Tag: animals

If it quacks like a gay turtle it probably is one.

Oklahoma City Councilman Super Concerned About Dudes Boning In His Garage Apartment

First, the good news: The city council of Oklahoma City passed an ordinance prohibiting anti-gay discrimination in housing. YAY! Funny how they managed that in Oklahoma after all that nasty business in Houston, where voters repealed an LGBT rights ordinance...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Fact Checking for Morans

Welcome back, peasants and noblemen alike! It's time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, brought to you weekly by Dr. La Volpe's Skull Drilling Kit FOR KIDS!, celestially designed to keep your humours free of insidious brain sprites threatening to cloud...

Literally Thousands Of RNC Convention-Goers Did Not Throw Peanuts At A Black Woman And Call Her An Animal

After last night's stirring RNC tribute to small business people who did not receive any help from the government except for government loans and grants and a taxpayer-funded stage to pimp their businesses, it is difficult to be more...

Bo Obama Wears Bunny Ears Almost Long Enough to Distract From Michelle Obama’s New Hairstyle

Coming off a very sparkly appearance at Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards last weekend (that's the one where they commemorate all their teevee stars who are now teen mothers and/or using heroin, and then Justin Bieber dumps lime green human...

Mitt Romney’s Son Kept Fish In Water Bottle During Cross Country Trip

Animal people listen up! Mitt Romney's son Craig, of shirtless fame, kept a lil' fish in his water bottle during his 2009 cross-country trip, just like they strapped that dog on the roof. But is it really "just like"...

Mitt Romney’s Google Results Sabotaged With Dog Poop

Your Wonkette was performing its routine of googling "Romney" at the start of each morning for daily affirmation when lo, what was this third result that appeared? "SpreadingRomney.com," a dictionary page defining the verb "Romney" as "defecating in terror."...

Jon Huntsman Donating To Himself For a Few Days

Republican fringe-moderate candidate Jon Huntsman sent out an e-mail to supporters the other day announcing that he would match any donations received until midnight on January 4, that being the first day of the rest our lives following tonight's...

Cops Now Hunting Escaped Zoo Monsters

How are things in the American Heartland this morning? Very terrible, according to this video news report from ... a comedy blog? A superhero musical? No, it's from the Associated Press. In other news, the Founders of Democracy over...

Dogs Attempting To Overthrow Government of Tennessee

The police around Tennessee's state capitol building must have thought a cute dog walking around the grounds posed no threat to democracy. But they were wrong! Poor state Rep. Joanne Favors, a survivor of a "huge dog" that was...

Sarah Palin Receives Massive Disrespect From Wisconsin Bolshies

Mama Sasquatch made a rare appearance in Soviet-occupied Wisconsin, where she won over the audience (mostly greedy schoolteachers and truck drivers) with lines like "Hey, folks! trying to save your jobs and your pensions! Your governor did the...

Steve King Waterboards Helpless Mole Creatures

Looks like Steve King ate two servings of high-fructose Crazy for breakfast and then began to indiscriminately kill all the poor animals he could find, with his garden hose and "gig." And in the spirit of ending things...

Animal Rights Activist Sent Back To Prison For Facebook-Friending Animal Friends

Are you worried that "poking" people on Facebook might be a violation of your parole? Well it is, so don't do it: The longtime radical animal liberation activist Rod Coronado has been sent back to prison for four months...

Crocodile-On-Chicken Savagery To Determine Australia’s Next Ruler

We already know that the Australian election coming up this weekend is just a way to kill time until the death of Elizabeth II unleashes anarchy on the country -- anarchy that can only end in "Thunderdome Law." ...

George Bush Would Drink Another O’Douls If He Really Had To

The Ohio Senate has had it up to here with all the humanoid-animal demon beasts manufactured almost every day in Toledo petri dishes. George Bush loved waterboarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. It was his favorite thing to do with Khalid,...

IT'S LEGAL TO SELL ANIMAL TORTURE VIDEOS AGAIN! Do you "get off" by watching videos in which "women in high-heeled shoes step on small animals," and kill the animals in this fashion? Or do you prefer to fap to...