December 10, 2013
After last night’s stirring RNC tribute to small business people who did not receive any help from the government except for government loans and grants and a taxpayer-funded stage to pimp their businesses, it is difficult to be more inspired than we already are. But here is a positive, hopeful story that will put a [...]
Coming off a very sparkly appearance at Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards last weekend (that’s the one where they commemorate all their teevee stars who are now teen mothers and/or using heroin, and then Justin Bieber dumps lime green human waste on everyone, we think!) our FLOTUS is working it for the spotlight this month. Her [...]
Animal people listen up! Mitt Romney’s son Craig, of shirtless fame, kept a lil’ fish in his water bottle during his 2009 cross-country trip, just like they strapped that dog on the roof. But is it really “just like” that? No one cares about a fucking fish.
Your Wonkette was performing its routine of googling “Romney” at the start of each morning for daily affirmation when lo, what was this third result that appeared? “SpreadingRomney.com,” a dictionary page defining the verb “Romney” as “defecating in terror.” This refers to his dog on top of the family car. When will the Internet grow [...]
Republican fringe-moderate candidate Jon Huntsman sent out an e-mail to supporters the other day announcing that he would match any donations received until midnight on January 4, that being the first day of the rest our lives following tonight’s roll in the Iowa hay. While perfectly legal — there’s no limit to the amount of [...]
How are things in the American Heartland this morning? Very terrible, according to this video news report from … a comedy blog? A superhero musical? No, it’s from the Associated Press.
The police around Tennessee’s state capitol building must have thought a cute dog walking around the grounds posed no threat to democracy. But they were wrong! Poor state Rep. Joanne Favors, a survivor of a “huge dog” that was walking around the capitol plaza, is revealing on the floor of the legislature what sounds to [...]
Mama Sasquatch made a rare appearance in Soviet-occupied Wisconsin, where she won over the audience (mostly greedy schoolteachers and truck drivers) with lines like “Hey, folks! [Walker's] trying to save your jobs and your pensions! Your governor did the right thing and you won! And people still have their jobs!” She had to yell these [...]
Looks like Steve King ate two servings of high-fructose Crazy for breakfast and then began to indiscriminately kill all the poor animals he could find, with his garden hose and “gig.” And in the spirit of ending things with Latin non sequitur-gibberish, rigor mortis = et cetera. [The Hill]
Are you worried that “poking” people on Facebook might be a violation of your parole? Well it is, so don’t do it: The longtime radical animal liberation activist Rod Coronado has been sent back to prison for four months after a US district judge in Michigan ruled he had violated the terms of his parole. [...]
We already know that the Australian election coming up this weekend is just a way to kill time until the death of Elizabeth II unleashes anarchy on the country — anarchy that can only end in “Thunderdome Law.” But now the civilized world has learned exactly how the Aussies intend to determine the winner of [...]
IT’S LEGAL TO SELL ANIMAL TORTURE VIDEOS AGAIN! Do you “get off” by watching videos in which “women in high-heeled shoes step on small animals,” and kill the animals in this fashion? Or do you prefer to fap to pit bulls tearing each other apart in dog-fight videos? Either way, America’s Supreme Court is furiously [...]
It’s always the War On Xmas somewhere, which is why we feel obligated to bring you this video of … uh, a fox trying to move in on some cat food thrown around the entrance of a building? Yeah but the cat is all I do not think so, you fuck. Anyway, don’t miss the [...]