animals

FIRST CUR  2:08 pm December 15, 2008

George Bush’s Dog, Barney, Wins War On Christmas

by Jim Newell

After dreaming about winning both an Olympic Gold Medal and golf’s Ryder Cup tournament, in two-dimensions, George Bush’s dog Barney is awoken by the president himself. “You better wake up fella,” George Bush tells the dog. “There’s a lot of work to do around here.” Then George Bush makes Barney decorate the entire White House, [...]

KILLJOYS  5:13 pm August 15, 2008

Nothing Fun Allowed At Obama’s Stadium Show

by Ken Layne

Good news, Obamatards with tickets to Barack Obama & the Decemberists’ big concert at Mile High Stadium: You are encouraged to go through 10 miles of security lines and enter the INVESCO outdoor FEMA detainment camp at 1 p.m., a half day before Obama will speak. Also, you can’t bring booze. Also, there will be [...]

NATION IN CRISIS  3:37 pm July 31, 2008

Americans Very, Very Worried About Our Homeless… Obese Cats

by Jim Newell

This is an actual fat cat named “Chunks” who is, of course, hiding under a chair in the green room of the MSNBC studio. Here’s how this obese monster got famous: “BLACKWOOD, N.J. — Turns out, the economy is the reason a 44-pound cat found lumbering the streets of New Jersey became homeless. The Camden [...]

MONSTERS  12:31 pm July 8, 2008

Game-Altering Poll: Pet Owners Prefer McCain

by Jim Newell

A new poll from the venerable AP-Yahoo partnership shows that pet owners prefer John McCain over Barack Obama, 42% to 37%. (The other 21%, we assume, support pet-loving failure Mitt Romney.) Dog owners, especially, support John McCain by a wide margin, while cat owners of course lean towards known homosexual Barack Obama. Obama owns no [...]

BARACK OBAMA  12:20 pm May 20, 2008

Terrifying Parrot To Be Obama’s Black Vice President

by Jim Newell

ANIMALS  4:57 pm April 17, 2008

by Jim Newell

ECONOMY  1:50 pm April 11, 2008

A Delightful Menagerie Of Economic Chaos

by Josh Fruhlinger

PUPPIES  11:07 am January 29, 2008

When Animals Attack DC Fundraisers

by Ken Layne

PETA  3:47 pm January 28, 2008

Hey, That PETA Gal Is Taking Off Her Underwear

by Ken Layne

TOP  5:15 pm October 1, 2007

Salmon Try to Send Larry Craig Up the River

by Alex Pareene

REPUBLICANS  6:20 pm August 15, 2007

What the Fuck Is Wrong With Rudy Giuliani?

by Ken Layne

CATS  5:46 pm July 25, 2007

by Alex Pareene

DRUGS  5:40 pm June 22, 2007

Fun With Earmarks!

by Alex Pareene

FUNNY PICTURES  4:00 pm June 8, 2007

Senator Speaks on Behalf of Immigration Reform, Dances With Gene Kelly

by Alex Pareene

FLAGS  2:24 pm June 6, 2007

GOP to Push for Anti-Flag-Eating Amendment

by Alex Pareene

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