Is it just us, or has it been a long time since we had a really revolting sex scandal? What was the last one, Bob Filner? That was a “good” one. We are trying to remember before that but Big Dave Petraeus, Mark “Soul Mate” Sanford, and Mr. Wide Stance Bromance Larry Craig are all mashed together in the men’s room of our memory. Maybe those weren’t all revolting, but a lot of words were writ upon the subject of their humpings, so many that we got bored, even of the Petraeus one which was fairly actually sexy. (Mark Sanford actually got himself elected to Congress not too long ago, remember that? Cripes.) Oh yeah, Anthony Weiner, almost forgot! So, so blissfully close to forgetting… So anyway, we figured — rather than wait for the next spectacular lapse of self-control, let’s just make up our own! We have written a story like one you might read on a real news place. After the jump, you can Fill In The Blanks of our story to create your very own juvenile political sex scandal, probably with the word “penis” in every sentence. Penis is not even a verb, guys, come on. Read more on Wonkette After Dark: Your Politician Sex Scandal Choose Your Own Word-Lib!…
  duckface won't save you now

Three Simple Rules For Doing Revenge Porn On Your Ex In New York

We have a verdict in New York’s first revenge porn case, and it’s bad news for anyone who has ever been humiliated after sending erotic self-portraits to their “main ho,” “side piece,” or “significant other,” and wants to see that person convicted of a crime, in New York: Read more on Three Simple Rules For Doing Revenge Porn On Your Ex In New York…
  sweet fancy moses

Rob Ford Dances With Church Choir, Looks Exactly As White As You’d Expect

Here is video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s visit Sunday to the West Toronto Church of God, just doing what almost all white politicians are required to do at some point: dancing very badly in the presence of black people. Think Anthony Weiner, or maybe George W. Bush, even. It’s a white guy thing, and Yr Doktor Zoom, well aware of his own tendency to Elaine It Up whenever taken by the terpsichorean muse, is somewhat loath to slag Ford for his arrhythmic spasms in this video. On the other hand, just look at him, dancin’ like a jerkoff fool…(snrk!) Read more on Rob Ford Dances With Church Choir, Looks Exactly As White As You’d Expect…
  secret service moved to 'naughty' list

Secret Service Ruining Blowvember With Creepy Hotel Antics

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, people, you keep getting Blowvember all wrong. First, CBS tries to co-opt it by blowing every news story it reports on. And now the Secret Service is being super-creepy with the ladies, according to the Washington Post. It seems that this past spring, a Secret Service agent was trying to force his way into a woman’s hotel room. NO!! BAD SECRET SERVICE!! NOT OK!! This dumbassery led to an internal investigation, which revealed some more bad behavior by this agent and another dude. As everyone knows, Blowvember is about sexual scandal, but not the creepy or rapey kind. It should be a celebration, but the only person who seems to keep the spirit of Blowvember in his heart is Rob Ford. AMERICA, WE CAN’T OUTSOURCE BLOWVEMBER TO THE CANADIANS! Let’s get it together, people.  Read more on Secret Service Ruining Blowvember With Creepy Hotel Antics…
  A regular Walter Winchell this one

White House Staffer Fancies Himself Another Wonkette, Now Has Plenty Of Time To Prove It

It looks as if beloved “comedian” and derp volcano Steve Crowder is not the only hacky jokester hitting the unemployment line this week. Yesterday a reporter for the latest casualty in Tina Brown’s long war against successful media properties broke the news that the White House has fired one Jofi Joseph for the crime of being a total smartass on Twitter. Hey Jofi, you should really leave that kind of bold career to professionals like Wonkette. Jofi had what sounds like an important job. He was a director of the nuclear non-proliferation staff of the National Security Council, where he worked on negotiating with Iran over its nuclear program. In his spare time, he apparently liked to blow off steam by going all Mean Girls on Beltway figures. Jofi’s tweets, posted under the handle @natsecwonk (he deleted the account last week), read like what the Heathers would have written if they had all survived high school and moved to D.C. to work as Congressional aides. Naturally, people inside the Beltway loved it. Read more on White House Staffer Fancies Himself Another Wonkette, Now Has Plenty Of Time To Prove It…
  the dems have it

The 5 Worst Political Husbands From New York And New Jersey In Reverse Chronological Order

Steve Lonegan (R). Known mostly for having an aide with very forward-thinking, sex-positive thoughts on ladies what got hot knockers, Lonegan is just some poor sad schmuck. And this is how he treats his wife when she tries to comfort him during his concession speech :( Read more on The 5 Worst Political Husbands From New York And New Jersey In Reverse Chronological Order…
  you're fired

Today’s Totally True Story From The New York Post: Hillary Clinton To Huma, ‘It’s Weiner Or Me’

The New York Post, in its continuing quest to out-do its most obvious competition, has the scoop of all scoops from the Hillary ’16 killer campaign machine. Huma Abedin has got to get rid of that Weiner she’s been dragging around, or else get on up out of Hillary’s face. Because if there is one thing Hillary Clinton can’t stand, it’s some chick standing by a man who has publicly humiliated her with a bunch of other women. Read more on Today’s Totally True Story From The New York Post: Hillary Clinton To Huma, ‘It’s Weiner Or Me’…
  don't stand so close to close to me

