Tag Archives: ann romney

  let's challenge her to a rap battle

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it’s time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week’s top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss the picture above, which Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, shared on the Twitter after her husband’s charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield. Is Ann Romney in a gang now? PROBABLY, because she is so street. She told the Twitter that she was very excited to be part of “Mitt’s posse.” Anybody who coughs up a video of Romney (husband OR wife) twerking wins an “Obamaphone.” Read more on Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Mitt 2016!

Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIf you are a perpetual loser of the Republican persuasion, there’s really no better place to go for some tender loving ball-fondling than Fox News. So Mitt Romney spent some quality time with “Fox & Friends” non-blond host Brian Kilmeade, to talk about his big charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield later this month, and to sneak in a “serious conversation about what’s happening in the country, and what’s happening in politics”: the alleged murder-by-cop of Freddie Gray in Baltimore; how much Hillary Clinton sucks; the Republican Party’s need for a fresh face like, say, Jeb Bush; and how beloved he and Ann are (no, he is not joking). Read more on Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)…
  Noooooooooooooooo!

Mitt Romney Decides He’s Cool With Losing White House Just The Two Times, Thanks

We are all sad today
Mitt Romney has decided to deprive U.S. Amercians of the pleasure of kicking his ass a third time, the selfish bastard. Typical. On a conference call with Ann and his “supporters” (most of whose names end in “Romney,” we are pretty sure), Mitt explained why after all that teasing and making us laugh so hard, he is not going to run against Hillary Clinton — from the left! — in 2016: Read more on Mitt Romney Decides He’s Cool With Losing White House Just The Two Times, Thanks…
  Lifestyle Pages

Mitt Romney Meets With Old Campaign Chums For No Special Reason, Why Do You Ask?

Mitt Romney gives a lecture about 2016 election at Stanford University. Pic by Stelio Ropokis via Twitter Mitt Romney has been keeping busy since our wayward nation made the biggest mistake of her life by walking away from the blissful comfort of his mechanical, Downy-scented embrace two years ago. Mitt is the forgiving type and has remained in the background of our political lives, just being our friend, because he would hate to think he and the American voters couldn’t be friends anymore. And he’s been meeting up with some of his best buds who, by total coincidence, played integral roles in his last run for president, just to say hi. Read more on Mitt Romney Meets With Old Campaign Chums For No Special Reason, Why Do You Ask?…
  MittWatch '16

Mitt Romney Still A Dumb Jerk, Some More, Again

Mitt Romney's advisers try to talk the candidate into another run after his crushing 2012 loss.
Business Insider has yet another entry in the ongoing saga that is MittWatch ’16. Another “member” of the “inner circle” of that cock tease the Duke of Salt Lake, Willard Mitochondria Phlegmatic Hustings Coffeepot Romney XII, leaks that the Rombot met this past week in New York with “key financial backers” of his past losing campaigns. Which means he is probably definitely likely running for president again in 2016. Or he’s a rich retired guy jetting around the country to enjoy the perks of being a rich retired guy, like watching a New York Jets game from the owner’s skybox at the team’s stadium. Which, considering it’s the Jets and the stadium is in New Jersey, doesn’t sound to us like a perk. It sounds like one of Dante’s more minor circles. Read more on Mitt Romney Still A Dumb Jerk, Some More, Again…
  Walker 2016

Some Of Scott Walker’s Best Friends Are Women

Hey, ladies of Wisconsin! With the election that decides his political future coming up next week, your feminist hero Gov. Scott Walker has remembered that you’re allowed to vote, just in time for him to put one of your kind on TV to make a not-at-all disingenuous play for your support. Read more on Some Of Scott Walker’s Best Friends Are Women…
  Loser Romney Still Loser ... With Mayo

