ann romney
Mormons Apparently Not Allowed To Do Sex With Their Mouths
General JC Christian, Patriot, points us to these sad LDS sex-rules that are doubtless responsible for making Miffed and Egg Romney such delightful humans to be around: LDS President Harold B. Lee: I was shocked to have you raise the question about ‘oral lovemaking in the genital area among married couples.’ Heaven forbid any such [...]
Science Genius Mitt Romney Thinks Airplane Windows Should Open
Did you happen to hear that in the midst of yet another very bad day for Miffed Romney, Egg Romney’s plane had to make an emergency landing? We are not saying they faked it or that it was suspicious at all, we’re just saying we saw Bob Roberts. We for one are very, very happy [...]
Ann Romney Wants You To Cry For Her, Argentina (Audio!)
It is Mitt’s time, and Egg Romney has had about enough of you people sniping and whining and curb-jobbing her husband. “Stop it. This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring,” she said. “This is hard and, you know, it’s an important thing that we’re doing right now and it’s an [...]
Sorry, But Ann Romney Does Not Think You People Are As Classy As Her Horse
Here is a fun little tidbit from a WaPo profile of proto-Paris Hilton Georgette Mosbacher: Egg Romney does not think you people are as classy as her horse who does ballet! At the convention, they could be seen bickering outside exclusive donor powwows (“Don’t be upset,” Georgette pleaded with Lyn outside a brunch organized by [...]
Romney’s World: With The Middle East On Fire, He Would Like Us To Help Rename His Plane
What is the worst possible thing that Egg Romney could call the Romney flying machine? Here is a message from His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, to inform us! Ann likes to joke that the campaign plane should be called “Hair Force One.”
Mitt Romney Actually Going To Be A Good Husband This Time
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Mitt Romney’s wife, Egg, had a dancey horse that was so good at prancing and mincing, it was going to prance and mince in the Olympics even! And because Mitt Romney does not know how to be a human husband, he was all, “That is [...]
Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech
The Mitt Romney for President 2012 campaign had a smashing idea for night one of next week’s convention: Get Ann Romney to speak! She’s a nice gal who “humanizes Mitt Romney,” don’t you know. Have you heard? Once the world meets Ann Romney, nothing but Endless Victory will follow. And yet problems have arisen: (1) [...]
Caption Contest! Mitt And Ann Romney Are On A Boat
Tupper Romney tweets this photo of Mitt and Ann Romney on a boat. For some reason, His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney — who is objectively a handsome man — always looks super gross and greasy when he’s on vacation at “Lake Winni.” Here they look like nothing so much as a really sweaty [...]
Ann Romney Has No Idea What Is In Those Tax Returns But Assures You People That They Are Legal
Oh isn’t this NICE. Ann Romney took time away from her busy schedule of hanging out with Welsh ponies (srsly) to discuss politics with NBC news. And you will never guess what NBC learned, you guys. Ann Romney is not just the owner of a dancing horse! No sirree, she is the granddaughter of a [...]
Rafalca’s Magical Olympics, Day One: Rafalca Losing To Some Dancing Horses, Beating Others
Your Wonkette knows that it is not allowed to make any lighthearted jokes about the rich presidential candidate and his wife who own a dancing horse that is competing in the Olympics. Americans have no history of making jokes about the playthings of the rich, in this case a German-bred mare. As Mitt Romney says, [...]
Why Won’t Mitt Romney Root For His Wife’s Dumb Horse?
Mitt Romney has taken a look at how they do things over there in old England-Land, and has quickly come to the well-justified conclusion that their Olympics are just a hot metric tonne of garbage compared to the awesome USA American Olympics he ran in Salt Lake City. But you’d think that he’d at least [...]
Scurrilous Scallawags Aim To Jape At Their Betters, The Lord And Lady Romney
Who are these you people who insist on making mockery of Mittens Romney, His Lord High Hairgel? Why have they not yet been put in a quiet room, in Guantanamo? Beats us. And better yet, find them and beat them! [AmIARomney?]
Ann Romney To Obama: Please Don’t Kill Mitt With A Missile If I’m Nearby
Ann Romney is no dummy, you guys! She knows all about how much Obama loves killing all of his enemies with missiles from flying death robots. And who is the Obama Administration’s most hated enemy? Well, it’s probably whoever the CIA has picked out of a hat as “al Qaeda #2″ is this week, but [...]
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