Sydney Leathers’ New Boobs Bounce Importantly Into Anthony Weiner’s Concession Speech

While we are all very busy remembering to never forget, let us take just a moment for A Very Important Think Piece on Sydney Leather’s new boobs and their appearance at Anthony Weiner’s NYC mayoral concession speech. (He lost big time.) Cause oh yeah, she got some, and boy, they are not real and we are not so sure they are spectacular, but we will stay tuned for whatever porn she says she is definitely not doing, for which she used (we are sure) some guy’s money to buy them. To flash around. At a concession speech. Like a lady. Read more on Sydney Leathers’ New Boobs Bounce Importantly Into Anthony Weiner’s Concession Speech…
  schmucks

Anthony Weiner Innocent! (Of Being A Schmuck To That Jewish Guy, Not Of Everything Else)

Today we brought you the spectacle of A+ human being would do business with human being again Anthony Weiner, and he was pioneering an exciting new electioneering technique of calling voters “jackasses” and screaming his head off at them. But oh! It turns out the jackass in question was indeed a jackass! He smoothly introduced himself to Weiner’s notice by gently murmuring (at just after 3:45 or so) “YOU MARRIED A A-RAB,” which was quite a different thing to accuse him of than what everyone automagically assumed, the crotch shots and disappointingly banal sexts. Like, dude, if you are gonna send sexts to strangers, be SEXY at it, you know? Oh, but yeah, anyway, the guy was being a racist douche, and Anthony Weiner SHOULD have yelled at him. Which he did. Read more on Anthony Weiner Innocent! (Of Being A Schmuck To That Jewish Guy, Not Of Everything Else)…
  You're not the rabbi of me!

Anthony Weiner Rings In Jewish New Year With Talmudic Debate About Whether He Is A ‘Scumbag’

Happy Jewish New Year, everyone who is Jewish! Is 5774 going to rock or what? While your challah is baking in the oven (or you’re standing in line at the bakery because come on, who has time for that, and also that braiding is tricky business, right?), please enjoy Nice Jewish Boy Anthony Weiner aka Carlos Danger having a calm, reasoned debate with his fellow MOT who, like most New Yorkers, is probably not going to vote for Weiner in the upcoming mayoral race. But what are they debating in their gentlemanly fashion? Oh, just the question of the ages: Is Anthony Weiner a “scumbag”? Blogger Jacob Kornbluh shot video of the heated exchange and said it began when the man called Weiner a “scumbag” as he exited a bakery. “Takes one to know one, jackass,” Weiner responded before shouting, “What’s that? You wait till I walk out to say anything that’s courage.” Well, it’s a little, ahem, unorthodox, but maybe calling voters jackasses is some new outreach strategy that’s so crazy it just might work! (Spoiler alert: It won’t work.) Did it get better from there? You bet your apples and honey it did. Read more on Anthony Weiner Rings In Jewish New Year With Talmudic Debate About Whether He Is A ‘Scumbag’…
  white man's overbite

Anthony Weiner Dances Badly To Indecipherable Song About Shooting Gays In The Head, Like All Other Dancehall Songs

Here is video of Anthony “Indistinguishable from the margin of error” Weiner dancing badly on a float in Monday’s West Indian America Day Parade. It turns out that the song he’s dancing badly to is called “Bubo Red,” by Capleton, a dancehall ditty which shares with many other examples of the genre* a set of lyrics about shooting gays in the head: Lick a shot inna a battyman head! Lick a shot inna a lesbian head! All sodomite dem fi dead, All lesbian dem fi dead. Read more on Anthony Weiner Dances Badly To Indecipherable Song About Shooting Gays In The Head, Like All Other Dancehall Songs…
  the astroturf always looks greener

NY Post Says Anthony Weiner Faked It. Crowds, At Events, That Is

Just because the Anthony Weiner story really needed to get sillier, the New York Post is reporting that Weiner’s campaign hired actors from a “rent-a-crowd” service to artificially swell the size of his crowds at events: Some of the gung-ho Weiner crowds, including at the Aug. 11 Dominican Day Parade in Manhattan, were really actors who were paid $15 an hour by the California firm Crowds on Demand, according to a source with direct knowledge of the deal. Weiner’s campaign denied hiring the company, insisting that enthusiasm for Weiner was naturally firm and needed no artificial enhancement. Read more on NY Post Says Anthony Weiner Faked It. Crowds, At Events, That Is…
  a womb of one's own

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Friedman-Free Edition We’ve Been Longing For

We have an important announcement that, at least for today, we do not hate the New York Times quite as much as the last several weeks. We were wondering if the pills were starting to kick in, but then we remembered that we like it because there is NO THOMAS FRIEDMAN you guys, so no matter what the NYT throws at us, the earth won’t be flat, we won’t vertically integrate anything, and there will likely not be an fortuitous conversations with cabdrivers. There is even a legit nice time that you should read even if you are a heartless jerk like yr Wonkette. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Friedman-Free Edition We’ve Been Longing For…