ann romney

Ann Romney, who campaign officials claim is the kinder, warmer, more approachable half of the nation’s premier battery-powered couple, recently revealed to Good Housekeeping magazine that the issue “closest to her heart” is “bringing real change to our educational system,” a system with which Ann first became familiar while serving as, in her words, “First […]

Here’s the thing about the Navy: it needs more ships. And possibly more bayonets, so as not to offend the bayonet-Americans. But definitely more ships. This is self-evidently true according to presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who astutely observed the other night that our air force is “older than any time since 1947.” This is also […]

Before going into too much detail, the answer is Michelle Obama. Always. Unless of course the question is, “Who ate the rest of my french fries?” (The answer to that question used to be The Snowbilly, but now who knows?!) If you watched last night’s debate long enough to see the spouses emerge from the […]

Do you ever wish you could see into the future? Well thanks to today’s Politico story on how the Romney family has finally wrested control of Miffed’s campaign from the seriously incompetent Stuart Stevenses et alia, we now know that Tagg Romney has taken on the role of enforcer in his dad’s campaign. This makes […]

Set the recorders on your infernal machines, America! Egg Romney is trying to seduce you! On Oct. 10, which is next Wednesday, she will show us all the charm and grace she has heretofore mislaid somehow (it was terribly careless of her, we’re sure) and we will all finally realize that a Lady such as […]

Ann Romney is just plain baiting the Professional Comedy Industry now, isn’t she? Over the weekend, she said in an interview that if her servo-mechanical partner becomes President, her “biggest concern, obviously, would just be for his mental well-being.” We share Egg’s concerns. No one wants to see the President of 53 Percent of the […]

General JC Christian, Patriot, points us to these sad LDS sex-rules that are doubtless responsible for making Miffed and Egg Romney such delightful humans to be around: LDS President Harold B. Lee: I was shocked to have you raise the question about ‘oral lovemaking in the genital area among married couples.’ Heaven forbid any such […]

Did you happen to hear that in the midst of yet another very bad day for Miffed Romney, Egg Romney’s plane had to make an emergency landing? We are not saying they faked it or that it was suspicious at all, we’re just saying we saw Bob Roberts. We for one are very, very happy […]

It is Mitt’s time, and Egg Romney has had about enough of you people sniping and whining and curb-jobbing her husband. “Stop it. This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring,” she said. “This is hard and, you know, it’s an important thing that we’re doing right now and it’s an […]

Here is a fun little tidbit from a WaPo profile of proto-Paris Hilton Georgette Mosbacher: Egg Romney does not think you people are as classy as her horse who does ballet! At the convention, they could be seen bickering outside exclusive donor powwows (“Don’t be upset,” Georgette pleaded with Lyn outside a brunch organized by […]

What is the worst possible thing that Egg Romney could call the Romney flying machine? Here is a message from His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, to inform us! Ann likes to joke that the campaign plane should be called “Hair Force One.”

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Mitt Romney’s wife, Egg, had a dancey horse that was so good at prancing and mincing, it was going to prance and mince in the Olympics even! And because Mitt Romney does not know how to be a human husband, he was all, “That is […]

The Mitt Romney for President 2012 campaign had a smashing idea for night one of next week’s convention: Get Ann Romney to speak! She’s a nice gal who “humanizes Mitt Romney,” don’t you know. Have you heard? Once the world meets Ann Romney, nothing but Endless Victory will follow. And yet problems have arisen: (1) […]

Oh how precious, NPR thinks that Mitt Romney will stop running around lying to everyone’s face about welfare reform if only he is presented with the “facts.” But like most “severe conservatives,” Romney knows you can use facts to prove anything that’s even REMOTELY true — and even things that aren’t!

Tupper Romney tweets this photo of Mitt and Ann Romney on a boat. For some reason, His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney — who is objectively a handsome man — always looks super gross and greasy when he’s on vacation at “Lake Winni.” Here they look like nothing so much as a really sweaty […]