Adorable kitten curls up beside copy of the US Constitution… [CBS]

According to new House rules, approved earmark requests on spending bills are now ours for the public oversighting. Exciting news if you love reading lengthy, poorly-scanned .pdfs! There are a couple gems, though. Like the above, from the Interior and the Environment bill. Representative Emerson will be receiving a cool half a million dollars for “meth prevention” at the Mark Twain National Forest. ‘Cause there are few things in this life sadder than a tweaking deer. MORE »

After speaking on behalf of the bill, Senator Reid presented Menendez with a small, delicious pellet. Upon the bill’s defeat, though, both received a mild electric shock.

This past Memorial Day caretakers at the Oak Hill Cemetery in Neenah, Wisconsin noticed that more than two dozen American flags were missing from the graves of military veterans. Who was to blame — commies? terrorists? beatniks? No, the answer was even more chilling: our so-called “friends” in the rogue animal kingdom. MORE »

We all knew it’d end this way. MORE »

Above, possible Republican Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich, with Knut the Baby Polar Bear. Gingrich has been linked to Knut ever since he learned of former flame Butterstick’s tragic illness and left the formerly cute panda for a younger, more attractive animal. MORE »

Last Saturday, for reasons that still not entirely clear to us, Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter, went to something called “Fashion for Paws,” billed as the Washington Humane Society’s first annual “fashion fete.” MORE »

Senator Robert Byrd has a dog. Her name is Trouble, but you can call her Baby. Apparently she’s writing his Senate statements these days. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Times Magazine runs a picture of Obama and David Axelrod together in Obama’s Senate office, in possible violation of election law… Capitol Police fail to rescue injured squirrels. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Some celebrities are taller than you’d expect, and vice versa. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Tom Tancredo is against sending some tv person to a Mexican prison… Get ready for the DC “Commission on Fashion Arts and Events,” to celebrate the worst-dressed town on the eastern seaboard! … Kerry loses to Bush in car chase… Hillary apparently only person in Washington not willing to make nice with unfunny old jackass Don Imus. [Examiner]
* Inside the Beltway: WALNUTS! needs to grow a goatee to complete his gradual transition into an evil totalitarian film villain. [WT]
* The Sleuth: Now you are allowed to sympathize with Elizabeth Edwards without giving her husband money. [WP]
* Washington Whispers: Newt Gingrich now a tree-hugging hippie… Chuck Hagel has a book coming out about how he’s maybe running for president maybe. [USN&WR]

WALNUTS! McCain’s campaign is an embarrassing mess — so who better to turn that mess around than a Jew-counting Nixonite? McCain recently brought on Fred Malek to be his national finance co-chair. Mr. Malek has a long, celebrated history in the GOP, from Nixon onwards, and he’s connected, of course, to the Bushes. MORE »

It was a bad weekend for Rudy Giuliani. First, his BFF Bernie Kerik is about to be indicted for being too bold and effective on 9/11 (and fucking Judith Regan, which has been a felony since a 9/12 executive order). And, oh hey, it turns out that Rudy’s head of the Department of Investigations might’ve had up to five meetings with the mayor to talk about crazy, corrupt ol’ Bernie. But all that stuff’s complicated — much more newsworthy: Rudy’s 12th wife will cut open and brutally vivisect your dog. MORE »