Tag: ann romney

She's all philosophical 'n' stuff

Silly Drunk Mess Sarah Palin Says No, Mitt Romney, You Are ‘Silly Man’ Also Too

Is this 2016 presidential election the best ever or the best goddamned greatest thing ever? Yes! Shortly after Mitt Willard McMittens Romneybot gave a speech at the University of Utah Thursday that was almost -- dare we say? -- impassioned, about how Donald...
Don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no national healthcare

Mitt Romney Announces Republicans Suck, Especially That Trump Guy: A Liveblog

Perennial presidential candidate Mitt Romney is giving a MAJOR SPEECH today at the University of Utah's Hinckley Institute of Politics Forum, about the 2016 Republican primary. Which would be a perfectly normal thing if Romney were a candidate in...
Romney, applauding himself

Mitt Romney Seems To Be Running For President All Of A Sudden

We hoped. We dreamed. We sent our thoughts and prayers to Liberal Skygod. Please, Liberal Skygod, PLEASE can we have Mitt Romney to kick around one more time? But no, Willard McMittens Junior The Third denied us the pleasure, sending our fond wishes to...

Is Ann Romney The Daddy Of Donald Trump’s Baby?

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program of making jokes to ask this Very Serious Journalistic question: What the hell is this? One of those boys is the Trump kind, and one of them is the Romney kind, and do we even care which one...
Don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no national healthcare

Maybe Mitt Can Fix It, LOL

Oh sweet Joseph Smith and his special reading glasses, this is just so precious. Because the field of Republican presidential candidates, which is so crowded they need to split 'em up into losers and super losers for GOP debate...
Wave buh-bye to your White House dreams

Jeb Bush Told Lady Poors To Get Hitched, Ended Poverty Forever, Hooray!

Is it a day? It is! So you know what it's time for? (No, not that, put your lady boners and boy muffs away, that's for after the kids are in bed. This is a FAMILY BLOG.) It is time...
We're laughing at you, not with you

Mitt Romney’s Summer Camp Teaches Republicans How To Lose Like Mitt Romney

Doesn't this sound like a marvelous time? Sunning and funning and fancy horseback riding at a luxurious five-star lodge in Deer Valley, Utah, and learning how to not become president, from America's foremost expert himself, Mitt Romney! On the guest...
Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it's time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week's top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss...

Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIf you are a perpetual loser of the Republican persuasion, there's really no better place to go for some tender loving ball-fondling than Fox News. So Mitt Romney spent some quality time with "Fox...
We are all sad today

Mitt Romney Decides He’s Cool With Losing White House Just The Two Times, Thanks

Mitt Romney has decided to deprive U.S. Amercians of the pleasure of kicking his ass a third time, the selfish bastard. Typical. On a conference call with Ann and his "supporters" (most of whose names end in "Romney," we...
We're laughing at you, not with you

Mitt Romney Thinks Mitt Romney Would Be Easily Defeated In 2016, Will Grace Us With Run Anyway

How excited are we, on a scale of 1-10, that Mitt Romney really and truly and honest-to-gosh is going to run for president again? Oh, let's say 47. We are excited to 47. There's plenty of chatter on the interwebs...
Gather round, kids, and listen good

Mitt Romney Meets With Old Campaign Chums For No Special Reason, Why Do You Ask?

Mitt Romney has been keeping busy since our wayward nation made the biggest mistake of her life by walking away from the blissful comfort of his mechanical, Downy-scented embrace two years ago. Mitt is the forgiving type and has remained in the background...
Mitt Romney's advisers try to talk the candidate into another run after his crushing 2012 loss.

Mitt Romney Still A Dumb Jerk, Some More, Again

Business Insider has yet another entry in the ongoing saga that is MittWatch ’16. Another “member” of the “inner circle” of that cock tease the Duke of Salt Lake, Willard Mitochondria Phlegmatic Hustings Coffeepot Romney XII, leaks that the...

Some Of Scott Walker’s Best Friends Are Women

Hey, ladies of Wisconsin! With the election that decides his political future coming up next week, your feminist hero Gov. Scott Walker has remembered that you're allowed to vote, just in time for him to put one of your kind...
Ah, mittens, come on back and tell us all about it

Mitt Romney Finds Entirely New Explanation For ’47 Percent’ Remarks, In Own Ass

Now that Mitt Romney has let it be known through "supporters" and "his wife" that he is definitely serious about not winning the White House at least one more time, he is also letting it be known that he...

Mitt Romney Totally Gonna Run Again In 2016; Wonkette Erections To Never Subside

Will we have Mitt Romney to kick around in 2016 after all? Lately the Romney camp and its allies have been floating so many trial balloons with the conservative media you could attach gondolas and sell tickets for the...