ann romney
Mitt Romney And His Royale Princesse Deign To Visit Their Ungrateful Subjects Again
Pretenders to the throne (no, really – we assume they pretend they won the 2012 election all the damn time, like with presidential cosplay and stuffs) Highness Mittens and Princess Romney went on Fox News on Sunday. BIG SURPRISE. I mean, what is more relevant right now than giving losers a chance to explain how [...]
Your Valentine’s Nice Time, In Which We Are Nice To Really Really Grody Folks For Really No Reason At All
We know you Wonkers are a persnickety lot, and man are you good at hate! But let’s take a moment to give a Malbec-soaked shout-out to some people we hate while remembering their common humanity. Wait! Where’d you go???
Yes, Please
Look outside. A moment ago, was it bright, and warm, and sunny? Did a cloud just move across the sky and block out the sun completely? Did a monstrous shiver just rack your body, as though somewhere a Great Evil had been loosed upon the world? That is because some idiot claims people want Ann [...]
What Did John McCain And The Romneys Talk About During Their Lunch?
The esteemed gentleman from Arizona, last seen spitting fury at Hillary Clinton, who was not impressed, had a nice lunch date today with his old friends His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, and his wife, the Lady Egg! What do you think they talked about at their lunch, these two men, one cunt, who [...]
Unveiling Wonket’s 2012 Hu-Man Of The Year
Wonket’s Hu-Man of the Year was a hard-fought contest. There were strong cases to be made for Donald Trump, and Rick Santorum, and the cast of Fox & Friends. But in the end only one hu-man provided such grand doses of befuddled misanthropy, who proved to be SO FUCKING BAD AT HIS JOB, who could [...]
Ann And Mitt Romney Adjust To Sad Lonely Life Of Regular Old Centi-Millionaires
Mitt Romney is SO VERY SAD, you guys. All he wanted was to be President. That’s it. He had a dream, just a simple dream, and You People crushed it. So now he spends his days alone, shuffling around in his $1000 bathrobes, talking to secret service personnel that aren’t there. And Ann! This has [...]
Fox News Furious: American Pie Actor Talked Real Icky About Ann Romney’s Butt
How come the liberal media never talks about stupid LIEBERALS warring on women, huh? It is like, one side is full of elected officials trying to make it legal for business owners to deny their workers slut pills and hating equal pay for equal work and loving rape, and the other side is an actor [...]
Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us
Oh boy, we have now reached our favorite part of the election cycle: the end! It’s great because (a) the stressful part is over and (b) all the low-level staffers for both campaigns start telling secrets to the reporters that they most want to sleep with. And so it was that the lucky folks at [...]
Sure, Here Are Michelle Obama And Ann Romney In A Chinese Condom Ad, Because Why Not
Is this Chinese ad for Durex condoms, featuring Michelle Obama and Egg Romney, real? We think so! And that is good enough for us. [e.weibo.com]
That Is So Weird That Guy Advising Mitt Romney On Our ‘Too-Small’ Navy Just Happens To Be In The Ship-Building Biz
Here’s the thing about the Navy: it needs more ships. And possibly more bayonets, so as not to offend the bayonet-Americans. But definitely more ships. This is self-evidently true according to presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who astutely observed the other night that our air force is “older than any time since 1947.” This is also [...]
The Inevitable ‘Who Wore It Best?’ Michelle Obama vs. Ann Romney Smackdown
Before going into too much detail, the answer is Michelle Obama. Always. Unless of course the question is, “Who ate the rest of my french fries?” (The answer to that question used to be The Snowbilly, but now who knows?!) If you watched last night’s debate long enough to see the spouses emerge from the [...]
Ann Romney To Simper And Smirk And Make Love To Us All As Guest Host Of Good Morning America
Set the recorders on your infernal machines, America! Egg Romney is trying to seduce you! On Oct. 10, which is next Wednesday, she will show us all the charm and grace she has heretofore mislaid somehow (it was terribly careless of her, we’re sure) and we will all finally realize that a Lady such as [...]
Ann Romney Worries About Mitt’s Brain Parts If He’s Elected
Ann Romney is just plain baiting the Professional Comedy Industry now, isn’t she? Over the weekend, she said in an interview that if her servo-mechanical partner becomes President, her “biggest concern, obviously, would just be for his mental well-being.” We share Egg’s concerns. No one wants to see the President of 53 Percent of the [...]
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