Thanks to Wonkette fine arts operative “Kevin” for sending us this sneak peek of the official new McCain-Palin poster. It is an image for the New America. Don’t hope for Change — Photoshop it.

Time flies when you’re getting jabbered at by a lightly furred ballsack! Wolf Blitzer has apparently been hosting CNN’s Late Edition for ten wonderful years, and this Sunday America will get to enjoy two whole hours of decadent Blitzerian retrospectives. Relive Wolf’s proudest Journalistic Moments, after the jump. MORE »

Fox News tool John Gibson is disgusted by Anderson Cooper’s “news-guy snobbery,” because the handsome CNN anchor keeps reporting on stupid Iraq! MORE »

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* Reliable Source: Britney Spears: What does Danny Bonaduce think? … Robert Duvall vs Stephen Hunter! Fight! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: A bunch of Congresspeople will be in a Shakespeare spoof during some benefit that we’ll be skipping, thank you… Arab news channel Al-Arabiya called up a former DC columnist for insight into Anna Nicole Smith. [Examiner]
* The Sleuth: Ted Stevens’ campaign website hacked with crazy nonsense — HOW COULD THEY TELL LOL! [WP]

* Reliable Source: Who’s Anna Nicole Smith’s baby-daddy? Yes, it’s President’s Day Weekend… Which bits of Breach are real and which are made-up? Take a quiz… More juicy Woodrow Wilson gossip! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Virginia hates Hillary, loves Barry Obama… Mos Def wore an “Obama: So Fresh, So Clean” shirt the other night… Rep. Roscoe Bartlett wants everyone to stop calling it Presidents’ Day, because it’s clearly Washington’s birthday… Newt Gingrich will not announce his intention to lose the Republican nomination until September. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: Mike Huckabee’s daughter is following him around keeping him out of trouble… Bushies still attempting to stack the courts, hope to get one more on SCOTUS before they’re run out of town… Arlen Specter called the Supreme Court lazy. [USN&WR]

* Heard on the Hill: Senate Foreign Relations staffers sends out an email about the President of Liberia. Email .sig is, naturally, a still from Friday with a hilarious and racially-insensitive quote beneath it… Phil Gingrey admitted to being the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Former Spanish PM Jose Maria Aznar canceled a lunch at Nathans when he learned that Spanish reporters would be there… Libby trial jurors all wore matching red t-shirts with white hearts on Valentine’s Day. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Ward 2 Council Member Jack Evans wants more Indian movies filmed in DC… Who’s to blame for yesterday not being a snow day? Office of Personnel Management Director Linda Springer. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Rahm Emanuel’s photo still hangs prominently at DCCC headquarters… Rep. Dan Burton apologized for skipping work to play golf. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Roy Blunt has a YouTube channel! But they’re deleting all the comments on the videos for bad language… Outgoing NATO Afghanistan commander Gen. Karl Eikenberry says we’re all at war with the “Islamist militant extremist fascist movement.” … Rep Wally Herger (R-CA) gave Rep. Roger Wicker (R-MS) a book of Mormon. Wicker’s a baptist. [Politico]

* Heard on the Hill: It is possible to vaguely connect the death of Anna Nicole Smith to Congress. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: In what might be the single weirdest Reliable Source item we’ve ever seen, Amy and Roxanne uncover a heretofore unpublished love letter from Woodrow Wilson to his eventual wife. Woodrow signed it, “Tiger.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Darrell Issa asked grieving widows testifying before Congress who wrote their opening statement… The National Association of Manufacturers accidentally scheduled their congressional reception on Valentine’s Day… Nancy Pelosi added the first anniversary of Dick Cheney shooting that guy to the calender she sent to Democrats last week. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: “Top secret” religious right group (members include Tim LaHaye and James Dobson) prefers Mike Huckabee to Mitt Romney 60-40. [USN&WR]

* Nancy Pelosi’s mothering powers are so great she can excrete children at will. [Comedy Central Insider]
* Media coverage of Anna Nicole as lop-sided as she was. [Think Progress]
* Jack Cafferty takes a hack dig at Wolf, who by now has surely come up with something witty he could have said. [Passport]
* Cheney’s office now exists as a “super branch” outside the Governmental space-time continuum. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Marky Mark Warner won’t gun for Johnny John Warner’s Senate seat, may go for VA governor spot, again. [Vivian Paige]
* Lots more Republican scandals on the way, don’t change that URL! [The Blotter]

In the chaotic and heroic media frenzy that’s greeted the death of America’s Sweetheart, Anna Nicole Smith, only one crazy anonymous emailer (not Nadine, alas, but just as tuned-in to the real story) has managed to get to the truth: Smith was killed, possibly by the Kennedys, or Nancy Pelosi, to cover up President Bush’s affair with… Michele Bachmann.

Tony Blair, the Queen of England, and MSNBC are all involved too. Read the terrifying tale in its entirety, after the jump.

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As our nation mourns this tragic loss, we urge you to share your memories and baseless opinions here in the comments. There is no word, yet, on whether or not federal offices will be closed Friday — but you can assume they will be, so don’t worry about going to work. Our flagpoles are all at half-mast tonight. MORE »

Perhaps the greatest symbol of our nation’s highest court, the dope-addict floozy Anna Nicole Smith keeled over dead in a Florida hotel about an hour ago. We’ve been too upset to post, obviously — plus it took a while to come up with a possible Wonkette angle. Turns out we’ve posted dozens of items about the beloved entertainer! She was basically the American Dream in the flesh.

Let’s pay our respects to “Mrs. Smith Who Came To Washington,” after the jump.

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One-point-six billion says the baby’s not Souter’s. MORE »