Mitt Romney Finds Entirely New Explanation For ’47 Percent’ Remarks, In Own Ass

Ah, mittens, come on back and tell us all about it
Now that Mitt Romney has let it be known through “supporters” and “his wife” that he is definitely serious about not winning the White House at least one more time, he is also letting it be known that he has learned some things from the last multiple times he did not win the White House. Read more on Mitt Romney Finds Entirely New Explanation For ’47 Percent’ Remarks, In Own Ass…
  dancing horse race politics

Mitt Romney Totally Gonna Run Again In 2016; Wonkette Erections To Never Subside

Will we have Mitt Romney to kick around in 2016 after all? Lately the Romney camp and its allies have been floating so many trial balloons with the conservative media you could attach gondolas and sell tickets for the ride. And we’d buy those tickets, because how much fun would we have watching the Earl of Braintree, His Lord High Hairgel Willington Mittens Forsooth Toothpaste VIII, stumbling his way through a third losing presidential campaign? All of the fun, people. All of it. Read more on Mitt Romney Totally Gonna Run Again In 2016; Wonkette Erections To Never Subside…
  Her horse is still classier than you people

Ladies, Stop Offending Ann Romney With How Stupid You Are

Offended Egg is offended
How many times does Her Royal Horse-Riding Majesty Ann Romney have to explain this to YOU PEOPLE? Sheesh! This so-called “war on women” claptrap Democrats can’t stop blah blahing about is so dumb and so 2012 and so not even real anyway, so why are women — who are so much smarter than Democrats think they are — so stupid as to keep falling for it? HUH? Read more on Ladies, Stop Offending Ann Romney With How Stupid You Are…
  try devil's weed instead

Virginia’s Grifty Former First Lady Offered To Cure Ann Romney’s MS With This One Weird Trick

Does not cure indictments
Gather round, kiddies, it’s time for another installment of the As The Grift Turns, the tragic tale of the former Lord and Lady McDonnell of Virginia, now on trial for being corrupt, greedy, generally awful, and dumb enough to get caught, all because Her Majesty Maureen really wanted an Oscar de la Renta gown for her husband’s inaugural, and also they had “an unconscionable amount in credit card debt.” One thing led to another, as such things do, and suddenly they were awash in fabulous gifts and prizes from Richmond businessman Jonnie Williams Sr., for the basement-bargain price of maybe breaking a few laws here and there by pimping his company’s magical tobacco-based “dietary supplement” Antabloc. Allegedly. Read more on Virginia’s Grifty Former First Lady Offered To Cure Ann Romney’s MS With This One Weird Trick…
  where's the teeth?

Here Is A Picture Of Mitt Romney’s Grandchildren Inside A Giant Vagina

Mitt Romney went camping and he was all blah blah blah the American West and air conditioning and there’s nothing more important than family, also the Ukraine. Honestly, you don’t need to read it, it is boring and lame and it doesn’t even say anything unintentionally hilarious and his wife Egg didn’t even say anything about how UNLIKE MICHELLE OBAMA, she loves her family. Good god, that woman is a fucking cunt. Read more on Here Is A Picture Of Mitt Romney’s Grandchildren Inside A Giant Vagina…
  the egg and i

Ann Romney Just Cannot Stop Being Classy

Watch the latest video at video.insider.foxnews.com We already know you are not going to watch the video, above, of Ann Romney getting interviewed on Fox New’s “America’s Newsroom.” (Only valid for certain values of “America.”) So you do not absolutely need to tell us in the comments about how you are not going to watch it. Deal? Cool. So, what did you miss when you refused to watch the lovely and amazing Ann Romney talking about new documentary Mitt? Oh, just what a bunch of losers Americans are by not voting for her husband, that’s all, no big. Read more on Ann Romney Just Cannot Stop Being Classy…
  mittens

Mitt Romney Acknowledges He Did Not ‘Speak Openly And Effectively To Minority Populations,’ Fails To Note Wetness Of Water

