Tag Archives: animals

 

When Animals Attack DC Fundraisers

newVideoPlayer("pet.flv", 463, 387,""); Wonkette’s Liz Glover took her various Video and Polaroid cameras to the “Sugar & Champagne” fundraiser for the Washington Humane Society. And what exactly happens when animals attack people in a sugar/champagne frenzy? Watch the video to find out! [Sugar & Champagne Affair] Read more on When Animals Attack DC Fundraisers…
 

Hey, That PETA Gal Is Taking Off Her Underwear

Nothing says “Our Precious Freedoms” like PETA’s annual State of the Union video of a young lady taking about an hour to get naked because she’s saying something about how you are not supposed to waterboard hamsters or eat steak. [PETA] Read more on Hey, That PETA Gal Is Taking Off Her Underwear…
 

Salmon Try to Send Larry Craig Up the River

As a Republican from Nebrasdaho or wherever the fuck, Larry Craig was a tireless champion of power companies and logging concerns, and he never stopped fighting the powerful salmon interests. That’s right, salmon — you might know them as the harmless smoked fish Larry King puts on his bagels, when he is making bagels, but in real life Big Salmon has a stranglehold on our government and industry, preventing upstanding American companies from building big dams that power our baby monitors and puppy-grooming machines. But with Larry resigning in disgrace for the “crime” of soliciting public sex with an undercover cop, these salmon may soon be free to infest the Snake River with their disgusting spawn. That’s why we all need to support Senator Craig in his latest campaign: the campaign to not actually resign. Read more on Salmon Try to Send Larry Craig Up the River…
 

What the Fuck Is Wrong With Rudy Giuliani?

Here he is, America’s Mayor of Terrorism, dressed up in a fucking weird costume again. Oh, and berating a zoo animal for being on welfare — ha ha, it’s funny because of all the blacks on welfare! No wait, it’s racist because he’s dressed up as … John Travolta in Battleship Scientologia? We don’t know. But it’s definitely stupid and offensive so you can bet there are about a thousand similar clips floating around — in fact, there’s a whole movie collection of this crap called Giuliani Time, and that’s where we got this clip. Big Cat Rudy Giuliani [YouTube] Read more on What the Fuck Is Wrong With Rudy Giuliani?…
 

Adorable kitten curls up beside copy of the US Constitution… [CBS]
 

Fun With Earmarks!

According to new House rules, approved earmark requests on spending bills are now ours for the public oversighting. Exciting news if you love reading lengthy, poorly-scanned .pdfs! There are a couple gems, though. Like the above, from the Interior and the Environment bill. Representative Emerson will be receiving a cool half a million dollars for “meth prevention” at the Mark Twain National Forest. ‘Cause there are few things in this life sadder than a tweaking deer. Read more on Fun With Earmarks!…
 

GOP to Push for Anti-Flag-Eating Amendment

This past Memorial Day caretakers at the Oak Hill Cemetery in Neenah, Wisconsin noticed that more than two dozen American flags were missing from the graves of military veterans. Who was to blame — commies? terrorists? beatniks? No, the answer was even more chilling: our so-called “friends” in the rogue animal kingdom. Read more on GOP to Push for Anti-Flag-Eating Amendment…
 

BILL CLINTON TASERED TO DEATH

We all knew it’d end this way. CHAPEL HILL – Bill Clinton, a 6-foot former president on the run nearly a week, died Thursday after Carrboro police captured him outside a nursing home. […] Sanford, who rescued the politician seven years ago to give her other high-profile Washingtonian, Janet Reno, company, said Bill Clinton was a happy pol. “He loved watermelon and grapes,” she said. And he always ate her red flowers. Read more on BILL CLINTON TASERED TO DEATH…
 

Newt, Improved

Above, possible Republican Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich, with Knut the Baby Polar Bear. Gingrich has been linked to Knut ever since he learned of former flame Butterstick’s tragic illness and left the formerly cute panda for a younger, more attractive animal. Read more on Newt, Improved…
 

Wonkette Party Crash: Fashion for Paws

Last Saturday, for reasons that still not entirely clear to us, Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter, went to something called “Fashion for Paws,” billed as the Washington Humane Society’s first annual “fashion fete.” Read more on Wonkette Party Crash: Fashion for Paws…
 

Senate Subcommittee on Cuteness of Dogs Holds Hearing

Senator Robert Byrd has a dog. Her name is Trouble, but you can call her Baby. Apparently she’s writing his Senate statements these days. But best-in-show honors went to Byrd, who, in a statement notable for its breadth, explained why his eyes had been closed (“I have what is called dry eyes”) and why he has tremors in his hand (“I’m not scared or anything”), noted his friendship with the late Chicago mayor Richard Daley, mentioned his 49 years in the Senate, called himself “Popeye the Sailor Man,” and demanded the witnesses be sworn in, even though the hearing had been going on for nearly an hour. Read more on Senate Subcommittee on Cuteness of Dogs Holds Hearing…
 

Gossip Roundup: Turn to the Right

* Heard on the Hill: Times Magazine runs a picture of Obama and David Axelrod together in Obama’s Senate office, in possible violation of election law… Capitol Police fail to rescue injured squirrels. [Roll Call] * Reliable Source: Some celebrities are taller than you’d expect, and vice versa. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Tom Tancredo is against sending some tv person to a Mexican prison… Get ready for the DC “Commission on Fashion Arts and Events,” to celebrate the worst-dressed town on the eastern seaboard! … Kerry loses to Bush in car chase… Hillary apparently only person in Washington not willing to make nice with unfunny old jackass Don Imus. [Examiner] * Inside the Beltway: WALNUTS! needs to grow a goatee to complete his gradual transition into an evil totalitarian film villain. [WT] * The Sleuth: Now you are allowed to sympathize with Elizabeth Edwards without giving her husband money. [WP] * Washington Whispers: Newt Gingrich now a tree-hugging hippie… Chuck Hagel has a book coming out about how he’s maybe running for president maybe. [USN&WR] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Turn to the Right…
 

