Uh, so, hi! I’m the Anonymous Lobbyist and I’m the newest member of the Wonkette team and the only one brave enough to have her picture taken. Also, I have a real name and a warning for the perpetually unfunny: I know how to ban you. However, I get paid by page views, so that shit’s all after the jump.

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Oh, Sarko! I know that your arched little eyebrow and sideways look hides a world of macho, Gallic pain! I am sorry that your trip left so little time for you to seek solace from the pain caused by that woman — solace I would have happily provided, had the Secret Service not kept me so far away from you the last couple of days! MORE »

Every week, I answer your questions about how laws get made and why they probably shouldn’t. If you have a question about the dirty business of doing business in Washington, ask me.

This week: How lobbyists stay employed, why hookers are more expensive than getting everyone drunk and screwing, and target-rich environments. MORE »

Every week, our Anonymous Lobbyist answers your questions about how laws get made and why they probably shouldn’t. If you have a question about the dirty business of doing business in Washington, ask her.

This week: Men on Capitol Hill might be sexist; Earth might revolve around the sun. MORE »

The Anonymous Lobbyist, who is also the Anonymous Tit-Watcher, is furious about the Democrats’ new tax plan, and we’ve always got space for that. Enjoy.

After nearly a year of dicking around (and being mistaken for the chain-smoking Minority Leader John Boehner on the phone, which totally pisses him off), husky-voiced Ways and Means Committee Chair Charlie Rangel finally unveiled his tax cut package for the masses this morning. Hey, did you know that it’s for the middle class, which includes people that make $200,000/year (even though the median income in this country is actually $48,200)? But, I’ll bet Charlie feels totally middle classes when he’s rubbing shoulders with all his rich donors on his meager pittance of a salary. MORE »

The following presentation about tits was written by the Anonymous Tit-Watcher, who is also the Anonymous Lobbyist. Enjoy!

There are few people as obsessed with my tits (and their socio-political meaning) as I am, other than my exes and a few of my readers, so perhaps it stands to reason that I have become intrigued by the range of boobs among the potential First Ladies — and what they could mean for their husbands’ candidacies. To put that in to context, I spent much of yesterday examining the breasts of their predecessors to see what America really wants out of the knockers of the wife of the Commander-in-Chief. My findings, with an accompanying photo gallery (!), after the jump. MORE »

When inexplicable tragedies happen, some turn to god, and some turn to drink. We turn to our Anonymous Lobbyist. And also drink.

The 35W bridge collapse doesn’t present too many easy scapegoats — Pawlenty and Bush do severely fuck up everything they’re supposed to be in charge of managing, but America’s decaying infrastructure isn’t exactly the work of one or two men. No, years and years of work and lobbying went into ensuring that nothing would ever be repaired! AL explains how, after the jump.

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