Average guy Mitt Romney and his wife Egg went on the CBS This Morning teevee Showcase of Disgrace to talk about why he lost so badly in the last “America’s Next Top Figurehead” contest. Oddly, he said a thing that is arguably true: “The place that my campaign and I fell short was probably in being able to speak openly and effectively to minority populations. We didn’t get as many African-American voters as we should have, didn’t get as many Hispanic voters as we should have.” We’re not so sure about the “openly” part, because when he did speak “openly” it was kind of disastrous for him. But effectively, sure. Romney was certainly not as effective at lying to minorities as he was with the white men, who unaccountably seemed to believe that Mitt Romney was the guy who would help them become or remain rich and powerful. Then again, people believe gay marriage is caused by supernatural hell-beasts, so maybe it’s not that weird after all. Read more on Mitt Romney Acknowledges He Did Not ‘Speak Openly And Effectively To Minority Populations,’ Fails To Note Wetness Of Water…
  poor little rich girl happy at last

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over: Mitt And Ann Romney Get Their Car Elevator

Egg Romney woke up to a new and strange feeling. Could it be? She wiggled her toes, grazed her fingers on the 1000-count sheets, interwoven with threads of gold. For once, the gosh darn sheets weren’t abrading her ultrasensitive skin. Why, they almost felt soft! Egg Romney wrinkled her little princess nose. She smelled something good, wafting up from the kitchen of their miserable 3,000-square-foot beach shack. As if one could escape a scent in a ramshackle cottage like this one. But today she didn’t so much mind — an odd feeling in itself. What could be the matter with her? She felt … happy! And then Egg Romney remembered: the California Coastal Commission had finally come to their idiot senses and given them approval to raze this sad little hovel and build a more suitable home, a modest 12,000-square-foot one, right there on the beach in La Jolla. Egg Romney rose like a goddess from the perfectly undisturbed bedclothes — she never moved while she slept, her arms crossed upon her breast. And of course Mittens, her Mittens, would not dream of disturbing her in her wing of this dump. She wrapped herself in her favorite fisheagle shirt — no pants — and floated down the stairs to the kitchen. Read more on Our Long National Nightmare Is Over: Mitt And Ann Romney Get Their Car Elevator…
  hush hush sweet ann

Ann Romney Continues To Write President Romney Fan-Fic

Ann Romney. Bubbeleh. (Or “Mi’lady,” if you prefer, and you know you do.) After your husband, the worst candidate for president your humble penpal has ever seen and she has seen Alan Keyes, took a drubbing at the polls last year because of how people did not like him or you, it is considered unseemly to keep unhinging your slathering jaw to explain that your husband would have never let any of these terrible things happen that the impostor in the White House is forcing to happen by the simple act of not being Mitt Romney (oh, and also because the House of Representatives is led by fucking lunatics but six of one …). What tacky nonsense is Ann Romney spewing from her mouth hole now? Ann Romney said the government would not have shut down if her husband Mitt had been elected president in 2012. “We would not be in a shutdown,” Romney said during an interview on “Fox & Friends.” Romney said her husband would have “stopped Obamacare,” keeping Congress from a government shutdown. Hmmm. Let’s reach back to our high school logic class and see if we can find the flaws in Mi’lady’s theorem! Read more on Ann Romney Continues To Write President Romney Fan-Fic…
  la jolla: year zero

Ann Romney Not Worrying Her Beautiful Mind About Neighbors’ Unhappiness With Grotesque Beach Mansion

In her quest to build a modest 11,000-square-foot cottage not in anyone’s way at all right there on that public beach, Ann Romney is starting to sound a little like America’s most favoritest belovedest totally great lady, one Barbara “gentle murmurs” Bush. Neighbors may be unhappy over the Romneys’ … hmmm … lack of politesse (THE ROMNEYS??? THE FUCK YOU SAY!) in throwing their shitfits at the San Diego City Council for not getting their permits fast enough. But Ann knows in her heart of hearts that other people’s feelings don’t matter at all! Read more on Ann Romney Not Worrying Her Beautiful Mind About Neighbors’ Unhappiness With Grotesque Beach Mansion…
  On a clear day she can whine forever