McCain’s New Hire Loves Dogs

WALNUTS! McCain’s campaign is an embarrassing mess — so who better to turn that mess around than a Jew-counting Nixonite? McCain recently brought on Fred Malek to be his national finance co-chair. Mr. Malek has a long, celebrated history in the GOP, from Nixon onwards, and he’s connected, of course, to the Bushes. Read more on McCain’s New Hire Loves Dogs…
 

“DOG-KILLER-MARRIER” to be Added to Stock Rudy Description

It was a bad weekend for Rudy Giuliani. First, his BFF Bernie Kerik is about to be indicted for being too bold and effective on 9/11 (and fucking Judith Regan, which has been a felony since a 9/12 executive order). And, oh hey, it turns out that Rudy’s head of the Department of Investigations might’ve had up to five meetings with the mayor to talk about crazy, corrupt ol’ Bernie. But all that stuff’s complicated — much more newsworthy: Rudy’s 12th wife will cut open and brutally vivisect your dog. Read more on “DOG-KILLER-MARRIER” to be Added to Stock Rudy Description…
 

To Do: Drinking, Crying or the French Revolution

* Two if By Sea at DC9 with Your Black Star and Demander. $8 at 9:30PM. [DC9] * Heard enough about dead people in Iraq? Us too. Let Conservationist Lawrence Anthony make you cry when he discusses what has happened at the Baghdad Zoo since the war began, “Full-scale combat and uncontrolled looting killed nearly all the animals of the zoo. But not all of them. U.S. soldiers had taken the time to help care for the remaining animals, and the zoo’s staff had returned to work in spite of the constant firefights.” At 1812 19th St. NW. Free at 6PM. [Olsson’s] * At the Olsson’s in Dupont, learn about the best friendship between William Wordsworth and Samuel Taylor Coleridge, “They met in 1795 when both were in their early twenties, and in the euphoria of mutual discovery these brilliant and idealistic young men planned a poem that would succeed where the French Revolution failed…” Free at 7PM. [Olsson’s] * Eat (someone) out for AIDS. [Dining Out For Life] Read more on To Do: Drinking, Crying or the French Revolution…
 

Rice Warns Chimps They Risk Further Sanctions

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice warned West African Chimps on Thursday that they will face further punishment and isolation if they forge ahead with efforts to develop a stick-enrichment program, but she said the United States and other powers are prepared to restart talks aimed at ending the standoff if the Chimps suspend their most controversial spearmaking activities. Read more on Rice Warns Chimps They Risk Further Sanctions…
 

Mike Huckabee Reenacts His Favorite Scene from ‘Miller’s Crossing’

Above, presidential candidate Mike Huckabee and his faithful dog Old Dan, armed to to teeth and ready to fight America’s most deadly foe: turkeys. Picture courtesy Paul Bedard, from whom we also learned that Huckabee is a member of a something called “Ducks Unlimited.” Which is either the worst specialty catalog ever or the fourth Mighty Ducks movie. Read more on Mike Huckabee Reenacts His Favorite Scene from ‘Miller’s Crossing’…
 

Blind Item: Party Hopes Felled by Un-Caring Embassy Staff

WHICH local gossip threw a tantrum at the Canadian Embassy the other night? Our tipster writes: She was tossed because they wouldn’t let her bring her dog in. Made a huge stink, declared, “de was at State of the Union last night and can’t come to this!” Security guard just looked at her and said, “well, you’re in Canada now. Goodbye, madame.” Read more on Blind Item: Party Hopes Felled by Un-Caring Embassy Staff…
 

Gossip Roundup: Afternoon Tea

* Heard on the Hill: William Jefferson already violating House ethics rules, uses official letterhead, House internal mail service to hit up other members for donations… Rep. Stephanie Herseth (D-S.D.) to marry some dude on March 31… TV journos upset that Nancy Pelosi won’t let them broadcast from Statuary Hall today. [Roll Call] * Reliable Source: Pelosi’s “Celebration Concert” tonight at the National Building is off-limits to the press. Attending: Tony Bennett, Carole King, Wyclef Jean, Bruce Hornsby, three former Grateful Dead members, Richard Gere and Amy Brenneman… Fed Chair Ben Bernanke spotted buying funnyman Dave Barry’s Money Secrets. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Busty blondes love horses: Barbi Twins join Bo Derek in lobbying against horse slaughter. ‘It’s like eating the flag,” says Sia. Quote of the year… Freshman Rep. Zack Space, who replaced Bob Ney, almost hired a cabbie named Ney… Despite being done in Congress forever, Rep. Shelley DraculaCunt Gibbs represented Texas’ 22nd at Ford’s Lying in State party… Nancy Pelosi held a tea party yesterday, Wonder Woman was there for some reason. [Examiner] * Under the Dome: Robert Byrd is addicted to Red Bull. Vodka too, we assume… “Sen. Gordon Smith (R-Ore.) is the proud possessor of an original copy of Ford’s pardon of outgoing President Richard Nixon.” [Hill News] * Rush & Molloy: Former DNC head Terry McAuliffe had great luck raising money from godless Hollywood types, Mike Bloomberg. [NYDN] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Afternoon Tea…