• After going out to dinner with the Conservative Columnists, Obama took Maureen Dowd, Frank Rich, Rachel Maddow, Eugene Robinson, etc. out to lunch. Tomorrow he will drunkenly text Ron Paul and Wayne Allyn Root at 1 AM and invite them over to “watch a movie.” [The Caucus]
• Osama bin Laden has made his own YouTube fireside chat in which he sort of teases Barack Obama, but the subtext is “I’m not dead.” [Crooks and Liars]
• Andrew Sullivan wants you to know he has received a lot of emails asking about his off-the-record tryst with Obama but all he will say is that he feels “relief.” Ew. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Bush and Co. have been ordered to surrender their emails from March 2003 to October 2005 to America. This order comes on the heels of concerns that the administration has probably deleted most emails from March 2003 to October 2005. [HuffPost]
• Apparent human-in-beta Caroline Kennedy is the most unpopular person in the history of New York. [CNN Political Ticker]

• Andrew Sullivan will not rest until he is personally able to perform an autopsy of Jett Travolta, which will conclusively prove that Trig Palin is the lovechild of Martin Amis and Sherry Johnston. [Andrew Sullivan, Andrew Sullivan, Andrew Sullivan etc.]
• Vampiric monster Barack Obama would like to drink the blood of America’s white Christian children now please. His gay logo will shed crimson emo tears until everyone complies. [Ben Smith]
• Joe and Jill Biden couldn’t get into a sold-out showing of the Benjamin Button film, and everyone else was too thrilled about a three hour, no-violence love story based on a mediocre Fitzgerald story to even notice. [Daily Kos]
• If you were turned away from a fancy change.gov job, there are several other jobs available in America right now, at the FBI! [HuffPost]
• PA Governor Ed Rendell probably did a lot of the same corrupt things with the same corrupt people as failed Dauphin of Mexico, Bill Richardson. [TPMMuckraker]

Eh, enough blogging for 2008. We leave you with this important image of demonic archpundit Andrew Sullivan in hobo rags at Subway, blogging about Obama as hatchlings dance the devil’s tango in a parallel dimension, THE END.

• OH RIGHT, SHE WAS PREGNANT OR SOMETHING: Hey remember Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, and how she got herself pregnant to distract attention from a DailyKos diarist-generated scandal about Trig actually being Bristol’s secret “other” baby which led Andrew Sullivan to DEMAND PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of Trig popping out of Sarah Palin’s vag, everyday, until… oh, he’s still doing that… and then Rudy Giuliani called the liberal media sexist for this at a political convention while Kathryn Jean Lopez prayed for her own secret “other” Down Syndrome bastard child to arrive via stork? You do! Well, Bristol Palin’s baby is supposedly due on Saturday, according to a hilarious interview with Bristol’s grandfather, Chuck Heath, on the website “Grandparents.com.” [Grandparents.com]

• Bitters are stocking up on guns before Obama sends all firearms all to Kenya, so his ancestors can more easily sacrifice animals in his honor. [Top of the Ticket]
• OMG Drudge Siren! Bill Ayers attended a lecture given by Jeremiah Wright last night. [Ben Smith]
• Andrew Sullivan is still demanding Sarah Palin’s medical records. Palin, who has literally no reason whatsoever to release her medical records, is stubbornly refusing to comply. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Now you can get your Hope Pornography in hardcover. [Jonathan Martin]
• The Hispanics whom the GOP were unable to successfully deport against their wills are now Democrats, for the most part. [Swampland]
• Al Gore, America’s most thriving national tragedy, probably won’t serve in Obama’s cabinet, but he’s gonna get right in there, just gonna do whatever he can, helpin’ out. [The Plank]

… That’s the mostly likely explanation for this — that Sullivan got mad about Joe Biden’s health records and then took out his crayons and scribbled this new cover, which the publishers just assumed was artistic because Sullivan is gay. This is unreadable and very communist-looking. A cursory glance suggests that this issue is about how women and blogs are coming to kill us, but we knew that already. [Marc Ambinder]

Okay listen up, Joe Biden and Sarah Palin and everybody else: Andrew Sullivan is sick and tired of having to demand your medical records, and especially how you people don’t even answer him, as he is just some blogger and not currently the Boss of You. “I have repeatedly demanded Joe Biden’s medical records be released here, here, here, here and here. [Links to all his blog posts ever.] I have only asked for Palin’s medical records twice here and here. [Same.] This is not about partisanship. This is about transparency and accountability. I reiterate my demand for Sarah Palin’s to be released as well immediately.” Please do whatever he says before he starts doing this on Twitter or something. (UPDATE: Too late! Goddammit.) [Andrew Sullivan]

The most prolific blogger ever in the history of mankind has been dark since yesterday, and anxious readers have come up with a bunch of creative explanations far beyond his colleague Marc Ambinder’s simple and obvious, “He’s taking a couple days off.” Join us as we enter the dark labyrinthine souls and speculations of Sullivan readers… MORE »

Oh look a gay person named Jonathan Crutchley, founder of some gay thing called Manhunt.net, has, er, maxed out a $2,300 donation to John McCain against Barack Obama. People have been sending us this tip like crazy, but whatever? Everyone knows that all gay people not named “Andrew Sullivan” hate Barack Obama for stealing the election from Queen Hillary. [Towleroad]

ISN’T THAT JUST SOME GAY DISEASE THOUGH?: According to Andrew Sullivan’s gay Congressional ESP, Sen. David Vitter, who likes to have diaper sex with prostitutes left and right, is the “only Senator opposing the removal of the HIV travel and immigration ban” from “The United States President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief,” a.k.a. PEPFAR. What kind of godforsaken world do we live in where David Vitter is the only guy who doesn’t want Americans getting AIDS from these foreign gays who come here and start coughing everywhere? [Andrew Sullivan]

Endless Simmer blogger “gansie” sent us this startling image of beloved D.C. pundit Andrew Sullivan blogging at a Subway sandwich shop. Really! (Unless this is the strangest use of Photoshop in History.) The shocking report: “Tuesday 4/29 — 6:30 p.m.: Andrew Sullivan in full blogging mode — at Subway!” It’s the one at 16th and V, if you’re wondering. (When did Subway start doing the fancy Starbucks chairs and low tables?) This should’ve gone in Wonk’d but was simply too wonderful to get lost in a crowd of lesser sightings. Bloggers: They’re just like us! [Endless Simmer]