Ann Romney Shames San Diego City Council Because She Didn’t Get Her Beachfront Mansion Permit Fast Enough

Aw, cute! Ann Romney, the unintentionally comedic wife of uber-loser Mitt, took a break from watching her classier-than-thou horse do ballet to eggsplain to the San Diego City Council why it can kiss her pampered ass because it did not approve the permit for her bazillion dollar beachfront mansion expansion in a way befitting Her Royal Highness, according to Her Royal Highness: My name is Ann Romney. I am here today to express concern with the city of San Diego’s noticing procedure for development projects. The hearing officer’s decision on the coastal development and site development permit for my home was appealed due to potential defects with the public notice. Notice defects can be problematic for transparent government and public participation, two things that Mitt and I strongly support. You are probably deeply and profoundly concerned about the potential defects with the public notice for Ann’s home, right? You’re probably losing sleep over it, tossing and turning and fretting about whether that $12 million house Ann and Mitt are rebuilding on the beach will be properly and quickly permitted, and nothing — not those doctor bills you can’t afford to pay, not global warming, not the outright persecution of the teabaggers by the IRS — concerns you more. That’s why Ann is talking to the City Council, you know. For the public. For you people. Read more on Ann Romney Shames San Diego City Council Because She Didn’t Get Her Beachfront Mansion Permit Fast Enough…
  a ship without a rudder is like a ship without a rudder

Mitt Romney And His Royale Princesse Deign To Visit Their Ungrateful Subjects Again

Pretenders to the throne (no, really – we assume they pretend they won the 2012 election all the damn time, like with presidential cosplay and stuffs) Highness Mittens and Princess Romney went on Fox News on Sunday. BIG SURPRISE. I mean, what is more relevant right now than giving losers a chance to explain how Obummer and the Democrats are the real losers and America should weep for what they hath lost: “I look at what’s happening right now — I wish I were there,” Romney told Chris Wallace, in an taping conducted last week in California. “It kills me not to be there. Not to be in the White House doing what needs to be done.” Romney criticized President Obama’s handling of the budget showdown engulfing Washington, saying, “We don’t have to have gridlock settings one after the other, on issue after issue. Oh, America! What have you done? Instead of the partisan gridlock you have now, you could have…well, partisan gridlock when the Senate refused to go along with any plan concocted by Boehner and Mitt, the no-glimmer weepy twins. Read more on Mitt Romney And His Royale Princesse Deign To Visit Their Ungrateful Subjects Again…
  if you can't say something nice come sit by me

Your Valentine’s Nice Time, In Which We Are Nice To Really Really Grody Folks For Really No Reason At All

We know you Wonkers are a persnickety lot, and man are you good at hate! But let’s take a moment to give a Malbec-soaked shout-out to some people we hate while remembering their common humanity. Wait! Where’d you go??? Read more on Your Valentine’s Nice Time, In Which We Are Nice To Really Really Grody Folks For Really No Reason At All…
  her?

Yes, Please

Look outside. A moment ago, was it bright, and warm, and sunny? Did a cloud just move across the sky and block out the sun completely? Did a monstrous shiver just rack your body, as though somewhere a Great Evil had been loosed upon the world? That is because some idiot claims people want Ann Romney to run for John Kerry’s seat in the United States Senate. Read more on Yes, Please…
  great lunches in history

What Did John McCain And The Romneys Talk About During Their Lunch?

The esteemed gentleman from Arizona, last seen spitting fury at Hillary Clinton, who was not impressed, had a nice lunch date today with his old friends His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, and his wife, the Lady Egg! What do you think they talked about at their lunch, these two men, one cunt, who had all had their life’s great ambition snatched from them by this upstart, this “That One”? Read more on What Did John McCain And The Romneys Talk About During Their Lunch?…