Everyone very loudly but gently say “congratulations” to Sen. Robert Byrd, who became the longest-serving lawmaker in the history of Congress today. He’s like, “I look forward to serving you for the next 56 years and 320 days,” which is very gracious! Here’s this video of Robert Byrd playing the ancient instrument of “fiddle” back in the 1870s, when people would watch other people do “fiddle” on teevee for enjoyment. It’s like eight minutes long though, so just as with any old person thing, you can get away with turning it off after like 24 seconds and then saying that you love it. [HuffPost]

One year ago yesterday minus a day, John McCain delivered the speech of the century to a small smattering of embittered retirees haunting an abandoned Bingo hall in Louisiana. Meanwhile, a young upstart Muslin named Hussein “Barack” Obama cast a sorcerer’s spell over a large crowd of innocents in St. Paul and told them that yes, he would be their nominee for Preznet if they insisted. Do you remember, America? Do you remember the terrible death-rictus stretched across John McCain’s crumbling skull as he uttered the immortal words, “That’s nnnnot ch-ch-cha-chaaange you can bb-huh-lieve in”? Let’s celebrate this milestone anniversary and laugh again. MORE »

Of course it’s Internet blog reporter Dave Weigel, covering the Washington Independent’s “violent psychopaths and racists” beat, who’s first to remember that tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of last year’s most important breaking news story, one that we still think about, everyday, because what if it’s out there?? On May 16, 2008, blogger Larry Johnson changed the world with a single sentence: “I now have it from two sources that there is video dynamite–Michelle Obama railing against ‘whitey’ at Jeremiah Wright’s church.” And yet we’re still waiting. Will the liberal media and Al Qaeda ever show this tape that they have? Or do we have it already… and just don’t realize it? HUH? Is it the video up top? HAS THIS YOUTUBE BEEN THE SECRET “WHITEY TAPE” ALL ALONG? [Washington Independent]

You know what we love more than anything, at Wonkette? Birthdays! Love ‘em love ‘em love ‘em. And there’s nothing better than a sixth birthday. Even better than your fifth birthday! So grown up now, and all blown apart, and god knows how many hundreds of thousands of corpses, and we hanged your fuckin’ dad, ha ha ha. Happy sixth birthday, Iraq War! Weren’t you supposed to be over by now, what with the Hope and all? Maybe when you’re seven-and-a-half, little bitch. Who wants cake? MORE »

Time flies when you’re getting jabbered at by a lightly furred ballsack! Wolf Blitzer has apparently been hosting CNN’s Late Edition for ten wonderful years, and this Sunday America will get to enjoy two whole hours of decadent Blitzerian retrospectives. Relive Wolf’s proudest Journalistic Moments, after the jump. MORE »

This weekend marks the passing of yet another year in our thousand-year Mesopotamian adventure. Just yesterday it seemed our little Iraq War would be smothered in its crib, too fragile to survive more than a few months. But it surprised us all with its moxie and stick-to-it-iveness, and now our tiger is old enough to go to War Kindergarten. MORE »

America’s quietest Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas has boldly endured two solid years of never saying anything, ever, in oral arguments, and is now entering the third year of his quest. The last time he spoke was in a death penalty case on February 22, 2006. Since then, Cocktobers have come and gone; nations have risen and fallen. So what has this man been doing with all that time he isn’t wasting on the ol’ blah blah blah? MORE »

You’d never guess our little Katrina is two years old today. Why? Because it looks like that hurricane and terrible flooding happened just days ago! Who would think a major American city would still be in ruins two fucking years after it was deluged and half-abandoned? MORE »

This is some sort of breakthrough: MORE »

It was four short years ago that American troops freed the beautiful city of Baghdad from years of tyranny. On this day in 2003, a Bluto-esque motorcycle enthusiast impulsively grabbed a sledgehammer and single-handedly took down a nearby statue of Saddam Hussein, with help from a convenient American tank and winch, and with photographers and TV crews coincidentally set up to record the moment. MORE »

• President marks September 11th anniversary with visits to all three crash sites, as do victims’ families, emergency response workers, and conspiracy theorists. [WP, NYT]

• In prime-time speech last night from the White House, President says, “the safety of America depends on the outcome of the battle in the streets of Baghdad.” [WP, NYT]
• The big papers analyze the speech and context in which it was given, find him to be both at his “Reaganesque best” and “most dangerous.” [WP, NYT]
• Condoleezza Rice offers Iran, “a suspension for suspension,” no more uranium enrichment for no more UN sanctions. [NYT]
• New study finds Americans’ have “four distinct views of God’s personality.” [USAT]
• Even internet dating can’t help frustrated Iraqis looking for love among increasing sectarian divisiveness. [WP]
• DC primaries (only election that counts) today, expectations are for “a watershed election for DC.” [WP]