WHY EVEN WORK TOMORROW? THE NEWS STORY OF THE WEEK ALREADY HAPPENED: Jesus, we were starting to think that we might have to *ask* for someone to make an animated .gif of Rick Perry petting that old man. Fortunately operative “Elliot P.” came through just in time, showing a little goddamn initiative around this place. Rick Perry, what are you doing! This is how Pig AIDS gets spread!

OKAY, ONE MORE PELOSI ANIMATED GIF: Nothing will ever compete with the 21st Century pop-art masterpiece that is today’s Wall of Pelosi animated gif seizure triumph, but we could not let this final submission vanish down the Memory Hole of Socialism, so here you go, and good night, and Happy September the Eleventh Eve! Make sure to leave out some pedophilia literature to distract the old Republican guys who will bust into your house tonight and try to scare everybody to death! [Thanks to Wonkette operative "David D."]

So very many of you friendly bored people responded to our solicitation for animated .gifs of Nancy Pelosi looking horror-struck at Joe Wilson’s “YOU LIE” outburst, so we will just post them all! Every submitter, as promised, will get to make out with/finger-bang Intern Riley for five minutes in a closet of your choice. (Just e-mail him to set up a time. If he turns down any of you, he will be fired.) MORE »

Does anyone here know how to use computers? We want to create an animated .gif of Nancy Pelosi’s reaction to shouty Joe Wilson last night, but how the dickens does one do THAT? So if one of you lovely humans would like to help your Wonkette produce a very very important stock photo for years to come, please make a (nicely cropped) animated .gif of Nancy Pelosi’s MONSTROUS HEAD from :15 to :17 in this video. We’ll give you five minutes of make-out time with Intern Riley in the closet of your choice. [YouTube]

BLINGEE SUBMISSIONS WINDOW CLOSED: There were zero submissions to our latest Blingee contest for about half an hour, and now there are 100 to 150. GODDAMNIT. This will take a long time to go through, and where the hell is that rascal Intern Juli? So expect the winners post… later. To see who “wins an iPod.” In the meantime enjoy this submission that didn’t fit within the contest’s constraints, but is truly amazing anyway.